An idiot quote hunt. 20K contest. (in Contests)

Give me the most idiot quote and you win 20K contest. Contest end by the time I get home from work today.

Requirement: you must quote the person that said/wrote (it can be from yourself).

I heard this today and thought it was pretty funny...I was working with security forces today:

You would keep your headlights on him to mess up his night vision...especially at night.

The guy wasn't joking

In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards.
-- Mark Twain

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."-- Yogi Berra

"Im not dumb, I'm just stupid"
--My Dad, (he was just joking though) - ;)

"I did not have sex with that woman" Clinton :)

"During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet" Gore said when asked to cite accomplishments that separate him from another Democratic presidential hopeful, former Sen. Bill Bradley of New Jersey, during an interview with Wolf Blitzer on CNN on March 9, 1999.

"mrwuss (Kaiousama) 24.151.208.16 OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $10002 -- Bast loses, again "

--me

"We need to secure our power pants" -Bush. Its a tongue twister so ill cut him some slack. *sarcasm*
"i did not take performance enhancing drugs. . . . ever" -Raphael Palmero
"I took supplements but i didnt know what was in them" -Bonds/Mcguire

wldflr and Sefton: both quotes weren't entirely untrue...

actually im serlling more stuff again ;/ to pay u because i shouldn't have sold my cb2 for cb1.

--[YG]Monty, August 22 2005 11:07 PM EDT

Here's a good one I remembered seeing a while ago and found again with google:

"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
- AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
- David Letterman

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields

bart, thats like saying the plow started modern civilization isn't entirely untrue. Yes perhaps the plow was the means for which nomads stopped roaming and settled down, but its a LONG way from the light bulb.

'I can smell something burning'

me at age 18 after sitting on an an electric fire at a party. Pants on fire!!!

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

hhahahha Glory, that's a great one!

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Dont know what they mean, just know as a scrabble player they are legal words in that game.

--QBRanger, 8:10 AM EDT August, 23

"I would like to live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." - Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
-- Alan Minter, Boxer

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
-- Alicia Silverstone, Actress

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post." - Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

Ouch! :P

"If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets." - Lloyd, Dumb and Dumber

oo my favorite from some show I started watching innocently and then couldn't stop.." is this chicken or fish? says chicken of the sea on the can but it taste like tuna" Jessica Simpson

or the old Marv Albert favorite:

"Michael Jordan is LITERALLY on fire tonight."

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey

Do deliberately stupid quotes count?

"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate." -- Zapp Brannigan

I have no idea how people have neglected the great Casey Stengel. Most of his quotes are funny, honest and insightful, but some are just silly. One of his more confusing quotes:

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."
-Casey Stengel

Here are a couple gems...

"Even if animal research resulted in a cure for AIDS, we'd be against it." - Ingrid Newkirk, National Director, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

"I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don't have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn't be harming anything." - Ingrid Newkirk, National Director, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

"The passengers were scaredy-cats because they were mostly white. If the passengers had included black men those killers, with their puny bodies and unimpressive small knives, would have been crushed by the dudes." - Michael Moore on Flight 93

* The views expressed in these quotes are not my own, they are not my words, but words others and only for entertain purposes only. *

Why did you post this contest Arorrr? I am wasting entirely too much time finding idiotic quotes...

"Every child in America entering school at the age of five is mentally ill because he comes to school with certain allegiances to our Founding Fathers, toward our elected officials, toward his parents, toward a belief in a supernatural being, and toward the sovereignty of this nation as a separate entity. It's up to you as teachers to make all these sick children well - by creating the international child of the future." - Professor Chester M. Pierce, M.D., Professor of Education and Psychiatry at Harvard

Glory and Infernal, your quotes crack me up. 8^8

Keep it up. Look like you two are winners if no one come up with better stuff.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

This one make me chuckle..

"The numbers we have right now suggest that about 1.6 to 2 percent of priests are sexually involved with minors sometime during their career. So what we see is this number is probably the same or maybe even less than in society. So it's not really a "priests" problem.´" - Father Stephen Rossetti

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."

"I'm the master of low expectations."

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."

"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport."
(if anyone ever see a ticket counter fly out of a airport let me know and get a pix)

Yup from good ol George Worthless Bush

I just can't stop myself...

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a one-legged monkey to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? - Tom Robbins

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump, on her first novel

"There is only one S in SWIS"

-Seth Shoen

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
Dan Quayle

"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
Bob Dole

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"Always go to other peoples' funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours."
Yogi Berra

sorry, it should be "Seth Schoen"

Carp King.. your funeral quote is funny!

BTW, mrchaos. What is SWIS anyway? I do not get it.

?#?

it was an acronym for our high school's email/bulletin board service (School-Wide Information System) and he was trying to point out that it wasn't 'SWISS'. Since he started and ran the system, everyone (including me) thought it was really funny.

There is only one S in SWIS.


Don't get it?

There are obviously two of them ;)

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do."
--Ronald Reagan

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
Ronnie Corbett

or...
Galileo was no idiot. Only an idiot could believe that science requires martyrdom - that may be necessary in religion, but in time a scientific result will establish itself.
David Hilbert

J Carp. that sounds more like a witty joke and not a quote from an idiot. It refers to what we call people based on how they drive in comparison to ourselves. If they go slower then us, then we are likely to say something like, "look at this idiot".

In fact it does turn out to be the case that he is a comedian, and I may have heard this bit before from someplace.

It's good night from me, and it's good night from him!

;)

(not an entry...)

"Only vodka from Russia is genuine Russian vodka"

printed on the bottle of stolichnaya vodka....... ya don't say!

V...its under quotes....so i consider its a quote...

And the moment of "idiot quote" is.... *hold your breath*

Inferno for the famous DC Major...

Glory comes in second for his "Britney Spear" quote, but the runner up only get to win an acknowledgement.

BTW, J Carp. The quote should be George Collin, who is a famous stand-up comedian. He cracks me up all the time. HBO has his shows one in a while. I think he's the BEST comedian.

Thank all for playing.

Arorrr (Goldminer) 68.98.144.32 Inferno (Eternal Flame) $20000 -- contest winner 10:13 PM EDT

Fun contest!

do you mean "George Carlin"?

awww....

<Roya> Does it work off the principles of fuzzy logic?
<Roya> Kind of like an extension of it perhaps?
<[MG]Mecca-Droidbot> very fuzzy logic. like shag carpet after long dance party

make of it what you will.

i shoved a battery [Admin Edit: We don't really need to know where. G_Beee]

I know the contest is over, but who is this guy?!!

Televangelist Pat Robertson described Scotland as "a dark land populated by powerful homosexuals."

Thanks! Didn't know that I won 'till not. ;)

Thanks! Didn't know that I won 'till now***. ;)

Sorry for double post.

even though its over i fell the need to add my quote anyways
5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions
some t-shirt i saw in the mall