The emptyness i feel (in Off-topic)
October 6 2007 4:11 PM EDT
Today i found out my parents are getting a divorce and i have to make a spilt decision between my mother and my father since im only 17 my dad is a drunk idiot and my mom is a chain smoker that burns up cash like its nothing would anyone care to give me some tips on how to deal with my issue please
October 6 2007 4:24 PM EDT
move in with a friend or another relative that is going to offer you a better situation that either of your parents?
October 6 2007 4:30 PM EDT
I think that given the little information we have about your situation, it's really hard for us to help or come to any conclusions. So unless you provide us with more information (and I don't know if you want to, seems like a personal issue here), I would advise you to take what anyone says here with a grain of salt, including my words.
Since your parents are throwing out their marriage, I think you need to stay with what you think will make the best pair: You and your mother, or you and your father. Given that I only know one is a "drunk idiot" and one is a "chain smoker that burns up cash," I'd probably chose drunk idiot, because it seems that you'd at least have enough money to support yourself and your father. With your mom, if all the cash goes down the drain, you're left out in the streets.
Another alternative may be to stay with one of your best friends, if you have some who are willing to take you in. I have a buddy whose family took in his friend to live with them, and it's worked out pretty well so far. But since I don't know you at all, I'm not sure whether that'd work out or not.
My parents have gone close to divorce once or twice, but have stayed together. I'd have to say at this point that if they got a divorce, I wouldn't stay with either of them. I think that if they can't love each other unconditionally, then they wouldn't deserve me. Of course, I'm 19 and already have job offers, so my situation is different.
Lastly, I hope that whatever happens turns out in the best way possible. It probably feels like crap right now, and I know that, so I hope and pray that the situation will work out for you. If you ever want to talk or vent privately, go ahead and shoot me an email at email@example.com .
You will find that your parents may change there stripes due to an upcoming custody battle, whether legal or personal ( by your desicion ). The chance of losing you should bring out the best in them, and hopefully one of them will show that there increased attention will last past the current predicament. Also don't forget you are off to uni in 1 year,(if thats the route yr taking) so you may not have to cope directly for that long.
October 7 2007 12:40 AM EDT
Thanks for the wonderful responses ill see what i can pull from this and pixelsage ill give you the DL on my situation seems like you can really help me out :)
I had a close friend in a similar situation so I know how how stupid these things can get but I'm here to listen as well and it'll get better. Good Luck :)
October 7 2007 2:43 PM EDT
yea i hope so lol
October 7 2007 3:08 PM EDT
I don't know you, or your folks. But there is always the chance that your dad drinks and your mom chain smokes because they're together and don't want to be.
Believe me on this but being with somebody you don't want to be with, who doesn't make you happy anymore, especially when there are commitments, responsibilities and things that join you beyond your feelings can make you very very unhappy. I know when I'm not happy I tend to chain-smoke, and drink looks very attractive.
(and BTW my folks split up when I was small; it wasn't good but I'm here alive and well and decent to a point a lot of years later)
Whatever your decision try not to feel like they're doing this to you, you just happen to be in the middle of it. And, difficult probably at this point but, try to look on the bright side; life might actually get better for all of you after this. It happens....
Parents are big children that have taken up responsibility. If your parents do not have support from friends or family then they find other outlets to dull their minds and relieve the stress they feel in their lives. They are old and are set in their ways. They are coping the best way they know how. Marriage requires work to keep it alive otherwise it dies.
Since both parents cannot support each other they find support in the things that give them pleasure or relief. Maybe it is best that they separate and find other people that will love and support them rather then stay their entire lives in an endless binge drinking and smoking day after day, killing their liver and lungs and ultimately themselves.
If they want to stay together they have to FIGHT for the marriage instead of letting it die. If your parents are unhappy together it is only logical that they separate and start a new life and a new character. Maybe they can be happy then? If they want to stay together then it is suggested they go to marriage counselling. Like the TV programs "Dr. Phil McGraw" or "Dr. Keith Ablow" who give counselling advice on TV to couples on the edge of break up. He ultimately tells them to go for marriage counselling to see if the marriage is salvageable or it would be best if both separate as they can start new and hopefully productive lives apart.
If your character isn't working for you change it around, try new ideas, see what works and what doesn't. Find a mentor to be your role model since you cannot follow the ways of your father follow someone successful. Learn or die. You are the one that is going to carry on your family name. Hopefully you will be the one to make future generations proud. For this you need support from people and friends. You need to grow up in a safe environment which will stimulate you to be a better person.
Whether your parents stay together or not is out of your hands. You're going to make new friends who will support you and they will be your new family. You will find a mate and you will have your loving kittens. You can be the light to your children that your parents were not to you. Its time to start a new life. A life apart from your parents. At university people CHANGE. You will turn out differently from how you are now. Bonds form and usually people find their mate there. Your environment will change and you will change. Live will be better. Your parents have to find their own happiness in this life and you have to find yours. Peace out. Word.
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