To the victor, the spoils - an item named... (in Contests)


QBBarzooMonkey February 8 2006 10:08 AM EST

...contemptible fiend!

I have 500k CB2 $ for the best "Shakespearian" description of a CB battle! You can do it one of 3 ways:

-A soliloquy (a single minion or character describing the battle)

- A sonnet (verse, with you as 3rd person "narrator")

- A conversation between 2 minions, either 2 opposing minions as the battle unfolds, or as 2 allied minions speaking of the battle afterwards

Rules:
1. PG people!
2. Multiple entries are allowed
3. 300 words or less
4. Deadline is noon (server time) next Saturday (Feb. 18th)
5. Everyone is familiar with Shakespeare's style so I don't think I should have to explain what "Shakespearian" means. Even if you aren't, typing "Shakespeare" into Google will get you 45 million returns ;)

Anyone who would like to help me judge is welcome to drop me a CM, but obviously you can't win if you do (you can still enter just to "show off" if you want, though).

Game on!

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] February 8 2006 10:11 AM EST


True Middle English or Flintstone's "mine thinest own" version?

QBBarzooMonkey February 8 2006 10:16 AM EST

True Middle English might be a little too much to ask, so accuracy will be secondary in judging, with creativity and originality being most important.
However, if it comes down to a choice of the 2 best, I would pick accurate over "Flintstonian" :)

QBJohnnywas February 8 2006 10:48 AM EST

Oh good idea that man! But why limit it to battle? Does CB hold no romance or comedy BM? 'Shall I compare thee to a summer BA..' and all of that?

QBBarzooMonkey February 8 2006 10:52 AM EST

Romance and laughter can wait for another contest, another day, my dearest Johnny, when the flames of battle have subsided and the hearts of warriors may turn to fires of the passionate or even lighthearted sort ;)

AdminG Beee February 8 2006 10:56 AM EST

Heaven help us...

QBJohnnywas February 8 2006 10:58 AM EST

Lol BM! I'll sit this out then, being a lover not a fighter!


Do I detect some nausea there Beee?

QBBarzooMonkey February 8 2006 11:00 AM EST

I think we may be beyond even Heaven's help :P

One more note, Bast and novice have volunteered to help me judge so the 3 of us are the official judging team.

Good luck all!!!

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] February 8 2006 11:01 AM EST


That's not nausea -- Beee can read Burns but has trouble with Shakespeare.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] February 8 2006 11:06 AM EST

I fire the first volley:

I suffer not the arrows of your insults you uncouth rake
Brandishing his rapier with each invictive he doth spake

My insults carry more power than the true shafts your fire
Responded the warrior with words of venom and desire

I bring to battle the power of the winter's own dark heart
Freeze you verily where you stand you pompous old lark

Then I shall warm your bones in a bonfire of the Styxx
Watch as the crows feast your flesh till your naught but dust and tick

Ah but mind your own, for an angel she doth guards me
Returning your damage directly, not waiting or tardy

You need more than the heavens to protect from my flame
I shall burn where you stand, erasing all, even name

You dream as if Morpheus himself guided your way
But Ill will wake you now as we both come to play

I may dream as you tell but the truth will be known
From the boy that you are to the man I have grown

Ha, a man, a man you say, it will take more than this
To spare your life from my blade's deadly kiss

You and your ancestors are fool's in name and grave
Take care of intentions and the path that they pave

Now you have done it, you old wizened hag
I shall cut out your entrails and flay your skin for my flag

Verily I would offer the same but all yours remains
Will be a pile of ash that can be counted in grains

Now thats rich from a buffoon such as you,
So difficult is counting, making horses from glue

Enough you blackheart, the time for talking is done
I shall see the fight through, Lachesis' web now spun

Right you are no match my steel for your tricks
The tongue of my blade, your blood that it licks

The heavens did rang, the clash and din of the battle
The bones they fell, the slaughter of cattle

And in the end, neither did win
A draw was declared, lets do it again!

I hope its less than 300 words, I didn't count. If its too long, let me know Ill shorten it a tad. When I get going, I can't seem to shut it off until its done.

QBOddBird February 8 2006 11:10 AM EST

*grins* In the course of my poetry, might I quote Shakespeare in places deemed applicable? Just sort of an finishing touch type thing. If not, that's fine.

Maelstrom February 8 2006 11:20 AM EST

Sefton, did you actually write that in just an hour?

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] February 8 2006 11:30 AM EST

Yah something like that. Just sort of spills off the tongue, I pretty much do one revision, then do minor corrections to meter, grammar, and rhyme. Then let it fly. I do not spend much time with it as its flowing, I just let it all out, then go back and clean it up, then call it done.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] February 8 2006 11:43 AM EST

Im told Im too long, so I shortened it a bit, removed one line and few articles here and there, so expect pretty much the same, but should be exactly 300 words :)

I suffer not the arrows of insults you uncouth rake
Brandishing his rapier with each indictive he spake

My insults carry more power than the true shafts your fire
Responded the warrior words of venom and desire

Then I shall warm your bones in a bonfire of Styx
Watch the crows feast your flesh till naught but dust and tick

Mind your own, for an angel she doth guards me
Returning your damage directly, not waiting or tardy

You need more than the heavens to protect from my flame
I shall burn where you stand, erasing all, even name

You dream as if Morpheus himself guided your way
But Ill will wake you now as we both come to play

I may dream as you tell but the truth will be known
From the boy that you are to the man I have grown

Ha, a man, a man you say, it will take more than this
To spare your life from my blade's deadly kiss

You and your ancestors are fools in name and grave
Take care of intentions and the path that they pave

Now you have done it, you old wizened hag
I shall cut out your entrails and flay your skin for my flag

Verily I would offer the same but all yours remains
Will be a pile of ash that can be counted in grains

Now that’s rich from a buffoon such as you,
So difficult is counting, like making horses from glue

Enough you blackheart, the time for talking is done
I shall see the fight through, Lachesis' web now spun

The heavens did rang, clash and din of the battle
The bones they fell, the slaughter of cattle

And in the end, neither did win
A draw was declared, let’s do it again!

QBBarzooMonkey February 8 2006 12:02 PM EST

OB, you can directly quote Shakespeare only if you enclose it in quotation marks to obviously indicate where you have done it, and only if your original verse proportionately outweighs your use of quotations :)

Xiaz on Hiatus February 9 2006 3:11 AM EST

Is there a prize for coming second? LOL :)

Xiaz on Hiatus February 9 2006 5:04 AM EST

I've never written in the funky Shakespearean style, but I think I managed, takes a while to get use to his works, take even longer to try mimic his style. So, here's my entry. :)

This be the end.

The foulest stench of decay sits upon these fields, lingering, as a mistress lingers in her lover's chamber. This earth hath witness'd the demise of many men, men of courage, men of strength, men of truth. As Pluto awakens from his slumber, Life is put to rest, Heaven doth not exist, for this land be a Hellish place.

For this Blade of Iron sits upon mine hand, waiting, a Creature of finest ore. Tamed by the fallen Jupiter, heat'd by his passion, cool'd in his sweat of sorrow. For this Sword of War lusts for pain, giveth blood, as it feasts upon the Foe, slain’d, rivers of the deepest red flow.

My faith be strong, for the might of the Almighty be in me, giveth to me the strength of Samson, doubt doth not cloud mine mind. Of battles I have won, prizes of gold and honour, there are plenty. Yet, the path to Victory be most treacherous, always another. Now, here, before me, another, for this Foe hath a ghastly Fiend. Never before hath I seen a creature of this nature. Perchance it is Agni, walking upon this Earth? Of it I doth not fear, for my Blade shall strike down upon this Blasphemy.

Be this the test of my Sword? For the iron be good, I shall be a Man, the iron be poor, I shall return to dust. But for what do I aim? For this fiend hath no body, of flesh it is not made. My armour can help me no longer, for the blazing Light hath guide me thus far. Beyond here, I am alone. Shall this be the end, for no man can defeat a creature such as this? My body shall fall, but my spirit shall return again, for another battle, awaits me.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] February 9 2006 10:54 AM EST

Carbonize, I really liked your entry, I have no idea but I bet its over 300 words. You might look to scale it down to have a better chance.

Using rule #2 and taking MASSIVE liberty with the plagiarism aspect, this is really just one for fun and to bump the post. I bet you can guess the template.

Shall I compare the battle to a winter storm?
It is more violent and more deadly

Rough winds do make the arrows sway
And life's lease hath all to short a date

Sometimes too hot the fires of battle shine
And often are our souls dimm'd

And every fair from every battle rend
By chance or warrior prowess untrimm'd

But thy enternal might shall not fade
Nor lose possession of the soul within

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st into his shade
When eternal strikes the battle din

So long as I can breathe, with eyes my foe to see
So long lives this, and this gives life to me

QBBarzooMonkey February 13 2006 12:54 PM EST

To recall from lost memory, so do I bumpeth thee...

QBBarzooMonkey February 15 2006 10:09 AM EST

One last bump.

And since this one takes a little "work" to enter, and 500K "ain't what it used to be", I'll throw a single item naming (and I will cover loan fees to get your chosen item to me, too) into the 1st prize mix.

A 2nd prize will be 250k.

QBOddBird February 15 2006 10:25 AM EST

In Shakespearean sonnet form.

"Thou craven being!" t'was the warrior's cry,
As he sighted yon knave upon the sunset's brow.
"Come hither! Be a man, and do not fly!
My vengeance shall be sweet, thy time is now!"

The knave turned about, and behold, t'was a bard,
a great warrior whose tales are bespoken in song,
He cried out, "Thou codpiece! Bucket of lard!
I shall fight you now! 'Rogue, thou has liv'd too long.'"

Then the warrior attacked, with a fury unmatch'd,
and the bard charged as well, crying loudly as he came,
"I shall not leave thy droning head attached!
Though I sing, behold, my song is 'Kill, Burn, Maim!'"

They fought viciously for hours, 'till their muscles were raw,
but each earned lessened rewards, for the fight was a draw.




I'll put in a soliloquy later. This one was kind of a mix between the second two options.

QBOddBird February 15 2006 10:26 AM EST

On a side note, if you didn't recognize it, the "Rogue, thou has liv'd too long" quote was from one of Shakespeare's plays. Just thought I'd make sure that was pointed out.

QBOddBird February 15 2006 10:28 AM EST

Just thought it might be important to note where it came from, as well...I think it was from Antony and Cleopatra. Pretty sure. Sorry for posting so much.

Maelstrom February 15 2006 10:31 AM EST

Anyone see one of the many Shakespearean Insult Generators? ;)

QBOddBird February 15 2006 10:35 AM EST

/me roars!

Maelstrom, don't give them advantages after I did my homework on this thing! *winks*

At least, not any advantages I didn't get to have.

Kefeck [Demonic Serenity] February 15 2006 6:09 PM EST

that was pretty funny maelstrom

Xiaz on Hiatus February 15 2006 10:24 PM EST

Bucket of lard? Nice little reference to KFC :)

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 16 2006 3:01 AM EST

9 minutes before bed, so forgive the suck.


twixt thought and deed
lie many a foul pit of rankest despair
holding court over the filth and mire
of long dead warriors and witches
every laden bent hoofed step forth to battle
carries you over the graves of your ilk
ghasts of long dead foe and friend
grasp at your heel begging refrain
and yet for all these many things
doth not the warrior war?
will the witch not cast?
nay, for the battle is not of memory
but of here and of now
and defeat seems less certain, when alive...

QBBarzooMonkey February 16 2006 4:03 PM EST

Since I added additional prizes, we have a new thread name and a bump.

Thanks, novice and Shade :)

QBOddBird February 19 2006 3:04 PM EST

So which piece of poetry won? I'm on my tippy-toes!

/me hopes it was him!

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 19 2006 3:38 PM EST

looks like it's still going, with an item naming up for grabs maybe we'll get a few more contestants.

QBOddBird February 19 2006 3:40 PM EST

4. Deadline is noon (server time) next Saturday (Feb. 18th)

But it would be nice if it was still going, I'd get a chance to toss in another entry or two and see some more competition.

QBBarzooMonkey February 19 2006 3:49 PM EST

I'll tell you what, if all current contestant agree, we can extend it 1 more week. I'll contact novice & Bast about judging the current entries first thing tomorrow (Monday) morning if anyone disagrees, or if I don't hear from the other entrants before then. :)

Stephen February 20 2006 12:06 AM EST

Here's one for GL... (with apologies to Macbeth and Ranger)

Is this a tulwar which I see before me,
Listed in the store? Come, let me camp thee.
I click and buy thee, and yet I see thee still.
Would a dagger, fatal vision, be more sensible
To damage as to upgrade costs? or art thou but
A tulwar of the mind, a Jon's creation,
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed server?
I see thee yet, in form as clickable
As this which now I equip
Thou marshall'st me the way my char was going;
And such USD I was to use for upgrading thee.
And on thy damage and points to hit,
Which was not so before. There's no such thing:
It is the bloody blacksmith which informs
Costs to mine eyes. Now o'er the one Gondor
BA seems dead, and wicked reset dreams abuse
The curtain'd sleep; Admins celebrate
Pale Ranger's progress, and wither'd battle log,
Alarum'd by his Apocalype, the Book,
Whose howl's of his refresh rate, thus with his stealthy pace.
With Cosmos' ravishing strides, towards his power
Moves like a NUB. Towards thou sure and firm-set lead,
Read not my changelog, to which they look for fear
Thy very posts break of my strategy,
And take untraining horror from the time.

QBBarzooMonkey February 22 2006 11:42 PM EST

Judging is currently in-progress. I will post when I have the results :)

Now, what shall we try next, romance or comedy?

Xiaz on Hiatus February 23 2006 3:21 AM EST

Please not romance, I'd hate myself for writing anything that resembles one of those horrid (judging based solely on the front-cover illustration) love/romance novels!

QBBarzooMonkey February 23 2006 12:26 PM EST

Well the voting was unanimous as to which 2 were the winning entries, but which order they were in was split. The results:

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) 64.65.211.77 Sefton (Sefton) $500000 -- Shakespeare winner! 12:21 PM EST

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) 64.65.211.77 [OB]1-Kenobi (BlueWater) $250000 -- 2nd place! 12:19 PM EST

Sefton, you can CM me about the item naming arrangements. Thanks everyone for entering, and thanks to Bast and Novice for helping me judge :)!

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] February 23 2006 2:24 PM EST

You are The Most Middle English, Barzoo! (yeah, I just like to say "Barzoo!")

maulaxe February 23 2006 7:01 PM EST

just found this on the aforementioned insult generator:

"You, minion, are too saucy."

(Taken from: The Two Gentlemen of Verona )

QBOddBird February 23 2006 10:51 PM EST

I love you. xD
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