How I Learned To Laugh At The Carnage: The top 5. (in Contests)

AdminG Beee March 20 2006 6:40 PM EST

BarzooMonkey's joke contest is coming to an end. As mentioned (here) he has made a shortlist of his five preferred choices.

In no particular order, here's the "humour" from which you have to choose your favourite.
Remember to enter your winner on the poll in the news section of your sidebar. If you don't see the poll then click refresh on the sidebar to update.


Dustin Sculley for "FB Mage in a fridge"

One day Jon decided he was gonna change the admittance policy to
get it to the next realm. So he went to Ranger and told him "that in order
for someone to go to the next realm they have to die in a bad way, start at
12:00 tomorrow." Ranger is standing at the gate at noon the next day
when a tank walks up to him and says,
"Hey Ranger I want to go to the next realm."
"Ok no problem just tell me how you died."
"Yea well I came home from training early to find my Familiar at my house. I
thought she was helping someone else so I got mad and went searching for
the person. Well after searching for a minute I hear sounds coming from the
balcony and went to look. I saw the CoC Mage hanging by his finger tips so
I began stomping on them. Well he fell about 15 stories and landed in some
trees but was still alive(I think he was a CoC ToE mage but I'm not sure.)
Well when he didn't die I got mad and threw the first thing I could get my
hands on after him(I left my ELB at my training site.) the refrigerator. I 
pushed it to the balcony and tossed it over. But I was Killed by GA."
"Hmmm... Ok you can go that was kind of a bad way to die."
So after the tank walks into the next realm the next caudate walks up it 
as a CoC Mage.
"Hey Ranger can I go to the next realm."
"Ok but you have to tell me how you died."
"Well my mentor Shade was hounding me a lot through training so I went 
home early to my place on the 16th floor of Shire. Well I was out on the
balcony doing some yoga and I messed up and fell of the balcony. Luck for
me I grabbed he balcony ledge below mind. Just as I got a good grip though
this BL Tank came out and started shouting about his tattoo and started
stomping on my fingers. Well even though I have a ToE I could only take so
much so I let go. When I fell I hit some tree and didn't die but then I look up
at the Tank and he is throwing a refrigerator over the balcony but before it 
hit and killed me I got him with my GA."
"OH ok you can go in." As the mage walks through he starts laughing and
says wow I could get used to this. The next person to walk up is a FB mage.
"Hey can I get in now."
"No you first must tell me how your day went."
"Oh ok picture this I'm tattoo less hiding inside a refrigerator..."


JAFO for "A million Seabee ducks"

So.. Valiek was sitting in a bar and heard the most enchanting piano
playing he'd ever heard... When he looked over at the piano, he didn't see
anyone playing it. So he walked over to the piano and was astounded to
see a tiny foot-tall man sitting on the bench and playing his heart out. He
walked back over to the bartender and asked, "Where did you get that
amazing little man?"

The bartender sighed, nodded toward a wizened little man sitting at the end
of the bar, and replied "For twenty bucks, he'll grant any wish."

Valiek laughed off the response, obviously disbelieving such a far-fetched
tale. The bartender continued, "If you don't believe me, go ahead, try him.
But you have to speak up, he's a little hard of hearing."

So, Valiek walked over to the little man and spoke to him for a few minutes.
Twenty dollars changed hands and suddenly the bar was full of hundreds of
thousands of ducks, all of them wearing little Naval Construction Force

The ducks were flying around wildly... It was quite a job to shoo most of
them out of the bar, but finally most of them were outside and flying away.
Valiek sat back down at the bar, a little angry and frustrated.

"I thought you said he would grant my wish!" he complained to the
bartender. "I paid him twenty dollars and all I got was mallards!"

The bartender smirked and asked "Well ... what did you ask for?"

Valiek replied, "I asked for a million CB bucks."

The bartender laughed and offered Valiek a beer. "Well, he IS a little
deaf... what you got was a million Seabee ducks. You don't really think I
asked for a twelve inch pianist, do you?" 


Johnnywas for "Spit it out"

Carnage, where everyone knows your name....

GentlemanLoser, Johnnywas and G Beee walk into a bar and each orders a
pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a
fly in them.

GentlemanLoser just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

Johnnywaws picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and
proceeds to drink his beer.

G Beee picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drink saying,
"Come on you little git, spit it out!"


{OB}1-Kenobi for "L337 I5 OK"

[InebriatedArsonist] I H4V3 D3C1D3D 7H47 L33t I5 OK |3Y |\/|3!
[Bast] S4M3 H3R3!
[InebriatedArsonist] W00t!
[Bast] S4Y 1T 0U7 L0UD!!1!1!!one


{CB1}Redwolf for "Lipstick on the mirror"

Turnip, Glory, and Hakai frequently use the CBette's room to apply
make-up, because of course they all want to look stupendous for those
muscular tanks.

However, every time th00p, the janitor, comes to clean the place up, he
finds several lipstick marks all over the mirror. The first time he chuckles to
himself, and cleans them off.

The next day, they were there again. He cleans them off again. After a
week or so, th00p gets fed up with this and decides it has to stop.

He contacts Jon, and Jon asks the three girls to meet him in the restroom,
with th00p. Jon says, "Ladies, thats cute that you kiss yourselves in the
mirror, but it is simply too much work for th00p to clean them off every day.
Show them how much effort it takes, th00p."

So th00p nods, takes his mop, dips it in the toilet bowl, and wipes the mirror
with it.

Since then, there have been no lipstick marks on the mirror. 


Untouchable March 20 2006 7:29 PM EST


ScY March 20 2006 7:36 PM EST

vote for OB!!!!!!!!!!!

QBBarzooMonkey March 20 2006 9:18 PM EST

Thanks to everybody who entered, and thanks to everybody who participates in the voting!

If you haven't yet, go now! Go on, you know you wanna vote...


QBBarzooMonkey March 21 2006 10:59 AM EST

Okay, I'm told the poll will close very shortly after midnight on Thursday morning (server time), so I will make the official winners announcement when I first log in later on Thursday morning.

So far, it looks like the current 1st place holder is running away with it, but hey - a lot can change in a day and a half! And the race for 2nd place is neck-and neck, so everybody go vote! :)

QBBarzooMonkey March 22 2006 11:57 AM EST

Ooh! 2nd place is a 3-way neck-and-neck race right now - could be a photo-finish!!!

Just about 12 hours left to vote! If you haven't yet, go on - you know you wanna! :D

QBBarzooMonkey March 23 2006 8:20 AM EST

Anyone who caught the poll late last night saw it was quite a race for second prize! 3 contestants with 17.3 - 17.5 % of the vote all day long! But, in a last minute voting flurry, Dustin Sculley pulled out a decisive lead with 19.0 %, to take 2nd prize!

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) Dustin Sculley (Guardian2) A Jigorokano Familiar ($300740) -- 2nd prize jokester! 8:10 AM EST
BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) Dustin Sculley (Guardian2) $250000 -- 2nd prize jokester! 8:10 AM EST

And of course, {CB1}Redwolf ran away with victory, with 32.1% of the vote! G Beee will send you your 1st prize loot at his convenience ;)

Congratulations to you both, and big thanks to everyone who participated!

And really, really extra-big super thank yous to G Beee for all of his help!!!


QBJohnnywas March 23 2006 8:23 AM EST

Congratz to the winners, especially Dustin Sculley for that late victory in the race for second place!

So does this mean me and Oddbird are the joint third funniest people in Carnage? That's a scary thought!

Great contest BM!

AdminG Beee March 23 2006 8:33 AM EST

Congrats RedWolf

G Beee (Admin_Beee) {CB1}RedWolf (Neil) $1000000 -- see /bboard..001kTr 8:32 AM EST

RedWolf March 23 2006 8:56 PM EST

Wow, thanks. I really didn't think I would win until Lukey pointed out I was winning the poll ;-) That will make a great donation to Trivia L
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