The Life and Times of ZAP. (in General)

QBOddBird October 1 2006 9:35 PM EDT

Over the past few months, I've been collecting fragments of ZAP's fascinating life story, and now, I am going to release this to the public!

It is an amazing story of courage, humor, explosions, and hypnotists!


Part One: The many fathers and lifetime experiences of Zacharia Andrew Pain.

<OddBird> which was the one that stole like 15k for your mom?
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> 2nd the one who blew up the restaurant
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> my step dad my mom's second husband blew up my mom's balloon restaurant and his pizza restaurant right on US 20 McKinley Hwy. when I was younger than that like 8-9
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> see when i was 17 my parents had thrown me out and i lived above an underage club. Learned hypnosis and how to use it effectivly with mind altering substances on other people. was the best years of my life. Though freaky stuff to learn and face real world phenomenon.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> well my life was quite the roller coaster I say they threw me out but my mom's friend owned the club and my dad had a house waiting acros town for me... was the year i took my Dreamwalk.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> third one gambled away 60 grand in one year and my ma left hm
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> 4th one hauls propane and Anhydris for a Greek guy
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> and of course we cannot forget my ather who was abusive and then was beaten by the police when he left. that makes this her actual fifth husband
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> hey man been together with my wife like 10 yrs i have to beat the girls off when i go to my clubs that i hanbg out in.

August 12th. Events at the Bar. ZAP tells his story.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> shots fired at franks place bar tonight in town moment ago on the olocal news
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> Was at "My Place" bar about three blocks or sos away when the cop rolled by I hopped on the ROOF!
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> haha my buddy Mike Crook was up there see which is on camera anyway and so I jumped up... Figured it was kinda funny.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> Has security til the owner was throwing a bunch of people out one night and they turned off slim shady and we made em hire security
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> made my guy stop rappin in the middle of it
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> near shot the bar up ourselves that night
<OddBird> yoikes!
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> yeah but he's the only white boy G
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> threw the new owner not my uncle out Chen Je "Shun Yu" and the old man drunk went and got a pistol and carried it on his waist haha fallin over drunk. I made him higher security
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I hear the Fins still do have the largest population of E
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> the big E someone dropped at The other bar wright there last night from the Big E it's Epilepsy...
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> there is a campaigne they weren't allowed to call it a Reeeevolution though as it's still a very undiscussed matter in public. Which might I add, doesn't help it become any better.

August 15th. ZAP's wife seperates from him. An explanation of the family, and the fastest car in the WORLD.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> My wife and I seperated two days ago....
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> we'll get back together it's our 7th yr married and 9th yr together. We are just taking time apart.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> Her family hates me and always has.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> it's not that they hate me... it's more that no one outside their family is let in and both her parents died when she was a very small child so they are ever more protective of her.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> well then you throw in my seizures getting increasingly worse over the last two yrs and incompetent doctors and you have the ideal situation for insanity
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> my doctor told me to literally cut the plastic coated pill I take today rather than taking a full one cut it in half. These are the people healing me. What if I did bang down have a capsule like that in an instant I'd prolly die.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> they don't even know what's wrong with me
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I guarantee you I know someone who has a car that will go more that 300 mph
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> later all time to turn my mother's compy back over to her...
Zacharia_Andrew_Pain left the room.

August 24th. ZAP has connections. He reveals further information on the explosive events surrounding his life.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> nah I'm more the sort at this point I'd just drop a tip to Al Quaedia about who was an officer where and when.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> 5 gallon can of gas in mkicrowave will do serious structural damage
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> he didn't really his partner locked him in the bldg. then he shot himself in the bathroom. he haqd locked all the doors only way my step-dad made it out was that it blew out the wall.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> he owns another chain now through his dads business partner who patented the rhino lining stuff
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> it's called Volcano pizza
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> his recipes directly from the old owner of Dominoes...
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> he didn't die the guy in the bathroom did he made it out through the wall went to prison for 3 yrs or sos
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I could track this guy down anyway and get the 14 g's. He's like one city away from me and the only thing that stands between me and him is the Nazi encampment of Osceola.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> Anytime someone in my family goes to Germany you can guaqrantee you'll find anything you like so I've been told. A German person drew the best Elf pic I've probably ever seen that i use to portray myself named Ulrike Kleinhaqrt.

August 26th. We learn that ZAP was the true creator of TAB, and Ranger's just a phony.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> last time I built a good team someone copied me and made it this one I have here
<BMWheatIey> So you are saying Ranger copied your strat originally to make TAB?
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> went on to rule with it then I bought it

September 17th. We learn how ZAP makes his 'cheddar'.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> No I work odd jobs already had a computer sold for 400 bucks and my rent is only 200 per month there they don't like me and frankly if I'da stayed after they gave me an ultimatum including throwi8ng me out on my birthday I would have killed whoever thought they were gonna so I left the day they gave me the ultimatum I made over 50k last yr doing odd jobs
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> like I have 5 g's one monthy to help pay down the 50thousand dollar debts her uncles have run up in her grandfathers namke and other months I just don't have money
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> because I don't want to live with her or her family I will find my own place where I don't have to worry about going to jail cuz some idiot decided to plant my entire backyard with pot knowing I'd take the fall
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I get mine from farmers and have never grown on my own property can find you sniper jobs for the national guard people who pull the plants but my house so basically looking at 3rd strike life ijn prison at that house they can keep their idiocy
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I would love to mem however, I'm a felon and can't leave the states
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> oh and best of all got to party this weekend with some georgeous Asian girls especially this one named Xue I think I may be inb love haha
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> what is Scientology?
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> depends on who you listen to and what you know about it I'd guess, but they are the smartest people in the world and I don't know if you'vew noticed but pretty much all the powerful people too
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> They once locked the doors at this new catholic church in Ft . Wayne until they had gotten enough donations to pay for it. They literally locked the people in
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> she's 22 my mom is like 50
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> I'm 27
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> even gave up the dirty dirty for two yrs for her was dating two bi-sexual girls

Same day, in reference to the late Steve Irwin. Then some other subject.

<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> swimming over with his hands well placed on it's front that I would count as riding and I'd get pissed if you tried to ride me too
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> no it does have an extremely large vertebre at the top in the same position they were talking about putting in impplants that could connect with the human brane about 8 yrs. ago.
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> no like computer link my vertebrea is loarge in that spot that was when I was going through recruiting
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> and they have had me on the same doseage for like almost 8 months and it's wearing off... the other three they tried were tegretol, lamictal, and valproic acid
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> all allergic to with deadly side effect unfortunantly
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> no I caught them like in the first allergic stages but if let go anbd continued to take them it will kill you fast i knew what i was looking for as i have studied this all myself diagnosed myself and have basically told the doctors every step of my treatment so far
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> one was rashes that cover your entire body which i took for a mo0nth until it started eating my hands and feet away and I had rashes under my arms and on my back
<Zacharia_Andrew_Pain> Until then i sit and shake and think of new ways to kill memebers of my doctors family that would hurt them more than them dying theirselves

I hope the rest of you have learned as much as I have about ZAP: The hero, the felon, the hypnotist, and the greatest storyteller the world has ever known.

Here's to ZAP. ~_^

Caedmon [Revenge of the Forgers] October 1 2006 9:39 PM EDT

I spent fifteen minutes today debugging C++ code for him for an assignment that made no sense. Except it was his mom. Over PMs. Shoot me now.

Adminedyit [Superheros] October 1 2006 9:44 PM EDT

omg! thats all i can say

chuck1234 October 1 2006 9:53 PM EDT

blame it on the doctos i'll say, your health system is all a mess....oh, and blame it on the parents....and while we are at it, blame it on the republicans....and the democrats....everyone except poor innocent ZAP, the victim.

chuck1234 October 1 2006 9:59 PM EDT

just got a text msg from the While House asking if we could blame Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein for this whole mess....don't know, really, maybe we ought to take a vote on this one first....

wldflr October 1 2006 10:54 PM EDT

Sometimes I am shocked at how cruel people are. It's quite obvious there are problems there. But do we really need a bunch of bullies pointing it out? Remember, you do not build yourself up by tearing someone else down.

chuck1234 October 1 2006 11:02 PM EDT

now that's a humbling post, wildflr....i really didn't mean to hurt ZAP if you don't like what i wrote, i m sorry, but, seriously, it was just a little bit of fun, even you'll enjoy.

QBOddBird October 1 2006 11:19 PM EDT

I'm sorry if this comes across as a bullying post (in reference to the original part where I pasted our conversations), wldflr, but that's not what it is. I find ZAP's stories to be very entertaining, and I often quote from the 'ZAP Files' in Chat. The full extent of what I've recorded has been requested many times, and I'm putting it out here for everyone to see. I think he's a great storyteller. =) And I always talk to him when he comes in Chat hoping that he'll tell more stories.

To quote chuck, it's just a bit of fun, and I'm pretty sure ZAP knows it when he types it. He likes telling the stories just as much as I like reading them.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] October 2 2006 2:07 AM EDT

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light? Yeah, thats something like talking to ZAP.

Also: Eat At Joes!

The Death Company [...] October 2 2006 3:11 PM EDT

have to agree with wldflr im guessing it carried on like the first few sentences but why would you even bother to save stuff like that to your comp.
Ive had friends say stupid stuff but thats like getting a camcorder and then putting it up on the tv down the pub or whereever they choose to spend there time when not at work .. pretty low

The Death Company [...] October 2 2006 3:15 PM EDT

and just incase ... we used to take the pee a bit as he was our friend .. but we never intentionally set out to try and show him up in front of loads of people in a v public way or place .. its just one of his trates we generally ignored
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