The Fayt_Of_Hyrule (Chapter 1) (in General)


Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 15 2006 10:17 PM EST

The sound of swords clashing can be heard in the distance. Out appears a blue haired man, ruffly 18 years old. In his right hand is a steel bladed Katana. Following him are 6 enemy assassins.

Feeling outnumber Fayt Leingod, the blue haired man, runs off into the woods. Little do the Assassins know, that it will be their downfall this afternoon. Fayt runs across a small river, and into a cave. The assassins, feeling that they have him cornered, enter the cave ignorant, and oblivious as to whats going to happen.

Upon entering the cave, the assassins see a light up ahead. They charge into battle, not knowing what dangers awaits inside. The assassins rush to the fire, and to their amaze... see themselves surrounded by 15-20 swordsmen.

The assassins try to run out the cave. But there is Fayt standing at the exit. Accompanied by a Klausian Cliff Fittir, and a woman, Nel Zepher. The first assassin takes his spear and lunges it at Cliff, a muscular man wielding a pair of punching daggers. Daggers that wrapped around the side of the arm, and were held by the knuckle like grip.

The Assassin lungs his spear at Cliffs head, but cliff sideswipes the spear out of the way, and punches the assassin in the stomach repetitively, then comes around with his hand, slitting the assassins throat.

The assassin Gasping for air, begins gaging. Nel rushes up to another assassin and dual wielding 2 rather small swords, swings them both at the same time, cutting the assassins arms, then while stabbing him in the stomach. Fayt comes in with his Katana, and Kills 3 assassins, the first 2 he stabbed in the heart, and the 3rd one he decapitated. Nel then finished off the assassin she was fighting by stabbing it a second time in the stomach.

Only one assassin remained. He threw a throwing star at Fayt. Fayt parried the blow with his sword, and managed to send the throwing star back at the assassin, hitting him square between the eyes. The assassin with a dieing gasp muttered these words:

"Jeronus, we have failed." The assassin then fell to the floor, landing at Cliffs Feet.

"Good job men, we move out to Hyrule_Castle to protect the king Link in the morning" said Fayt, "We must continue tonight, and make it at least to the Lost Soul Woods, there... we will make camp."

"Are you sure that is wise?" stammered Nel, "The Lost Soul Woods is no ordinary forest, its enchanted. Some say Legolas the Elf lives there."

"I am sure that we will not encounter Legolas the Elf on our way through the woods." replied Cliff, "After all the woods are huge, and he is but merely one elf."

"I suppose you are right." said Nel.

"Quick men, we must get a move on, it will be dark in a matter of hours" stated Fayt.

The party continued on, traveling along the outskirts of Hylia, into the outskirts of The Lost Soul Woods.

"All right men, we make camp here, Cliff, you go and retrieve some wood"

*a distant roar can be heard in the distance*

"Scaaaaaaa-ree... I don't think it is such a good idea for me to venture alone with that out there."

"You may be right Cliff, Take Leodagraunce with you." Fayt yells "Leo!! come up here a moment please!"

Leodagraunce a bulky man, approaches. He is carrying a Fauchard, a huge polearm type weapon.

"What can I do you for Fayt?"

"Your are to accompany Cliff on the wood run Leo" said Fayt, "Don't get yourself lost or killed"

"Are you sure thats such a good idea, I mean my Fauchard is big enough, its going to be hard to carry wood."

"Ashilizator!! Come up her please!" yelled Fayt.

Ashilizator came running up to Fayt, his Flail wailing behind him.

"Ashilizator, you are to accompany Cliff and Leo to get wood"

"Yes, sir" replied Ashilizator.

The three men set out to get wood, within the depths of the Lost Soul Woods. Fayt, and the others began to set up camp. Preparing a shelter, and gathering some food. All that was needed was the wood, so they could make the fire and cook the food.

*A roar can be heard fairly close to the camp*

One of the men replies "What was that", the men start to wonder what is making the noise. Fayt reassuring them that it is nothing calms the men down.

It has been 15 minutes since Cliff and the others departed to get wood. One of the men gets up, and wonders into the woods to go to the bathroom. Fayt and Nel begin talking. They are worried about Cliff and the others.

"Do you think we should go and get them?" asked Nel "They could be in danger, Legolas could be out there"

"If they are not back in 5 minutes I will go out there and find them" Fayt responded.

A loud Crash can be heard, followed by a horrendous scream.

The party grabs their weapons and runs into the woods towards the crash and scream. When they get there, they see a huge Evangelion. It is a huge Lion like creature, but with the tail of a Scorpion. It is on top of one of the men, and is eating him. The loud crash that was heard was the bone of the mans leg being snapped in half like a twig.

One of the men, a Sarmation Knight, lunges at the Evangelion, but to his dismay, is shot down by the tail of the Evangelion. Luckily for that knight, his shield parried the blow.

The rest of the Sarmation army seeing this, decides to surround the creature, and on the count of 3 attack.

Fayt Cries out "3.....2.....1..." and on 1 they all attacked. The Evangelion not knowing whom to attack first, was cut down by the brutality of the Sarmation Knights.

They had lost a Knight though... The Evangelion had eaten the Knight.

Just then another crash back at the camp. The men charged towards the camp, preparing to fight. When they seen something move within their shelter. Fayt approaching cautiously, pulled out his sword, and was about to swing, when he heard Leodagraunce and Ashilizator talking. Then Cliff popped out of the tent with some food.

"Aaaah!" Screamed Cliff, "You scared me, I heard a crash and came back to the camp and seen no one was here, I feared you may have fallen to Legolas' Wrath."

"No Cliff, we are fine" Fayt responded "But we lost one man out there, an Evangelion ate him. Snapped his bones in two."

"Scaaaaaa-reee" Cliff Stated.

With the fire now built, and the men all have eaten, the sleep in the night. Not knowing that Legolas is closer than they think. What will happen to the Sarmation Army. And will Legolas get in their way?

Find out next time, on Chapter 2 of The Fayt_Of_Hyrule

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 15 2006 10:27 PM EST

feel free to respond to the book, give me ideas on what you think, flaws, things i can do to make it better. Dont worry about hurting my feelings, as i can hurt yours just as well :P

Sir Leon [Soup Ream] November 15 2006 10:36 PM EST

The story is lacking a Sir Leon.

The Death Company [...] November 16 2006 12:38 AM EST

erm maybe in the wrong section of the forum

first bit was slightly lacking descriptive words to make it read/flow easier until the fighting started
the fighting flowed better maybe needs bits to get the feeling of movement (like, in a blur of movement his hand connected with the assisins stomach , he could have sworn he heard a small cracking sound when the thrid punch landed in the same spot as the first two. The air came rushing from the assinins lungs and out of his mouth. He would have been making a gasping sound trying to inhale the air he needed to help him recover from those hits but it was more a strange bubbling rasping noise, or it would have been if you could have heard it above the sound of feet moving all around them. A line of spreading blood was appearing across his stuble covered throat as just before he bent forward from the final blow cliff had slashed his neck with a movement so quick he would have struggled to notice had it not been him recieving it.
With his last look in this life he saw cliff taking a step back, away from him towards the cave entrance and the bright sunlight and in his hand was a katana with blood on it ... his blood.
rather than 'and punches the assassin in the stomach repetitively, then comes around with his hand, slitting the assassins throat'

that bit prob took me more than 5 mins to write lol but youve done the hard part /main bit and found what your trying to do now you just have to make it flow better (all i did was pad out a line) - ive prob gone way over the top (and i was very rubbish at english at school) with that bit above but for me that would work better ( i think it was sut that worte a pretty amazing short story last month .. maybe have a read of that)

Ive read alot worse on the net ... and im looking forward to chapter 2 even if you dont take any notice of the above so thanks for taking the time you did to write it

(and agrees i saw no sir leon in there either :( XD

The Death Company [...] November 16 2006 12:44 AM EST

lol knew i should have kept quite .. you carried on the next paragraph with the assinin still dying but hopefully you get what i was trying to say even though i picked the wrong line to add to lol

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] November 16 2006 6:54 AM EST

XD Wow, i' in a story! Thanks for putting me in there, made me chuckle :)

Now for some constructive criticism...or not, as I totally suck at writing stories in English XD

Only little thing though, maybe you should make it a bit clearer why they're gonna have to go protect link? Overall, a little bit more description about whats happening would not hurt.

But, you know, just do what you want with your story heh, I like it :)

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 16 2006 8:14 AM EST

thanks for the tips guys, it will help me a lot. I hope to start chapter 2 soon
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