Trying to wash my minions (in Off-topic)

Brakke Bres [Ow man] April 1 2009 4:13 AM EDT

At first the minions were all clean and smelled nice. But after a
while they started to smell really bad after all the blood and gore.
from my opponents sprayed all of them.
Especially the burned minion smell after my RoBF had its way with them is just horrible.

I tried many methods to wash my minions:
I tried throwing them in the wash machine.
I tried to hand wash them with 50% water and 50% acid, that didn't work that well.
I tried to wash them with alcohol, but they started to drink it.
I tried putting the hose on them, they turned on me when I did that!
I tried stacking them in the sauna, it got too hot because of the RoBF, and my minion toucher couldn't keep his hands of others.
I tried the shower, but that wasn't effective enough.
I've tried bathing them.

I wonder what is your best way to wash your minions?

Sickone April 1 2009 4:16 AM EDT

First, you cast Cone of Cold on a volcanic lake.
Then, you use Shocking Grasp to awake the dormant volcano below, throwing the frozen water in the air.
After that, you splash a huge Fireball at it.

And that's how you shower your minions.

IndependenZ April 1 2009 5:32 AM EDT

Working at the car wash, yeaahahaha :P

Brakke Bres [Ow man] April 1 2009 7:07 AM EDT

My minions don't have a car indep!

Admiralkiller [Cult of the Valaraukar] April 1 2009 10:39 AM EDT

Go soak in some Tomatoes juice the some milk then a day long soak in the hot springs

j'bob April 1 2009 10:42 AM EDT

I just put GW in one of those shark-cages and plop him in a swimming pool with EXTRA chlorine. Then I tell my minions he took their CAKE.
Buy the time they figure out there's no cake in the pool... from all that thrashing about trying to get into the cage...BAM clean minions...

course, sometimes they do get thru the cage.

QBsutekh137 April 1 2009 10:50 AM EDT

1. Apply large dollops of Dispel Magic (of course!). You need to be sure there is nothing supernatural on or around your minions before proceeding with conventional cleaning methods.
2. Apply a first coat of cleanser, depending on minion type. For example, a heavy wall might need a good sand-blasting, while a delicate AMF enchanter will probably only need to be told he/she shall go to bed without supper.
3. Detailing. After all magic is dispelled and you have done initial cleaning/triage. Spend time on each minion getting into the grottier bits and making them shine. Use a toothbrush, toothpick, floss, Dremel -- anything you have to really spiff things up.
4. Don't forget the psyche. Your minions will need their heads "cleaned" as well. Hire a professional and let the minions get any problems or concerns out in the open. The death. The decay (literally, if the minion is a poor Decay mage). The stench. Role-playing is very powerful here. Let a tank throw a few fireballs, and force mages to shoot some arrows. Familiars need to wait outside. Familiarity breeds contempt, after all.
5. Group bath, steam, and hug. Make sure everyone puts pants back on before the hug. The familiar can join in, now, since he is used to being closely hugged against at least one of the minions, anyway.
6. Power wash the familiar, re-apply to suitable minion.
7. Fight!

This simple, seven-step process will make your minions gleam and your team shine! Apply as needed!

j'bob April 1 2009 10:59 AM EDT

sut... I hate bringing this up yet again... but there is one very small problem with your process...


Well, Buddy Lee does, go ahead and try and tell him he doesn't!


AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] April 1 2009 11:06 AM EDT

With Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap, just like everything else I own

chaosal April 1 2009 11:08 AM EDT

clean them with the RoBF. similar to superman flying near the sun :)

may have some unintended side effects...

Brakke Bres [Ow man] April 1 2009 2:44 PM EDT

unindented side effects?

MissingNo April 1 2009 2:53 PM EDT

When Superman flies near the sun he becomes even more overpowered...

And just use OxyClean and BAM! The stain is gone.

chaosal April 1 2009 4:07 PM EDT

unintended side effects such as, if your minions are not sufficiently fire-resistant, melting.

kevlar April 1 2009 4:58 PM EDT

got a pool?

Wizard'sFirstRule April 1 2009 10:01 PM EDT

Step 1: Borrow 80m from lostling (yes, 80m, you need every penny to clean a good minion)
Step 2: Apply a good generous coating of magic shield balm, the one with Argonic Meso Floride (AMF), not Di-Metal(DM). That would set you back about 12m, with 68m left.
Step 3: Buy a nice Emperor's Amulet (worn by the emperor in the bedtime story Emperor's New Clothes or something, which along with all of his clothing, are invisible), you should have about 48m left.
Step 4: Ink a Roman Bar Flare pattern on his forearm, it is a little known fact that roman uses it to repel dirt back around AD 100. That should cost 15m, but a good one would be closer to 30m. 18m left.
Step 5: Buy him something to read that would cleanse his mind. May I suggest FORS? (Just not AGAINSTS), with another 3m down and 15m, buy him some nice equipment to get back into the fight.
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