Now, some Romance (or Comedy?) - be Cyrano! (in Contests)

Poor Bast! Just as Christian was bedazzled by Roxane, so Bast is utterly smitten with G_Beee, to the point that she becomes completely tongue-tied when she tries to express her affections to him. Now you can come to her rescue! You can be her Cyrano de Bergerac!

1st prize will be 500k CB2 $ and an RoE (as well as Bast's eternal gratitude, and the envy of your peers!).
2nd prize will be 250k CB2 $ and a single item naming.

You are asked to write an "Ode to G_Beee" - a sonnet intended to win G-Beee's heart for Bast. However, you need to convince G_Beee that Bast wrote the poem to him, not you! You also need to impress Bast with your skills at the same time.
No, this is not one for the faint of heart!
The rules:
1. PG people!
2. Multiple entries are allowed
3. No less than 4 couplets, no more than 16 couplets (a couplet is a pair of rhyming lines. see Sefton's winning entry for an example of a sonnet)
4. Deadline for entries will be Saturday, March 4th at noon (server time)
5. This is meant to be fun, so entries judged to be insulting in a mean-spirited or malicious manner will be disqualified (and I will beg or even pay an admin to remove them)

For those not familiar with Cyrano de Bergerac, some references:

The MonkeyNotes from the original play
Roxanne (1987)

And before ya'll ask, yes, both Bast and G_Bee have sanctioned this endeavor! ;)

Have fun, 'cuz it's Game On!

Oh sweet honey Beee how my heart does hurt
Because I've never seen a man look so good in a skirt
All your tartan fineries they simply dazzle me
And I just can't wait until under your sporran I see

Oh sweet honey Beee you are so utterly divine
And I really love it when the morons you do fine
Look around you I'm the best example of my gender
And you're the heart throb of Carnage Blender

G Beee I love you x

With comma, period and apostrophe
Beee, I here profess my love for thee

My harsh enforcement of grammar's rule
Masks that love's made me a fool

With you my tongue is eternally tied
So behind pronunciation laws I hide

I practice the use of the semicolon
And hope that I would you just grow on

I'd often throw you a hidden compliment
In the hope that you and I would complement

While misspellings I will not tolerate
With you I'd share a kiss or thirty-eight

Once upon a time in the land of carnage blender there lived a young lady called Bast. She found herself drawn to the manly charms of Admin G Beee, a tall strong handsome prince from the lands north of the border. Oh, he was fine, eating oats and vodka for breakfast, chocolate and vodka for luncheon and candy and vodka for dinner.

But Bast found she could not speak when he was near. It was as if a spell had been cast. And all the things she wished to say to him would stick in her throat. Things went on this way for months and for Bast felt as though life was draining away. If only she could convince the bekilted prince that she was the love he needed.

One day she found herself in discussions with the wise BarzooMonkey.

'If you cannot say the things you feel to this man, then why not write them down? You can be eloquent and witty and charming on paper and yet not have to even stand near as he reads?'

'That is a fabulous idea Barzoo. But I'm afraid my skill with words escapes me even as I write. Perhaps you could help me?'

'Ah, the time for romance has passed for me but I will enlist some aid. I will find somebody to compose the most dazzling verse that is sure to win G Beee' heart. Leave it with me and all will be well!'


So Bast sat back as Barzoo organized a saviour, who would write the most beautiful love poem that would catch her heart's desire.

Unfortunately he found a player called DEaThDestRoYerofDeath, a 13 year old boy from a small mid western town. Who's idea of romance was a picture of Scarlett Johannsen on his bedroom ceiling.

And to make matters worse he sent the poem to G Beee without submitting it to Bast for her approval.

The following is the note that G Beee received:

"admin be i lov yu wil u b mi boyfrend it wood mak me verey hapy if me an yoo cood go owt i think yo are veri good lookign even tho u tawk funny oh plees say u will be myn ihvae wrot u a pome

the moon in joon lyes manely on the spoon
plees say yes verey very soon

Best x"

I know, that last entry was much longer than it should be. But the poem therein is within the prescribed size. And a contest as good as this one needs to be kept at the top! ;)

Ode to G Beee

Is it true love, or am I cursed.
I'm feeling all a quiver.
Sometimes I think my heart shall burst.
As well, my spleen and liver.

Your steely eyes, your stubbly cheek.
My God! You're such a stud.
I must confess, I'm feeling weak.
(I've just donated blood).

I've lost my concentration, Dear.
My grammar is a mess.
My spelling is so bad, I fear,
I've put one 's' in 'dres'.

You see, it's all because of you.
My brawny Scottish man.
Oh Beee, my love is surely true.
I'm your biggest fan.

And if, just once, you'll let me know,
You like these words I've said.
I'll meet you Sunday in Reno,
By Elvis to be wed.

OK, I decided to go a different way. I still think it is poetic, and it will not be my only entry, but I was trying to go at it like I think Bast would. You tell me if you could see Bast writing this to herself in a letter she wishes she could send to G_Bee....


The sun sets over a quiet lake as I stand here thinking of you.
I quiz myself often as to why you enter my thoughts.
I have asked myself this so many times, I know the answer by rote.
Your wit, it is the perfect balance of razor sharp and gentleness.
Your humor is easy to understand, yet complex in nature.
Your smile, well it fetches mine at but a glance.
Your intelligence, it is obvious yet not tossed around haughtily.
In essence your whole is the sum of all the things I seek in a man.
In essence, you are the sun I see setting, for I missed my chance once again,
To tell you, G_Bee, how much I really do love you.


Tell me Bast didn't write that one evening while looking out her window, all that is missing is that tear drop stain on the paper...........

Bumble _Bee, you are of my imagination
Because Bumble _Bee is an alliteration
When I see you, my heart goes "Holy Moly!"
Okay, only a slight hyperbole

No grammatical error shall end my quest
To be the one you choose, above the rest
You might find I like to dance
Yes, a form of assonance

I am ensnared by your beauty
And I was meant for thee
You are the yang to my yin
Together we both win

One body, one soul, one mind
With me you shall find
Closer than two people could every be
I love you, my dear G_Bee

Consider this a "love-bump" :)

For the love of ... Beee!, compose on! :)

A daily bump, because if her "obsession" isn't validated soon, Bast is bound to become distrait, and her behavior more and more tempestuous! ;)

And it is prepossessing to me that both prepossessing and distrait are flagged by the spellchecker! :P

Yes, we can't allow Bast to become onegry can we?

I've blown by distrait, and am now running up on distraught.

Everyone please stop obsessing over camping, USD, and Changemonth, and help a lady out! ;)

Do you know what BM, just get the lady to buy him a drink! That's sure to win his heart...;)

One last bump, less than 24 hours until entry deadline!

Is chivalry truly dead? Will no one else step up to the lady's aid?
If not for Bast, then do it for greed:

1st prize will be 500k CB2 $ and an RoE (as well as Bast's eternal gratitude, and the envy of your peers!).
2nd prize will be 250k CB2 $ and a single item naming.

;)

This gentle man, clad in a kilt,
With steaming haggis on his plate,
To him my secret shall be spilt.
'Tis Beee who must become my mate.

We'll track the multis to their lair.
We'll smack and crack them, make them wilt.
And I will wonder Is he bare?
Is the Beee bare beneath that kilt?

We'll toast the Scottish rugby team
With Irn Bru from a glass shared.
And then he'll let me peek and see
How Ferlinghetti's poem has fared.

I note the line in the original post that both Bast and her intended sanctioned this endeavor prior to the contest announcement. I also hope that the Mrs. considers this as just being in fun and is fully aware that her place will always be by the side of our favorite multi hunting admin (what, Bast starts writing these love poems to her intended carnage mate and the Mrs. suddenly turns up, and you think that is just a coincidence? Then you'll probably believe me when my brother, sister, dog, and cat start playing next week). :-)

There once was a chap from CB,
whose name by chance is G_Bee
I speak from within,
as I say with a grin,
I sure wish that G_Bee was with me.

I know a man of great thought,
Whose honor can't be bought,
But I think if I pass
as a wee scotish lass
A G_Bee I will have caught.

A secret admirer you have G_Bee
I bet you dont know that its me
But I say without doubt,
with my lips all a pout,
That tomorrow we will surely play kissy

I have a couple of gripes,
These things did not live up to their hype,
You see I confess
It's G_Bee I'm trying to impress
But you can't play "Love Me Tender" on the dern bagpipes

:)

I do love G_Bee I do I do
I love him myself so get away you

He's mine not yours, go play by yourself
I'll hold him and cuddle him and put on my shelf
I'll hug him and squeeze him give him all my love
I'll sing to him like he is my turtle dove

I do love G_Bee I do I do
I love him so much, I wish I was glue

Or maybe a lolly, or an ice cream sundae
Cause if I was sweet he surely would love me
I wish that he would take just one big bite
I know that my treats whet his appetite

I do love G_Bee I do I do
I love G_Bee yes ME not YOU!

my heart aches for him
fantasy of mind and soul
I orbit his warmth

my eyes see us now
my soul knows us eternal
my heart beats as his

I cry injustice
Fairness suspended in time
He is not with me

Venus I beseech
Grant your bounty on us now
his arms forever

5-7-5 Haiku :)

Of course what none of us have commented on is that actually if we are being Cyrano then we are in love with Beee ourselves, except we are too ugly to win Beee over.....

But that makes Bast beautiful but stupid......

Alternatively it makes us Steve Martin...

affable yet waggish, dichotomously defined
pulchritudinous in all your splendor refined
You causally enjoin my immenense desideration
for a mutually benefitial consociation

my jubilant but often perturbanal affectivity
profoundley effects my particular objectivity
adjuring your amaranthine and eloquent mien
my befuddled affections are often quite byzantine

The decisions are in, and we have winners!

G_Beee has fallen for for Bast as a result of Jayuu's efforts! Congratulations!

Bast showed favor to Thrak's entry, but in a surprise voting twist, it was also Mrs. Beee's favorite! Thrak is honored with second prize.

Finally, a special 3rd prize has been added and awarded to Sefton, as his final entry has won Bast's heart away from G_Beee!

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) 69.161.88.153 {cb1}jayuu (Crisis) $500000 -- Winner of GBeee's heart 4:05 PM EST

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) 69.161.88.153 thrakattack (Nonborn King)$250000 -- 2nd place! 4:07 PM EST

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) 69.161.88.153 Sefton (Sefton) $100000 -- 3rd & a real Cyrano 4:08 PM EST

Thanks to all who entered, and extra special thank yous to Bast, G Beee & Mrs. Beee for all of their help, and especially for being such good sports!!! :D

And thank you BM, your contests are great as always!

Thanks BM. This was definitely a fun contest. :)

Congratz Jay! It's the entry I would have picked too, but well done to everyone else!

Fantastic contest BM, a lot of fun! More like this one please! ;)

This was fun. Thank you. :-)