Looking to start a cult... (in Off-topic)

Lochnivar August 13 2009 12:28 PM EDT

That's right, I want to be a cult leader.

Now, as I see it, cults often fail due to poor responsiveness to member issues. To hopefully avoid this pitfall I am opening up some pre-consultation consultation. (stay tuned for further details on the actual consultation)

So, what, in your mind, will I need for a successful cult?
Feel free to provide source material and examples.

Thank you and goodnight!

AdminTal Destra [C and S Forgery Lmtd.] August 13 2009 12:30 PM EDT

Cherry flavored Koolaid.

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] August 13 2009 12:34 PM EDT

Promise them eternity (and women) for the low, low price of $100. Per person.

Lochnivar August 13 2009 12:36 PM EDT

Great... first comment involves koolaid.... how clichéd

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] August 13 2009 12:38 PM EDT

Also, no cult can survive without the blessing and/or preaching of the Fonz.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 13 2009 12:52 PM EDT

Do you have any kind of fantastic dogma? I don't know about you, but the dogma is the thing for me. I enjoy taping my eyelids shut while someone drips maple syrup over my head on Sundays from 1pm to 2pm. It pleases the great and powerful Zeppelin in the sky.

Drama [Just for fun] August 13 2009 12:57 PM EDT

CB is a cult.
Jon is our god.
Nightstrike the son of god.
Wiki our bible.
Strategy our religion.
PG/non-PG and multi our commandments.
Admins our angels.
QBs our priests.

QBJohnnywas August 13 2009 12:58 PM EDT

The only sort of priest I am is a fallen one.

Drama [Just for fun] August 13 2009 12:59 PM EDT

What you really need is charisma, leadership and a thought people can thrust.

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] August 13 2009 2:14 PM EDT

You need a small city where you can keep your disciples (you should call those "brethren", by the way) away from anyone that could discredit your lies. The truth does not make a successful cult.

Revs August 13 2009 2:33 PM EDT

Just write a book, then tailor your "teachings" around the idea that everyone is an unrealized god, or that people can control their futures and "create" the world around them if they follow your principles. Worked for Scientology, so I can't imagine it would be that hard. Good money in starting cults too. But you'll have to give me a 7% (origination fee) cut on all the possessions and accounts turned over to you as cult leader. ;)

cube.the August 13 2009 2:43 PM EDT

I agree with Trip.

When looking for a cult to join, I generally am drawn to a speaker that can hold my imagination and attention for more than a week. The idea and location of a utopian paradise is also very attractive especially if it's somewhere the United States government can't access without screwing with another country's policies. This way we can't lose members to any FBI raids.

TheCakeIsTheTruth August 13 2009 3:20 PM EDT

Free booze?

A Lesser AR of 15 [Red Permanent Assurance] August 13 2009 9:38 PM EDT

Need what all religions, big or small, preach. Really awesome afterlife promises!

kevlar August 13 2009 9:39 PM EDT

do you have a white rabbit?
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