I'm off visiting family over the next week so I'll probably not be able to get on much so I'll wish everyone on CB a Merry Christmas. Hope you all get what you want and have a great time.
In the meantime here's some passages from the Bible in Cockney. GL will be able to translate if you don't understand a word of it!
Jesus feeds five thousand geezers
(Matthew 14; 13 - 21, Luke 9; 10 - 17, John 6; 1 - 14)
JESUS' chinas met up with 'im. Jesus and his little group of apostles didn't even have time for a bite to eat. So 'e said to 'em, "Oi, fellas, let's pop off on our Jack for a while and have a little rest and a feather."
So they got into a nanny and headed off to a quiet place.
Loads of people saw them leaving, so people from all over different towns ran like the clappers by land and arrived at the same place Jesus was headed for.
When Jesus got out of the old nanny, 'e saw this bloomin' huge crowd.
Now time was getting on and a little alligator, his disciples came up to him and said, "It's getting a little late, boss, and this is a really lonely place.
"I think we should send all these Hank Marvin people to some of the farms and villages dahn the old frog so that they can buy some nosh to eat."
"Why don't you give 'em something to eat?" Jesus asked. "Now 'ang on, boss," they said. "Are we gonna have to spend two hundred silver coins on Uncle Fred in order to feed this lot?"
Jesus asked, "How much grub have you got? Go an' 'ave a butcher's." They told 'im, "We've got five loaves of Uncle Fred and two Lillian Gish."
Jesus then told his disciples to ask all the people to get into groups and sit dahn on the grass.
Jesus then took the Uncle Fred and the Lillian Gish. He broke the Uncle Fred into bits, gave it all to his disciples and told them to give some food to everyone. He also broke the Lillian Gish into bits and told his chinas to pass it on.
Now, would you Adam and Eve it, everyone 'ad enough to eat!
The Lord's Prayer
(Luke 11; 2 - 4)
HELLO, Dad, up there in good ol' Heaven,
Your name is well great and holy, and we respect you, Guv.
We hope we can all 'ave a butcher's at Heaven and be there as soon as possible: and we want to make you happy, Guv, and do what you want 'ere on earth, just like what you do in Heaven.
Guv, please give us some Uncle Fred, and enough grub and stuff to keep us going today, and we hope you'll forgive us when we cock things up, just like we're supposed to forgive them who annoy us and do dodgy stuff to us.
There's a lot of dodgy people around, Guv; please don't let us get tempted to do bad things. Help keep us away from all the nasty, evil stuff, and keep that dodgy Satan away from us, 'cos you're much stronger than 'im.
Your the Boss, God, and will be for ever, innit? Cheers, Amen.
I'm off now for a right proper knees up!
Love ya all!! ;)