50 things that make you go hmmmmm and more (in Off-topic)

1. if a store is open 24/7 why are their locks on the doors
2. why is it that dogs stick their heads out windows but hate when you blow in their face
3.why are they called APART-ments when they are stuck together????
4. Why is an autograph called an autograph when it isn't a graph on automobiles?
5.If Ms. Cleo can predict your future why does she ask you for your name?
6.is their any lacktose and tolerent people in Wisconsin
7.can you teach a new dog old tricks
8.and if you can then why cant you teach a old dog new tricks???
9.Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
10.Why, when we send something by ship its called cargo and if we send something by car its called a shipment?
11.If you get olive oil by squeezing olives, how do we get baby oil?
12.Why do you have to have a drivers licence to buy alcohol if you can't drink and drive?
13.b4 they invented drawing boards where did they go bak to?
14. If u can't drink drive, y do u need a driver's license to buy liquor, y do bars have parkin lots?
15.why is it that a doctors work is called a practice?
16. Y is it that when u r drivin and lookin for an address, u turn down the volume?
17.If a cow sneezed would milk come out of his nose
18.what hair color do they put on bald mens drivers lisences
19.IF THE BLACK BOX SURVIVES A pLANE CRASH WHY ISNT THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF THE STUFF
20.WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM
21.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
22.Why do they call it ﾓWho Wants To Be A Millionaireﾔ when they know the answer is going to be everyone?
23.How many people do you need to consider it a mass suicide/murder?
24.Could a tanning bed kill a vampire? If not would they get a tan?
25.How long is it until your relationship is considered a long-term relationship?
26.If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldnﾒt you be able to go anywhere you want?
27.If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
28.If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
29.Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?
30.stop looking its not in there
31.Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals?
32.Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
33.Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
34.Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
35.If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
36.If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
37.If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
38.Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
39.Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
40.Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
41.Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
42.Is sign language the same in languages other than English?
43.Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?
44.Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
45.If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
46.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
47.Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident?
48.Can you cry under water?
49.364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged Why is that ?
50.why is it that someone says head up when they mean for you to duck?
TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS




Question 1:


If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?







Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.






Question 2:




It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.






Candidate A -




Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.


He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.






Candidate B -




He was kicked ou t of office twice, sleeps until




noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.




Candidate C -




He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.







Which of these candidates would be your Choice?




Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.










----------------------------------------------












Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.


Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.


Candidate C: is Adolph Hitler.




And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question: If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.




Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.




Never be afraid to try something new.




Remember:




Amateurs built the Ark




Professionals built the Titanic






and in case you never saw this one.. ....


Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:


29 have been accused of spousal abuse


7 have been arrested for fraud


19 have been accused of writing bad checks


117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses


3 have done time for assault


71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit


14 have been arrested on drug-related charges


8 have been arrested for shoplifting


21 are currently defendants in lawsuits


84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year



Can you guess which organization this is?



Give up yet?


It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line

thanks for the laugh

dang. how the heck did you think of all that?? :) and yea, thanks for the laughS. 8)

He didn't think of it.

42: No.

I got it in an e-mail

Funny. I picked "no abortion" (since, hey, so many problems, what's one extra cripple if there's a chance the 8th kid will be marginally ok), and I picked "B" since that one looked as the lesser of three evils (I mean come on, a vegetarian war hero, there's got to be something messed up about him).
About the "Congress" part... well, politicians. Need I say more ? I suppose not.

1. They may be closed on Holidays.

rofl @ 30.

29: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gullible

42. My girlfriend is going to school for sign language interpreter, and she studies American Sign Language, so i would only assume this is false. Or maybe i didn't understand the statement?

Glory wins!

I really liked this, thanks.

You forgot one thing on candidate C, he was a speed addict.
Speed the drugs I mean.

1. if a store is open 24/7 why are their locks on the doors - small got there before me :)
2. why is it that dogs stick their heads out windows but hate when you blow in their face - becasue they want the choice
3.why are they called APART-ments when they are stuck together???? - they are not stuck together
4. Why is an autograph called an autograph when it isn't a graph on automobiles? - the clue is the root 'auto' - nothing to do with cars
5.If Ms. Cleo can predict your future why does she ask you for your name? - the future has othing to do with your name
6.is their any lacktose and tolerent people in Wisconsin - Bast - help on this one please :)
7.can you teach a new dog old tricks - yes
8.and if you can then why cant you teach a old dog new tricks??? - becasue of their age they find it more difficult to learn - not impossible though
9.Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? - thats the way of life
10.Why, when we send something by ship its called cargo and if we send something by car its called a shipment? - dont know really
11.If you get olive oil by squeezing olives, how do we get baby oil? - its a manufactured product - I dont have any left so I cant tell you the contents (boy that was a good weekend)
12.Why do you have to have a drivers licence to buy alcohol if you can't drink and drive? - well it depends on the country and age - I can buy alcohol without a driving licence and I can also have a pint or so and drive.
13.b4 they invented drawing boards where did they go bak to? - the phrase was coined after drawing boards were invented - before that they had other phrases like 'wipe the slate clean' etc
14. If u can't drink drive, y do u need a driver's license to buy liquor, y do bars have parkin lots? - see earlier
15.why is it that a doctors work is called a practice? - not sure about this one but I think its the place of work
16. Y is it that when u r drivin and lookin for an address, u turn down the volume? I do this - weird isnt it - something to do with concentration.
17.If a cow sneezed would milk come out of his nose - this would only be possible if the internals of the cow were hosed.
18.what hair color do they put on bald mens drivers lisences - its a picture in the UK
19.IF THE BLACK BOX SURVIVES A pLANE CRASH WHY ISNT THE WHOLE PLANE MADE OF THE STUFF - it probably wouldnt be able to fly
20.WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM - so you know when it best to eat it by
21.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? - for similar reasons that cats dont - and nor do fish
22.Why do they call it ﾓWho Wants To Be A Millionaireﾔ when they know the answer is going to be everyone? - its named after the song
23.How many people do you need to consider it a mass suicide/murder? I would think 4 or 5 unless it was a very poor RC church turnout
24.Could a tanning bed kill a vampire? If not would they get a tan? - it could if it dropped on him
25.How long is it until your relationship is considered a long-term relationship? - in my case 2 months
26.If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldnﾒt you be able to go anywhere you want? - they would move you to a house
27.If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable? because they are too cold
28.If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? that could happen if the exorcist had only temporarily exorcised the spirit
29.Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary? it is - I looked
30.stop looking its not in there - it is
31.Why are public toilet seats never complete ovals? for men standing up
32.Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on? - its turned on and going off - especially if its made out of sour cream
33.Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? - its the colour of 3-hydroxy, 4-methoxy, benzaldehyde (or something like that )
34.Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? - because of the design
35.If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? - nope - earthquakes
36.If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man? - yup
37.If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops? - to bring them in at the waist so they look neater
38.Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them? - in the ark - there were trees in there that they could nest in
39.Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters? - its the term 'short' its really the 'familiar' version
40.Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps? - what like Liverpool and Arsenal ?
41.Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? - sma ereason as you buy a 'round of drinks
42.Is sign language the same in languages other than English? - already answered
43.Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one? - not if you are diabetic
44.Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? - because of the stupid designers
45.If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? - that phrase means something totally different in Britain
46.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? - think the answer is in the dictionary
47.Just what was the "Baby On Board" sign for? Did it help us decide which car not to hit in case of an accident? - it was originally meant to signify that your baby had a back broblem and was lying on a plank of wood
48.Can you cry under water? - yes but only if you are upset about something
49.364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged Why is that ? - because all the weirdos stay in that day
50.why is it that someone says head up when they mean for you to duck? do they - dont know this one

"Candidate C -

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife."

*and never cheated on his wife*
Except, you know.... with his niece. Or doesn't she count because she's family?

4. yeah per freed, "auto" is the greek word root for "self". AUTOMOBILE means self-moving. it's the other way round.
19. no company can pay the price for all that hard metal, and that plane will be to heavy to fly.
27. it's actually 98.2 Fahrenheit, and if you took off all your clothes, at 98 degrees you would be comfortable.
46. your own choice (or the media's).

Q1: Beethoven eventually went deaf as well lol.

Just the ones that can be explained off; thanks for the laugh.

I thought he was born deaf?

Beethoven's hearing gradually deteriorated beginning in his twenties, yet he continued to compose masterpieces, and to conduct and perform, even after he was completely deaf.

--wiki

He couldn't have started composing without hearing existing compositions first... or that'd be one helluva impressionist.

6.is their any lacktose and tolerent people in Wisconsin


lactose intolerant?


btw, Freed, you rock :)

36.If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

-- In what country?

50. Because "heads-up" means, "Be aware there is danger." Sometimes seeing the danger and accounting for it with intelligence and proper use of sensory input is a far better means of dealing with something incoming than just ducking and covering. Example: If a spear is coming at me, and I just cover, I might still get impaled. But if I look at the spear and consciously dodge it, I am safe. Same with a baseball... Would you rather duck and get a huge welt on the back of your head, or simply watch for the ball and catch/dodge it?

Beethoven did suffer from a hearing ailment that made him deaf. Ludwig Van Beethoven will forever be a baller for life.

"this would only be possible if the internals of the cow were hosed."

ROFL

20.WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM

You go eat 5 year old sour cream.