The Fayt_Of_Hyrule (Chapter 2) (in General)


Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 16 2006 10:33 PM EST

The men woke up the next morning, anxious to continue. Having barely gotten a wink of sleep, Fayt prepared the men, and readied for the journey to Hyrule_Castle. They were ordered to go to the Castle by Link, who is in need of help. The enemy assassins, Pit_Spawns, some call them, were rapidly approaching in mass numbers. Fayt, being a friend of Link, is ready and willing to help save the king.

And so they begin their march, the cold sweat dripping of the tired mens' faces. All they could think about, was getting to the castle. Maybe even getting a nice, warm bed, and a home cooked meal. Prepared by the Kings finest chefs'.

But they knew that that day would not happen. For the Pit_Spawns were getting closer each passing moment.

"Pack up boys," Stammered Fayt "We must get a move on to get to Hyrule_Castle, to defeat the Pit_Spawns."

"Awwww, do we have to" Cliff detested. "Its such a long trip, and we are all so tired."

"Yes, Cliff... We have to" sighed Fayt, "If we don't help to save the king, the Pit_Spawns will kill us all."

"Yea, but what about "jeronus"" Nel stated, "One of the assassins muttered that name before he died."

"I have heard that name before, but from where... I can not recal" Fayt said, "Maybe the king, Link, will know who he is. Now move on out men!"

And so they departed. Heading further north through the Lost Soul Woods.
They walked for a good 2 hours or so of silence. All that could be heard were the sticks snapping beneath the weight of the men.

Occasionally Ashlizilators' mace would swing into a tree. Or Leodagraunces' Fauchard would snap an overhanging branch. This only made things worse for Sir_Leon. As he was one of the Sarmation Knights that was following Leo. Whenever Leo's Fauchard would snap a branch, it would fall on top of Sir_Leon. If not for Sir_Leon's excellent blocking skills with his shield, and handy swordsmanship. Those branches could have inflicted some pain.

It was at that moment that the heard something unusual to the normalities of the twigs snapping. They heard the distinct strain on a bow as if the string was being pulled back with an exuberant amount of force. The men all stopped dead in their tracks. It remained silent, until they heard the knocking of an arrow. It was then silent again. A few moments later, the men could hear the pulling back of the string of a bow again. Then an arrow was shot at Sir_Leon. Effortlessly Sir_Leon held up his shield and blocked the arrow.

"Who goes there" yelled Fayt, "Show yourself"

Another arrow comes out from the woods, striking deep into the arm of one of the Knights. The knight screams, and snaps off the arrow, puling it out of his arm. He is bleeding bad.

"We will defeat you!" Fayt screamed, "No Pit_Spawn will get in the way of our saving of the King Link"

"Link? Did you say King Link of Hyrule_Castle?" A mans voice stated.

"Aye, the very same." Fayt Stated.

"Then i come in peace. I am no Pit_Spawn, I am an elf of the knotak Woods. The name's Legolas. I have been hunting Evangelions, when I saw a few Pit_Spawns running across the woods. So I began to follow. I killed 2 of them, but the other one got away. He was headed northeast, towards you guys. Have you seen him pass by?"

"No, we have seen nothing for the past 2 hours. Except for you" Nel cried. "You shot and killed on of our men"

"I am sorry, I will do my best to assist you, and make up for the live I have taken. Please allow me to help." Legolas proclaimed.

"You are welcome to help us. We will need all the help we can get." Fayt Said.

"Well in that case, may my friend come with?" Legolas asked. "His name is Ranger. He is an excellent shot with a bow, and his skills with his elvish longswords are unparalleled."

"I doubt his swordsmanship is as good as mine is." Sir_Leon stated "And you owe me a new shield good sir... there seems to be an arrow in this one"

Legolas looks at the arrow struck deep within Sir_Leon's shield. He then pulls out the arrow, and places it in his Quiver.

"Ranger!!" Legolas yells. "Bring one of our Shields when you come."

A few moments later a grizzly man appears. He is carrying a bow around his body. 2 Elvish swords stocked in their sheaths placed along his hips. And an elvish shield. He then hands the Shield to Legolas.

Legolas handing the Shield to Sir_Leon says "There you go buddy. Sorry about that"

Sir_Leon picks up the shield and examining it, finds it a lot lighter, and easier to manage than the previous shield that he had.

"This will come in handy, Thanks" Leon stated.

"We must press on guys, these woods are easy to get lost in. It could take days to get out" Fayt said.

"No, we can get out of here in a few hours. I know a shortcut" Ranger said. "Follow me."

The men all headed North to get out of the woods. All that stood in their way now to Hyrule_Castle was the Plains of Dispair. Newly accompanied by Legolas and Ranger. They feel a surge of hope for the group. As they could very well be the turning point in the battle at Hyrule_Castle.

But they must Hurry, for Jeronus had a plan up his sleeve.

What will happen next? Stay tuned for Chapter 3 of The_Fayt_Of_Hyrule.

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 16 2006 10:41 PM EST

Yet again, feel free to comment me on this. I could use the tips. I may wanna make this into a more formal book later. Though this is a great way to replenish BA ... i got 107 during the writing of this chapter.

The Death Company [...] November 17 2006 12:54 AM EST

woot even got two laughs out of me!

(read alot better to :) )

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 17 2006 8:16 AM EST

yay, well at least i got 1 reader :P

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] November 17 2006 8:52 AM EST

Frankly, I liked this one better than the first(even though I get less lines XD).

One tiny bit of criticism : Of course I am not an expert of the English language yet, but, I am pretty sure changing verb tenses in the middle of the story is an error. What I mean is sometimes you tell the story as if it was hapenning, and sometimes you talk of it like it was in the past. I know I make that mistake alot in French myself, so I thought I'd point it out.

The good points : I can see your story hapenning in my head as I read it, that proves you succeed at explaining what's going on, you know?

''All that stood in their way now to Hyrule_Castle was the Plains of Despair.'' XD, very joyful in perspective.

I liked how you introduced Sir_Leon's char, being almost beaten up by branches.

Also, now I know why they're gonna go help Link, which helps follow the story.

Conclusion: I am a poor story critic, but am really trying to help. I write too, and appreciate constructive criticism alot so I do my best. Go on with that, I'd like to read the rest of it :) Practice can't make you write any worse anyway, can it?

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 17 2006 3:23 PM EST

the reason i did that is to make things have a little more variation. Also sometimes i think it makes you seem like your there.

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] November 17 2006 3:46 PM EST

Of course I understand why you did it, the present tense indeed makes you feel in the story, no doubt. I just ain't sure it's correct in the gramatical sense, to switch to it in the middle of it. Maybe all the story could be written in the present tense? Just a suggestion, i'm no English teacher anyway :)

Hyrule Castle [Defy] November 18 2006 11:29 PM EST

lol good point. I will try to work on that, though sometimes i am not awar that i am doing that.

also i ain't a english teacher but ain't, ain't a word... :D
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