Small Revision of Description (in General)

The final winning entry of this contest. The description as revised by me so far is this:

Carnage Blender: A free text-based strategy RPG with an active, intelligent community of players, a strong in-game economy, and with regular changes and improvements to gameplay. Customize your team of minions with skills, spells and equipment. Fight for money, XP and glory then use the spoils to buy rare equipment. Make new friends, trade items with them, and kill them!

I wanted some feedback. So any small revisions that embody this same description are welcome.

Nice revisions! :)
Maybe change XP to experience?

I suppose the description doesn't mention chat, which many people seem to enjoy...

What exactly are we looking for? A broader range of people? Or just more of the same? It might sound a bit silly but I would remove the word 'intelligent'. It's minor, and maybe cosmetic, but tiny details can sometimes put people off. The use of the word 'intelligent' can translate in some minds as 'geeky'.....


And do we need to advertise the 'strong' economy? Do we want to broadcast that to potential sign up, make lots of money sell for USD and quit players? I know the trading aspect of the game is still a strong part of things but maybe focus on the 'game'?


Just a thought......

I'd say that player intelligence is what sets this game apart from others, and yeah, I'd like more of the same ;)
And are you saying there's something wrong with being geeky!? I'm offended! :P

I'd say "strong in-game economy" doesn't say anything at all about USD, but rather that there's lots of trading within the game itself... Once upon a time, campers played a significant part in the game, even if they only did so part-time, and especially when they didn't sell for USD. The economy here is definitely one thing that attracts me.

Make new friends on-line and real time in our PG monitored chat rooms trade items with them, and kill them!

I would like more of the same for sure. I think you and I Mael get on with the same people, and all those people have a particular outlook and attitude. What worries me is some of the thread where Jon asked questions about people signing up and leaving. One of the things that stood out for me was the notion that CB can be cliquey and a little unfriendly.

Now it may just lead to different groupings of cliques but maybe we don't want more of the same, but more variety?

(Although personally I think we'll just end up with more of the same anyway....lol)

I think a text-based game is bound to be cliquey, when things like Everquest and WoW exist. Add in that this is a PG game without cheats, and you get a lot less kids playing. Adults tend to be a bit more concerned with USD, and to be more interested in conversing (more or less, or just sometimes) intelligently... then again, maybe they like conversing drunkenly, too. Hmm.

Guess I'm really just rambling pointlessly to avoid having to do all the work that I really need to get done, so I'll leave it at that...

I think Beee's suggestion is perfect, since for many players, Chat is the central focus for the game (myself included).

Also, I think there should be a comma after glory. I'm no English professor though, so just ask Bast - she's always on top of these kind of things.

You're right, a comma is definitely needed there.

strong economy? where?

Wow, I summoned up the ghost of a former camper! :O

Nice comments. I think that calling it a "PG game" will seem a bit vague to non-players, because 1) I don't think the G-PG-R rating system is globally-used, and 2) people don't generally associate movie ratings with web games.

Maybe come up with an alternative way to say it? "Family-friendly" might be too much of a turn-off for some... any other ideas?

'Friendly Community' is just fine.

when people see that, they're not going to think we use vulgar language every 3 words in our sentences.