CB B-day Contest (in Contests)

Today is my CB birthday - 1 year. To celebrate, I'm having a contest! It's free to play, just post here the funniest thing you can think of. It can be a joke, a story, a quote....whatever you think will win. The contest will end next week.

Winner gets either a Kite Shield [8] (+1) or a Composite Bow [4x2] (+1), winner's choice of course.

Good luck!

Just before I depart on my humourous post, I'd like to say, these prizes are far too generous. A Kite Shield or a Composite Bow? I am speechless.
This is was the funniest thing I could think, so you better laugh.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. 
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. 
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. 
First, let's make sure he's dead." 
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. 
Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Brought to you by the good folks at CNN. Happy CBB'day.

Funniest thing I've ever heard(seen)

"Winner gets either a Kite Shield [8] (+1) or a Composite Bow [4x2] (+1), winner's choice of course."

:p

the only one i got that i can post here is
there was a zebra that died. when he got to heaven, he asked saint peter ''am i a black horse with white stripes or a white horse with black stripes?'' so saint peter told him to go ask God. so the zebra went to God and asked the same question to him and God said ''You are what you are'' so he goes back to saint peter and the zebra say's ''God told me You are what you are'' and saint peter said ''well you are a white zebra with black stripes'' and the zebra say's ''how do you know?'' saint peter replies ''if you were a black horse with white stripes God would of said ''You is what you is''
sry its soooo long.

I don't want the shield or bow but I will contribute a funny tidbit.

Funny anecdote:
"If a man gives his opinion in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"

Funny Limerick
"There once was a man from Amazon,
who put nighties of his Grammazon.
The reason was that, he was too fat,
to put his own Pajamazon."

So i was at a zoo and watching the polar bears swim in the terrarium. It was doing backflips and barrel rolls and everything. And as i was watching the polar bear, it swims and pushes off the glass. As it was pushing off the glass it let out a huge chunk of terd. It wasn't one of those short ones but it was long i mean it was huge. As it did this you can hear everyone watching going ewwwwww.

Heres another experience at the same zoo but different day and month and year. I was watching the tigers this time. I was kind of bored because all they were doing was sleeping. All of a sudden a male comes up to a female and he starts ramming it from behind. I lost my appetite for my cotten candy then. I guess nature was calling.

A "quote", if you will:

<Knighted_> why can't anything i think of turn out right?
<Knighted_> listerine + foot odor smells worse than just feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable

another limerick:

There once was a man from the sticks
who loved to compose limericks.
But he failed at the sport
'cus he wrote them too short,

If you could get the proposal on video that would make a great keepsake!

"borrowed" from bash.org.

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?


<Night-hen-gayle> I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

/me wonders if wldflr was talking to me, or someone else on the thread...

anyways, contest ends tomorrow evening, keep the funny stuff coming!

here's one...
There were 3 vampires discussing who is the most ferocious among them. So 3 of them challenge each other to see what each can do. The 1st vampire flew away and returned in 30 seconds with blood out of his mouth.
He said: "Did you see those cows over there?"
The other vampires replied: "yes"
He said: "I just killed all the cows and sucked all their blood out"
The others replied: "well done"
Now the 2nd vampire flew away and returned in 15 seconds with blood out of his mouth.
He said: "Did you see that small town?"
The others replied: "yes"
He said: "I just killed all the people in that town"
The other replied: "Very scary"
Now the 3rd vampire flew away and returned in 2 seconds with blood out of his mouth.
He said: "Did you see that electric pole?"
The others replied: "yes"
He said: "Well, I didn't see it and knock my teeth out and now I'm bleeding"

Don't eat meatloaf. He doesn't like it.

my Joke:
I want the Kite Shield!

1) Spid Scares Away New Player

2)Todd naming a sling an ELB and scaring the campers half to death

3)Your Prizes :)

Great stuff, but the only one i actually laughed out loud at was.../me starts drumroll....CoolWater's joke :-D. Congrats, CoolWater, you get either a Kite Shield OR a Composite bow. Tell me which one you want and where i should send it. Thanks everyone for contributing.

Wait, that still leaves one item without a home...person in second place will get that, and that person is Maulaxe. Grats, Maulaxe, you will get what ever CoolWater doesn't want :-P just tell me where to send it.

I might do this again next year since it was so successful.

lol, don't know which one to pick, it's a hard one. hmm....let's see, kite shield or a composite? I'll go for the kite.

you could have had better prizes like an ELB, just kidding though better prizes would've been better...

sorry kilo but those are the best items i have that im not currently using :-P

CoolWater, i sent your prize to BlueWater, and maulaxe, i sent yours to stIckSlayer.

ok lol i had forgotten about this until a random bow showed up... glad you liked it - I can't remember where i heard it, but it's my favourite limerick :p