Analzying Literature (in Off-topic)

Mandy [Journey] September 5 2006 3:31 PM EDT

Im horrible in English (Ill do your math homework for 3 years if you write one essay for me) Anyways... I've been working really hard on this essay and acquire the help from CB. I normally make D's and a few C's on my papers and desire a better grade than that. Any opininions/suggestions/CONSTRUCTIVE please :) I don't need any hanging - my teach will do that for me

Less is More
Every author has his or her own style of writing. Writers use many techniques to tell their story. “Soldier’s Home” written by Ernest Hemingway utilizes a sentence structure that people normally consider unsophisticated or even illiterate. In reality, Hemingway’s construction of sentences makes the character of the literature itself.
Krebs, Harold Krebs, a soldier at heart, tries to make it in the realize life at home, in Oklahoma. “He did not want to leave Germany, He did not want to come home,” voices the narrator (48, paragraph 14). Krebs has no emotional desire to return back to the United States, and strongly wants to stay in Germany. Hemingway’s usage of “uneducated” sentences: short, simple, and repetitive, are valid to show the soldier’s depression with regards to leaving Germany, the country he loved. The thoughts lack complexity. The sentences lack complexity, too.
Krebs does not need a girl; “The army had taught him that,” (48, paragraph 12). You will only need a girl if you think about them.” He learned that in the army,” (48, paragraph 13). The soldier wants a girl, but he does not anticipate working hard for a girl with all the “intrigue,” “politics,” and “consequences,” (Hemingway 48). In this situation, the author uses a lot of repetitious sentence to illustrate the lonesome young man’s thought process as it pertains to the heterosexual wants and needs any maturing male has. He wants a girl; he does not need a girl. He wants a girl; the reward is not worth the work.
As you will see, the simplest part of Krebs is his faith, or lack thereof. His mother asks him to pray twice. All the son could reply is “I can’t,” to each offer of prayer (52, paragraph 90, 92). When the mother volunteered to pray for her child, he complies. Going from a Methodist college followed by war can either enhance one’s faith or diminish it. Krebs’ faith wilts, but he knows he needs it back, The one and two work replies represent an emptiness within Krebs and the awareness of the void. This is also proven with the young man said, “I don’t love anybody” after he told his mother of an absence of affection for her (51, paragraph 75).
Ernest Hemingway uses sentence structure to relay the mood of the story he creates using a lot of plain and repetitive sentences. You are able to see a soldier who wishes to stay in Germany. You are able to see a young man who wants a girl, be he does not need one. You are able to see a son who has a diminishing faith. All this you see, Krebs has a lot of desires, but lacks the motivation though the simplicity of the words and phrases the author constructs.

MissingNo September 5 2006 3:50 PM EDT

I think right off the bat your first two sentences need revising. As your title states, less is more. Rather than breaking two ideas into two sentences, combine them: "Every author has their own style of writing, using a variety of techniques to tell their story." You see, you combine two sentences into one, while keeping one idea, making the sentence more thought-out.

And it would be "Soldier's Home" written by Ernest Hemingway, (COMMA) utilizes...

MissingNo September 5 2006 4:02 PM EDT

Also, don't use the word "you" in a formal paper. The teacher wants to see how you explain what you see, not how they will see it.

You can restate the sentence without the "you" and keep the same idea. "It is demonstrated that Kreb's faith is the most undeveloped part of him." ...or something. :(

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] September 5 2006 4:09 PM EDT

1. Pick a sex and stick with it, don't use conditionals in the sentences themselves, it is really not necessary. Only use his or her, not "his or her".
2. Connect the first two sentences together, they sound like they should be connected, use a comma or a semicolon.
"Every author has her own style of writing that uses a variety of techniques."
3. Elaborate on the fourth sentence, as it seems like you understand the concept used, but you fail to explain it in any detail.
4. The fifth sentence needs to be erased and re-written, it is unreadable.
5. The sentence rephrasing the quote about him not wanting to leave Germany is unecessary.
6. Link the last sentence of the first paragraph with the previous paragraph, the ideas are almost one and the same, and should be connected.
7. The first sentence of the new paragraph does not feel right with the semi-colon, rephrase it to describe it, or remove it if you can't rephrase it better.

UncleKracker September 5 2006 4:11 PM EDT

State the purpose of you essay as well as what you will be comparing or talking about as your last sentence of first paragraph.

Also, assume the reader has no clue what you're talking about. Then you'll notice that your second paragraph makes no sense. Krebs is a soldier, but how is he related to the first paragraph? And try to be as precise in what you're saying as possible. Eliminate redundancies, use better words, and make sure your sentences make sense.

"Krebs, Harold Krebs, a soldier at heart, tries to make it in the realize life at home, in Oklahoma." -- This isn't a James bond movie, I have no clue who you're talking about, what is the 'realize life at home' ???

"Krebs has no emotional desire to return back to the United States, and strongly wants to stay in Germany" --- first off the quote beforehand is in past tense so it hardly makes sense for this to be in the present, the word 'back' (in my opinion) is an example of redundancy, 'desires to remain' are much better words than 'wants to say'

I didn't bother reading further. Fix up the first paragraph and a half and I might look at it again.

BTW - I would advise against combining the first 2 sentences as suggested. They are similair, but have nothing to do with one another. So figure something cause the first opening sentence needs work.

UncleKracker September 5 2006 4:14 PM EDT

Or actually Verifex suggested something that might work for the first sentence. It still seems too focused for an opener to me, but that's your choice.

MissingNo September 5 2006 4:15 PM EDT

I disagree there. They are very close sentences, almost a redundancy. And alone they are two incomplete thoughts. The combining doesn't make sense? "Every author has their own style of writing, using a variety of techniques to tell their story."

Mandy [Journey] September 6 2006 1:16 PM EDT

i was trying to mock the author and carry it through out the paper as a tool to use to describe the sentences

Zoglog[T] [big bucks] September 6 2006 1:45 PM EDT

Mocking Hemingway in an English essay?

Now that is brave and I hope your English tutor lets you live!

Mandy [Journey] September 7 2006 12:42 PM EDT found it - finally the story online
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