relationships: the how to (in Off-topic)

Unappreciated Misnomer October 25 2008 10:08 AM EDT

To keep your woman on her toes ... try these : -

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognise the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewellery is for pussies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words "[Admin Edit: 25k fine] you" and grab the other girl's [Admin Edit: 50k fine]. Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

9. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

10. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold! Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

11. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

12. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?

13. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

14. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

15. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll go crazy.

16. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

17. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

18. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).

19. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

20. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

22. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the bin open and have the present visibly sticking out.

24. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, then don't call.

hehe ^^

PearsonTritonRaveshaw October 25 2008 10:29 AM EDT

lmbo! Priceless.

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 [SHIELD] October 25 2008 10:34 AM EDT

Please look over things you copy and paste for non-PG content.

BeAsT-MoDe October 25 2008 10:44 AM EDT

lol this is awesome i might try some of this

IndependenZ October 25 2008 12:21 PM EDT

Gotta love number 20 :)

AdminTal Destra [C and S Forgery Lmtd.] October 25 2008 12:29 PM EDT

i would not try these on my wife if my life depended it
this thread needs to be renamed womanizing 101

Kefeck [Demonic Serenity] October 26 2008 3:14 PM EDT

This kind of goes along with it:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Josh [Cult of the Valaraukar] October 26 2008 3:14 PM EDT

Britney Spears would not approve of this post.

Wizard'sFirstRule October 27 2008 9:08 PM EDT

can admin check item 20 on the list for un-PG content?
Even the 40 year old virgin would know this isn't his solution. (hint: I am not 40 yet).

Unappreciated Misnomer October 27 2008 9:15 PM EDT

that is a good one Plagues!

Lord Bob October 27 2008 9:36 PM EDT

Stupid PG rule...
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