Bored Again! (in Contests)

Yup, again. And if you have a problem with me being bored, swallow a razor blade. That would be entertaining =D =D

/me goes to find his blade thingies out of the toolshed

Uhhh... I sent 50k to Zach for the last contest. That answering machine was hilarious.

No idea what the prize will be this time. Entertain me CB!!!!

here we go again...

/me throws a rather large snail at Sundari

Have some optimism!

By the way, I'm sending 10k to the guy with the owl with the teeth and the O RRY thing... freaking... hilarious...

Contest still on though. Just thought I'd mention.

These I found very funny, so I kept them around for this kind of occasion :D

~!~!~!Joke #1:!~!~!~

The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office asked
whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious
problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

~!~!~!Joke #2:!~!~!~

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was
stretched out to Air Canada's designated VIP aircraft and the Canadian Prime Minister strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent
white horses.As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to
their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well.This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence and the coach filled with noxious fumes. Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two
dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen
decided that was a poor manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Harper and explained, "Mr. Prime Minister,
please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

Stephen Harper, the ever Canadian gentleman , replied, "Your
Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

~!~!~!Joke #3:!~!~!~

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first
place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers!
What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman
in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants woul dn't need a
salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked
women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

~!~!~!Joke #4:!~!~!~

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Areyou sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those
dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I
don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him
pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car"


Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted .

"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

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Alright I'm done.. If non of these satisfied you, Let me know.. I have plenty more :D

I got the owl pic too, As talked about in chat

Joke:

Two drunks went into a bar and had a few beers. one got up and went to the restroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender. all of a sudden there were loud screams coming from the men's restroom. the drunk at the bar realized his friend was in there and went to investigate. inside the restroom he asked his friend what the problem was. his friend said that every time he flushed the toilet something reached up and squeezed his balls. the other friend then shook his head in disappointment and said, "you idiot, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Mop bucket lol one I haven't heard !

The fairies and one of their houses will feed my family for a week !

O rry?



But thanks heheheh :D