Another 20K contest: 5 continent jokes (in Contests)

Find me a joke (pertaining, making fun of, about or from) for each of the 5 continents: America (N or S), Europe, Africa, Asia and Australia (bonus if you also have Antarctica).

Rule: you must have all 5 jokes on your post. Multiple entries are allowed. No repeat or variation of jokes from other entries. And keep it PG.

This contest ends tomorrow afternoon (wed).

nice contest...kinda hard...

Not really hard like it seems. The jokes can make fun of "certain" people from "certain" country. You can google it like in 10 min and could win a cool 20K.

AFRICA

An Sudanese went down to South Africa to visit a buddy of his. They went driving down the highway in the South African's pick-up. Around a bend in the road they came across an Indian. The South African pulls out his gun and shoots the Zulu. The Sudanese says "Hey! What did you do that for!!??"
The South African says "It's legal to do that here!"

The Sudanese says "Okay. Seems pretty strange to me but if you say so."

They drive along a little more and come across another Zulu. The South African takes out his gun and shots him as well. The Sudanese says "Are you sure it's legal to do that here?".

The South African says "Sure ... we do it all the time."

So, they drive into this small town and stop at a liquor store. The Sudanese puts a case of beer in the back of the truck just as an Zulu is crossing the street towards him. He takes out the South African's gun and shoots the Zulu. The South African comes running over and says "Whoa ... what are you doing? You can't shoot him!!"

And the Sudanese says "But you said it was legal!"

And the South African says "It is but you can't use bait!"



EUROPE

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn as she opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"



AUSTRALIA

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have
wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his
herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at
least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of
kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any
grasshoppers in Texas?"



SOUTH AMERICA

A South African is enjoying a hearty breakfast -
coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam, etc. when
an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and
starts an unwanted conversation:
American: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In
the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we
collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into
croissants and sell them to South Africa."
American: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his
teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit
for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs
into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to
South Africa."
South African: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Of course we do."
South African: "And what do you do with the condoms?"
American: "Throw them away of course."
South African: "We don't. We put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing
gum and sell it to America."




Antarctica
Q: What do you call a spy named James who travels to Antarctica?
A: Polar Bond

I had the hardest time finding a 1/2 way decent Antarctica joke ... believe me I could have posted a real cheeeeeezy one ..

[Edited due to extreme profanity fined 50k --Shade]

why don't people follow rules?

?? I was trying to follow the rules .. that's why I edited it the way I did .. my apologies .. I was trying to make it PG.

Leaving aside the fact that most of those jokes were really biggoted, South Africa is not on two continents. (and if you can't figure out which continent it is on...)

For North America (which is not the same continent at South America, BTW):The story of how Canada got it's name

All the Canadians got together and decided that the fairest way to pick a name for their newly-created country would be to pull scrabble letters out of a bag. So the leader begins pulling letters out of the bag and announcing them to the crowd. "C, eh, N, eh, D, eh"....

In his defense mchaos the rules say N or S. Reading is Fundamental :)

I think the ASIA joke above is very un-PG imo.

I read the original post, I was just pointing out that it doesn't seem fair to lump North and South America together, since they span the globe almost from North to South pole. :)

removed the Asian joke also, no additional fine done.

Err, so jokes about sex are bad, but chappy021779's joke about Africa, that condones racial violence, is OK?

Look like Chappy is winning at the moment, with 1 man contestant. His Australia is FUNNY, btw. It's my first time to hear it. The Antarctica cracks me up as well.

NEW ASIA

man was walking down the street and noticed a sign reading "Hans Schmidt's Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an obviously Chinese man who introduced himself as Hans Schmidt.

"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.

The Chinese gentleman explained in very broken English that when he landed in America he was standing in the immigration line behind a German. When asked his name, the German replied, "Hans Schmidt."

When the immigration officer asked the Chinese man his name, he replied, "Sam Ting."

I hope this is less offensive ...I'm just trying to make people here laugh :)

Racial Violence Jokes are offensive as well Maelstrom, I only pointed out the ASIA Sex joke because it struck me as being quite crude. I didn't really read the AFRICA joke thoroughly either, had I, I would have asked to have it removed as non-PG as well and downright un-PC.

LOL @ Chappy. That Asian joke is FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

From what I have taken in,

Only contest involving smal blocks of wood with letters painted on the sides should be used.

You have some people who can't keep it PG,
You have others who claim something is not PG because it hurt their dog's feelings.

PG does NOT equal PC.

( I am not reflecting this to Glory, he was right, the sex joke was borderline, and funny too)

And ofcourse the winner is: chappy...

Congratulation. Some of your jokes are REALLY FUNNY... 8^)

Arorrr (Goldminer) 68.98.144.32 chappy021779 (Chappy) $20000 -- contest winner 10:23 PM EDT

Well at least the prize makes up for 2/5 of my fine lol :) thanks much