Hello, I'm _______ , and these are my minions... (in Contests)

QBBarzooMonkey May 4 2006 10:44 AM EDT

I won a 500k bet with DD, so I'm going to use it towards the next big BarzooContest...

This is the winning idea from my contest idea contest back in March:

Guardian of the Glen, 11:45 AM EST
My user name is Guardian of the Glen. My character name is Whyspersym . My minions are all fairy names. I find it a little disappointing that no one can read where I took inspiration to create my characters from.
I would like to know how to share my bio other than cutting and pasting. There are several characters I would like to read.
Any ideas or suggestions?

BarzooMonkey, 11:59 AM EST
Best character biography! Great idea for a contest!!! ;)

You are asked to pick your favorite CB2 character(s) (of your own creation - not someone else's) and introduce the rest of us to them - why did you pick that character/minion name(s); did you make them up or did they come from somewhere; is there any "back story" about them, either one that you've made up, or the one behind the reason you pick them... Basically, information like that.

1st prize is 1 million CB$
2nd prize is 500k
3rd prize is 250k
Honorable Mention gets A Heavy Crossbow [4x30] (+32) NW 1,798,860 (biggest in the game :P )

The rules (as usual):
1. PG people!
2. Multiple entries are allowed, as most of us have had several characters, right?
3. No word limits
4. I will narrow entries down to a top 6, and then (hopefully) convince one of our fine Admins to make me a poll for final judging
5. Deadline for entries will be Sunday, May 14th at noon (server time)

Game on!

Syn Kitten May 4 2006 10:53 AM EDT

My user name is prettysyn, my characters name is WhatAManFears. The reason i chose the character name is do to volenteer work that i do. I am a volenteer peer counselor at two of the three schools i go to. Through talking to people about problems i have found out a few workings of what scares typical young men. Thus the name whatamanfears. Due to the stratagy only needing 2 minions i chose the two largest fears that i have discovered during my sessions. Love and Commitment. love is a necessary endeaver to keep the team ( a relationship) going smoothly without love there is no relationship thus no life for the team ( hence the AS ^.^ ). Commitment to another is another fear of man as it means they are lacingt heir lives, hearts, and feelings into the hands of another thus besides love this makes up the largest fundemental part of a relationship. The deciding factor as it was ( thus the main minion with my FB ) working seperatly they will never get anywhere, working together they can create a relationship so filling that its everlasting if properly cared for. Thus you have my chracter concept, idea, and reasoning for WhatAManFears, now if only real life had a NUB for relationships... Thank you for reading. ^.~

Jury May 4 2006 11:01 AM EDT

Eternity, Zaol. Mum told me too or else.

QBJohnnywas May 4 2006 11:01 AM EDT

I was an enforcer for King Rat back in the old days when we were fighting for that cold hearted woman Raven, but now I'm working alone.

The Great War that ended the First Realm left many people wondering where their families and friends were. Many people disappeared during that time. Some of them are still amongst us wearing different faces, using different names. I know where some of them are. I can find them. For a price.

My favourite weapons are at the end of my arms. Back me into a corner and see what damage I can do. I call it 'tank jazz'.

I've got a fast mind and a slow wit and I look good in black.

Jack Crow, Carnage Blender.

Coming to a screen nowhere near you, no time soon.

Gallatin [Thanoscopter And You] May 4 2006 11:24 AM EDT

My name is Seran, and my char has the name of Twilight Knights.

The name Twilight Knights has a relation to a story my brother wrote, hence the minions' names Ashra, Dawn, Lukav and Seran (which is basically the same as my username). From where I'm standing, Ashra is like Seran's sister, hence the AS. Dawn is one of his companions, considering the Prot and AMF that's trained on her. Lukav is also one of his companions, and is one that doesn't give up easily, hence the GA and MM. And finally, the one at the very rear, Seran himself. Being Alia's creation, he's the most powerful of the crew, but is shrouded in a mist of clouded memories. He was made to fight, and he served that purpose well by overcoming most of the problems through a violent typhoon of flesh and blood.

Sorry if that was un-PG, but I needed to explain things completely and thoroughly...and the names used in this post aren't in the spellchecker. I'm burning up, fuming and ready to wreck some buildings.

P.S. Bast: Went and used Rommel's 4-minion strategy. Sorry if I did something stupid.

AdminShade May 4 2006 12:07 PM EDT

Ok this could get a bit long ;)

Hi, my name is Dennis and my aka in this game is Shade.
My character's name is Ilúvatar and the minions of my character are Melkor and Ungoliant.
The links will lead you to some basic information about them and that site is one I use frequently to look up certain things, as well as a few books I have at home.
Since the beginning of the new Lord of the Rings movies I have been a fan and liked the stories in the books. I also wanted to know more about certain figures in the stories and while looking over things I learned about an ancient time in which even Frodo's ancestors weren't even born yet.

The things I read about Melkor and Ungoliant, and more specifically their bond, appealed to me as an idea for a character in Carnage Blender.
Melkor could be called and ancestor of lord Sauron which is the evil guy in the books and movies. Ungoliant is the ancestor of all spiders and also of Shelob, the evil spider from the same movies.

In a long long time ago, especially in looking at the lord of the rings time line, Iluvatar created the Ainur, of which Melkor was one of the strongest. Iluvatar can be seen as a sort of all mighty god of the universe who created demi gods to watch over the planet.
Melkor at first was a good god, but in time he sought power for himself alone and turned to the evil side. He destroyed the Lamps of the Valar which can be seen as the sun and the moon, illuminating the planet.
On one of his many quests for power he met Ungoliant and they traveled together for quite some time. They both destroyed the Trees of Valinor, the silver and gold Trees that brought light to the Land of the Valar in ancient times.

In later ages, being the end of the first era, Melkor fled back to Angband which became his prison and Ungoliant also fled to Middle Earth, producing offspring in the form of any and all of the spiders that live up to this day.

As for the items my character uses, the named ones, their relation to the minions is reasonably easy to see.

The Iron Crown is the crown forged by Morgoth after his return to Middle-earth to hold the three Silmarils, Morgoth is the name of newer, more known of Melkor, mostly used for the later periods of his life in Middle Earth.

Glaurung was the first of the Dragons, and one of the greatest. During a 4 century lasting war Morgoth sent out forces of Balrogs and Orcs which were led by Glaurung. This battle is called .

Ancalagon is the mightiest of the winged dragons, which led the armada of dragons at the end of the War of Wrath.

Fëa means spirit or soul in the language of the Elves, Quenya. The name isn't directly linked to Melkor but it is one of the 2 parts of which life was thought to be made out of.
Angainor is the chain of Melkor, the mighty chain with which the Valar held Melkor captive for three ages in the Halls of Mandos. After which Melkor fled to Middle Earth.

Grond, The Hammer of the Underworld is the weapon of Morgoth which he used to slay Fingolfin. In this battle Morgoth was injured but not enough to prevent him to kill Fingolfin.

While Ungoliant is seen to be a huge spider like creature, and thus not able to hold any items, I still wanted to name the Cornuthaum she was wearing. I chose for "Dark Webs of Gloom" to be more of an illusion or thought rather than a real item.

This concludes a bit the entire theme of my character except for one thing, the strategy.
Melkor is a tank, obviously, and wields great weapons to kill his opponents. Ungoliant is an Enchanter, and is aimed to illude opposing Mages to lower their damage dealing spells as well as absorbing some damage dealt to Melkor.

I hope to have given enough information and wish everyone the best of luck!

Abit May 4 2006 12:41 PM EDT

Cool equipment names Shade, even if I beat you to a couple of them in CB1. =oÞ

The name Bela Lugosi is actually in honor of one of the first "monster" actors in film History. I have always had a thing for monsters, and creatures. It's the imagination thing.

Bela Lugosi, the first was from BattleFaeries. Laugh at the name but it was actually quite similar to CB, but had no USD or real economy. It was actually pretty simple in comparison. I discovered CB one day when I googled BF and Jon had mentioned BF in one of the tags.

Bela L, was from CB1, and well he was quite a camper, newb helper, and marketing mogul. He had a regular |<iosk on the boards, and was the first to grab a lot of the new rares in the stores. He also previosly owned "Grond" The hammer of the underworld, and The Simaril(sp) bejeweled Iron Crown (HoI). He was a collector of oddities throughout the realms.

Bela L III is the 3rd (obviously) in a long line of text based online warriors. He is still defining his role in CB2 as he's not had the time for exploration or conquering as much as of late.

Born Be'la Ferenc Dezso Blasko on October 20, 1882, Lugos, Hungary. The youngest of four children. During WWI, volunteered and was commissioned as an infantry lieutenant. Wounded three times. Married Ilona Szmik (1917 - 1920) Arrived in New York City in December, 1920. Married Ilona von Montagh (? - ?) Became an American citizen 1931. Married Lillian Arch (1933 - 1951) Father of Bela Legosi Jr. (1938 - ?). Helped organize the Screen Actors Guild in the mid-30's, joining as member number 28. Died of a heart attack August 16, 1956. Buried in his full Dracula costume, including a cape. Courtesy www. IMDB.com

Lon Chaney: Although his parents were deaf-mutes, Leonidas Chaney became an actor and also owner of a theatre company (together with his brother John). He made his debut at the movies in 1912 and his filmography is vast. Lon Chaney was especially famous for his horror parts in movies like e.g. Quasimodo in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923)". Due to his special make-up effects he carried the characterization to be "the man with the thousand faces"
Courtesy www. IMDB.com

Ben Chapman: Ben Chapman was born in Oakland, California, while his Tahitian parents were on a trip to the United States. He was raised in Tahiti, relocated to the U.S. in 1940 and went to school in the Bay Area of San Francisco. Working as a Tahitian dancer in nightclubs led to his first movie job, a bit in MGM's "Pagan Love Song" (1950); other small film roles followed before Korean War duty temporarily sidetracked his modest screen career. Talent scouts from Universal-International "discovered" Chapman upon his return, and for a year he became a U-I stock player--and, at six-foot-five, an ideal choice for the finny title role in "Creature from the Black Lagoon." Courtesy www. IMDB.com

Lon Chaney, Jr.: American character actor whose career was influenced (and often overshadowed) by that of his father, silent film star Lon Chaney. The younger Chaney was born while his parents were on a theatrical tour, and he joined them onstage for the first time at the age of six months. However, as a young man, even during the time of his father's growing fame, Creighton Chaney worked menial jobs to support himself without calling upon his father. He was at various times a plumber, a meatcutter's apprentice, a metal worker, and a farm worker. Always, however, there was the desire to follow in his father's footsteps. He played roles like; the Wolf Man (1941), and John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men (1939). Courtesy www. IMDB.com

Abit May 4 2006 12:43 PM EDT

I forgot Boris Karloff, if you like Google him. my post got too large. Thanks!

Syn Kitten May 4 2006 12:53 PM EDT

wow... leave it to the first to get swamped lol GJ guys!

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] May 4 2006 12:58 PM EDT


My First CB2 minion was Talhearn. Sometimes a single Mage, sometime paired with Awen.

Talhearn was a Druid, little known compared to the likes of Taliesin, but he was father of Druidry. When paried with Awen as a two minion team, Awen was a female character, an embodyment of the Druidic spirit;

"The quest for Awen is a quest for the spirit of Druidry itself, and, as such, it brings together many paths. We may pursue the quest as historian, linguist, poet, philosopher, priest, magician, shaman, and in many other guises. Each, in its own way, helps us to gain understanding and, as we walk the Druid path, one of the things we discover is that in understanding lies strength.

The first recorded reference to Awen occurs in Nennius' Historia Brittonum, a Latin text of circa 796 CE, based on earlier writings by the Welsh monk, Gildas. After referring to King Ida of Northumbria, who reigned from 547 to 559, Nennius says that:

"Then Talhearn Tad Awen won renown in poetry."

Tad means 'father', so Talhearn is the Father of Awen. This doesn't tell us much about what Awen is, but, if we accept Nennius as a reliable source, it does show that Awen existed as a concept at a time when Diarmait mac Cerbaill still reigned as the last semi-pagan High King of Ireland, and only a century or so after St. Patrick's mission to convert the Irish to Christianity. The last pagan Romano-British shrines had only fallen into disuse over the previous two or three generations; St. Columba, himself the great-grandson of a pagan High King, had yet to found his monastery on Iona, from which he set out to convert the pagan Picts, and St. Augustine's mission to the pagan Angles would not start for another fifty years. Our first reference to Awen, then, dates from a period when Britain and Ireland were still in transition from paganism to Christianity. This, along with other evidence set out below, points to Awen being a concept carried over from pagan Druidry into Christian Bardic tradition.

To discover what Awen is, we should first look at what the word means. The feminine noun, Awen, has been variously translated as 'inspiration', 'muse', 'genius', or even 'poetic frenzy'. The word itself is formed by combining the two words, aw, meaning 'a fluid, a flowing', and en, meaning 'a living principle, a being, a spirit, essential'. So Awen may be rendered literally as 'a fluid essence', or 'flowing spirit'. The next stage of our quest takes us to the surviving works of the Bards of medieval Britain, who were both the inheritors and the medium of transmission of remnants of pagan Druid tradition.

The so-called Four Ancient Books of Wales; the White Book of Rhydderch, the Red Book of Hergest, the Black Book of Caermarthen, and especially the 13th century Book of Taliesin, contain a number of poems which refer to Awen. These verses vary widely in date. Some may be as old as the era of the Cynfeirdd, or 'Early Bards,' which began in the 6th century, while others are much later, composed shortly before the compilation of the manuscripts in which they are found. The earliest poetry consists largely of eulogies on dead heroes, and contains few allusions to religion of any kind, but,throughout most of the period in question, Bards were avowedly Christian, and this needs to be borne in mind when we are seeking references to pagan tradition in their works. In seeking to establish what medieval Bards understood by the term Awen, we are hampered by the fact that their poetic style is often enigmatic and allusive. They had no need to explain what Awen meant to them; they already knew well enough, and were evidently happy for outsiders to the poetic craft to make of it what they could.

There are, however, clues to be found in their writings. The 12th century poet, Llywarch ap Llywelyn (c.1173-1220), also known by his splendid Bardic name, Prydydd y Moch, the 'Poet of the Pigs' says:

"The Lord God will give me the sweet Awen, as from the cauldron of Ceridwen.""

Talhearns Tattoo was named the Sigil of Awen;

"There is considerable uncertainty as to the meaning of the word Gogyrwen, or Ogyrwen. Iolo Morganwg identified it with the symbol of three light rays (/|\) which he and others also give as a symbol of Awen."

And his displacement boots were called Flowing Spirit. Taken from "aw, meaning 'a fluid, a flowing', and en, meaning 'a living principle, a being, a spirit, essential'" As explained above. :)

What better for a single Mage than the father of British Druidry himself!

Talhearn Tad Awen!

Mem May 4 2006 1:38 PM EDT

Hello, I'm Mem Dotson. My character's name is The First... but you don't want to hear about him since I didn't name him myself. That was Avoid's doing. I will, instead, relate to you the story behind my character Memnot Sartalicus, as it directly relates to my user name as well.

When I was a wee lad of about 18 years I created a fictitious character in a fit of creativity. The man, a tall, lithe black figure, was a genius. He was born upon the coast of North Carolina, quite close to the sight of the Wright Brother's first flight. His life was not without hardship. He came into this world the son of sharecroppers. It was a difficult upbringing, although enlightened by his keen wits. And his bright white hair. At the age of two he was already formulating complete sentences and his puzzle skills were far beyond even that of autistic savants. As he grew into boyhood he resented his differences. His peers often mocked him for his white hair, not to mention his extraordinary wits. It was during his formative years that he discovered the joy of the written word. He read all the newest titles-- the Dickinsons, Twains, Wells, Defoes, Stevensons. Thankfully, Granny Sartalicus was the town librarian. She'd make sure he kept up on all the titles receiving critical praise. Though his reading tended to keep him from interacting with his peers, he showed an astounding ability to fit in. He was a people person stuck in the mind of a hermit. In his teenage years his parents were convinced he would do something extraordinary. He was the smartest person, by far, in that little town. Black or white. There was no use trying to get into a logical arguement with him because you'd lose. Unfortunately for him, that just meant he lost on the physical battlefront- a tooth, a broken elbow, even one time a finger. He stood on the cusp of becoming a black man in a white man's world. As is natural for any learned man, he wished to further his knowledge by attending a university. This was not his battle to win just yet though. Not for another 40 or 50 years would this one be won. So he set to work on the task of educating himself. Now, normally I wouldn't recommend this for anyone, but he was just smart enough to be able to do it. Everything just clicked. He taught himself calculus, English, Spanish, German, social sciences, geography, geology, herbology, chemistry, physics, and the culinary arts, among others. He even dabbled in the arts-- he played washbucket bass in his eldest brother's band. And he was damn good at them all, too. He was so good as to rival the foremost thinkers in any of those subjects. Of course, he often thought outside of the box. He'd use that way of thought to catalogue his first great achievement-- The New Deal. Yes, what was thought to be FDR's brain child was in fact Memnot Sartalicus'. Being as FDR was the beloved president and Memnot was nothing more than some smart black fellow, the public could not know this. Hell, it could have caused riots. Lord knows a few more crosses would have burned than was customary. The Nation didn't need that while it was trying to claw its way out of the Depression. It needed solidarity. It needed the New Deal. Over the course of Memnot Sartalicus' life (124 and going strong), he accomplished a great many more things. You only need to know that he was a being that brought change. You only need to know that the life you're living can be attributed to him. You have it so easy.

Anyways, that's the story of Memnot Sartalicus... as for Krapesiun Knotsbuhger. Now that's a tale that I'll save for some other time.

P.S. The surname, Dotson, came from a mispronounced Lewis Dodgson, a character from the Michael Crighton novel and Steven Spielberg film Jurassic Park. (He was the guy that paid Newman [Wayne Knight] to steal the dino DNA.)

YOU May 4 2006 1:40 PM EDT

My user name is : YOU. That 's 'cause people can not looking at YOU[Rockz]_YOU[Rulez] for quite a long time. First they thought that I congratulates them for being too great, then later found out that YOU was me and the only person that "Rockz and Rulez" here is me, all me. The person that getting pounded in my favorite list is YOU. And the person that enjoy doing it to you everyday is me. No vice versa.

My Minion name is : No. 1 Haterz. That simply because everyone hates me. And they will still going to hate me after I win this contest and keep all the winning to myself and only myself. There will be no splitting, no whining, no begging, nothing. It will be mine simply because YOU [Rockz] YOU [Rulez]

Mem May 4 2006 1:45 PM EDT

D'oh! It's 'site' not 'sight'.

And I love Tolkein too, but I like being original even better...

Vaynard [Fees Dirt Cheap] May 4 2006 3:02 PM EDT

Hello, I'm Vaynard, and my team is called Stalker. My name, as well as my long time userpic, is that of the reigning Lord of the northern country of Norgard in the classic strategic RPG Brigandine for Sony Playstation. The land of Almekia as it is known, is actually engulfed in a total war between six playable opposing countries. It was once united in a long and difficult war between the King of Almekia and the previous Lord of Norgard. Peace was obtained after many trying battles and with the total defeat of Norgard. Several years went by peacefully, until General Zemeckis assassinated his own King and declared the creation of his own great country, Esgares Empire.

Seeing what was happening, five different groups immediately broke away from Esgares. Vaynard, son of the previous Lord of Norgard, declared himself Lord of the new land of Norgard and vowed to return it to its previous glory. Known as the "White Wolf" for his bravery, he is among the greatest of warriers in the world as well as a brilliant strategist and powerful leader. His greatest lack is in areas of diplomacy, where he quickly loses an invitation at an alliance with the Queen Lyonesse of Leonia.

Aside from the powerful Esgares Empire in the center of the continent, and the vast and icy realm of Norgard in the north, four other countries resolve. New Almekia is formed by Prince Lance, son of the late king in the west with the aid of several loyal generals in the west. Leonia appoints a young Prophet, Lyonesse, as queen and declares the creation of itself as a holy kingdom. The Kingdom of magic, Carleon forms around the wise warlock Cai in the south, and he forms a close alliance with New Almekia to protect their common border. The final kingdom is Iscalio in the southeast, led by the insane Tyrant Dryst. A great war consumes the entire continent as each country vows to stop only at total victory.

I cannot claim the team name Stalker as my own idea. It was actually a single CoC mage team I won long ago. Seeing great potential in it, I changed the userpic and theme of the team completely. Now Stalker shows one of the two ninjas in Brigandine, who is Shiraha. A well balanced and highly agile warrior, Shiraha can duke it out with the best of them as well as dodge practically anything. My only problem is he starts out under Esgares, and you must defeat that country before he joins. If I ever had the money to name my weapons and equipment, I would probably name my BoNE to Cadabolg, the large halberd wielded by Vaynard, and actually rename Shiraha to Vaynard (yes, same as my username) to celebrate. My newest minion, Guinglain, is a strong knight and General, master strategist, and the right hand man of Vaynard. In the world of CB, however, he is delegated to wall duty.

I think that covers it all. Much the same as CB itself pays homage to the world of the Lord of the Rings, I have adopted Brigandine as my own here to show just a little of its lore and world to you all. I hope it was at least a little entertaining, because that in itself would be more than enough of a prize.

Timberwolf May 4 2006 3:33 PM EDT

I am Timberwolf, my character is Roont. The minion names are Susannah Dean, Eddie Dean, Roland of Gilead and Jake and Oy.

The minion names are the central characters from The Dark Tower series written by Stephen King. I've always loved to read, but never really got into the LOTR types of books. I've always been more inclined to read horror/thriller novels. I found the first book in the Dark Tower series one day and was hooked.

The name Roont comes from the 'Wolves of the Calla' book in the series. It's a slang term used by citizens of a city the 4 characters mentioned above visit. The citizens of the city are prone to having twins, and for years mechanical wolves have came to raid the city and take one of each pair of twins. As the story evolves you learn that the taken children are used for slave labor, and are returned after several years of servitude. When they are returned, they appear to be genetically altered to be much larger and stronger than their twin counterparts, but are also much 'dumber' for lack of a better term. The citizens of the city use the term 'roont' (slang for ruined) to refer to the returned children.

char May 4 2006 4:34 PM EDT

Hi, my name is PoruJ, my character is Bebop, and my minions are Spike, Jet and Faye. My minions name are all characters from the anime Cowboy Bebop, one of the best anime ever!
The series is about bounty hunters from space. The main character, Spike, is one of the coolest guys you can see on TV. He knows most martial arts and can take down everyone. But at the end, he dies. Or at least it seems that way. That's why my Tank is called after him.
Jet, my Mage, is the owner of The Bebop, an ugly looking messed up old fishing space ship. Our characters travel on the Bebop. Jet has one mechanic arm. He's the strongest one on the crew (ToE). He's always behind the team and watches their back. He's a mage with computers.
Faye is a scammer that got scammed. When she arrives to The Bebop, our guys doesn't seem to be too happy, as they caught her as a bounty. In the end, she stays in the ship and helps Spike and Jet. That's why i chose that name for my Enchanter.

The series has the best soundtrack you could ever hear. It's all jazz, funk, salsa, drums, all the music I like to hear as I'm on the computer, mostly on CB. Although in the series Spike gets owned, in CB I'm trying to bring them an alternative ending.

DD34isback(justkidding) [Severswoed Accounting] May 4 2006 4:36 PM EDT

Hi im darkdemon i lost a contest to the monkey and would like to hear his biography :) i mention Stump! :P

QBBarzooMonkey May 4 2006 4:45 PM EDT

I know, I can't win, but I like to share...

The Dogs Of War are all named after the dogs in my RL:

Shamus Jon is my sister-in-law's life-partner's 11 year-old Pomeranian. He's a feisty little old guy.
Boopadoo is my sister-in-law's 4 year old Pomapoo. His real name is Corky Joseph, but when he bops into a room and prances around because he's just soooooo happy to see you, it's so adorable that you can't help but say "look at you, you little Boopadoo!". The name stuck. And he does this thing where he hops around on his hind legs and bats at the other dogs with his front paws, like he's some kind of "Kung-Fu" master...
Jack is my mother-in-law's mutant-huge black Cocker Spaniel. When her older dog, Fred (he was 15), died in the Fall a few years ago, she swore off getting another dog. By Spring she had changed her mind, but wanted a much smaller one (Fred was a German Sheperd-based mutt - big dog). The breeder told her that Jack was the runt of the litter, and wouldn't get much bigger than 15-20 lbs. - at 2 years old, Jack is now 40 lbs, and has these huge paws that are nearly the size of my hands (and I have big hands). After he was a year old, I had said something like "Yeah, he was the runt of the litter, if it was a litter of black bears!" The name stuck.
Princess Regan WonderDog-FluffyTail is the dog that lives at my house. I can't call her "my dog", because she basically owns me. She is the Alpha-B of the group, is half Basenji, half Cockapoo, and also a mutant. But she is mutant smart. Scary smart. And tough. She takes no guff from all of those boys - she is definitely the boss when they are all together. But she's a sweetie, too.

Dogs Of War philosophically began life on Jan. 28, 2005, as the character Princess WonderDog. All the same minion names (although Jack the Bear was just Jack and Sensei Boopadoo was just Boopadoo), and based on my still current 1 UC tank/1 Berserker tank plus support concept. After casual play, some fits and starts and other character experiments, and a month off in May-June, I didn't start taking CB really seriously until the end of July, when I started really concentrating on Princess WonderDog. It was at this point that Boopadoo earned the Sensei title, and Jack earned "the Bear".

By October I was only up to about 300k MPR, and getting very frustrated (no NCB yet at that time). I made a deal with a departing NUB, and bought a 500k or so MPR 4 minion character, retrained all of the minions as bigger, badder versions of their Princess WonderDog counterparts, and named them to match - a virtual "character insta". Since I was going to "get serious" now, they needed a "more serious" name, and that day VH-1 Classic had happened to play the video of one of my favorite Pink Floyd tunes, "Dogs Of War". With my interest re-energized, I'm still stubbornly refusing to give up on the dogs to this day...

I wanted to retire the original Princess WonderDog name, but not the character (for use as a farm), so I changed it to "Daisy Hill Puppy Farm". Anyone familiar with Charles Schultz's "Peanuts" can tell you that that is where Charlie Brown got Snoopy. The minions were named for Snoopy, his best friend Woodstock, and his 2 brothers Spike and Marbles, and was a good farm until I ultimately did retire it.

Whew, that was longer than I thought. Don't even get me started on the history/realm/adventures that I've developed, based on the minions... :P

smallpau1 - Go Blues [Lower My Fees] May 4 2006 8:45 PM EDT

Hello i am /\quaTeenHungerForce, and these are my minions...

These minions are named after the character on the cartoon network show Aqua Teen Hunger Force as most of you may know and watch!

Carl - I made Carl to be a stand-up guy to take the beating that he takes in everyday life anyway from his pesky neighbors who i will introduce shortly. Because of this, i made Carl a wall with PL to take some of the pain his neighbors were actually supposed to receive.

Meatwad - This is the funny guy that nobody can really understand, and makes it funny to try and watch and listen to him, so thats why i gave this little meatball the enchanments to help out others! And decay just to watch him slowly die because of AMF, and just to think how funny it would be to see the real meatwad slowly die on the show, =P

Frylock - He is pretty much the main character in the show, and because he gives all the orders, when none may be taken, he goes and does it without the help of his two buddies, even if he absolutely needs there help. Hence the reason i made him the tank!

Master Shake - This cool cat is a cup with malt shake as insides, He is the one that really never listens to Frylock. And because of it he comes to near death every episode. Either that or he almost gets everyone else killed, i think meatwad and carl are neck and neck with near death experiences caused by Shake. And because he is a shake, i handed (trained) him Cone of Cold!

Moral of the story, Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a hilarious show, watch it, i believe it is on every night, late on cartoon network!

QBsutekh137 May 4 2006 11:19 PM EDT

My character is Hubbell. The minion is Joe. That's me.

Joe doesn't do a whole lot. He's mostly a listless husk roaming the CB Universe, flinging fireballs when it suits him. He wasn't always like this, oh no. He used to possess imagination and wonder. What happened? Why does Joe throw fire, hate magic, and yearn for a Guardian Angel (knowing full well that most folks can Dispel such myth with ease)?

This might be why...a tale told from Joe's own viewpoint. If you dare enter his ennui-ridden consciousness, read on.


On Saturday November 23, 1963 a British television show made an unassuming debut the day after Earth was shaken by the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.  The series was called Doctor Who, and the first four-episode arc was titled “An Unearthly Child.”   Those early installments lived up to their outer-world billing, and what was to become twenty-six seasons of science fiction legend was off to a running start.  The Doctor (his full name was never used except in overtly punny ways) was a Time Lord who flitted about space and time helping to alleviate the Universe of pesky issues like war, oppression, and, of course, googly-eyed monsters.

            On Saturday December 21, 1963 Doctor Who introduced its first googly-eyed monsters – “The Daleks” – to the United Kingdom.  The Daleks were a race of cybernetic, imperialistic aliens with a penchant for chasing and shooting hapless good guys, and they doubled Doctor Who’s audience in a matter of weeks.  Shaped like salt-shakers and roving on wheeled bases, the Daleks captured the fancy of agog youngsters everywhere who would tear across playgrounds using single outstretched arms to emulate the Daleks’ menacing eye-stalks and plunger-tipped appendages.  Recess chaperones throughout the British education system soon wearied of their charges screaming the Daleks’ trademark monotone battle cry “EX-TER-MIN-ATE!” every chance they got.  It didn’t matter the Daleks were patently evil.  They were a hit.

            On a Saturday nearly twenty years later (sorry, I can’t remember the date) I saw my first episode of Doctor Who on Nebraska Public Television.  Though it didn’t have any Daleks, it did include a large robot, car chases, some gunfire, and those funky British accents.  There was even some particle-energy weaponry, so I was definitely hooked.

Subsequent Saturdays would find me browsing through the Public TV channels in search of more Doctor Who episodes.  We lived on the Iowa side of the Iowa/Nebraska border, so our antenna could net signals from both sides of the Missouri River.  Both state-run stations aired my new favorite show at various times throughout the week.  Early on, Saturday was the best chance to catch some action from the Iowa side, but the schedule was largely unreliable.  Eventually, the bulk of my Whovian ogling happened at 5:30 every weekday afternoon.  The Nebraska side had won me over with a steadfast dosage of the show, twenty-five minutes at a time.  It wasn’t always easy catching it at that time slot with chores and all, but at least it was there.  We didn’t have a VCR yet, so each installment I could view was appreciated as if it were a live performance put on just for me.  I was one happy eleven-year-old when the Doc was on the tube.

            I became so entangled in the Doctor Whoniverse that actual viewing of the program became largely unnecessary for appreciating it.  I could replay entire stories in my head, and where there were holes, my imagination provided a more-than-makeshift patch.  Some of my plotlines probably even rivaled those of the Doctor’s adventures, but for the most part my mental meanderings stuck to the environments and characters that had been lain out for me.

            The Daleks quickly became my favorite once we were properly introduced via the show a few months later.  While rounding up the cows or driving the tractor, a quick survey of my surroundings was always in order to make sure no Dalek invasion was imminent.  Slinging hog droppings with the pitchfork was invariably accompanied by an analysis of the hog barn to make sure I always had an acceptable getaway in the event that several Daleks burst in to enslave humanity and steal some prime Iowa pork.  Even the safety of our house wasn’t enough to quell my invasion misgivings.  Who knew when the Daleks would bring their rolling death to my neck of the Galaxy?  I had to learn all I could about Earth’s potential invaders.

            At the forefront of my Dalek study was an examination of the Daleks themselves.  I concluded their main weakness was the fact that they got around via rollers on their undersides.  This meant stairs were a primary source of Dalek consternation.  The Doctor himself had mocked the Daleks more than once by simply strolling up the steps to avoid certain destruction.  Never mind that such a weakness in an otherwise indestructible race was ludicrous – I took the ball and ran with it.  As I saw ramps going up in various establishments and curbs being cut down to accommodate the disabled, my heart raced as my Dalek escape mechanisms disappeared before my eyes.  No offense to the handicapped, but at that point in my sheltered, rural Iowa existence I had about as much chance of seeing a person in a wheelchair as I did a Dalek.  And for me, the Daleks posed the larger concern.

            So, when my family went to church one fine Sunday and I saw the shiny handrail of the new wheel chair ramp to the back entrance of the church, I was stunned.  The large Catholic Church had been my final sanctuary.  It was the Backup Plan.  The Last Holdout.  Didn’t Father Vince realize he was rolling out the red carpet for the most evil life form in the cosmos?  Why not send out an SOS to the Dalek mother ship – Steal Our Sons.  I was at a loss for words.

            The church had been the perfect escape from the Rolling Menace.  Narrow hallways, limited aisle space, and several winding staircases afforded a veritable refuge from the climbing-deficient Daleks.  But with the outer doorways being wheel-enabled, how long before the whole glorious safety zone was reduced to a Dalek playground?  It goes without saying that my mind would not be on heavenly matters during this particular service.  I trudged up the new concrete ramp and slowly oozed through the rear doors.  With glum reluctance I shuffled to my pew and sat down.  We had arrived just in time, and the priest was just getting started.

            As usual, Father Vince greeted us to begin the mass.  “Good morning, and welcome.  Let us raise our eyes to the heavens and give glory to God.”

            Of course.  A proper inspection of the ceiling and balcony levels was in order so that I could assess the potential of an overhead incursion (or getaway).  Maybe I could put a positive spin on the changes the church building was going through.  I peered closely at all that was above me.  We had a large choir loft in back, but other than that the upper areas were of little consolation.  The ceiling was high and rounded with no apparent egress, and while the back balcony had Dalek-inhibiting stairs on the way up, it had no other way down.  The invaders would simply corner ill-fated survivors up there and then obliterate them with their particle-energy weaponry.  As I looked up I merely closed my eyes and tried to think happier thoughts.  Father Vince wasn’t concerned with my plight as he plowed onward.

            “Behold the glory of God as he pours His light in and shines His Everlasting Love upon His Children.”

            Interesting.  I looked to the stained-glass windows along the side aisles and pondered their worth.  Side-exits were always a crapshoot.  Sure, Daleks could secure them as easily as humans could climb out them, but I figured my climbing skills had the advantage.  But as I gazed closer, I realized the colorful panes had tendrils of intricate steel spread throughout the glass.  I wasn’t sure, but it looked as if the windows would be impassable even if all the glass were removed (or blown out by particle-energy weaponry).  I glared at the stained-glass windows with contempt as the priest droned on.

            “And now, let us bow our heads and offer our prayers to the Lord.”

            That was it!  Father Vince had it figured out!  It was time to examine the terrain and see if that could be of service in fighting the Dalek scourge.  While I had always known that stairs and arduous climbs were the best lines of defense, I hadn’t realized that a rough surface would serve just as well to quell an alien raid.  I dropped my head and even bent over a bit more to peer closely at the church floor.  Many areas of the church’s tiled base were broken and pitted, making for a semi-coarse plane over which the dreaded Dalek wheels would have to roll.  My eyebrows furrowed while trying to figure out if the bumpiness would be enough to send the Daleks off in search of greener pastures, and my heart leapt when I thought of all the other flat surfaces they could more easily attack:  the Great Plains, mesas of the Southwest United States, glaciated polar regions…  But in the end, my heart lacked muscle and flumped to the ground.  The trouble was readily apparent:  even if the Daleks attacked elsewhere first, their quest for power was insatiable.  Eventually they would make their way to Portsmouth, Iowa, and no slightly-irregular ground surface was going to stop their particle-energy weaponry --

            “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”  Father Vince was just finishing the ceremony.

            Peace.  Love.  Hah.  Tell it to the Daleks.

            I remember my mom trying to help put on my coat as we left church.  I must have missed the right sleeve five times as I absent-mindedly flung my right fist toward the jacket armpit.  Finally, I shrugged the jacket on and fled out the back doors like a boy possessed.  She probably thought I was preoccupied with radical spiritual thoughts or just needing to go to the bathroom.  All I really wanted was to get out of that Dalek deathtrap and try to piece together whatever remaining bits of Dalek defensive tactics I had left.  There wasn’t much, and when I got home, the lack of any real strategy forced me to retreat to the only place I knew that was still secure -- the apple orchard behind our house.

            While not technically secure (the fences were falling down and it was open along the road), the orchard at least offered some historic consolation.  When my older brother chased me around the farmstead, the orchard gave me protection in the form of several large trees I could climb, hide behind, or run through to pop out a free boy on the other side.  The wooded grove leveled the playing field that, for me, was decidedly tilted when it came to battling my older male sibling.  Though only six years my senior, Duane outweighed me by a factor of three and had advanced combat skills such as a vast strategic intellect and the ability to hold both of my arms captive with one of his astoundingly large hands.  Even with the Daleks looming in my head, Duane was probably the real threat.

One time my sister and I actually tried to build a Duane-repelling adobe clubhouse in the orchard by dragging up small wagon-loads of clay dirt from the worn path the cattle trod on their way to the creek.  But as hot as the Iowa summer sun got, it wasn’t enough to bake our first foundation brick, and the rain that came soon afterward washed the clay into nothing but burgundy mud.  My hope for security was swept away with it.

Despite such setbacks, the orchard remained a perceived safe haven.  But sitting in that haven after the dreadful Sunday service, I started to feel as if everything I knew had become somehow untrue.  Nothing seemed as it should be, and even though I had a knot in my stomach larger than one of Duane’s fists, I couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing.  Parts of me were still clinging to the imaginary notion that the Dalek threat was as real as my brother spitting on me or chasing me up a tree, making me yearn for protection.  But other parts knew that worrying about Daleks was silly – I had more important things to consider:  school, girls, The Future.  These items didn’t require safety.  They required me to get out there and deal with them.  Perhaps there was no safe place to go, and maybe there wasn’t any terrible danger to agonize about in the first place.  Reality and imagination collided, and I did a little bit of growing up that day.  I began to let go of the Daleks.

            By the time High School graduation arrived, I was rarely glancing at exits and stairwells to gauge Dalek escape chances.  When I did, it was more nostalgia than military strategy.  College came and went, and The World stepped in to give me plenty of other issues to fret over.  Sometimes I would flip through the Iowa Public TV station and catch a snatch of Doctor Who, but even if my beloved Daleks were being featured, the remote kept flipping.  Finally, I made my way after college and landed a computer job in Des Moines.  I had become Reality, and Reality was me.  There was no room for the Daleks in that equation, and their menace was forgotten.

Abit May 4 2006 11:40 PM EDT


Abit May 4 2006 11:41 PM EDT

Sut wins!!!

QBsutekh137 May 5 2006 12:06 AM EDT

And maybe someday he will get apostrophes and quotes right in his goofy HTML. *smile*

Abit May 5 2006 12:10 AM EDT

A little hard to read at times, but a ton of effort went into that. I think they should at least give you the HXbow now. Nobody's story will compare w/ the effort you put out.


Abit May 5 2006 12:19 AM EDT

LOL, I reread it. Hard to believe some of that is true. But nonetheless entertaining.

/me chuckles aloud

How long did it take you to get that all down and format it in HTML?

A great way to waste time waiting for BA. I say we put a link to it on the "out of BA" page, or put it in the Wiki, something.

QBsutekh137 May 5 2006 12:20 AM EDT

Isn't that hxbow worth more than the 3rd place prize, even if just sold straight up to the store? Sure, I'll take it. *smile*

AdminShade May 5 2006 12:53 AM EDT

sigh, and I tried to keep it short...

*makes plans to make a second entry explaining much much more of his character and minions*

good ol]Newmcyo May 5 2006 1:20 AM EDT

Hxbow is worth ~400k to the store im pretty sure...

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] May 5 2006 5:46 AM EDT

:D Sute, you do know that the latest (well not the ones in the 'new' Doctor Who series...) incarnation of the Darleks and Stav.. Er Davros now come with anti-grav units to allow them to float up stiars? There's no hiding from them now! Even a sofa won't be able to save you!

I'd like to now introduce you to my first NCB character, Tate.

I choose Tate because of the meaning of the name. 'Cheerful' or 'He who brings happiness' (Different to the Native American and Irish meanings...).

I'd stopped fighting on CB2, but the introduction of the NCB renewed my ardor and I was both Cheerful and Happy again to be able to fight!

Tate was born.

I then decided to add a second minion. Lyle. This was a tongue in check addition to Tate.

Tate & Lyle is a household name in the UK. A large suger company. :)

Tate & Lyle went to work. :)

QBsutekh137 May 5 2006 10:19 AM EDT

Yes, GL, I know the new DW episodes very, very well. Last week's made me cry. *smile* I was cheering the praises of the new series in chat while some of the UK folks were going, "That show is back on?"

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] May 5 2006 10:22 AM EDT

You know you MIGHT be a geek when.....

You cry during a Dr Who episode

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] May 5 2006 12:40 PM EDT

:) I've not watched any after the wheelie-bin assult....

But it was before the new series that the Darleks got their anti-grav! ;) Not quite sure when...

Cybermen were always my favorite baddies, the Darleks scared me too much! :D

Sef, I cried when K-9 died... :'(

QBsutekh137 May 5 2006 3:47 PM EDT

K9 never dies, he just gets a new Mk. number. And in any case there's always the one trundling around in E-space with Romana. She is more than capable of keeping him repaired or even rebuilding him entirely...

Drakon(DS) [Guardian Bros Inc] May 5 2006 11:44 PM EDT

Hello Im Drakon(DS) my character is Guardian2 and my minions are Pixxy, Faith, and Heaven.Guardian2 is the second Guardian i
made the first one was a single tank character Drakon (who is the main character on a book i started writing in like 5th
grade. It was a story like you know the bascic good vs evil and i used characters based on my friends and family) yeah who
who doesnt want to be a but kicking super heroe espeacially when your a kid huh lol anyways i made Guardian with out a NCB
like an idiot so i retired him and made Guardian2 witch also started out as a single tank Pixxy(based on the love of my life
at the time) she was a red haired jewel green eyed babe who took nothin from anyone and dealt every thing she got back. And
in my story thats how she acted so in CB i made her my tank with GA. Faith was Pixxy's friend in the story and in real life
she was her friend that seemed to always be there so i made her the E with AMF and VA at first eventually change VA to AS
when i got a RoS and used it instead of the jig. now faith would make sure Pixxy stayed alive enough to kill everyone(Faith
knew healing magic in my story so i used VA then AS(it worked great and i had no problems fighting up about 50K-100K pr) but
i wanted a change so i inked my RoS to a RoBF(now the fun starts lol) I put it on pixxy and got rid of GA using th fire retal
damage instead swithed Faith to and HP/PL wall to keep pixxy alive thenhired my 3rd minion Heaven(who was based on my best
friends girl at the time) and made her train AMF and PRO. Yup thats them all good-looking female of my life who were put in a
story before and now a game lol o well thats them

Dudley Dotson May 6 2006 7:31 AM EDT

Hello, I'm Dudley and my character name is Dudleydino. As a child(even though I still am) I loved these dinosaur pants and shirt that had a small abstract dinosaur on them that was green. I even had a stuffed animal that looked like one of them. Somehow, I thought the dinosaur was saying to me that it's name was dudley. So hence my name. Since it is a dinosaur my character name is Dudleydino. The minion names in my character are based off a book where 3 friends travel on a journey to stop the apocalypse by getting this book(did not get this off a ranger but what a coincidence eh?). One of the friends could shoot Energy out of his hands and saved his group many of times because of his aurora of protection. Hence Magic Missle and Protection. One of the other friends was a cleric and could heal and dispel bad magic. Hence Dispel Magic and Ablative Shield. The other friend was a paladin with minor healing abilities. Hence tank with Vampiric Aura. The last minion was a person that fought against them but them joined them. Hence Guardian Angel and Anti-Magic Field because he backlashed against them but then joined him.

Dudley Dotson May 6 2006 7:35 AM EDT

Woops sorry the mage had VA and the paladin had prot because he was a healing paladin

Xiaz on Hiatus May 6 2006 9:46 AM EDT

Terran Firebat, comes from the Starcraft Universe.

Corporal Smoke is a terran firebat. He shoots... fire, hence fireball is trained. :)
1st Lieutenant Summer is a terran medic. She heals my firebat as well as dispels magic, which she can actually do in the Starcraft game.

I'm just bursting with creativity this evening, aren't I? ;)

InebriatedArsonist May 6 2006 8:20 PM EDT

Hi, I'm InebriatedArsonist.

[crowd drones: Hello, IA.]

My character, and only minion, for that matter, is Susan Death. By this point, I think most of Carnageblender knows of her existence, if not her dominant abilities and her striking personality. Her origins, however, are still a bit of a mystery to many CB denizens.

Susan was born of an alcoholic stupor and blind necessity, as are many great people and inventions, on New Year's Day, 2005. In the hours leading up to the new year and the opening of CB2 to the public, I casually imbibed the better half of a bottle of rotgut Scotch (the plastic bottle indicated quality), all the while racking my brain for a character theme. Finally, while staring aimlessly at the ceiling, my eyes settled upon the Terry Pratchett books piled on top of my bookcase. My favorite character from the series, the Ultimate Reality himself, was certainly an option I had previously considered.

Death, however, was simply hackneyed as a theme. Everyone and their brother has used Death or one of the many variations on his image in games, and I was loathe to follow in the footsteps of the bandwagon without some sort of plan to set myself apart. Unfortunately, the Scotch wasn't helping my creativity, and minutes were rapidly whittling down. So, with nothing better in mind, I simply decided to go with Death and wing it from there.

Midnight soon arrived, and with it the birth of CB2. And yes, what a joy it was. Todd wasn't unbeatable, the stores were chock full of rare items and there were plenty of changes to figure out. After dealing with the tutorial, I was dismayed to find that someone else had already claimed Death for a character name. Temporarily stymied, I retreated to my kitchen to top off my drink and find a quick solution. After returning to my room my eyes once again fell on the pile of books. The solution dawned through the haze: if I can't use Death, I may as well use his granddaughter. And thus, Susan Death came into existence.

For those of you who aren't fans of Terry Pratchett, I'll explain a bit further. Susan is the adopted granddaughter of Death. Yes, that Death, the personification who shows up when you're supposed to die. Through some sort of magical circumstances Susan inherited some of his powers, such as walking through walls, stopping time and speaking using Death's voice, WHICH LOOKS LIKE THIS and apparently sounds a lot worse than it looks. At several points Susan has had to fill in for her grandfather, cutting souls loose and seeing that the natural order of life continues unabated, and in that sense she really is Death herself.

Although somewhat unhappy with her family background, she's an otherwise intelligent, strong-willed and independent woman, which are perhaps the necessary traits for a single mage to have. She is described as mostly human, partially immortal, and in that vein I attempted to have her CB incarnation strike a balance between inanimate and human. To that end, I think I succeeded in shaping her into a memorable character, something more lifelike than many of the other characters out there.

Lastly, let's cover a few questions and statements I've received about Susan (all paraphrased):

1. Susan is a female name, so therefore you must be female.

-Yes, Susan is a female name, and no, I'm not female. Trust me on that, I think I would be the authority on this point.

2. Okay, you're a male. That means you created her so you would have a controllable female in your life, just like guys who name their cars and have more pictures of said cars than pictures of wives and children.

-No, I'm afraid not. Susan was simply a good idea at the time, not a subconscious desire to have a weak-willed woman around. Nice try, though.

3. Single minions are for slackers. That means you're a slacker, right?

-Damn skippy. If I liked working with fractions I wouldn't have a liberal arts degree.

4. Why doesn't Susan have a battle cry?

-It's not really something that gibes with Susan's literary personality. She's much more the type to simply crack an adversary in the head with a pipe and be done with it, as opposed to screaming some sort of line while rushing towards an opponent.

5. Why Susan Death? That's not her real name in the books, you know.

-Yeah, yeah, I know. Susan doesn't actually go by "Susan Death," but the name sounded fitting after reading through a passage where two guards are debating whether or not Death had a first name.

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] May 9 2006 9:32 AM EDT

Next up, Violet Bier of Sorrows from my second NCB character Chosen of Endings. :) Inspired by a White-Wolf role playing game, 'Exalted'.

I hope you like this;

Palace of the Broken Oath let the death shroud slip from his shoulders. He felt uneasy as the vitality of Creation swarmed over his now vulnerable necrotic body, threatening to scourge from him the undead taint that kept him alive. But this was nothing new, he had been in Creation unprotected by the trappings of death before, and the threat had always proved to be little more than a bluff, yet the uneasiness remained. It was of little consequence he could sate Creation by offering it a taste of his Essence, besides he had cornered his target and no longer wanted his movements hindered by the tight wrapping of the shroud. There was to be bloodshed ahead and the thought of it warmed his soul.

Palace held 'The Confessor of Deeds Best Left Undone and Thoughts Best Left Unspoken', his attuned Soulsteel Grand Diaklaive, before him in both hands. The seven foot blade lightweight in his reverent grip, like lovers clasped together in the most intimate of embraces.

He moved slowly into 'Calm before the Storm', a stance that levelled the point of Confessors blade at the throat of the old man standing before him. It still confounded him how such a frail mortal at the twilight of his life could cause his master such trouble. But that trouble would end now. The old man had no where to go, no where left to run. His death could not be avoided.

Confessor's blade was whipped up into the air, arcane glyphs etched into it started to glow and Confessor itself began to whimper in anticipation. Palace envisioned the arc his blow would take as he started the strike. Confessor would bite into the old man on top of his left shoulder and would exit the fragile body at the opposite hip. A mortal blow, leaving his life blood and soul to be devoured by his beloved Grand Diaklaive.

His skill wielding Confessor was exceptional, beyond the mastery mortal swordsmen could hope to attain. Sword and wielder moved as one. The strike was perfect, he knew that before it had connected, all his strength and will focused behind the blow, at the behest of his eternal master. This old man would die. Palace decided not to augment his attack with his anima, or wrap flows of essence around his blade, his target was just not worth the effort.

Confessor landed, the old mans time was over.

But confusingly, the blow stopped there. Blade skidding over bare flesh as it failed to find purchase. Palace was stunned. Even if his strength had failed him, the weight of the Grand Diaklaive falling should alone have been enough to rend the old man in two. He knew the old man had no magical or supernatural protection. No essence lie awakened in the fragile frame. What stood before him was just a scared old man. Yet even Confessor had been denied.

Palace cursed in frustration. Confessor wailed at the tantalising loss.
He was determined his master and his blade would not be denied of the death they sought. Before the old man had time to react, maybe just to thank the gods he had another second left on creation, Palace lashed out again, thrusting the tip of Confessor into the old mans throat.
This time, there was no miraculous escape. This time they would have what they sought.

Blood sprayed freely into the air. An old man died.


Violet Bier of Sorrows cursed. Someone in the Bureau of Destiny had been lax with their petitions to the Loom's Pattern Spiders and had sealed the fate of the old man. Only causing one blow to falter, sloppy indeed. When he returned to Yu-Shan he would have to deal with the errant bureaucrat, but for now, he had a Deathknight to stop.

He dispersed the resplendent destiny that had masked his presence so far, and dropped into the form of the martial Style he had taken for his name.

Momentarily he longed for 'Providence', his Starmetal Reaper Diakliave, finding the absence of its weight on his right hip unsettling. But even the vast powers of the Pattern Spiders, combined with the Arcane Fate thrust upon the Sidereal Exalted at the shattering of the Mask constellation, couldn't weave fate enough to include a four foot sword forged from the bodies of dead gods into the resplendent destiny he used as a disguise.

The Deathknight, an Abyssal Exalted, would have to be confronted with his martial powers alone. But this didn’t leave him at a disadvantage. He was an Exalt, born into service of Saturn, the Maiden of Endings. Born into destiny, to become a weapon of Heaven against the Malfeans and Neverborn. As this particular servant of the Neverborn was about to find out.

Trained from birth in mortal martial arts, until the awakening of his anima and with it the ability to manipulate the flows of Essence required to practice Sidereal styles of martial arts, his body was lithe and supple, tendons and sinews coursed with an inner strength that belied the size of his frame.

It was his job, his destiny, to provide blessed release to existences that should no longer be, or those deemed necessary to end. To provide comfort and ease to those willing to move on, and when necessary, end others by force.

His violet eyes began to glow softly as he gathered his personal reserves of Essence.

The Deathknight held the limp body of the old man aloft, letting a stream of warm blood from the near severed neck flow into his open mouth, wholly engrossed in his consumption. Violet carefully manoeuvred himself behind the engaged Abyssal, disgust for this creature growing by the second. Its life unnaturally extended by the vile powers of its masters, he could think of nothing else more deserving to be ended.

The Chosen of Endings bought his hands together to form the Lesser Sign of Saturn, fuelling the sign with his personal essence. At once, his anima exploded outwards, a brilliant violet aura surrounding and enveloping him, weaving fate to be disastrous for his foes. Any blows he struck would find themselves naturally seeking and exploiting his targets weaknesses, becoming deadly, no matter what protections used.

The Deathknight reeled from the burst of light, dropping the old mans body, his reactions lighting quick, but sluggish compared to the speed the Sidereal moved at. 'Secrets of Future Strife' blended with peripheral essence burned into 'Flight of Mercury' as Violet moved with the speed and precision of one who knows his own destiny.

Violet struck forward, an open palm strike as he moved into 'Blade of the Battle Maiden'. Essence coalescing around his hands, leaving a crimson wake trail as he thrust toward the Deathknights chest.
It was time to end this.


Palace shied away from the blinding violet light, giving ground to the figure lunging towards him. Confessor shrieked. Without time to react to the blistering speed of the attack, his Essence flared instinctively. Boosted now by the blood of the old man, he reflexively charged 'Flowing Evasion Assault'. Blackened anima swarmed up, engulfing him fully. His body rippled like smoke as his opponents strike reached him, the outstretched palm displacing air where he had been a moment ago.

Before the attack could finish, his anima had reformed, Palace coalescing directly behind his opponent with Confessor held ready in a high guard. With an effort of pure willpower Palace forced his essence into another flow, a taxing endeavour after already powering one Charm.

Taking full advantage of blindsiding his attacker, Palace willed Essence into 'Furious Blade'. Confessor giggled as it became enveloped in a corona of roiling darkness, guided by the powers of the underworld, in addition to Palaces exception skill, towards their attackers back.

Palace rolled his wrists and dipped the tip of his blade, bringing it into a horizontal slice across the exposed spine of his mysterious attacker. His target tried to twist to meet this attack, bringing the forearm of his outstretched arm slashing down towards the deadly blade, but his defence was in vain, the attack to strong. This time the blade bit deeply.

The anima of his attacker flared as confessor felt the blast of released Essence. Violet light wrapped around the descending forearm, and sparked across Confessors edge as 'Furious Blade' was deftly parried aside.

Palace returned to a neutral guard as his opponent turned to face him. Violet light probed and entwined with black as the animas of both combatants blazed around them.

The battle began in earnest.

RedWolf May 9 2006 8:24 PM EDT

Hi, despite everyone's beliefs, I am RedWolf. :-P

Let's see...I think I'll talk about the Ediracs, since they have the most interesting story, and it was my first CB2 character. First of all, centuries ago, there was a great kingdom of Agrene. It was divided into two smaller territories, North and South Agrene. In the age the story takes place, the current king is King Arcas Edirac, in his early thirties. He is murdered. His father, the former king, is Afrius Edirac, in his mid-fifties. Afrius was a terrible king, and was removed from office. He has recently come down with a horrible disease and is rarely seen out of bed. He eventually recovers, and battles on the good side to avenge his son. King Arcas has a son, Acoa, in his mid-teens.

Afrius was a swordsman; Arcas an archer, but also a skilled swordsman; and Acoa is being trained in all three, but special emphasis put on magic. So naturally, they were picture perfect CB characters. I have changed them since, but originally each of the minions was a tank, archer, and mage, respectively. About a year after the character was created, I changed the strat, and added Carpe. Those of you who remember my carpes, this needs no explanation :-)

I have a whole bunch of crap that goes with this, like maps, background info, family trees, etc. but that's as much as I will tell you for now, I don't want to spoil too much of the story. And I'm too lazy to dig it all out. :-P

QBBarzooMonkey May 11 2006 8:01 PM EDT

One day, Maelstrom and I were responding to the same thread about philosophy, and somehow got into a CM discussion about Tang, and how I always wanted to be an astronaut. He called me SpaceMonkey, and I thought it was so funny, I did 3 things:

1) I started an Off-topic thread asking if anyone could remember the name of Space Ghost's Monkey;

2) I used the character name SpaceMonkey and minion name Blip to create the most profitable farm I've ever had; and

3) I used the story as an excuse to bump my latest Big BarzooContest thread.


Gallatin [Thanoscopter And You] May 11 2006 9:36 PM EDT

*kicks Barzoo and leaves him in a burning house*

Karmic Mishap [Soup Ream] May 12 2006 5:15 PM EDT

All right, here goes:

My primary character is named Chao Tipper. I had meant it to be an original, but fitting, name for the team, but I later found out that it may be the name of a saint. Oh well. It is still a fitting name, referring to the Sacred Chao of Discordian beliefs, of which I have a picture on the character itself. I picked the characters because they are all of somewhat differing philosophies and methods, but this team is about the theoretical circumstance of them working together.

As for the minions, I've got Hung Mung, my wall, in front. Hung Mung was "A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the Heathen Chinee." Also known as the First Apostle of Eris and the creator/discoverer of the Sacred Chao. His name means Primal Chaos. He appears in the writings of Chung-Tzu, when Great Knowledge endeavors to ask a question of the Sage. His response to Great Knowledge was to slap his thighs, hop around, and cry 'I do not know! I do not know!'. This is, accordingly, his battle cry, especially appropriate as it is a rare sight to see such a weak wall kill somebody with his weapons. He is rumored to be the author of the Chao Te Ching, but this is disputable. His defensive outlook (221 AC and DBs) would only make sense for such a wise sage.

My second minion is also my main(largest) one, John Dillinger. He is a dexterity-based tank, appropriately, as Johnny-boy was one of the infamous criminals in the 30's Depression-Era who were labeled 'public enemies'. He robbed at least a dozen banks as part of one gang or another, aided by his quick moves such as jumping over the counter. He was so skilled that, despite being arrested and thrown in an 'escape-proof' prison, he still busted out to continue his bank robbery career using an item, which may or may not have been 'A Wooden Gun?' he carved himself. What may have been "The Real Thing?" is being used by Hung Mung currently. Some revered Dillinger as a latter-day Robin Hood, probably because many felt that the Stock Market Crash was the bankers' fault. He was allegedly gunned down eventually by the FBI, but there were many anomalies surrounding the corpse's reception and autopsy which suggest that he may not have been the man killed after all. Amusingly, there is a famous portrait of 'his' corpse in the autopsy room where a rather large bulge in the appropriate spot created a rumor that he had a rather large... piece of equipment. It was later said to have simply been his stiff arm, but my tank still carries "His Legendary Piece" proudly. John is boisterous, loud, and kind-hearted. His battle-cry is excerpted from his favorite bank-robbing line, "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm." John Dillinger Day is celebrated on July 22nd by many, including members of the "John Dillinger Died For You Society".

My third minion is Adam Weishaupt. He is a Cone of Cold mage, of course, as he seems to have been a very magic, if somewhat cold, person. He was a utopian bent on transforming all of humankind into something better by uniting the world into the New World Order through his rationalistic order, the Illuminati. This group eventually was merged with the Freemasons in a power-building move. He encouraged his followers to do whatever it took to accomplish group aims, including violent or illegal acts if necessary. Unfortunately, he was not the most effective or charismatic leader, so some of his followers resented his attitude towards them. When a courier was killed by a lightning blast and the coded messages sewn into his clothing discovered by authorities, some of the more discontent Illuminati betrayed him and prompted his flight from Bavaria. For the rest of his life, he lived in exile in Russia, less active, but still working hard inspiring further Illuminati groups. He wears "The Mantle of Secrecy" to augment his magical powers, as well as casting Guardian Angel to nominally protect the rest of the group. A good guy, for the most part, but keep it a secret! ;) When freezing opponents to death, he likes to shout "Ewige Blumenkraft!!!", part of his order's motto, translated roughly as "Eternal Flower-Power". I will offer no further elucidation on this matter, so you'll have to do your own research if you're really curious. ^^;;;

Malaclypse the Younger is my Ablative Shield enchanter, as well as being the author of the Principia Discordia, the Book of Chaos, Discord, and Confusion (also titled, "How I Found The Goddess and What I Did to Her When I Found Her"). The large RoS he wears will one day be named in honor of his Goddess. Malaclypse is the most enigmatic of the group (which is quite a feat), with rumors abounding as to his 'real name' and true activities and purposes other than the writing of the above-mentioned text. This may be because of his 'modern-day' existence among us, or because of his wishes to remain anonymous. Attributed to him is the quote "'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds." However, in the very unlikely event of him killing somebody, he will cry "FIVE TONS OF FLAX!" to explain how he pulled this feat off with naught but a base decay and a compound bow.

Together these mismatched characters form the team that is Chao Tipper, working hard to be a solid, overall team rather than one focused on beating one strat or another. Their goal is no less than complete Carnage domination, to use the game as a recruiting base to take over the world. But that's secret, so now I have to kill you all.

QBBarzooMonkey May 13 2006 5:15 PM EDT

Less than 24 hours to go! Get your entries in!!!

Adminedyit [Superheros] May 13 2006 7:31 PM EDT

Hello my name is edyit and my minion (and character) is named Sascha Vycos. For those of you who have played White Wolfe's A World of Darkness, Vampire The Masquerade, Vampire The Dark Ages I need not give you an explanation of who and what Sascha is. For those who haven't, Sascha Vycos is an extremely old and powerful vampire and here is her story.

Sascha Vycos, Caines Angel
Androgynous Sascha Vycos - Noddist Scholar, Tzimisce scientist, and cainite monster - has long been a staunch supporter of Sabbat freedom. It is Hell's chief torturer and a musician with a scalpel. Sascha understands the nuances of every physical sensation and the nerves best suited to recieve its ministrations. It is also a creature of learning, with a collection of books and artifacts to humble the halls of academia. Saschas enemies believe it holds cult-status within the Sabbat, wherein sect members emmulate its actions. In truth however, Sascha is a monster beyond its own years. Few could ever hope to understand the grand schemes of the Sabbats ronin priscus.
Sascha, named Myca Vycos in the years before its self inflicted-castration, lived an enviable existence in the glorious Byzantine Empire. Born to royalty in the Carpathians before the turn of the first millennium, Myca seemed destined for greatness from a young age. The great books of Alexandria became its silent teachers while the political juggernauts within the Byzantine courts taught it the subtleties of influence. When the Fourth Crusade destroyed the city Sascha and its sire fled to the Balkan strongholds of thier Tzimisce bretheren. There it vowed to build a new community of Cainites founded on pillars of blood and bone. Saschas participation in the forming of the Sabbat was the first step towards this goal.
Over the centuries Sascha has served its sect as both warrior and scholar. Sascha is an alien beauty. Its limbs are long, slender, and graceful, but it moves with power. Its face is like a work by Michelangelo, perfect and flawless in form. Not even the master artist could capture Sascha's cruel countenance, however. Sascha's most compelling feature, however, is its eyes. It watches everything around it the way a coroner dissects a cadaver. It never blinks or looks away; it simply stares the way a mortal would study a gold fish, with detached interest. She's already decided how to kill you, its just a matter of how long you prove to be useful. Lastly Sascha is a scientist at heart: practical, thorough, and detached.

Dudley Dotson May 16 2006 9:13 PM EDT

ooo it's over..wonder who's gonna win? perhaps sut? :P

Well this is just to get it back up there

QBBarzooMonkey May 16 2006 9:35 PM EDT

Lots of reading, but I'm working on it. :)

QBBarzooMonkey May 19 2006 9:54 AM EDT

Okay! I have arrived at my picks for 6 finalists, and have sent the info to Admin Extraordinaire G Beee. Watch for a poll soon!

One note - I misnamed the "Honorable Mention" prize - I should have called it "Judges' Choice", as that is what it really is - I am the sole judge of who wins the Heavy Xbow, and have already made the decision. I won't announce it until all of the votes are in and I announce & award 1st - 3rd.

Good luck to all of the finalists, and thanks again, G Beee!


AdminShade May 19 2006 12:09 PM EDT

Any hint as to whom the 6 are?

AdminG Beee May 19 2006 1:08 PM EDT

Poll available.
If you can't see it on your sidebar under News then hit refresh (on your sidebar).

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] May 19 2006 1:33 PM EDT

I knew Chao Tipper was from The Illuminatus! Trilogy. I just read that huge book a couple months ago, great read! :)

Zem loves Pretty Dotson May 20 2006 11:40 PM EDT

Hello, I'm Zeminia. My characters name is cheeseburger because I like to eat. My minions all come from a book based on D & D. (dungeons and dragons). This book was awesome. Caramon is a dumb twit who is the size of any 3 men combined, eats more than any 5 men combined, and has the brain a quarter the size of any man alive. He is not smart, but loyal to his murderous hateful brother, Raistlin. Caramon loves Raistlin, despite the fact that Raistlin "killed" him at the Tower of Magic. Raistlin is there to look out for Raistlin, and Caramon is there to look out for Raistlin as well. Raistlin is the exact opposite of Caramon. He is a weak, but he is a strong mage. He is sickly and thin, where Caramon is strong and large. Tina is in love with Caramon, but Caramon cannot see this because he is looking out for his brother. Tas likes all of them, no matter what bad stuff happens to him from them or others. Tas is a kender. Kender have no fear, but a constant curiosity that almost kills everyone a lot of times. Tas loves everyone. They stick together until a point in time where Raistlin leaves them, and Caramon falls apart after this. After Raistlin leaves them, he falls apart, then finds himself, falls apart again, and when he finally comes around the second time, you realize he does have a brain, he just kept it hidden for a reason that is too long to explain. Thanks for reading.

QBBarzooMonkey May 21 2006 11:46 PM EDT

There's only 20 minutes left on the poll, and we've got a tie for 2nd! If you haven't voted, vote now!!!!


QBBarzooMonkey May 22 2006 12:04 AM EDT

Oops, my bad - I misread G Beee's CM - it closes tomorrow at midnight, not now. 24 more hours to go, keep voting!


QBsutekh137 May 24 2006 10:06 AM EDT

So...any word on completion of this contest? I just noticed the poll was gone...

Sorry, when there is a potential million on the line, I get a bit anxious. *smile*

AdminG Beee May 24 2006 10:14 AM EDT

BM is running the contest but you can see completed poll results by following Community >> Polls (under history).

Looks like the Dalek may have it though ;)

QBsutekh137 May 24 2006 10:23 AM EDT

Hm, I didn't even know poll history was there! Learn something new every day!

Thanks, G_Beee!

QBBarzooMonkey May 24 2006 10:34 AM EDT

The results are in:

sutekh137 for "Joe vs. The Daleks" 31.3%

InebriatedArsonist for "Susan Death Q&A" 20.5%

Mem Dotson for "Memnot Sartalicus" 18.1%

GentlemanLoser for "Violet Bier of Sorrows" 8.4%

Karmic Mishap for "Chao Tipper" 12.0%

(Johnnywas)ABoyNamedSue for "Jack Crow, The (not) Movie" 9.6%

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) QBsutekh137 (Hubbell) $1000000 -- Winner! 10:21 AM EDT

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) InebriatedArsonist (Susan Death) $500000 -- 2nd Place! 10:22 AM EDT

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) Mem Dotson (The First) $250000 -- 3rd Place! 10:32 AM EDT

Congrats to all, and thanks for entering!


AdminShade May 24 2006 10:43 AM EDT

Heh, listing all the winners and leave me out? >.<

QBBarzooMonkey May 24 2006 10:47 AM EDT

I didn't forget, you just bbeat me to it! :)

The Judge's Choice Award of A Heavy Crossbow [4x30] (+32) NW 1,798,860 (biggest in the game :P ) - now named "The Judge's Choice"

went to Shade, for sheer effort put into research for not only his character names, but his items, as well as his contest post.

BarzooMonkey (Penultimate Days) Shade (Ilúvatar) The Judge's Choice ($1798860) -- Winner!

AdminShade May 24 2006 10:49 AM EDT

Yay, woot, tnx! :)

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] May 24 2006 10:52 AM EDT

Awesome! Shade's spent more time with his nose in the Silmarillion (not in the spell check???) than Chris Tolkien! His char's accuracy and depth of theme have always made me jealous.

AdminShade May 24 2006 10:55 AM EDT

Though alas it is getting harder and harder to find item names, especially for my Enchanter ;)

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] May 24 2006 1:45 PM EDT

LOL! Well done everyone! :D
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=001nUQ">Hello, I'm _______ , and these are my minions...</a>