Tattoo of your choice..... all for a story. (in Contests)

PirateKing October 4 2006 10:11 PM EDT

I'm stealing this idea from my ex. Don't nobody say nothing. ;

Alrighty... I have a low level ToA (lvl. 470) laying around and it's up for grabs. I'll even re-ink it to whatever the winner desires.

To enter, just post a story here. "What kind of story", you may ask? Simple.... Write a "Three-Way Celebrity Death Match" story for me. I'll propose three combatants, and you tell me who wins and how.

Here are the combatants:

Jayne Cobb





Needless to say, entries consisting of nothing more than "Chewy wins" will be ignored. Give me some substance here, people. The contest is open until noon on Saturday.

The three combatants are now in the arena..... how does the fight unfold?

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] October 4 2006 10:31 PM EDT

let me just say, your choice of fighters is awesome, only the inclusion of

would have made it better...

QBOddBird October 4 2006 10:38 PM EDT

As Jayne Cobb, Worf, and Chewbacca entered the Arena, they each immediately began sizing up their opponent. Jayne and Worf, both knowing that Chewbacca would kill them easily from a closer range, whipped out their guns - Vera and the stun gun set to 'Kill', respectively. Chewbacca, thinking quickly, curled up into a ball and rolled at them too quickly to avoid and knocked both on off their feet! He unrolled a few metres away, too dizzy to do much, and flopped over on his face.

Jayne and Worf quickly jumped to their feet and ran for their guns - but too afraid the other would reach his weapon first, they jumped for each other at the last second. Jayne stuffed a grenade into Worf's suit, but Worf headbutted him and stuffed it down Jayne's shirt! Cobb thought quickly and threw the grenade-stuffed shirt, which exploded overhead and showered the arena with fabric confetti! Seeing his chance, Worf pounced on Jayne and began punching him in his face! Jayne pulled out his knife, Worf pulled out a Stun Baton set to 'Kill', and it looked like this fight was over...but just then, Chewbacca came out of nowhere and grabbed each from behind in a massive 2-way wedgie! Worf and Jayne, crying out in pain, sent both of their weapons into Chewie's neck...he smashed the two together, crying out in pain and agony at the mess they'd made of his fur, and threw them both against the Arena walls! The two slumped down to the ground, nearly unconscious, and Chewie fell to the ground as well.

Both headed for Chewbacca, as he was the most wounded and therefore vulnerable. They crawled up, grabbed up their weapons, and began stabbing/beating him viciously...with the last of his strength, Chewbacca grabbed one of Cobb's grenades, swallowed it, and bearhugged the two to his furry chest. This didn't work out as he'd have liked, though, and the explosion simply caused him to balloon up momentarily and then settle down, his insides churned into a Chewbacca Smoothie.

Jayne and Worf looked at each other with suspicion in their eyes, but then both shrugged, grabbed a straw from nowhere, and began drinking their delicious smoothie. However, as everyone (else, apparently, as Cobb and Worf were unaware) knows, Wookies are poisonous....and they both died.

Yoda then jumped into the arena and claimed victory for the Jedi.

The End.

Slashundhack [We Forge Our Own Stuff] October 5 2006 12:23 AM EDT

As all three of the combatants where emptied into the pit of death from their repective dung gathering sacks,the only thing large enough that was to hand .Worf sizing up his opponents ran growling at Chewbacca, reaching his target with a Wooky dazzling speed, he jumped upon Chewy and delivered a crushing head butt to his half open mouth. Chewbacca fell back in a shower of blood and teeth too stunned to even moan.Worf rolled gathering two handfulls of dust and turned to face the human.Jayne had taken the time given him to retrieve the one weapon the scans hadn't found .He was presently holding the bone knife against his leg, thanking the dead partner that lost his arm and decided to make use of it. Worf advanced on the nervous man not liking his stance he warily hopped close enough to throw the dirt from one hand . Jayne knew every dirty trick so he sheilded his face,Worf jumped in and throwing his last handfull he bearhugged Jayne.Both fighters were flung apart by a furry bundle ,Worf woozily looked up to witness the man stabbing the beast as it chewed toothlessly on practictly his whole head .Both slowly dieing in front of him caused Worf to start weeping in frustration for he had, had near victory snatched from him and would never sing a song of triumph to his fellow warriors or change a reluctant conquests mind..)

QBOddBird October 5 2006 4:54 AM EDT

Worf, Cobb, and Chewbacca all came into the scene, falling from nets above the Arena and landing in the dust put with an emphatic 'UMPH' from each. They all immediately dashed for the centre of the arena, each wishing to reach the large stack of weapons there first, but suddenly a trapdoor opened in the middle and swallowed the stack of weapons right before their eyes. A trap, designed to bring them into close combat from the get-go!

Chewbacca, taking advantage of his large physical advantage, immediately grabbed Worf and threw him 30 feet across the arena, stunning him instantly. Jayne took advantage of this and grabbed the Wookie's hair and started pulling it out, causing the Wookie's eyes to tear slightly at the bitter pain. Chewie turned around with blood-red rage in his pupils and bit off Jayne's nose! Jayne cried out in pain and attempted to slash Chewbacca's arm with a machete he had pulled seemingly from nowhere, but it simply was stopped short by Chewie's thick matted fur.

As Worf regained consciousness, he looked up to see Chewbacca rip Jayne's arms from his torso. He snuck up slowly and grinned at Cobb's determination as the man headbutted his Wookie opponent, but was nevertheless destroyed by the Wookie's brute force. Worf grabbed a nearby priceless Ming vase that had appeared into the arena from nowhere and smashed it over the top of the Wookie's head, realizing his folly just a little too late. Chewie turned around, grinned, and grabbed humanoid's arms, intending to rip them from his body just has he had done to Cobb - but Worf, focusing his mental energies intently, created a Worfian Mind Invasion and took over the weak-willed animalistic mind of his opponent! Chewie let out a cry, "UNNNGHGHHGHGHGUUUUUNGNGNGNGNHH!!!!" as he was slowly beated to death beneath the crushing blows dealt by his own two fists, but finally crumpled to the ground, dead.

Worf, tired yet elated, raised his hands in triumph towards the sky and let the crowd's reaction wash over him....but wait, something was wrong! He suddenly realized that rather than cheering for him, the crowd was laughing, jeering, and pointing at him! He looked down and realized that due to his incredible mental and physical during the battle, he had tinkled himself...the smell of Victory was today not quite so nice, and Victory didn't feel like he thought it should....instead, it felt warm, and moist, though slightly relieving...

"AAAHHH! Not again!!!" Worf sat up in bed, moist and sticky from sweating all over, and his wife turned to him. "Not another one of those dreams again, was it honey?" He nodded his head, sighed, and turned over to go to sleep again. When would these nightmares end?


QBJohnnywas October 5 2006 5:15 AM EDT

This is the most ridiculous story writing contest I've seen since I've been in CB, apart from the adventures of GL and JW one that Barzoo ran a while back....

Count me in!!! *runs off to find a pen and paper*

QBJohnnywas October 5 2006 5:45 AM EDT

Chewie's puppy dog blue eyes looked around the arena. His knees knocked together as they always did when he was scared. Scared, and a little bit jealous.

Jayne Cobb stood there, full of himself, and well he should be. I mean Chewie just had the Falcon, looking like a half eaten hamburger, and Han. Who these days wore a tiny little gold stud in his ear and ran around with that skinny lollipop looking girl. I bet she doesn't look good in a gold plated bikini, he thought. Only it came out as an 'UUURgggllleeahh'. Jayne on the other hand travelled in a really cool ship, with more than one person to talk/growl to. And that ship had women crew members. Chewie bet that they didn't think Jayne looks like a walking carpet.

And then there was Worf. He got to talk AND growl. Although Chewie thought he was better off with the bandolier he always wore, rather than that too small yellow lycra thing. But that ship he got to travel in... It wasn't held together with spit and string. It was shiny and clean. And Worf had quarters of his own. Chewie had been on the Falcon for twenty years and still couldn't find out if it had crew quarters. He slept in a basket near the gun turrets.

He looked up at the cheering jeering auditorium. Full of eager hungry faces, waiting for combat.

A bell rang. It was the signal that combat was to commence. Chewie reached down to the arena floor where the weapon they all were to use waited. His opponents did the same. They all raised their weapons. All three pulled back the strings on their bows, arrow in position. All three let their first arrow fly. And two missed. Chewie looked down in surprise at the arrow embedded in his chest. As he fell to the ground he saw Worf fall to the arena floor, a second arrow in his chest also. And he realised his and Worf's fatal mistake. If you're going to use a bow train archery, not bloodlust......

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] October 5 2006 7:05 AM EDT

"Damn Mal" Jayne grumbled as he paced around the arena. "Should have known he'd do anything to turn a profit. But taking my guns away cuz I tried to shot him was just low..."

Jayne stopped to rub dirt from the arena floor between his fingers. "This place looks like it should belong in Mud Town..."

Jayne's muttering was interrupted by a sparkling beam of light, accompanied by its own twinkling swooshing noise. A figure phased into existence in front of him.

"Away team landed" exclaimed Worf, Tricorder in hand.

"Something wrong with your forehead?" Jayne asked the newcomer. "My ridges are a sign of my masculinity" Worf retorted, wondering where the rest of the away team had been beamed too. "Damn, no red suit cannon fodder today, I'm really up the creek now..."


"What life form is this?" Worf trained his Tricorder on a hirsute figure swinging over the arena wall to them.
"Monkey Man!"
"Humanoid, although its vocal cords are not adapted to Human speech. Hmmm... Even the Federations Universal Translator can't decipher this."
"You some him of boffin ridge head?"

"This is a fight to the death. Only the sole survivor can win the prize." A spectral voice floated over the three.

"A ritual fight without a Bat'leth?"
"Great... I need a drink. And a gun."
"Hey, forehead, did you just hear what the human gorilla called your mother?"
"Ni'tokor bak'to!"

Worf charged Chewy, Tricorder discarded in rage. Chewy beat his chest with both arms. Tricorder spun in the air, a twist of fate bringing its arc into the forehead of Jayne, sending him sprawling unconscious to the floor.

Worf grabbed Chewy in a bear hug, massive klingon arms pinning Chewies to his side. Chewy bellowed in frustration, trying in vain to break the solid grip on him.

Worfs head crashed forward, the ridges smashing into Chewies nose, shattering it instantly. "These are more than just decorative!"

In retaliation, chewy went for a low blow, hairy paw grasping up into Worfs groin. "Eak" The bear hug was released. Chewy lashed down with his free hand, bringing it into the top or Worfs head like Donkey Kong beating drums.

Calling on his Mok'bara training, Worf used a Koh'manara block to break Chewies grip on him, twisted with a koh'bala pivot and lashed out with a pak'ara thrust. Chewy took the blow like a walking carpet.

Both combatants disengaged to temporarily size up their opponents, warily studying each other. Then charging and screaming animalistic battle cries, they engaged each other again.

Jayne woke on the dusty arena floor, with a pounding headache. "I didn't feel this bad after my 36 hour bender last week..." shaking his head to regain his senses, Jayne saw a crumpled, slowly writhing pile of fur and ridges.

A broken voice croaked "Two to beam up..." as Worf and Chewy disappeared from view, still locked in a deadly embrace.

"Well it seems like we have a winner by default..." The spectral voice sighed.

"Great! No shame in winning by default!" Shouted Jayne jubilantly!

QBJohnnywas October 5 2006 7:19 AM EDT

I was going to write some more, but I think I need to open a window. It smells of fanboy in here....;)

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] October 5 2006 7:41 AM EDT

;) But a fan boi for who?

QBJohnnywas October 5 2006 7:54 AM EDT

Jayne and the...two...bears.....

Once upon a time, there was a mercenary named Jayne and his gun named Vera. He went for a walk in the forest. Pretty soon, he came upon a house. He knocked and, when no one answered, he walked right in.

At the table in the kitchen, there were two bowls of porridge. Jayne was hungry. He tasted the porridge from the first bowl.

"This porridge is disgusting!" he exclaimed. "It tastes like my socks, after four months in space!"

So, he tasted the porridge from the second bowl.

"Ahhh, this porridge is almost as bad, but I'd eat anything right now, even a kebab from Dalston.." he said happily and he ate it all up.

After he'd eaten the two bears' breakfasts he decided he was feeling a little tired. So, he walked into the living room where he saw two chairs. Jayne sat in the first chair to rest his feet.

"This chair is too big, and covered in hair. And it smells really bad!" he exclaimed.

So he sat in the second chair.

"This chair is too big, too!" he whined. "And I hate these wannabe captain's chairs, with all the buttons in the arm rest. How can you have a nice rest when you're worried you're going to blast your TV with a phaser??!?"

Jayne was very tired by this time, so he went upstairs to the bedroom. He lay down in the first bed, but it was too smelly and actually looked more like a dog basket than a bed. Then he lay in the second bed, but it was too hard. So he lay down on the floor and it was just right. Jayne fell asleep.

As he was sleeping, the two bears came home.

"Someone's been eating my porridge," growled Chewie bear.

"Someone's been eating my porridge," said Worf bear.

"Someone's been eating our porridge and they ate it all up!" cried both of them together.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled Chewie bear.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said Worf bear.

"Someone's been sitting in your chair and they've got grubby finger prints all over the shiny leather" cried Chewie to Worf.

They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, Chewie bear growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed,"

"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said Worf bear

"Someone's been sleeping on the floor and he's still there!" they both exclaimed simultaneously. Although it sounded more like 'graaa..raga.raga.yaga...'

Just then, Jayne woke up and saw the two bears. He screamed, "Help!" And he jumped up and ran out of the room. Jayne ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the forest. And he never returned to the home of the two bears. And all bets were off on this particular Celebrity Death Match.


QBJohnnywas October 5 2006 9:11 AM EDT

Earlier this year, the First Union Center on Tatooine was taken over by the Intergalactic Wrestling Federation. Superstar wrestler Chewbacca The Wookie is known for tearing wrestlers arms off and insulting them on the microphone. Behind the scenes, though, Chewbacca is caring and polite, if a little whiffy. While interviewing him, I learned that he isn't just a famous wrestler but also a caring and gentle Wookie.

Chewie, if I may call you that, you had a great piloting career with the Rebel Alliance. If you had to choose between piloting or wrestling for the Intergalactic Wrestling Federation, what would you choose?

(Chewbacca growls happily)

You debuted in the Intergalactic Wrestling Federation at Survivor Series. What were you feeling that night? It seemed that you were very nervous, although you obviously won in your match against the Skywalker Twins.

(Chewbacca growls happily)

How do you prepare for a match, both mentally and physically? I've heard you like to paint landscapes in watercolour. Is this true?

(Chewbacca growls happily)

In your entire wrestling career, what do you consider your greatest match? I'm a particular fan of the night you faced off with Wonder Woman and Cat Woman. They've got some great outfits don't they? When you're involved in those kind of fights do you sometimes get a little excited? I know I was!

(Chewbacca growls very happily)

You have done many TV appearances, including the MTV Video Music Awards, hosting "Total Request Live," "Saturday Night Live," and now it's been said you're about to take over the lead role in the next series of "24". What do you consider your greatest accomplishment outside the squared circle?

(Chewbacca growls happily for twenty minutes)

What exactly is a nerf herder?

(Chewbacca growls happily and expressively as he tells a Wookie joke)

How did you come up with your trademark line, "Raaa Yaga yaga yaga"?

(Chewbacca growls his trademark. The audience join in loudly)

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Is there a Mrs Chewbacca? Would you like to start a family? Maybe retire from the wrestling and settle down?

(Chewbacca growls wisely)

And how do you feel about the match this weekend? With the maniac Klingon Worf and the money grabbing Jayne? Both have said some pretty bad things about you. Will you be pulling their arms off? Worf in particular was pretty scathing about your fashion sense.

(Chewbacca growls angrily and starts tearing apart the furniture. He pauses to smile a toothsome smile at camera and then goes on the rampage through the studio ripping peoples arms off.)

Thank you Chewie for taking the time to talk to us. You're a wonderful Wookie. And now on Channel THX 1138 we have the new ambassador for civil rights in the galaxy for another exciting exclusive. Please welcome Mr Boba Fett!!!!!!

Slashundhack [We Forge Our Own Stuff] October 6 2006 3:14 AM EDT

First round the three fought against computer opponents.Jayne lost of course.Second round was Chewy against Worf and after a long drawn out fight ,Chewys pipe smoking annoyed Worf enough he missed a subtle move and was finished off in a flash. Worf muttered as he walked away" well chess never was my game anyway".

PirateKing October 6 2006 9:46 AM EDT

*looks askance at some of the offerings and refrains from commenting* :P

Only 26 hours to go. Start typing! ;)

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] October 6 2006 10:25 AM EDT

If I win, can I have the 400K instead of having the tattoo re inked? :P

PirateKing October 6 2006 10:30 AM EDT

Pretty big "if" in that question, don't you think? :D

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] October 6 2006 3:03 PM EDT

Sorry, should have said 'when'! ;)

QBOddBird October 6 2006 3:41 PM EDT

*smirks* I'll write a few more to make doubly sure of it, but no chance, GL. ~_^

QBBarzooMonkey October 7 2006 10:58 AM EDT

Jayne Cobb looked around in awe at the vast size of the coliseum in which he found himself. Finally getting caught was turning out to be worse than his worst nightmare. A hush fell over the crowd as a voice boomed out from everywhere.
"For crimes of high treason against The First Galactic Empire, the Wookie Chewbacca has been sentenced to death in the Geonosis Arena, or life servitude. For crimes of piracy and treason against The Alliance, Jayne Cobb has been sentenced to death in the Geonosis Arena, or life servitude. For the crime of mutiny, the Klingon Worf has been sentenced to death in the Geonosis Arena, or life servitude. Combatants, only one of you can leave this arena alive. Begin".

Jayne quickly sized up his two opponents, and instinctively grabbed for a grenade that wasn't there. "This is really gonna suck" he muttered to himself. He turned to Worf and said, "Hey, big eyebrow guy, whatta you say we rush the big furry thing together, 'cuz I don't think we'll take him alone."
Worf replied, "Impudent human, I will agree to that, but know that I will show no mercy when the Wookie has been dispensed of."
"Whatever, eyebrows. On three, we each grab an arm and double it over. I'll put a knee up into it's chest, you bring an elbow down on its head, and maybe we can break its neck."

Chewbacca was not happy to be in this place. Wookies don't like to fight unless forced, and dislike killing even more. As his two opponents took him by surprise and each grabbed an arm, the thoughts began to race through his head.
"Why do they always underestimate the Wookie," he thought. "Especially ones who have had a long relationship with Master Yoda. Don't they think I've learned a thing or two?"
As the began to futilely beat on him with knees and elbows, he let out a growl. Anyone who could understand Wookie would know that he said "Kaqmpa!", which has a loose translation in the Common Human Language as "Dolts!"
Chewbacca concentrated, and in one swift move straightened up, and pulled his arms (along with his opponents themselves) from behind his back, and forward. A well timed Force Push took the momentum and sent both Jayne and Worf thirty feet across the arena. Chewbacca growled happily, as he knew this move would be misinterpreted as brute strength, as he had vowed to Master Yoda to never reveal that he had received Jedi training.

"Holy crap, that thing is strong!" said Jayne as he stood up. At that moment, a stand holding three black poles rose from the center of the arena. Without a thought, both Jayne and Worf ran back towards Chewbacca, each grabbing a T'alali Stick along the way, and each swinging it with all of their might at the opposite sides of what they assumed were the Wookie's ribs. Worf's struck true, but with blazing speed and adeptness, Chewbacca brought his left arm down to hold it in place. At the same moment, he had brought his right hand up to meet Jayne's blow, and forced it back into Jayne's face, stunning him just long enough for Chewbacca to get a huge paw along the side of Jayne's head.

In the stands, a young human man leaned over to his Rodian companion, and said "See, what did I tell you - they always underestimate the Wookie! Reflexes like a Nexu! Now I'll bet you he bashes their heads together."

Continuing with the momentum of his swing, Chewbacca forced the side of Jayne's head into the side of Worf's temporarily immobilized one. Since a Klingon's skull is much more dense and rigid than a human's, the trauma to Jayne Cobb's was devastating. As his lifeless body fell to the ground, a sticky mess of blood, bone fragments, and brain matter was left in Worf's hair, and on the shoulder of his prisoner's uniform. This did not make him the least bit happy. He let go of his T'alali Stick, and clamped both hands on the Wookie's face.
"One doesn't spend as much time as I have with Vulcans, and not learn a thing or two." He began a Vulcan Mind Meld, assuming that he could confuse the beast's primitive mind just long enough to deal a lethal blow...

Instead, Worf experienced a searing, intense pain unlike any he had ever encountered before, in the region behind his eyes. Stunned, his muscles relaxed ever so slightly. Chewbacca lifted him from the ground, and ran with all of his might towards one of the three large stone columns in the center of the arena. The force of the impact was enough to make Worf lose consciousness, and Chewbacca let his body slump to the ground, sitting with his back against the column. Chewbacca did not care to check as to whether either of his opponents were alive or dead (he even hoped that they might survive), and he turned to the crowd and lifted his arms, growling and howling in victory. The clone guards, not really wanting to anger the Wookie further by making him fight on, assumed that the blood all over Worf's head meant that he was dead, and Chewbacca was declared the victor.

In the stands, the young human man jumped up and turned to his Rodian companion.
"See!" he shouted against the crowd's cheers, "What did I tell you - they always underestimate the Wookie! Can you imagine what we could accomplish with that kind of muscle behind us?"
The Rodian laughed and nodded in agreement.
"I'd better get down there, and see if we can buy his servitude, before he does something stupid like choosing a mining colony on Tindo 3, or something."
The Twi'Lek sitting behind them laughed out loud. "Han Solo", she said, "only you could be so bold as to believe you can charm a Wookie!"
"You'd better believe it, darlin'", was his smug, smirking reply. "You' d better believe it."

Worf opened his eyes to a throbbing head, and a stiffness in his body from lying on the cold metal table he found himself on. He sat up, and immediately assessed his surroundings, to formulate an escape plan...

QBOddBird October 7 2006 12:39 PM EDT

I got nothin' to compete with that. Good job, BM!

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] October 7 2006 4:30 PM EDT

BM wins! :D

BootyGod October 7 2006 4:32 PM EDT

The integration of yoda into the story was masterful ;)

QBJohnnywas October 7 2006 4:51 PM EDT

You just had to play the fluffy kitten/pony/Han Solo card didn't you BM.....

PirateKing October 7 2006 5:44 PM EDT

Ok..... this is over. Yes, I said noon, but I fell asleep so got nearly six additional hours.

Now then.....Thanks to everyone who put in the effort. I enjoyed reading each and every entry. So who wins? After careful re-reading of all entries, Barzoo has the one I like best. He is the winner. *much rejoicing*

Now if he will declare what kind of tattoo he wants and to whom to send it, we can conclude this business.

QBBarzooMonkey October 7 2006 10:53 PM EDT

Cool, thank you all very much! You can leave it as a ToA, and send it to JuJuLizard Rex, please. Wow, I actually won a contest! :D

PirateKing October 7 2006 11:00 PM EDT

One nearly virgin ToA sent. Have fun with it. :)

QBJohnnywas October 8 2006 3:46 AM EDT

Congratz BM!!!!
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=001v6Q">Tattoo of your choice..... all for a story.</a>