I wanted to write something, at first, which would cut all of you and try to get my own personal revenge on all of you. I have done it a few times prior to this and I deeply apologize for doing so. I found myself mad at all that has been happening, and though I know it is a game, I still find myself caring about all of you. I mean all of you, not just a few. I care and so I tried to find a way to pay you all back for helping me out and for giving me a kind word when you deemed it wise I apologize for my hasty words and stupid thoughts.
Of course I can't guarantee a change with this. I can't say that by saying this I can get anyone to forgive me or forget the things that have been happening. I am trying to remind people of why we all play this game and why we love it. Why we still should.
I apologize in advance for anything stupid, soppy, un-realistic and etc. I think you all can forgive me if you find it appropriate. But I hate beating around the bush so I figure I should stop now.
Do you remember when you first started playing? You might have felt a little incredulous... I mean you probably were playing other games and why would a text game really be able to keep your attention. But I stuck with it, as did all of you. I had hope that this might be something I could actually enjoy.
I remember entering chat and seeing everyone talking so easily about things. Using acronyms I was confused about. It was the day Ilovehellokitty started playing so I think I was a bit over-shadowed. I made a few friends and got deeper into the game. The strategy was over whelming so in the end I just settled for a basic Enchanter Tank Mage team.
I had friends and people I trusted. I was never sure when things started to sour but I always blame it on one day. Pride and my ego killed me that day and ruined I think what could have been a great thing I had with this game. I did end up gaining Shade as a friend from it so I managed to find a ray of sun in the middle of a storm. I still find it amazing though, the effects that little bit of pride had on me, and I am still feeling the horrible waves to this day.
I wish I could go back and change what happened, so that many others and I could still be happy. I wonder if Jon wishes he could go back and change what he said. Or Ranger or DAWG or any of the others. Maybe, maybe not. They made their decisions and those decisions or mistakes, whatever they may be, were theirs to make.
I remember the day I first attacked Ranger's character Apocalypse Book. I was happy because it took him 4 rounds to completely annihilate my character. Did any of you have this pride or thrill? I don't know but that is the kind of thing I play CB2 for. I will be honest, as far as strategy goes I know I am not the greatest strategist to ever walk through the doors of CB2. But I like when I set a goal and achieve it. I like it when my friend looks at something on my characters, asks about it and when I explain they compliment it. I never feel so good as when I think I have done a good job.
There will always be accusations that I want to be an op. I do not think it matters any longer whether I deny or accept them. I wish my word alone would be good enough. I wish we didnt need thing like public record or auctions. That a word of two players would be good enough, but yet I am not such a romantic as to not understand exactly why those things are needed, really it's just more of a passing sadness.
The sadness I felt as I read the Admin Fining Problem was one of the harshest emotions I have felt. It was a kind of hopeless grief at watching so many friends rip into each other. Online or real life could have made no difference. Watching people take sides and viciously attack each other hurt me. Me, the same person who has talked about blender+ cat= smoothie. I am a tad morbid something.
I can't really believe this is happening. There have been rumors this has been just a large April's Fools joke. If so it is not in any way funny but in some way, I hope and pray that it is. To have my faith restored that this kind of garbage could never take place on this game, where chat is supposed to be a good place and the community kind and supportive.
I love you all in some way. I love this game and I would give it up this game if somehow I could make all this stuff change. I cant but I wish I could.
But I still want to talk about why exactly I love this game. Why no matter how mad I got I could never make myself just up and quit.
I love this game because of my friends, who always tried to make it seem like I perhaps belonged, and that no one ever disliked me.
I love this game because of the joy at winning another battle, at looking at the numbers of my character.
I love this game because of the jokes we tell in forum and chats.
I love this game because of the thrill of being accepted, and welcomed into chat.
I love this game because I feel safe, because when I log on in the afternoon I never feel like life still sucks no matter how bad the day has been.
I care about this game because it gives me something to look forward to.
I love this game because I am around people who are innocent in mind. I am sure a lot of you do not know exactly what I am talking about, but that makes it no less true.
I love this game because Vorpal Blades rock.
I love this game because I trust people here. More then I trust any of my real life friends.
I love this game because I feel like I am good at something for once in my life. That I do not have to fail at everything that I ever try just because I am trying it, and that is a glorious feeling.
I love this game because bartjan and Bast continuously surprise me.
I admire this game because it is free and that is something that is rare, free enjoyment.
This game is not dead. It can go on forever. But you players out there, you people whom I love, must let it go on. You must forget your pride for one day and forget the insults that have been leveled at you. You must learn that things cant be perfect and complaining cant make them change.
Your lives and decisions are all yours to make. I have realized I cant change that and regret that I didnt realize it earlier. I will miss you all whatever happens if I ever have to leave. I open myself up to the flames, without a flame suit. I ask all admins to take anything even partly related to this thread as thread related. I deserve what I get for acting like a baby while I write this.
This is my last effort. It is my last true effort to make everything bad with this game go away, as if by magic. To sew the wound up and give the players of this game back what was, a thing of beauty, the harmony of so many people in one place.
My fingers hurt now. I must have typed 100s of pages of text today. Sorry this is a little long winded. Sorry that I do not think a lot of you will care about this. I am sorry that I doubt this changes anything. But as a final request before I leave this subject for good, I ask that you all remember why you came to this game, why you love this game. Why you are hurting it.
My names is James. I am 16 years old. I am a devoted player to CB2. I am a normal arrogant, emo teenagers. The above statements are simply what I feel in the best way I know to express them. Lamely. Thanks for taking the time to read this. I wish you all the best of wishes and luck with life.
I might not read the replies. I probably won't. But you never know.