Puns galore!! (in Off-topic)

Greyfeld June 29 2008 12:48 AM EDT

My mom sent me this email, so I just thought I'd share. Enjoy!! :P


For all you former teachers and/or lovers of the English Language...

It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development.

Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.'
The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the offic e and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,
'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt, who named him Ahmal. The other was takin in by a family in Spain; they named him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so.... thereby
proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Get ready...)) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Greyfeld June 29 2008 12:49 AM EDT

lol sorry for the broken lines, i didn't think to edit it before pasting >.<

Vaynard [Fees Dirt Cheap] June 29 2008 4:01 AM EDT

Heh I like those.

SimplyNic June 29 2008 4:12 AM EDT

xD Rofl good stuff dude. I liked the Gandhi one the most

QBOddBird June 29 2008 4:18 AM EDT

Omg, I am so up for an international pun contest

Lemme know when the next one is

Wizard'sFirstRule June 29 2008 6:06 AM EDT

most of them got a laugh out of me, but using names is so low.

BooDiggens June 29 2008 7:05 AM EDT

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in celophane. The doc takes one look at him and says "I can completely see you're nuts"

Flamey June 29 2008 9:16 AM EDT

hahah nice nice

Mirick July 2 2008 9:31 AM EDT

A: What is the difference between a crow and a raven?
Q: It is a matter of a pinion.
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