The 2nd Annual CB2 Boasting Contest! (in Contests)

For reference, you may view the original Boasting Contest, found Here.

This a boasting contest, plain and simple. Boast on whatever you like, make it PG, and show us your boasting skills. Prove to us that you are the best, tell us why, and make us believe it!

The required entry fee is 5k, along with any donation that you might decide to make in order to prove that you really *ARE* willing to put your money where your oversized mouth is. Multiple entries will be allowed, so that you may attempt to "outboast" any competitors you feel are besting you at the time. The pot will be a minimum of 500k, donated by myself, fees from the contestants, and any other donations made by competitors/generous donators/Jonathan (yes, you get your own category. Feel special. Also feel free to enter the contest and blow us all away with your mad boasting skills.) /bankers/loaners/gnomes/campers/etc. All donations are to be sent to Safety Deposit Box.

Rules:

1) You may not make consecutive entries, though you may make multiple entries in order to continue "outboasting" your opponents.

2) You must use correct grammar and spelling in all real words. Created words, such as superflendickerous and shibble-doo-woppible must be constructed properly and be legible, or as close to it as possible for a made-up word.

3) Putting your money where your mouth is shows your confidence in your ability to win. This increases your chances of winning, as it shows that you are willing to back up your words. This also helps to build up the pot.

4) No profanity, cursing, puns on curse-words, anything risque, etc. Basically, think before you type.

5) The contest will continue until (A) Interest is lost (B) a week has elapsed (C) Interest by the judges is lost (D) I don't feel like reading through all the entries (E) The pot gets extremely high and I feel like it needs to be given out already.

6) There is a possibility of multiple winners based on number and fantasticibility of entries.

May the Boasting begin!

What's the point, I'm going to win anyways.

Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 12:55 AM EDT

Alright, I'll start things off, just a little casual since it's the first and everything, I won't get too crazy.. I suppose I'll address the chat thug issue first. I'll destroy anybody in chat and rip them apart, I don't even care, I've been back for twelve days or something, and I've had to deal with a veritable barrage of simps who think their cool, people whom in real life I would smash in the nose with a length of pipe until they resembled the elephant man or something, I don't even have to play tough, nor be physically strong because I'll just put an ox up in someone's face and throw a handful of glass into their eyes and spit on them while they writhe on the ground or something, until they can't even see. But I have to keep it verbal on CB, which isn't even a problem- I mean people who have seen me in chat know how I do, they know my name is Vicious for a reason, I don't even care if it's one little comment, I'll tear people apart, even if it's petty, I'll squeeze the enter key like the trigger on a .45. I've had to deal with like, fifteen people trying to play e-thug in the last twelve days, NSFY, Ranger, I think frod got in on that I don't even know at this point, I don't log the chats or anything, but these lil' thugs keep lining up, I'll keep knocking them down, I'll come at their throats like a junkyard dog with a text barrage, and it almost always ends with them ignoring me, and backing down like little children, as if they are punishing me. If you back down, and ignore me, you lost, you e-thugs. OB knows it, he's seen how I do in chat, I don't fool around with these lil' e-thugs at this point, I don't even fool around, or say lol, or act like its a game, sometimes he has to get involved with the OP stuff, just so these lil' thugs don't get hurt, and go /wrists or something, he has to hold me back, just so I don't drive off another player, or make Ranger create a thread about botchecks or something. That's just a brief shoutout to everyone who wants to spit trashy chat lines, like last night someone tried to play thug, someone was talking about having a Chinese name, I asked if they were Chinese, and some lil' e-thug said "Oh, are you an Angel, is that why your username is angel of death?" OB was there, I smacked that fake thug in their mouth until they "went to bed," I don't even know whom that was, I can't even keep the names straight at this point, I verbally destroy so many people in chat. Some people don't like how I play in chat, trying to say I'm mean or whatever, or socially unacceptable, like I won't come to their house and smash the windshield of their car with a cinderblock. I keep it real in chat, I don't take that trashy chat from anyone, if you want to play e-thug with me, I'll show you how I play, and you'll back down REAL QUICK. I'm not that popular because of that, but I'm still a hero for initiating the plan to drive AOD out of chat on a permanent basis, everyone with an "Of Death" tag or "angel" or whatever, is repping that Vicious style, even if they don't know it, I still help out the community, by driving out fake thugs or making them go to their own rooms, and create threads about "Oh you blowed the last drop, and now ima quit chat" or whatever that clown said, you can laugh if you want, I'll do that to _anyone_ who wants to get tough in chat, you'll end up in a room like "NSFY's room" until everyone stops hating on you so hard and you stop crying, just like AOD, it's that easy for me. I'll save the rest for later entries, that' just a little bit to whet your appetite for that whole Vicious style, I don't even have to rhyme to get my point across, I've got half the players scared to come in chat anymore, thats why NP is so dead, and I've only been back for 12 days. I'll make you need plastic surgery my words cut so deep, don't even try to play e-thug when I'm around.

Defiance, in his generosity, has given some of his funds left over from his leaving contest to me. They are being inserted as prize money into this contest - which brings the MINIMUM prize up to 650k! More incentive!

Defiance (Personal Trust Fund) 124.25.228.35 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $125000 2:01 AM EDT

Sefton (Sefton) 70.230.177.39 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Hold this for me 3:07 AM EDT

Yes folks, I know you are sorry to see,
I am still playing this thing we all call CB.
In case your memory is not as good as mine,
I won this last year and took every last dime.
So now it is time to hang up your pens,
this contest is over before it begins.
I may not have camping or the mighty Gyaxx,
but my score to PR ratio is still at the max.
I can take any character, if it is big or it is small,
and I optimize it up and then beat you all.
I find advantages and lever them to glory,
it is quite all right if you all bow before me.
I give strategy advice that is taken to heart,
I'm the best CB player and I do play the part.
I got forum posting skills that are second to none,
and if you cannot spell angel you are already done.
I take mages and walls, enchanters and tanks,
I beat up your characters like they are all shooting blanks.
I got NW and gear as it is all plain to see,
and I am still doing it all without using USD.
So that is it, its over so just send to me,
all that cash you were planning to send BMWheatIey.

I heard someone boasting about some mad skills in chat,
I am sorry but really, what is up with that?
I mean, if you really think I am scared,
check my many posts and replies and see how others have faired.
I will save you the trouble, they faired not so well,
I sent them to a semantic purgatory cell.
So you had better just end it, type no more text,
as I step to the line and calmly call next!
That's all I got to say do yourself a favor,
sit back, relax, as this victory I savor.

Sefton (Sefton) 70.230.177.39 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Boast 3:36 AM EDT

I really think you should offer me interest this time, don't you?

holy moly, no need to enter. sefton just pwned us all. lol.

My foolish dear Sefton...It's simple to see
Your head is too big for the game called CB.
You're old! You're decrepit! You can't even walk!
So you sit at your screen and hope that we gawk
at your rhythmic devices, which you think so witty
but with your skill, it's depressing. What a shame. What a pity.
But ME, on the other hand... well, I'm where it's at.
I know all, yet I'm humble. So I'll still tip my hat
to these self-proclaimed "veterans" of this old-people game
Who are really just lonely old farts without names.
But enough about them, let's get back to me.
Just look at my user pic and I'm sure you'll agree
That not only I'm young, but I'm suave and collect.
So bow down before me, and give me respect.
And try to on my character? Well, that won't work.
Because "Size doesn't matter", which I'm sure is a perk
To "some" of our users and some of the guys
Who sit on their duffs and add the thick to their thighs.

Now, as Yoda would say, know you all should
Number one am I, yes, I am noble and good.
And Sefton over here thinks a high score makes him cool?
I've eaten more powerful people and had their scores in my stool.
There is no bragging in games, even ones like CB.
Since even a DAWG can spend USD.
I mean, 800 mil? Now boys, that's just crazy.
But correct me if I'm wrong- my mind could be hazy
But 800 mil is what, 8000 bucks?
You could buy a nice car with a good bit of luck.
Regardless, my friends... what you must understand
Is that owning in CB just doesn't make you a man.

What makes you a man isn't "poetry-ism".
It's not like a hurricane hits, or a grand cataclysm.
It's long and drawn-out and when it's all done
You can tell where it ended or even where it begun.
It's the small things in life that make you and me differ.
If we were cleaning supplies... you=broom. Me=swiffer.
I am simply superior because I don't just sit
in front of my monitor. I truly have grit.
I have skills! I have talents! I can accomplish great things!
While you silly CB-ers haven't tested your wings.
While I'm sure you could fly if you really attempted,
I would imagine your mind has that idea exempted.

So instead of plain boasting (which I could easily do),
I am taking the focus off me and on you.
Since I am already the greatest of great,
We need to fix you up to a much nicer state.
While you, unlike me, can never be one of the elite,
You can at least be the coolest kid out on your street.
So why not take a gander, raise your voice, take a stand,
And play the cards that fate put in your hand?

HAHAHA I'm just joking. You ladies and blokes
You're all losers! Pathetic! You're God's greatest jokes!
I spit on your shoes and I stick up my nose
And especially Sefton- my goodness, he blows.
And since I know I'm the best, I'm pleased to say.
I have donated a generous 250K.

[Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $250000 -- I told you I'd win. 10:15 AM EDT

Oh, Cyborgin, thinking you're too cool for school
Well NEWS FLASH, Walter Cronkite. You're naught but a fool.
That 250k you donated is neat
I'll match it- see, poem for poem, you're beat.
Sitting next to me, reading these words
listening to the chirping of the birds
outside. a look of horror crosses your face
as you realize you've lost this race.
You can't beat my linguistics. Don't even try
Hmm, what rhymes with "try"? "Pie"?
Ouch, I'll admit that line was absurd
But still, in the end, my spoken word
Is the best. It's completely awesome and so
Give up on life. Red light stop- Green light go.
I'm first place. I'm king. The leader of lands
I ride with Daemons on steeds with NO HANDS!
"No hands?" you say? "Surely not!" but it's true
no hands is a specialty of mine. I have few
talents that I don't excel at, in fact,
I can't think of any that I can't beat Cyborgin at.
MPR, NetWorth, and general coolness
Cyborgin is 2nd in all except fool-ness
That rhyme was a stretch, I'll admit. But it's true
Cyborgin, I'm strictly better than you.
See, your poem is long. It intimidates
but my poem has talent. If your head inflates
much more, then they'll put you on Oprah and say,
"Do the kids pick on you at school every day?"
You won't mind. the attention will do you some good
Cuz next to me, you're as boring as small piece of wood.
And Sefton? Don't get me started. You see
Cyborgin may be second to me
But you stay in third. The shame must be great
To know that a loser can still get a date
unlike you. Just playing, buddy, I love you
But say goodbye to your cash (and pride too)
Cuz this contest is mine. It's over and done.
Just send me the money. It's clear that I won.


Uruk]TetraDomino
(Musical Chairs) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $250000 -- Hey sweetcheeks

Sefton (Sefton) 70.237.197.58 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Boast 11:03 AM EDT

Someone has entered the ring, had something to say,
someone who knows nothing about this great game that we play.
He talks about skills, and how he is elite,
but in the end, he still will be beat.
I took a look at what the competition had to offer,
as I clicked the down enter, to fill up my coffer.
He started this game 19 days later than me,
so what powerful creations are there to see?
Why nothing of course, his words empty boast,
His highest MPR character couldn't butter my toast.
After playing this game for many a month,
look at his characters and say it with me, chump!
I am the master of disaster, the CB playing man,
I have the greatest of skills and a better plan.
He speaks of age as if it is a bad thing,
But I bet his voice still cracks when he sings.
I can take any strat and just make it better,
my CB jacket is the only one with a letter.
I play this game with the greatest of skills,
and all the losers are still counting my many kills.
So lets take a look what CyBorgin skills have to say,
Excuse me but, steel shod boots just is not the way.
And that VA is wasted, when it helps only Dragon,
If Cyborgin goes to AAA he has fallen off the wagon.
So that is it, that is all his elite skills have to say,
Tic tac toe is a better game for him to play.
Cause then he might even have a chance to win,
Or perhaps he should try Twister, that is is easy to spin.
Notice how he tried to take the focus from CB,
to say he is somehow better than me.
But this contest is as it the rules clearly state,
about CB boasting, and whats on your plate.
My plate is full of much CB greatness,
his plate fills with johnny come lateness.
I have had a top ten character, I have helped change the game,
a look at his characters, man they are lame.
So go back to class, I recommend CB pre-school,
so you can speak of CB skills and actually be cool.
Next time when the urge hits to join the foray,
make sure your characters can back up the words that you say.
Because Cyborgin is just no competition,
he is slowly headed down the road to perdition.

I am a CB playing master, I am better than you,
and if you want to throw down, you need a score to PR ratio greater than two.
Cyborgin can barely get above one,
so it is easy to say he is already done.
Thanks for the donations, that 250K
will help me keep up my dominate way.

PEACE

Wow, way to bring the competition up to the next level, guys!

Clarification time: "Boast on whatever you like..." The boasts do *NOT* have to be about CB. They can be about whatever you like - for example, I quite commonly boast about my looks in chat. This is what I'd boast on were I in the contest simply because that's where I have you all beaten. Play to your strengths, not to your opponents'.

That's your tip for the day. Keep it up, guys! ^.^

More tips:

1. Poetry isn't the only way to sway an audience.

2. Putting your money where your mouth is does indeed win points with the judges, as it shows one's confidence in his or her own boasting abilities.

3. Boasting is a good score-booster, but so is debunking one's opponents - but do keep in mind that this is a Boasting Contest, not a jabfest.

4. I do not know when this contest will end exactly. Read rule 5).

5. If you have further questions, ask through this Contest thread, rather than coming to me personally through PM/CM/Chat.

Well, since it doesn't have to be in a rhyme, lets talk about results,

Vlad Tepes defeated Cassidy (Vicious II) after 4 rounds of combat.

Vlad Tepes defeated Musical Chairs (Ur and Uruk) after 4 rounds of combat.

Vlad Tepes defeated Sefton (Farm Equipment) after 7 rounds of combat.

VIVA LA TANKS!

edyit (NCB fund) 170.215.194.19 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5,000 5:38 PM EDT

Ayres defeated Vlad Tepes (Battle Royal) after 4 rounds of combat

Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Low on dough :( 6:19 PM EDT

This post isn't my big money, it's mostly some boasting.
However, first up for Sefton's some slow burning and roasting.
But if Sefton can take it, I'll turn up the heat.
Apparently, he doesn't get it that I can't be beat.

Carnage Blender is nothing- it's such a small thing.
Bashing my char? Do you expect that to sting?
I keep forgetting that real life will oft take a toll
On my score, mostly, but of course, never my soul.

But Sefton keeps rambling. He's clearly quite dense.
His talking about rules doesn't make any sense.
I can boast about anything, not just this game.
So that must mean that I can bash anything the same.

See, Sefton doesn't bother to check out my real strat.
Pumping my ToA tank is right where it's at.
I tear shreds through most teams like they're words on a page.
I only run in to trouble when I encounter a mage.

But I know that's my weak point, which will get covered up
With an AMF Enchanter, you insolent pup.
And the cream on the cake will be a fourth minion
With strictly AS to continue my winnin'.

But you only look at the numbers and sure, it looks bad.
Two minions? 100K PR? That's sad.
Sure, my character has been around quite a long time,
But I have a real life. Is that such a crime?

Inspect the character "Twin Hits". It's simple to see
I "donated" almost all of my money. To me.
Only 50K left now! I'm near destitute.
But since I will win, the whole "broke" thing is moot.

Now let's get to the boasting- I'm numero uno!
See, I can speak Spanish! Is it a language you know?
In fact, I can speak any language, I have the great gift of tongues.
But if you want to talk gifts, I've a number of ones.

I get dozens of women! I just can't keep them off me.
They call me incessantly. "DJ, let's go out for coffee!"
But of course, I deny them. For how can one match
The greatest of great. The best egg in the batch.

My days are amazing. I have plenty of money
I have power, prestige, and a good sense of funny.
I have a sharp and clear wit. A good and clean mind.
But there are hundreds of other good points you might find.

For example, I volunteer to help out the poor.
I mop up their mess, I clean up their floors.
I offer kindness to strangers, the young and the old.
I'll give up my jacket even if it means I get cold.

I'm a gentleman, basically. That's the best way to say
All the things that I have been and am to this day.
But that really is just a small piece of the pie
Of why I'm better than you are, so don't even try.

I could continue to rattle off all my reasons for greatness,
But then I would eventually be all your reasons for lateness.
For the list has no length. It goes on forever.
It has no end or beginning. It is always and never.

So I'll leave you with just a few words, to be sure.
I won't beat 'round the bush, and I won't be demure.
So read the next line, because that's where it's at.
I AM BETTER THAN YOU, AND WE'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT.

AngeI of Death (Cassidy) BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $500000 7:03 PM EDT.

Ok, obviously people want to see a little bit of rhyming, but first, I feel other things need to be said. I don't know what these kids are thinking, playing like they drop a lot of cheddar or whatever, or they deal with real cake or something, but I'll destroy them on any given playing field, they drop two hundred thousand like it means something, like I don't spend that daily on BA and necklaces, scramble your change up, and then maybe we'll see what happens, don't come around with two hundred thousand and act like you are all that and are some sort of baller or are Rockerfeller or something, your money is light, you lil' e-thugs.

Sefton makes posts about how he came into chat and got chased off by people talking about him being QB or some garbage, like "Oh here's why I don't chat, I'm never reading this post again, am I cool yet?" Like anyone even cares, and he won't get thrown down a flight of stairs and have his neck jumped on like a trampoline, he sold Gyaxx so he could camp full time, and then camping got removed, so don't even play like you are all that, you've been owned to many times you are public property, come into chat and we'll see how you do, if you want to play like you are an e-thug, or a poet, I don't even care, I'll clap you once for each personality, if you think you are hot with those weak little single, two line rhymes, you need to dig up Dr. Seuss and shake his rotten hand.

Tetra Domino's poem was the weakest thing I've ever read I don't even want to discuss it, I'll just say the following: "Too cool for school." I'm not even going to speak on this further, I can't even read past that without throwing up, but he drops two hundred thousand like it's something, and then can't even write.

I don't know why Cyborgin is, trying to play tough, but I've never even heard of him before he entered this contest, so stop trying to play like a celebrity, get out there, scramble your change up, so you can run with me, or whatever, get a little bit of fame up, and then come back at me. I can tell he's a scenester with those glasses in his picture, and he has lamb chops also.

Edyit gets owned in chat regularly, to the point of having to ignore me so he can go wipe away his tears, so I don't even know what he's thinking, beating characters that far below him, even ZAP's character can beat people THAT FAR below him, it isn't that big a deal, plus his entry was only about CB because he is weak IRL and had to resort to preying upon those who are lower PR.

Everyone of these e-thugs needs to get their cake up before they come at me, and _then_ I'll rip them in half or whatever, but don't come at me with two hundred and fifty like it means something, I'll drop a little poetry that will deal with all of you, just a little soft verse to get things started in terms of rhyming, I don't want to blow anyones brains into their wall just from reading it, I think a lot of it might be beyond some of you, so read it a few times, and you can CM me and beg me to explain a line to you if it is beyond you, though I probably won't. Here, all you Vicious junkies can get your fix for today, and everyone else better just step their game up.

I'll send you underground with the glock in my hand
I throw up colors like a box of crayons
I ain't asian homie but I got a lot of fans
I'm rockin the gems and they don't come from the clams

I'm like a jigsaw puzzle I got so many pieces
and I'm moving so much they call me telekinesis
My ice is like my gun it makes sure everyone freezes
My safeties like my handcuffs prematurely releases

I drop snow like blizzards, and I'm serving the street
I'll drop six C's just for kicks on my feet
I drop fake thugs, blood dries fast like concrete
Hit them with every shell, until the ammo depletes.

I'll burst your chest- like alien possession
I stay in the booth- and I don't mean confession
Your jewelries to die for- I don't mean the expression
So many cuts on my wrist? You think I suffer from depression

I got more TVS in my ride than a sports bar-
Earrings guide girls to me- like the north star

In fact, my diamonds look just like the night sky
If you want c or green then you know I'm the right guy
You can hit up my cell, I'm the glock and the knife guy
Gats kick like Jackie Chan, but I'm not Mr. Nice guy

The slug or the blade, Sefton, you choose
Didn't you sell Gyaxx two days before camping was removed?
And don't you play D&D IRL? ( I Know you do)
You create threads on your chat status, like it's news

Edyit can play thug, like he's running the streets
His char can beat mine (I've been back for a week...)
But in the grey box? His chat game is weak
He ignored me when I pwnt him, and he still thinks he's 1337

I'm on nothing funny, when I say I've never heard of Borg
But I stay with the heat, like the dwarf in the forge
My rage is a ship- e-thugs jump on board
And get slapped with their mousepads, and choked with the cord.

Hahaha.

If rap were still cool, I'd be intimidated. But I'm laughing!

Well, here's the rest of my cash money. Officially tapped out.

Which means- and lucky for you guys- no more entries for me. Not like it matters anyways.

Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $50000 -- I have no money. 7:30 PM EDT

Wow! With AoD's "Money where my mouth is" contribution, the pot for this contest has just reached $1,261,925!

The competition is heating up, but so is the prize,
Now those who have talent will find time to rise
Off of their duffs, on their keys they'll begin
to type up a boast that will hopefully win.
But who will stand out? Who will be the big cheese?
Who will make a boast so proud it brings all to their knees?
The Contest's still open, and I'm telling ya, it's true,
there's a chance if you'll try that the winner will be YOU!

Sefton (Sefton) 70.237.197.58 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Boast 7:23 PM EDT

First off, AngeI is actually Bebop. In case you do not remember this is the guy who played someone elses lap dog for a long time on CB1. I can see why you would change your name again. I mean you wouldn't want to enter CB2 with the stigmata of that. Considering your master eventually tossed you to the dogs and all. So when you speak of being owned I guess you know all about it from personal experience, you weren't even public property you were someone elses property, and if I have a choice I would take the former. So if you want to bring up CB past, perhaps you should take a look at yourself first. I personally think it was a mistake on your part considering your history and my knowledge of it. So I will stop it right there, but if we need continue down that path, I am well armed. :)

And BTW I sold Gyaxx to help out my family and it did! Had nothing to do with camping and everything to do with me wanting real cash to spend on my family. So please get your facts straight before posting things you know nothing about. But then again, remembering much of your many posts over the years, that really is your modus operandi, speaking tough about things you know nothing about, which appears to include that very difficult thing called punctuation. Here is a clue, it is free, and you still won't know what to do with it.

Also, atleast I have the skills to rhyme. You on the other hand have not a clue, sky, guy, guy, guy, now that takes real talent.

Lastly, what exactly is AngeI boasting about, I see a lot of running other people down, then a poorly constructed rhyme boasting about I am not sure what really. I think he is trying to say he can talk real tough. That is really something to boast about, so congrats you can fake being a tough guy better than most!

Now that little bit (and I do mean little) of unpleasantness is done, on to what everyone but AngeI seems to be doing a decent job of, boasting. :)

I will admit I think it was a mistake to open the boast to non-CB related things, because CB is somewhat of a level playing field. Granted, my CB skills makes it less level for the rest of you, but, in general terms, everyone starts out from 0 and moves at their own pace and ability, I just move a lot faster than all of you.

So a big wide open boast. OK, I won numerous awards for writing and even a statewide contest when I was about AngeI age, in 5th and 6th grade. I got straight A's all through school. In high school I started my own DJ business and cleared about $100 a month cash, which bought me an even better sound system than I started with. The straight A's in high school got me a free ride to a private 12K a year college. After college I developed web sites for Ralston Purina and Edward Jones. Now I am married to the best woman on the planet, I have created a life, my little girl, who tested in the 99th percentile for 3 year olds. BTW, that creating a life thing. It is not that hard to do, creating them, but caring for them, being responsible for them, and making their life good is the real challenge and one I excel at. I have two step children from my wife's previous marriage, and I care for them like my own. I set a good example, I work hard and provide for them all the things they need and want. Now I am the MIS director of my company, and I also provide DSL modems to telephone companies, the modem you are using right now to surf the net could have been provided by me. This is why open boasting is unfair. If you haven't finished high school yet, (or in AngeI's case grade school) then you have less to boast about. Shoot I could have said, I created a life, she is healthy, happy, and very smart, and left it at that. How can AngeI's gangster boast have a prayer to standing up to that, I mean he cannot create a rhyme, let alone a life he has any competence to care for.

As you will notice, I left the others pretty much alone. That was intentional. Bebop, AKA Vicious, AKA AngeI of Death (way to be original) seems to delight in running others down, and felt it my personal duty to make sure he understood his place, which is like it used to be, like a little dog at other's feet. Nice doggie, now roll over for your treat, now play dead, good boy, here is your treat! Sefton (Sefton) 70.237.197.58 AngeI of Death (Todd!) $1 8:45 PM EDT.

Not entering this, just making one point to set Sefton straight.

You're not married to the best woman on the planet.

I am.

:)

According to OB- individuals were under the impression I was resorting to low brow tactics involving the discussion of selling drugs in my entry- this isn't the case, and I apologize for being unclear. When I mentioned snow, I was referring to jewelry, as in diamonds, similar to the term "ice." When I said "Serving the streets," I simply meant having an almost military strangle hold on an inner city environment, not unlike the expression of one "Having been served." I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

Greetings players of Carnage Blender,

May I begin by asking you this?
Have all your manners gone amiss?
Is it necessary to squabble and bicker?
Your minds you see, I have seen no thicker.
Since you lack the intelligence to comprehend,
Such thoughts beyond that of beasts,
I shall, be kind enough, tell you why,
I am a King among men.

As you linger, and place testaments of rhymes,
I, my friends, shall stand till the end of time.
For my poems have been uttered by a million men,
And my works of prose, studied for endless centuries.
I’ll even let you into a little secret,
For years I taught my dear Shakespeare.
You may not believe, but I understand,
Because my friends, you are but men.

The greatest battles of men, I have seen and planned,
For another of my attributes is strategy.
No matter the odds my armies have seen,
The foe has always fallen, handing me victory.
Here’s another little name you may know,
For another of my disciplines is, you see,
My good friend, Sun Wu, of the sixth century.

The depths of the ocean, I have seen and wandered,
Creatures your imagination could not conjure,
I have held within my two hands.
Beyond the clouds I have explored,
A rainbow of planets have experienced my divineness,
But all this has not led to my blindness.

No, for I am not so arrogant to proclaim my greatness,
I am a man, but I am beyond this world,
For I care not to be the best on Earth.
Because the respect of the universe I do have,
And my respect I give it in return.
The Gods I have seen come to being,
Taking their throne among the minds of men,
Given powers they do not possess.

As men dawdle on religion and politics,
Craving over materialism and sexuality,
All this is beyond me, for I need no earthly goods.
This is but another second in the life of Time,
I have seen its awakening and I await the end,
So you see my friends, you shall not deny.
I am, indeed, a King among men.

I started the whole "I'm going to change my name to be similar to another famous CB person" craze with the Mem_Dotson event a few months ago. (True)

Jon was my clanmate in the begining of CB2. (Ministry of Pain)

Bast wants to have my children. (Ask her about it)

Sefton (Sefton) 70.237.197.58 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- the winning entry 3:31 AM EDT

This is my little girl. Unbeatable :)

lol, i haven't seen a reply in over 12 hours.

go seft! :P

There hasn't been a post in twelve hours because I haven't needed to post anything else to ensure my victory.

However, some talk in chat has got my blood boiling, since people think Sefton will win because he has a daughter. This is not the case. While I am happy that Sefton is proud of his child, this does not make him cooler than me. While he feels this is an immediate win, this isn't the case. Again, while I laud his courage to bring new life in to the world, it is not a unique experience.

And in my own defense, some straight-written boasting.

In first grade, I was accelerated in three subjects- reading, writing, and mathematics. They noticed my advancement in reading when I was bringing Hardy Boys books to school. I have also been extremely good at the "bees", winning my school's spelling bee in the first grade. I was competing against fifth graders. I was two years ahead of my grade in reading and writing, and one year ahead in math. I have continued to be a strong math-minded boy and remain one year ahead in math (meaning I am currently enrolled in college courses for Calculus but remain in High School). In fifth grade, I took an ACT-Explorer test. I answered incorrectly to two questions total. I placed within the top 99th percentile of children who took the test, who were solely gifted children to begin with. I was awarded with 1st place score in the state, and 3rd place score in the entire Midwest. Since then, I have gotten more and more interested in computers and taught myself reasonably advanced HTML while attending the sixth grade. I wrote my own web page in seventh grade, and later wrote a web page in eighth grade for a social studies project- needless to say, I got 100% on that one. In ninth grade, I started learning the coding language for Diablo II, and have been working on modding it ever since (proof? Last year, I wrote a post to ask if anyone wanted to be featured in it. Also, look on the site www.phrozenkeep.it-point.com and search Borgin, which is myself). Five months ago, a friend of mine got me interested in grander programming, and since then, I've been teaching myself Python, the language used by NASA in most of its programs.

Now sit back, relax, and enjoy my next poem.



Ladies and gents, gather round. Hear a tale.
Of the best of the men. Matriarch of the males.
He's is strong- made of sinew. Of tough flesh and bone.
His talents are sharpened and his skills are well-honed.
He is good-looking and humorous. Young, kind, and bright.
He gets hundreds of ladies. He's the woman's delight.
The cat's meow. The bee's knees. The atypical "hunk".
He's awesome, tubular... and that 70's junk.

But the last stanza was done hurriedly. It wasn't complete.
Since his greatness can not be written on only one sheet.
So this stanza in which your eyes currently coast...
Well, hurry it up and read on with the boast.

He has ridden on angels with great golden wings
He has destroyed countless s, he has dined with great kings.
His steed is a black mare, sans bridle and taming.
Just a glance at the beast and its will started waning.
His sword is so mighty, the Olympians fear it.
He's only swung the blade once- now no foe will come near it.
Valiant and untouchable, legendary and grand,
There is no dispute, he's the best in the land.

But his physical prowess is not his one power.
With his mental capacity, even Einstein would cower.
He is witty and cunning, he is fox-like and quick
Agile-minded and studious, indescribably slick.
He's tutored the gods, since he's learned from the best.
Yes, the best is himself. I wouldn't dare jest.
If anyone else possessed such a great mind
They could release our fallen world from this untangleable bind.

For a beacon of light in this darkess is he.
He's the bright, shining lighthouse on the edge of the sea.
He's our world's undoubtable savior. He is our Only One.
He's the father of the world. He created the sun.
He flies above angels. They acknowledge his coming.
They orchestrate every motion with trumpets and drumming.
His touch is kind, loving grace. His glance melts cold hearts.
His footsteps grow flowers in the foot-stepped-in parts.

In short, he's angelic! He's heroic! He's strong!
It's true, he's a genius! He deserves ode and song.
He brings glory to humans and peace to the beasts
He supports some of the greatest, but mostly, the leasts.
He is honest and strong. He's immune to corruption.
He is guaranteed to save our sad world from destruction.
If you ask him a question, he can not tell a lie.
Just ask him his name. All his friends call him Cy.



Oh, and here's the transfer log.

[Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $50000 -- Money and mouth. 5:03 PM EDT

You all suck.

I am great.

I was QB on CB1, and am QB again now. I enjoy playing solitaire with the other CB player who can make that boast.

Sefton should actually have my current CB title.

I hate clans because they have the potential (I'm being kind. "Reality" would be a much better word than "potential") of people doing casual, yet terrible things, all in the name of "it's just a game", and "hey, it's extra bonus". When in a clan, I have never turned my back on anyone or "jumped ship" for a better opportunity. Since back when those I trusted did as such, the most I have been able to muster is a one-man clan. Try as I might, at least I won't abandon myself.

I was the last person on CB1 to topple Todd-Spydah when Todd-Spydah was still trying. Two against one, and I beat them with good friends, good advice, a moderate amount of USD (downright paltry compared to some amounts spent later on CB1 and currently on CB2), and perseverance.

I made suggestions and paid real money for change in the game that others now take for granted.

I can make NSFY laugh.

When filling in the blank in the following phrase representing an actual Changelog post: "The '_______ was right' change.", I am the only player who can insert his name and not be telling a lie.

Despite the previous boast, I have had people come to me and ask me to "change Jonathan's mind." I realistically decline.

I don't need to rhyme or rap to boast.

I don't bandwagon. In heated discussions, I am often the voice of reason when others have long since missed the point or ceased caring.

Along with other legendary players, I "get" CB.

I could focus and beat any specific character within four months if I so chose.

I am not putting any money into this contest because I don't need to. I'm great and I know it. And, quite honestly, I don't care if anyone even reads this.

AgentHurricane was my CB1 mentor.

Sutekh makes my legs turn to jelly. Granted, it's delicious, nutritious jelly. The finest jelly you can get in all the land. Much better than that crap Cyborgin and Sefton eat.

To prove i'm the best, Sutekh once passed his ultimate power onto me. I passed it in turn to some guy named Rhalkfon or something. But it was a decoy. I kept 99% of it for myself. So, while Sutekh would normally be the greatest of the great, I currently hold all of his powers and abilities and therefore will OB to give me 1st prize.

To own above all, I don't need fancy rhymes.
To own above all, I don't need to exaggerate or fabricate.
To own above all, I don't need my long list of real, RL experiences & accomplishments.
To own above all, I don't need to list my CB accomplishments.
To own above all, I don't need to put the opposition down.
To own above all, I simply need 3 words:

I AM BARZOOMONKEY

Thanks, everyone for playing. At your first convenience, send the pot to Penultimate Days, please.

Sefton said: This is my little girl. Unbeatable :)

Ranged Combat
Yellow Brick Wall skewered Sefton's Little Girl [29341]	Sefton's Little Girl's Magic missle hit Elphaba [16545]
Yellow Brick Wall struck deep into Sefton's Little Girl [22840]	Glinda absorbs damage [5844]
Yellow Brick Wall cries "Another brick!"
	R.I.P. Sefton's Little Girl

You were saying? ;-)

"go to sleep you little baby, your daddy's goin away and your mama's gunna stay and didn't leave nobody but the baby" ;)

This all sounds so sweet, how you all try to make your lives sound so important and significant.I applaud you all for tending to my entertainment! Haha, it's all been good y'all, but I suppose this has dragged on a lil long. As much as I admire you drive to amuse me, I must put an end to this and acquire what money is mine. There has been much talk of what you all have, but you see here, what I have, is all of you. You are my friends, you all are, yes? So I own you. I own you and everything you can do, everything you will do, everything you have done. I own you and everything you have. As my personal toys, I command you to hand me my money and let this rant end. Thank you, OB. This was fun and worth my energy to read. I have heard some of you say how long you've been here. Haha, time does not matter when I hold more potential in my little finger. As for the little girl Seft, she's a cute little girl, and I'm glad I have had the oppotunity to set my eyes upon her little picture. But don't think a pretty face can undo what I have sown. This is a chapter of my life story, and each of your names are but in the intro sentence. Now you know I do hold you high, I started with your names, and as an offering of kindness, I end with them, telling how you all have come together to pay me with what i take as admiration. You all trying to boast, you're full of yourselves, but you see, I am superior. I give you a taste of what what I am. Again, thank you for the entertainment, it's been a laugh. I expect more from you all, but I will keep the bar low, I know you cannot strive to achieve greatness as I have. Keep up the good work.

tscm (Lesser Evil) 24.19.123.89 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $50000 -- extra rant $

Now that I've finished controlling tscm's mind to make a fool of himself, I'd like to point out that I do in fact need the money posthaste. I have a bid going on some EG's and it's inevitable that I will be outbid, and I need the money to bid again. I would to have to pull this mind control trick on you too, OB. Just send the money.

Now now, I do not like that attitude. After all I have done for you you wish to try to insult me? Hah, I know there are some of you that think I do not deserve my money. I am really suprised that you would pay to try to outdo me, which there is no outdoing here! I was stating facts, the truth. Now, I would have gotten angry at you for your sudden outburst of rebellion, but you have made it up I see. Thank you for contributing to my sum, even if it is to try your best to sway the loyalty of my servants such as OB... HA! If that's possible, he's much too keen and brilliant to be consumed by ranting of the likes of you. He is beautiful, and with that beauty, comes cunning, you cannot outcon the beautiful cunning con that is my loyal servant forever now and forever then that is OB. OB, please be kind and take it upon yourself to set their faces into the dirt swiftly, for my hands cannot be dirtied by the likes of commoners who show rebellion in the line of chaos. My judgement is final, and this is the way it shall be. Please post more for my entertainment, and please do contribute to my money that OB is keeping safe until I make room for it all. Please do be a dear OB and will these lessers to obey if not you, then me, and make my money grow. ttyl bud.

I starred in an Adult Movie at the age of three, and still have a copy of it on VHS.

Beat that.

Thats Gross man!

I starred in an movie at the age of 2 and 1/2, and still have a copy of it on DVD.

Beat that.

TD, Screenshot or it didn't happen. ;)

Boasting requires no actual facts. Tetra is the Duke of Startled Goats and the King of Bedside Manor.

| r T3|¬ U|33r! P34R /\/\3! /\/\y |304$t|ng Kn0\/\/$ n0 |30un|)$! | P\/\/n J00!

Look at this:

[Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $13075 -- 2 mil prize now. 7:31 PM EDT

That brings my total "donations" to 318,075. Just for the record.

And out of curiosity, has anyone donated that much who's actually had a decent entry to back up the cash? Sefton has been my only competitor so far. Why?

Points:

-Angel_of_Death. His first post was pretty much unreadable, and those sentences which were salvageable by my cunning mind were horrendously drawn-out. I actually was out of breath, reading his post in my head. His second post- that dreadful rap- made me laugh. Then cry. Then laugh again. Then I wanted to gouge my own eyes out and claw at my stomach. Then I laughed again. But seriously... not impressed.
-TetraDomino. He made a valiant attempt, but it sucked. The poem was a lame jab at humor which just flopped. I'm almost embarrassed for him. What a waste of 250K.
-edyit. Cool guy but can't boast for poo. I mean, God doesn't play CB, but he's still cooler than everyone. Having a good CB character doesn't make you cooler than God. Or me, for that matter.
-Carbonize. Nice try, but a lot of lines didn't rhyme very well and he didn't keep up the scheme throughout- notice the odd six-line stanza. And it didn't really make sense.
-deifeln. Well bud, I'm happy for you that you've got three things going for you... but that isn't enough. Sorry.
-sutehk. Yeah, he's cool. But no entrance fee. So... no win. So... lame. And I to drive this point in to the ground, but CB exploits aren't much to brag about. I'll give him that he exploits are pretty impressive, but it's sort of like... being the coolest kindergarten kid and then going in to a high school. You're still a kindergartener.
-BarzooMonkey. Well... if I were you, I wouldn't brag about it. Heh.
-TehFrod. HAHAHA. Gave me a good laugh. Although the killing of Sefton's daughter was in bad taste.
-tscm. Okay, the whole thing was completely ridiculous. I read the first three words and stopped because it wasn't making sense. If it is really a good post though, maybe this is the winning entry.
-GentlemanLoser. Another impressive boast. Sadly, completely illegal. See Frod's "reason for un-winning-ness".

Now hopefully that didn't come off as flame-ish. I was only attempting to voice reason to the judges as to why I am the clear victor of this "contest", which was really "Cy gets 2 mil once he posts".

How about another boast? I'm done with poems- if they don't win me this contest, then virtually nothing will.

My last boast was pure "intellectual". That isn't nearly who I am. Sure, I'm a smart young lad, but that isn't ALL of me.

Now before you read this and say, "Wow, Cy sure is a lame-head," realize that I am quite young. Sefton simply has age on me. If I were (I'm being generous with age) thirty-five, I'd probably own a South American country. Heck, virtually all of CB has age on me.

Although I am only in high school, I am the current music director of a local radio station. That means I contact music labels, I talk with bands, and I get free CDs. Not to be a "scene kid" (urbandictionary.com if you want to see what it means), but I am very aware and up-to-date with even the most obscure bands (that release CDs on the labels I contact). I love music, and I love being on a microphone. There are dozens of people who work with me, and I am the music director. They are my grunts. In fact, I actually became music director last year- only one year after taking a broadcasting class at my high school. My teacher hand-picked me as the "best" candidate to apply for the music director position.

Among my many friends, I am considered a strong person of solidarity. My mood is a constant "good". I have a long temper. I have a good head on my shoulders, not only in raw brains, but common sense, empathy, and social intelligence. It's no surprise (to me at least) that I am a constant font of advice to my friends, and a kind and firm shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold, or just an ear to listen. I have changed my friends' lives for the better. To my current knowledge, I have stopped two of my close friends from physically harming themselves (and might I add: Damn you, high school, for being so hard on smart but geeky children!), another two from getting in to and alcohol, and another one from stealing a large amount of merchandise from a local, family-run collectible store. Even my teachers consider me a strong leader. One of my English teachers often needs to leave the room to take phone calls as he co-leads our Forensics team and is part of our Film-ography group. When he leaves, he places me in charge. And my peers don't think it's because I'm a suck-up; not because I'm a brown-noser. It's because I honestly am good at keeping others in line without making them feel like they are "under my control". I am respected by not only my friends, but even those more distant, including s.

In the second grade, I joined Karate. Within four months, I was an orange belt (the third belt in our system). I had skipped my yellow (second) belt. Within the school year, I was a green (fifth) belt- again, skipping a belt. While a purple (sixth) belt, I trained for a full day (nearly eight hours) with Bill "Superfoot" Wallace- google his name if you don't recognize it. He signed my purple belt. I then went on to progress in normal belt order up to my black belt, which I got as soon as is possible in our dojo- sixteen. It had taken me just under eight years to get my black belt. Sadly, I was eventually kicked out because I could not attend my Shihan's son's wedding. I don't know why it warranted being kicked out, but it did. I'm confused about it to this day.

At my place of employment (a local grocery store), I am one of a handful of people (and I'm the youngest of all of them) who are trained in more than four departments. I am an invaluable asset to our team. I mean, I dated my boss's daughter for a month and violently broke up with her. And I still have my job. If that isn't impressive, I don't know what is.

I started playing CB1 in 2002 if I'm not mistaken. I remember I joined right after Finger of was removed. I was known by a fistful of admins and most of the CB community. I was fourteen, and people were still surprised at my maturity. I sucked both Twisty (who is on the Wall of Remembrance in the wiki) and FieryChica (who I wouldn't doubt is remembered by a few here) in to this game, along with the lesser-known Jakieboo. Oh, and I got TetraDomino in to this game, if memory serves. I had a number of strong characters, although I was never in the top fifty even. I will admit that I am a little weak at boasting in CB, but I still think I am at the very least, one of the many gems the CB community itself can really boast about. I am an honest, mature voice in chat. I always use correct punctuation and grammar. I treat others with respect. I offer what advice I can about CB, and offer much more advice about life in general. I make others laugh by simply typing text. While I may feel over-glorified when others say "Hey Cy", it's at least a sign that, well, people know me. I'm no Todd, no Stump, no MrsDi. Heck, I'm not even BarzooMonkey. But at least I'm part of the community.



I forgot one small "intellectual" boast from my last boast-post. Here it is.

I took the ACT this year, and two AP tests (which allow for testing out of basic college courses). I passed both APs, Calculus with a 3 and Physics with a 4. In comparison, my sister got a 2 on the Calculus AP and her boyfriend got a 1. And in case you're still in the dark, Calculus is one of the most difficult maths one can take while in High School. Even my father, who is a doctor (and who was originally a Math major), was unable to help me study. Physics is a different story- most kids don't even take basic physics classes in high school because it's "too hard". I took physics as a freshman. I took Advanced (AP) Physics as a junior. I was one of two freshman even ALLOWED to take physics that early. As for my ACT test, I surprised even myself by getting a 34. Most state schools require a minimum ACT score of between 21 and 25. Even the more competitive schools will accept students with an ACT score of between 28 and 32. The test is scored out of 36.

Hopefully this helps you know a little more about me, and my "goodness", since I'm not that haughty to call it "greatness". I hope to one day be great, but I have to wait for that day to come.

On a less competitive note, I am pretty dismayed at the low number of unique entrants. If anyone is even considering boasting, do it. At the very least, it's great for the self-esteem. It's cheap. It's good as a way to laugh at yourself.

So boast.

--CyBorgin

PS- I created the universe. On accident.

Cyborgin, I commend you. Normally I wouldn't give a whit about anything that spews out of your underbrushed, juvenile mouth. However, I was honestly stung by what you have said in your last post and doubly depressed that you actually had an effect on my mood. I'd like to point out to everyone here that Cyborgin is in fact an intelligent individual. At first glance, he is a highly academic person, one who you'd assume got straight A's. Math and science have nothing on him. He also got a "D" in Western Civilization last year because he doesn't know how to write a journal. I'm not entirely sure he can read either.

Also, Cyborgin wasn't potty-trained until the age of 11. He still wets the bed. He comes home late at night reeking of smoke and . When he skis, his legs are 3 feet apart. He has a chin-strap. He wears emo-goggles. He has a weird-looking back. You can connect the pimples on his shoulderblades with a marker and make a boat.

When I was arrested for possession, Cyborgin wouldn't speak to me for several days. I couldn't sleep one night because all i could hear were my parents and him talking about what a failure I was. I thought he would be the one person I could turn to to get some sympathy from the situation. Instead he nearly drove me to pouring boiling water on my head. I didn't want to die, you see- I simply wanted to inflict a ton of pain on myself. I am not a violent person. I've never had thoughts of inflicting pain on myself before and haven't ever since. But when I heard my own brother telling my parents he no longer wanted to speak to me, no longer wanted to see me, and complaining because his "friends" wouldn't let the topic of me breaking the law go, I very nearly burst out of my room and broke his arms. Instead I sat in my room and cried myself to sleep. It was the first time I cried in 3 years. Whoa, sorry to reminisce, folks.

I no longer expect to win this contest. I simply don't want Cyborgin to win. It was an awesome idea and on the whole, I think it went very well. Sweet idea OB! I hope the 250k goes to someone who deserves it. Not a disgusting traitor like Cyborgin. By the way, I always have more clan points than you, you loser.

Cyborgin, i'm going to kick your butt when you come home tonight. You won't know why until you read this thread. I suggest before coming to me with all your disagreements, you take an honest look at your life and realize how pathetic and irrelevant it actually is. And your radio show sucks. I love you, buddy.

I havge to agree with TetraDomino that that spoiled, self-absorbed, self-important child doesn't even remotely deserve to win.

Oh, and I forgot my entrance fee earlier:

BarzooMonkey of Death
(Penultimate Days) 69.161.87.38 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $1000000 -- I AM BARZOOMONKEY 10:34 PM EDT

TD, I can take a joke. But that was NOT a joke, that was a sick, disgusting, and low way of "getting your point across", which really had no point to begin with.

Can we get this contest back to boasting and away from the flaming?

I'm still looking for some competition here. Heh.

-TetraDomino. He made a valiant attempt, but it sucked. The poem was a lame jab at humor which just flopped. I'm almost embarrassed for him. What a waste of 250K.

Ouch! Well, one good turn deserves another, Cyborgin. Now shut up.

"I then went on to progress in normal belt order up to my black belt, which I got as soon as is possible in our dojo- sixteen. It had taken me just under eight years to get my black belt."

That is the reason not to win... 8 years! >_<

I took up Karate in the third year of secondary school due to being mercilessly bullied, (Aged 13) and within three years had got to Brown Belt (First Kyu. Belt before black). I only didn't go for Black, as my club changed it's emphasis from self defense to competition wining.

The bullying stopped. ;)

Since then I have trained in a Western Martial Art, Xing Yi, Chou Gar Southen Style Mantis and am currently learning Tai Chi Chuan. With the possibility of also studying Capoeria.

Karate is a very basic Martial Art, and nothing anyone should 'Boast' about learning. They pratically give black belts away... ;)

I would also like to boast that I got the Cloak of Balrog Flame nerfed into it's current tame Rune form. :)

Well, you know, I thought that this contest would be a breeze like last year, but seems that although I am the clear cut winner, the judges have a lot more noise to sift through, so I would go ahead and well really brag, so here goes.

Bill Gates borrows money from me.

Before he knew me, Tiger Woods was a wonderful minature golfer, now, after just a little bit of my golfing knowledge, he does pretty well on the PGA.

Carlos Santana was working a hot dog stand, when I handed him his first guitar. I showed him a few licks, taught him a few chords, and sent him out into the world to seek his fortune. He still sends me Christmas Cards and seeks advice for his new songs.

When I met Barry Bonds in college he was hitting weak dribblers to the mound. After I showed him how to properly swing a baseball bat he started hitting home runs. He also asked for help with how to deal with the media, I guess no one is actually perfect huh, at least I got the home run thing right.

Antonio Banderas was a geek with not a clue how to deal with a woman. After I helped him with his make over, taught him a few pick up lines, he seems to do much better with the ladies. Who knew that acting advice I gave him would pay off?

Sean Connery had this harsh bronklyn accent. I told him it would not fly, with his looks he needed scottish accent if he was to have any chance at a movie career. Ever since my coaching, his accent has landed him a few major roles!

Shaquille O'Neal was about 4'7" tall when he came to me and said he wanted to be much taller. I suggested a few techniques for growth, and he jumped up to like 7 feet tall. He still had some coordination issues. I showed him how to dribble, and slam dunk, and even shoot free throws, shame he never took my advice on the free throws.

Wayne Gretsky was running a roller skating rink when I noticed he seemed to have a knack for skating. I showed him how to ice skate, how to handle a hockey stick, and low and behold he took to it pretty well, scored a few goals in the NHL and everything.

Cal Ripken was getting ready to quit baseball after 1000 games, and called me for advice, I gave him a good pep talk. I hear he stuck with baseball a little while longer after that.

Mike Tyson was a 100lbs weakling before he got onto my exercise regime. Pretty soon he bukled up. After I kicked his rear end a few times, he asked me to teach him how to fight. Somehow I think he must have thought I said "bite" somewhere, but regardless he actually turned out to win a few boxing titles.

Everyone seems to love my long posts, so I will end it there, besides if I have to talk about ALL of my skills, someone accuse me of having a big head or something, so I will leave it with these couple out of my thousands of serious accomplishments.

forgot to post the transfer, it gets old though sending my money away with no interest.

Sefton (Sefton) 70.237.197.58 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Boast 12:44 AM EDT

And I got Sefton where he is today. I don't like to boast about it, but I will! :D

I don't know... I'm not much of a boaster--I'm too much of a truthful, salt-of-the-earth guy, but I guess I can try.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I really should have been a teacher. Mentoring (in the "real world") is really my strong suit.

A few years ago, I was talking to someone in IRC who was just learning to program. He was full of questions and ideas, and wanted to try his hand at writing something that people would actually like and use. I really didn't have much time to help him, what with helping Tim out with that markup language stuff and feeding ideas to Guido for his little side project, so I pointed him to an HTML book and a Tripod account.

A few weeks later, I was knee-deep in debugging some nasty self-modifying script that Larry had apparently abandoned to its own devices until it went replicant and started ordering laserdisc copies of Broadway musicals and aftermarket Camaro exhaust parts, and this guy called me. I mean, on the phone, y'know, that plastic thing on my desk that people use when they don't have a net connection handy? He wanted me to see his site. "I'll wait while you look," he insisted.

I'll be kind. It was, well, interesting. It would have been state-of-the-art...around 1995. I mean, I didn't know you could do that with blink tags, and there were colors on that page that I swear were from some non-Euclidean Bizarro version of the RGB colorspace. At least he had the ad banners sized correctly.

I took a deep breath... and told him that my net connection was down, and I'd look at it later. Well, this guy just wouldn't hear of it. That afternoon, he faxed me a copy of the front page of the site. I was a bit irritated by this time, so I shot off a quick email message saying "all the colors on the page are showing up black and white, and nothing happens when I press the links." I thought he'd get the joke, but then I got another fax, with "Sorry, try this one 10x THX!" scrawled across the top.

Well, to be right honest, I felt bad after that. Really bad. So I canceled my weekend shooting match with Eric and Dick and spend two solid days on IRC with the guy, helping him work through the tag soup. After he explained what exactly it was that he wanted to do, we came up with a real architecture for the site, and that night the first version of it was up and running. It wasn't pretty, but it was less ugly, and that was a good thing.

He's improved his skills a lot over the past few years. The site pretty much runs itself, the code is nice and clean, and he's even started putting some whizzy new "AJAX"-type features in it. It's gotten to the point that people are actually paying him to use it. He keeps offering me a cut, but I always decline. It's honestly enough for me to know down deep inside that I helped him get to where he is today.

By the way, if you want to check out the site, here's a link.

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus' uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy--
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I just voted along with the BMG. Beat that.

Frod and Sefton- much applause! Your wit and genius make me pause.
You're both clearly much above me with your mind, words, and sharp tongue.
But note the words as they pass my jaws- it's the effect and not the cause.
I'm still the king of boasting, I've got you beat, and I am young.

When I crunch numbers with pal Brian, I'm done with two when one he's still tryin'
The only reason I'm not here is because I wrote the list myself.
I devised this great game's eloquence (after all, I have 20 intelligence).
And that's impressive because my race is Orcish- I am no man, dwarf, gnome, or elf.

My conversations with buddy John Seem to never last too long.
I must be too advanced in the subject of late Greek Philosophism.
But we still sit and sip our tea (since he stays quiet in my company)
And I still know he'll drop his cup even with my massive astigmatism.

I've read many children's books And I have dined with the greatest cooks
(But for the record, never eat anything that this cook puts in front of you).
I love physical activity. It's good for the longevity.
And climbing hills must be my favorite. This one's got quite the view.

I can go on and on like this. At least this rhyme's too strange to miss.
It's clear- my post is sure to win, of that there is no doubt.
So here's to my opponents- You've been a great component
to help me win. Too bad this whole contest was destined to be a rout.

Boaster]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $40000 -- More cash. 3:10 PM EDT

Verifex, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

I am the very model of a tank-mage-and-enchanter team.
I keep my Mithril Chain Mail, Elven Sword and Adam squeaky clean.
I always read the forums, but in Carnage chat I'm never found,
It's far too banal for a Carnage God like me to hang around.

Opponents that survive Ranged Combat rounds are few and far between.
For those I have a Vorpal Blade the likes of which are rarely seen.
My power is unbeatable; I farm Krang just for petty cash.
I never sleep so I don't need to use a fightbot like BadAsh!

The game itself has recognized my status as a VIP.
The blacksmith lets me jump the queue; he'll even forge a whip for me.
I know you're saying that you're just as special--and that may be true--
But answer this one question: do you have a chat bot named for you?

My strategy is secret. You would find it unbelievable.
For Wicked not to win would be--what's that word?--inconceivable.
You see in matters melee, ranged, and magical it can be seen,
I am the very model of a tank-mage-and-enchanter team.

My witty repartee with Bast is fit for young and young at heart.
I've raised the act of subtle innuendo to a form of art.
But searching Public Record never shows a fine imposed on me:
I'm very good at stopping just a hair's breadth short of non-PG...

In CB1 the Cloak of Balrog Flame was nerfed because of me.
The arrows inexhaustible were dropped right after I bought three.
The balance of the game's affected every time I sell my loot.
In short I am more popular than Elvis in a white jumpsuit.

My Cone of Cold can freeze the sea across the Earth's diameter,
I even write my boasts in perfect iambic octameter.
In short in matters melee, ranged, and magical it can be seen,
I am the very model of a tank-mage-and-enchanter team!



TehFrod (Wicked) 209.166.178.1 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $50000 -- good money after bad 3:34 PM EDT

May the Gods of Light Comic Opera have mercy on my soul.

Thread Closed.

Thread re-opened.


This contest will continue for approx. 48 more hours and then it will be OVER. So far there is 3.15 MILLION at stake here for the winner (minus x-fers) and only ONE winner will be chosen -- could it be you?? You'll never know unless you try!


Again, 48 hours. Keep it fun, keep it clean, keep it competitive. ~_^

SNK3R> How did Deifeln do that!?
Verifex> He has omnipotence.

Sefton (Sefton) 216.23.5.226 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- BOAST 5:51 PM EDT

WS Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan (commonly referred to as Gilbert and Sullivan) came to me with a working outline for a musical. They had a title called, "The Pirates of Manalikkihilikkihilikkimo", and asked me for my advice. I told them that the title was much too long, they needed something with more pizzazz. I suggested The Pirates of Penzance, and they liked it, and it stuck. After I taught them how to rhyme in iambic pentameter, they had me collaborate with them on the song that is now being ripped off by a few posters. So you are welcome. Without my effort you would have nothing to plagiarize or satirize, and you would have to create some original (and most likely not as good) works instead of using mine, I mean Gilbert and Sullivans.

Okay, so the BarzooMonkey doesn't really like to boast, but the competition has gotten pretty
fierce, and this is a pretty good story anyway. So, countless millenia ago, I'm just walking in
The Garden,humming to myself, working on a personal project. I wanted to work out the details of
steps and half steps, you know, sharps and flats, before I presented the concept to The Big Guy
for approval. Louie, who also seemed to be luring around all of the time, sneaks up and asks me
what I'm doing, you know, what's the sound I'm making.

I was kind of excited about the whole deal, so I told him about my idea: Music! I showed him some
of my notes, all about notes, harmony, melody, syncopation, and how different items would make
different sounds, and all that stuff. He's like "when are you presenting to The Big Guy", and I say
"First thing in the morning" and leave it at that.

So I wake up all ready to go, and realize that I've overslept. I call the Seraphim wake-up service
manager, and heshe says that Louie told them I was working so hard and was so tired that they
shouldn't disturb me after all. I race through The Gates up to The Kingdom, just in time to hear
The Big Guy proclaim Louie to be "Lucifer, Star of The Morning", for his invention of "music",
which made The Big Guy happier than anything any of us had come up with before.

Now, I realize that it was against the rules for us to show or express "emotions" because The Big
Guy was saving that for the exclusive use of you humans, but hey - Louie was showing pride and
ego by taking credit and glory for my invention of music, so I think I had justification to be mad. So
I start a mind-game campaign. First, I told Louie "No matter what you do, The Big Guy still loves
me best, and thinks you're a pathetic failure." Then I told The Big Guy that Louie was going
around telling everyone that he was even better than The Big Guy, because he invented music.
He actually was doing that, but I had promised him I wouldn't repeat it. Then, just to seal the deal,
I told Michael that Louie was boasting about how he could take him, easy.

Well, it all lead to a big fight, and The Big Guy got so mad that he banished Louie and had
Michael throw him into that big hole, and all that. I have to apologize to you poor humans - Louie's
been taking it out on you all of these centuries, because he never found out that it was actually my
fault... But Michael found out, but because he knew there was no way he could kick my butt, he
went to The Big Guy, and I was asked to leave "quietly", because my mischief was getting to be
too much to deal with. That's why The Big Guy gets credit for music, and you never hear my name
in any of the stories about what went down.

So, I left like I was asked, but I still get my digs in. Nothing evil, mind you, like cancer or natural
disasters and all the other stuff Louie does. I do stuff like creating the dinosaurs, and evolution,
and all that scientific stuff that puts doubts about The Big Guy in your heads. Heck, the whole
Renaissance was mine, and the 20th century was a hoot! The BarzooMonkey might be
mischievous and incorrigible, but I'm certainly not evil. And I don't like to boast.

;)

Johnnywas(Angle Of Deaf)
(The Clash) 86.129.77.60 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $20000 -- boasting contest 4:19 PM EDT

I'm Johnnywas. I'm about to celebrate one year of marriage to a beautiful blue eyed blonde twelve years my junior. I don't have to get up to go to work tomorrow.

I think that pretty much puts me ahead of the entire planet right now.

But that's not all. A week ago I invented a time machine. Which is why I haven't been online since last Friday. Last Friday for me was ten minutes ago. Whooosh! And it looks better than a DeLorean....

Let's just hope you're not 25 and married JW! O.O

Lol! Nah, I'm an older player...old enough to have played Space Invaders when it first came out, old enough that my first console was an atari, old enough to have seen the first Star Wars film in the cinema back at the end of 1977........


lol ;)

The contest is over, and the judges are getting together and making a decision. There will be a poll up shortly for your voting pleasure, compliments of G_Beee. Please stand by. ;)

SEFTON WINS!

BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) 206.148.180.45 Sefton (Sefton) $3127176 -- WINNER! (oops) 5:31 PM EDT
BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) 206.148.180.45 Sefton (Sefton) $31750 -- WINNER! 5:30 PM EDT

Thank you very much! I enjoy this contest every year, and this was no exception. The competition was much more fierce and the prize quite a bit bigger. So thank you again. I hope in the course of boasting and roasting, that anyone offended will accept my apology, for it was all done in and for the spirit of this contest, and certainly not meant personally.

I will see you all next year, same bat time, same bat channel :)

:D Well done Sef!