The Battle of Alatar: Chapter 5 (in Off-topic)

{CB1}Lukeyman March 26 2006 9:41 PM EST

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

Chapter 5

      Jonathan slapped Shade's face and sent him sprawling to the ground.
      "I told you to take care of the kid too!", yelled Jonathan, "Now he is planning on coming to kill me!"
      "B..b..but sir... he will stand no match for your great powers. Why must we kill him?", asked Shade.
      "We must kill him because I said so!", boomed Jonathan, and as he spoke, the earth itself seemed to quiver at his mighty voice.
      "Ok, but how do you propose I kill him sir?"
      "I don't care how you kill him, just make sure you do it this time, and do it right!"
      "Y..yes sir."
And with that, Shade went off to find the young man, Red, and kill him. But how...?

      Red walked over to Sir Leon, who was still lying unconcious on the floor, and he took him by the arm, and carried him back down to the princess' chamber, where he found Desy and Dark, sitting down on the bed. Just as he entered, Desy got up and ran over to him and hugged him.
      "Are you alright?", she asked, and let out a gasp as she saw Sir Leon. "Oh my goodness, what happened?"
      "He'll be alright, he's just been drugged, but he'll be good in an hour or two. Are you alright?"
      "Yes, yes, i'm fine. Come, let's go and see my father, he is probably looking for me."

      Red put Sir Leon down on the bed and he, Desy, and Dark went off to see King Th00p. As they walked through the giant kingdom, Red was thinking about what he had ahead of him, Jonathan, Mem and his Memonites, he seemed to be getting more enemies then allies, and it was starting to frighten him. He was once a little boy, living with his father, taking life day by day, now, as he looks at his reflection in the fountain, he wonders how he ever became what he has become.
      "Out with you!", cried the king, "How could a slimy Memonite get into my kingdom!"
      Red saw a man stumble out of the room, and ran off mumbling to himself. They entered the Kings room and saw Th00p sitting back in his throne, and ordering people left and right to fix the security in his kingdom. He turned and saw his daughter and his face brightened up.
      "Ahh, my beautiful princess, you are alright.", he said, "And who are these two young men? And where is Sir Leon?"
      "Well daddy, this is Red, and Dark, Red just killed the Memonite that was in the kingdom."
      "Ahh, very well done my boy, we could use a strapping young lad like yourself around here."
      "Thank you sire, and your warrior, Sir Leon, got knocked out by that Memonite, he is currently in the princess chamber, he will be ok in an hour or so."
      "Good good, come, let us feast, you must be starving after fighting that disgusting worm."
      "Thank you."

Nakmirax March 26 2006 9:59 PM EST

And yet another toast to you and your stories. Keep this up and I'll be drunk in no time.

RedWolf March 26 2006 10:03 PM EST

Another great addition. The dialogue / paragraphs looked much better this time, although I noticed a few run-on sentences.

Story is good so far, though :-)

Hyrule Castle [Defy] March 26 2006 10:04 PM EST

lol, what are u an english teacher quit criticizing these great stories :D

{CB1}Lukeyman March 26 2006 10:14 PM EST

lol, Red's doing great in helping me, by the end, with all his help, i might accually get a correct chapter in :p but we can only hope.

Thanks to everyone who's been readng, it's going great! :D

RedWolf March 26 2006 10:26 PM EST

Ha, just offering constructive criticism :P If he's gonna get this published, they won't accept a piece that looks like offense ;-)

{CB1}Lukeyman March 26 2006 10:29 PM EST

haha, none taken...

*Dies a little inside*

Ragatag March 26 2006 10:56 PM EST

Good job lukey

Mem March 27 2006 12:14 AM EST

We need some action! Give us what we crave!

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] March 27 2006 12:17 AM EST

It's obviously a PG story, Mem.

Vaynard [Fees Dirt Cheap] March 27 2006 1:05 AM EST

Come on, let lose with the stories! (/me secretly cheers for it to turn PG-13!!!) They are entertaining so far, I'm interested to see how long you will keep them going. Good luck.

DD34isback(justkidding) [Severswoed Accounting] March 27 2006 1:55 AM EST

yay more food :)

Xiaz on Hiatus March 27 2006 6:09 AM EST

Reading about Shade getting slapped makes me chuckle ;)

DD34isback(justkidding) [Severswoed Accounting] March 27 2006 6:14 AM EST

you can have violence without it being non pg we have the words skewered and disembowl when we fight :)

{CB1}Lukeyman March 27 2006 6:44 AM EST

Ok, Well, you will see a little gross stuff when.... well... I can't give it away.. haha

AdminShade March 27 2006 10:39 AM EST

Is my role in this story a reflection on how you see me or is it an alter ego?


{CB1}Lukeyman March 27 2006 1:42 PM EST

Haha, the characters in this story do not intentionally portray their real peoples names.

and Shade, your like that because your one of Jons followers, *Admins, Sub-admins :p*

Xiaz on Hiatus March 27 2006 3:24 PM EST



! ! ! ! !

the admins/subadmins

{CB1}Lukeyman March 27 2006 3:32 PM EST

What? haha

{cb1}dyno March 27 2006 3:44 PM EST

Awesome story so far, I liked how you threw in an old school member who was my mentor (Klinik). Keep it up!

Hyrule Castle [Defy] March 27 2006 4:40 PM EST

i just got an idea... my name, i dont know if you have noticed... could be a place!! lol hahaha Hyrule Castle :D, very good stories make number 6 :D
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