A Boasting Contest! (in Contests)

QBOddBird August 21 2005 1:27 PM EDT

This a boasting contest, plain and simple. Boast on whatever you like, make it PG, and show us your boasting skills. Prove to us that you are the best, tell us why, and make us believe it!

A few select players are unable to compete, as they have already submitted more than their share of entries unknowingly, have practiced in advance during Chat sessions, and thus have an unfair advantage over the competition. You know who you are. (I'm actually just kidding, you can still compete. You've just had a little more practice than the others, and I simply thought it fair to warn them in advance. If they somehow didn't know.)

The required entry fee is 5k, along with any donation that you might decide to make in order to prove that you really *ARE* willing to put your money where your oversized mouth is. Multiple entries will be allowed, so that you may attempt to "outboast" any competitors you feel are besting you at the time. The pot will be a minimum of 200k, donated by Bast and I, fees from the contestants, and any other donations made by competitors/generous donators/Jonathan (yes, you get your own category. Feel special. Also feel free to enter the contest and blow us all away with your mad boasting skills.) /bankers/loaners/gnomes/campers/etc.


1) You may not make consecutive entries, though you may make multiple entries in order to continue "outboasting" your opponents.

2) You must use correct grammar and spelling in all real words. Created words, such as superflendickerous and shibble-doo-woppible must be constructed properly and be legible, or as close to it as possible for a made-up word.

3) Putting your money where your mouth is shows your confidence in your ability to win. This increases your chances of winning, as it shows that you are willing to back up your words. This also helps to build up the pot.

4) No profanity, cursing, puns on curse-words, anything risque, etc. Basically, think before you type.

5) The contest will continue until (A) Interest is lost (B) a week has elapsed (C) Interest by the judges is lost (D) I don't feel like reading through all the entries (E) The pot gets extremely high and I feel like it needs to be given out already.

6) There is a possibility of multiple winners based on number and fantasticibility of entries.

wldflr August 21 2005 2:10 PM EDT

Must the subject be CB? Or anything goes?

QBOddBird August 21 2005 4:54 PM EDT

Anything goes. And also, send any donations to Contest Prizeholder, as well as entry fees.

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 21 2005 5:17 PM EDT

As promised!

Bast (Bartlett) to OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $100001 -- I donated the most! 5:15 PM EDT

Special J August 21 2005 5:19 PM EDT

mrwuss (Kaiousama) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $10002 -- Bast loses, again

QBsutekh137 August 21 2005 5:25 PM EDT

You missed a zero there, Wuss.

All bow before Bast. Except me. I'm Sutekh. Bast is my _cat_. That's how incredibly freakin' awesome _I_ am.

QBOddBird August 21 2005 5:29 PM EDT

That might be true if you had added another 0...Bast's mathematical skills appear to be beating you, mrwuss, and she's not even competing!

Phaete August 21 2005 5:40 PM EDT

Well, my actual name is Geb.
Together with my wife Nut we had some children, of which Set was one, though he likes to call himself Suthek these days.

wldflr August 21 2005 5:45 PM EDT

I am so awesome..... even after years of marriage, real life, and children... Sefton still loves me and treats me like a Queen :)

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 21 2005 6:34 PM EDT

Sefton (Gyaxx) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $20000 -- Boasting contest 6:32 PM EDT

Boast you say, and boast I will,
about my awesome character and my mad CB skill.
You may say Im not the top character, that much is true,
But I can do TWO things better than most of you.
If you look at all the characters above me on that list,
they have a lot smaller wallets now, if you get my drift.
It takes a lot of time and no small brain,
to make a character more powerful than a run away train.
But it doesn't take much to sink a grand or two,
then say "Ha" I'm better than you.
I built my character from my sweat and tears,
while other build there characters with house payments in arrears.
So now you know, its a true to life fact,
when you attack my character, you get the big smack.
So now bring it on now if you got the stones,
and I'll put your poor character with the rest of the bones.
I never had a NUB, or a helping hand,
but I changed the face of the game with my master plan.
I camp I fight and I do it well,
its these very facts that caused my head to swell.
I may not be the best at both of those things,
but you can see the success my CB skill brings.
To top it all off Im a wordsmith at heart,
So a contest like this gives me a head start.
If you got something to say, better say it true,
cause I can bring a world of semantic hurt on you.
In the end, I am the contest winner,
So give me my money, Im the mad CB grinner.

maulaxe August 21 2005 10:22 PM EDT

maulaxe (stIckSlayer) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $5000 -- fish. so there. 10:22 PM EDT

RedWolf August 21 2005 10:44 PM EDT


/me gapes at Sefton

! Love Barney August 21 2005 10:45 PM EDT

My donation.

Fat Tony (Italian Mob) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $1 10:44 PM EDT

Less is more :)

Pysche August 21 2005 11:15 PM EDT

Psyche (The Nameless One) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $10000 -- I'm Too Powerful For You To Deal With

Karmic Mishap [Soup Ream] August 21 2005 11:40 PM EDT

Karmic Mishap (Chao Tipper) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $21337 -- 700 |337 4 w0rdz.^.~ 11:40 PM EDT

QBOddBird August 21 2005 11:52 PM EDT

Just to clarify - your boasting does not have to be contained in the comment section of your donation. You actually can post your boast (<~~~ Dr. Seuss there) and make it as long as you like, in order to out-boast the earlier competitors. Examples: what Sutekh, Phaete, and Sefton did.

Karmic Mishap [Soup Ream] August 22 2005 12:03 AM EDT

In that case, I've also no choice but to inform you that the entire game you're playing was really my idea, given to Jon before I even knew it through its own goodness, and to ensure that I could _play_ it instead of having to _run_ it. In effect, you are all greatly indebted to me for the chance to play this contest. I should most definitely receive the pot.

QBBarzooMonkey August 22 2005 12:17 AM EDT

BarzooMonkey (Princess WonderDog)
OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $50000 -- Puh-leez!!! 12:07 AM EDT

A boastful Haiku:

His claim, a word smith
Sefton has used too many words
Boast this say the Dogs

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 12:33 AM EDT

So the gauntlet is tossed, is that the best you can do?
Make up one little tiny Haiku?
And while Im asking I must clear up the fog,
What the heck does a Monkey have to do with a dog?
Well I hope the competition has something more to say
Because the word smith will have his way.
I wont even bother to mention how simple,
I can pop Barzoo's character like popping a pimple.
His MPR makes it an unworthy contest,
But it wont change the fact that I am simply the best.

QBBarzooMonkey August 22 2005 12:33 AM EDT

But then again, so did I :)

His claim, a word smith
Sefton used too many words
Boast this say the Dogs

QBBarzooMonkey August 22 2005 12:42 AM EDT

Well, okay then.

Not tied to Monkeys,
Although Sefton's boasts will win,
Dogs never back down

J Carp August 22 2005 12:45 AM EDT

pretty nice Sefton....i like it all....

[MG]Mecca-Devilbot [Clan of One] August 22 2005 1:31 AM EDT

For in true, What is a word? A mere collection of symbols? A nuance that glimpses only the surface of what the mind conceives? For in true expressing oneself by these such symbols, nuances though they might be, and mere phantoms of the shadows of ideas that fly and twirl, is less then what you mean. And mean you do, as the mind delves the soft landscape of creativity, lounging graciously among the sweet grass of a growing idea, under a sky of quicksilver thought, and a sun of bright genius. For how can oneself be expressed? When all you have is but a box to confine, to tame the wild mind and turn a free flowing idea into a well oiled and stamped out mold. The mold that lives in death, and dies for life, all the while straining against a cage of doubt and conformity. Forged from creativity and cast in the furnace of the world, it rests heavy upon the gravity of brainpans around us, seeking always to confine and ensnare, bedazzle and confuse. But free we once were to roam the hills piled high from the bones of long forgotten thoughts, perished in the infancy of our lives, with out care nor desire for fulfillment. But out of death-filled hills comes the flower of the new day, bright and beautiful in all ways, breathing the fresh taste of long forgotten things, dark and devious though they were. Cast from a time and place not their own, which gave them strength and purpose beyond reason, for conquering of untamed landscapes. And so, for all intents and purposes your own, the symbols do fly and twirl, dance and bedazzle, locked within an iron cage. Never free to live, only to die, and become the hills. One day to bear flowers of genius, nourished by death and embraced by life. Plucked by the roaming mind, lounging beneath the quicksilver sky on a mat of pure though. Sniffed, oh so delicately, the quivering scent bringing tantalizing thoughts unto the mind, like the sight of lost worlds re-emerging once more from the annuals of history. Played a thousand times in each second, and a million times in each minute. Burning it's desires upon your soul, afire though it is with a thousand thoughts of a thousand years. And such, Eventually, will become a Word, expressing such hope and longing that cannot be contained. A word that, to some will be The Word, The Only Word, a Word to live for, and a Word to die for. A Word that evokes a strange sense of familiarity and longing, convaying the scent sniffed by the mind of a genius. While it lay among the fields of ideas, in the landscape of dreams.

[MG]Mecca-Droidbot (The Enforcer) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $5000 1:23 AM EDT

Worth more then itself, mere collection of electrons from unto me a symbol, nay an ideal. And with this ideal I pass unto you more electrons, that perhaps mean more to me then to you, or you then to me. But in passing Chance i see the prize, and Electrons bountiful and glorious trail it, as unto a sheppard with his sheep. Grazing the hillside of the netherworlds of the Hard Disk of life, they amble their way towards the victor, who flashes in the light of the worlds, a glorious glimpse into the mind.

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 22 2005 2:43 AM EDT

It's my turn to talk, listen if you can
I'd say I know Sefton like the back of my hand.
So needless to say he will say he's great.
But I have been sent to set everything straight.
He talks about singlehandedly fighting with blood, sweat, and tears.
Listen to his words, It's the NUB bonus he fears.
He's constantly babbling, "I'm great and I'm grand."
He's definately a pro at this giant grandstand
What is a Sefton anyways? Some sort of fish
Who flounders and dies and makes a fine dish
Backpedaling now thinking of what's been told
I am the winner Sefton. It was foretold.
So I want you to sit back and take it slow
and now that you're sitting you should know
that you've just been bested by good 'ol cupofjoe

Now I recall someone who has a haiku dog
Barzoomonkey don't be mistaken you are a frog
That hops back and forth from log to tree
Why are you in this you can't even beat me?
And then Mecca-Droidbot, what were you thinking?
Did you put thought into this or just pen and inking?
writing something down that you thought was clever
If I were you... well I'm not and I'd never
Put something down that sounded so absurd
But don't feel bad I read up to, "What is a word?"
So I will go now victory in hand
But what did I do you now demand?
I've done something that deserves some thanks
I've created the best CB2 Bank
No, no, stop, sit down, no need for a standing ovation
But I'll leave you with this banks handsom donation

[SoM]CupofJoe (CB2 Bank) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $100000 2:32 AM ED

Biscuitback August 22 2005 2:47 AM EDT

lol.. i think we have a winner...lol

Bull3t F4c3 August 22 2005 4:20 AM EDT

Now its Bull3t's turn to drop a flow
Ima smack up Sefton and spill "[SoM]CupofJoe"
Now after I talk about sefton, his spirits will be bruised
It'll seem as if wldlfr was on the nightly news
I feel sad that gyaxx was built though "sweat and tears"
Is that cold sweat because of fears?
Fear that some one would pass you when you sleep
That’s why every 3 hours, your alarm goes beep
And it's not hard to burn BA at work
You think of me at school and probably smirk
You also camp. I'll admit you are good at that
But you got no competition when im running track
Then you blacksmith rare items to make Gyaxx a solid slab
But at least I know how to forge a cab
So indeed your char wins cuz you have more time
But it also means you probably look like a swine
But don’t worry, that’s means you’re a good match
For wldflr after kids…and you know that that is that
And o yes you "treat her like a queen"
But WOW two swine is twice as obscene

Wiki Wiki Spin it backwards onto [SoM]CupofJoe
I'm owning his char with my pinky toe
He started a bank, so what? Who cares?
If he was smart he'd just loan out money, but I guess he's not aware
That I make way more interest while sipping on my Perrier
He has to work all hard to make 1%
Trust me you'll lose out, come to me if you ever need items to rent
And don’t try to steal the spot light, cuz ima spit this for real
You had an idea about Synge's idea?
Nice try, it was semi smart, but very tarn
Don’t worry, you'll make about as much as my farms

And WOW Mecca what can I say
What you wrote was a disgrace, you should be slain

Barzoo, what to do?
Did you write that dumb haiku?
Or did mommy help?

And for all you dense ones ^^^ was a haiku
I'm Bull3t F4ce and I dropped a BOMB on you

! Love Barney August 22 2005 5:42 AM EDT

Now i would drops some lines but i cant rhyme without cussing.
Dont want mrwuss in here to start fussing.
Ive got one job and thats to say, yo cupofjoe,sefton stop stuntin.
Your rhymes are lame. So i gotta smash.
Honestly dude, I've heard better smack from baby bash.
Frog, dog, hog, log. . . sounds like my baby bro rhyming blue with glue.
and the thing is, he just learned to tie his shoe!
Seftons a good camper, ill give him that much
but ill never trade in my social life to do that stuff.
Take it easy, theres only leather gloves in the store, that stuffs cheap.
So hit the snooze button and get yourself some sleep.
Moving on to cupofjoe, the self proclaimed genius.
Your bank is nothing new, we've already seen this.
I gave you two lines thats enough recognition.
/me cranks up R Kelly's remix to ignition.

Look whos left, Bull3t. Last and certainly least.
I caught up to his char in a matter of weeks.
Now hes my homeboy so ill leave it at that.

Now I've roasted these wanksta and boasted the most.
So oddbird, close this post and deliver my prize. Because in my eyes these pop tarts are DONE
Check it : WON.

QBJohnnywas August 22 2005 7:59 AM EDT

Great contest!

To the pot:

Johnnywas (Jack Crow) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $20000 6:57 AM EDT

QBBarzooMonkey August 22 2005 8:25 AM EDT

Opponents rage on
Swinging wildly with their words
Dogs are calm as steel

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 9:32 AM EDT

When I read the rules for this contest,
they said we are to boast we are the best.
So cup of Joe adds his words to the pot,
so what does he have, its not a lot.
I see a lot of words about running people down,
but where is your boast, you CB clown?
Oh wait thats right there is nothing for you to say,
you can't boast about something that's not there anyway.
So Ill disregard him, he can't read the rules,
Just saying words and talking like fools.

So up jumps Bullet perhaps he has something new,
about how great his character is, how it grew.
No wait, take a look its just more of the same,
of running people down, not playing this game.
Well I take that back he does have a word,
he speaks of forging cabs, isn't that absurd.
Well I take my hat off the the cab forging pro,
but if that's all he got, well then he's got to go.

So how about Fat tony, perhaps he has it right,
with boasted words and rhymes so tight.
Ha take a look at what this fool speaks,
How my rhymes are bad, yah well your character reeks.
Got something to say, a boast, what gives?
attack my character and we will see who lives.
But once again he says he has boasted the most,
perhaps a dictionary is in order you bland piece of toast.
Boasting is bragging about what you got,
from what I see that isn't a lot.

So there you have it, this is what I get,
a couple of fools who won't win this bet.
Sure they cut heads, and can run people down,
but when it comes to bragging I'm the best around.
I camp, I fight, I do it with class,
attack my character, you will be fertilizing grass.
Try to out camp me, and what do they find,
they are losing the rares like they are losing their mind.
So come on people, lets see how you crow,
perhaps you don't get it so I will talk REAL slow.
Tell me how great your CB skills are,
and if you haven't noticed I keep raising the bar.
Too easy I say to cut them all to the quick,
all two quarts short of oil on the mental dip stick.
PS I will add and do so with glee,
send in all your money so you can give it to me.

{CB3}-HR22 August 22 2005 10:25 AM EDT

Man, this is awesome!

! Love Barney August 22 2005 11:07 AM EDT

Who is this young cat? What is his boast? What does he brag?
Its quite obvious, just pay attention old hag.
Im merely a day, to your fortnight
Yet ive got half your strength and half your might
With twice your game and thrice your mind.
You shouldve stayed down, when i knocked you out.
You're putting up a struggle, prolonging this bout.
Just learn to let up, and place down your head.
Cuz after this flow,son you're practically dead.
"His character sucks, oh my god it reeks"
What you have forgotten, my babies just weeks.
Take a good look. It should be clear,
In a matter of weeks, Ill be what you fear.

"It is not fair" is what he'll say
"His NUB got him that way".
He knows whats happening
his days on top. . .dwindling.
"That damn NUB! keeps swindling me!!!"
You above, soon below me.
Know your spot, On your knees.

Is my flow not sick enough?
You want to get hard?
Best watch what you say cuz you'll get punked in my yard.
Your a pop tart, soft in the middle.
With a boast of a snicker, but a heart of a skittle.
I declare this battle mine, Its DONE.
Know whats good and quit now, Son. [Edited for use of serious profanity. fined 50k -- Shade]

Xiaz on Hiatus August 22 2005 11:08 AM EDT

Can't you kids read that big sign?
You all must be seriously blind.
The man wants you, to give him a boast,
Not choke on your, black'n'burnt toast.
Step aside you loud-lipped lamers,
Step I will, on you baby flamers.

Igniting my flame, with mister Fat Tony,
Riddin' around on his pansy, pink pony.
One job he has, and not that much too,
His baby brother, at least, has a clue.
Blue and glue, boy, what a rhyme,
This guy can really waste all his time.
Dear o' dear, I can imagine him cussing,
Potty mouth child, perpetually flushing.
Don't flame the others, my overly large brother,
You’re gonna get smacked by your own loving mother.

Next up we have, a victim of crime.
Or maybe he just stood in its line.
That bullet, it sped through unoccupied space,
Implanted itself in this poor guys face.
He shot the gun; it really did puzzle me,
Apparently he hadn't heard of gravity.
Straight up, that gun he sure indeed sprayed,
That spot he stood, he sure indeed stayed.
What goes up indeed does come down,
Maybe he was, really a clown.

Taking a break, I'm enjoying this so,
Before I sing a song, about greedy Cup of Joe.
He talks it seems, asks me to listen,
Can’t hear a word, is he praisin' or dissin'?
His job, I see, is running a bank,
Arm’n’leg interest, not him I would thank.
When Christmas comes, a present of coal,
in this Scrooge, there is an unfixable hole.

It's always good to be short and concise,
This Droidbot's wiring they neglected to splice.
On and on, he eternally did drone,
For millennia, not a change in his monotonous tone.
"EMP!" the universe, they all did cry,
His circuits, they wanted, to finally fry.
Not any more, will they be bored,
Praise me they do, for cutting his cord.

Who do you think, is finally left then?
Yes, it's that guy, who calls himself "Sefton."
Up the top, now he may be,
But once I'm there, he surely will flee.
The higher they are, the harder they fall,
Gyaxx come crashing, right down to the floor.
Maybe not now, but sooner or later,
He’ll meet, yours truly, the eliminator.

How good am I? They all sure can see,
But since you're all blind, just come and ask me.
Beaten you are, under my feet,
Unfortunate it was, me you did meet.
Ban you all, for trying to cheat.
Donate I will, cause I'm just so very elite.

:) - All for fun, don't take anything seriously.

SunnyRoad (TheElvenMagi) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $15000 11:04 AM EDT

! Love Barney August 22 2005 11:17 AM EDT

/me bursts into laughter after reading sunny's disaster

QBOddBird August 22 2005 11:23 AM EDT

(--Fat Tony, 11:07 AM EDT ) <~~ This post is disqualified for referring to profanity, Rule #4 here...but, as you paid for two boastings, you may repost a PG version if you like.

BTW, I like the nice rhyming thing you guys have thrown in. Gives your big tough boasting a nice effeminate edge. ;) Keep up the excellent work, give the judges a tough job!

! Love Barney August 22 2005 11:29 AM EDT

What do you consider profanity? If you can point out the cursin i will repost. If you think "b" is cursing, "b" means homie. As is "whats good b" or "aye b". I think i know what your thinking, but its not that.

Anathema August 22 2005 11:44 AM EDT

I'm The Center of the Universe.

I'm better than everyone. I kick butt at everything. The other day, someone cut me off on the freeway, so I sped up beside him and I rammed him off the road. Nobody is as good as I am.

Some people think I'm conceited. Oh well.

All my friends think I'm better than they are. Sometimes my friends ask "so how come you rule so much?"

One time I decided to play basketball, but I suck at basketball so I lost. Just kidding, I kicked everyone's butt because I'm the best.

I own everyone at everything. There's no use in trying to be as good as me because it's impossible. There aren't enough words to describe how good I am.

I AM KING. Everyone wishes they were me. EVERYONE.

If I weren't me, I'd wish I was.

I love me.

QBOddBird August 22 2005 11:47 AM EDT

um...plagiarism, anyone? *grins* www.maddox.xmission.com - but that's a good draft to work from ;) and Fat Tony, I see what you mean - b meaning homie - I understood it to stand for profanity, and figured others would as well. However, as I misunderstood you, you may either repost your boast as I offered in order to make a better one, or you may keep the original. My apologies for the misunderstanding - but it was kind of iffy.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 11:55 AM EDT

Well here we go, with Fat Tony's boast,
at least is not as bad as his very last post.
But still he is a fool that cannot even read,
he breaks all the rules, so now he must concede.
No profanity, puns on curse-words,think before you type.
I think his brain got picked before they were ripe.
I won't repeat what he said, I'm not that dense,
perhaps my words will bring him some sense.
First you post without even one single brag,
then you couldn't resist cursing, man what a drag.
He speaks how I will call is NUB unfair,
but he speaks from WAY WAY WAY down there.
If he thinks I am worried about his poor self,
I'll stick his head on the corner of my trophy shelf.
He speaks of his game and his mind as you see,
but then proves himself wrong so eloquently.
It will take a lot more than his new player bonus,
to even get close enough for me to notice.
He speaks of his skills without some much as a word,
about how those skills are applied, its truly absurd.
He says I'm much bigger, and better because of my age,
how does that prove boasting in the war that we wage?
So in the end, he loses again,
and there is no question I will certainly win.

Now sunny road he post with some style,
he can follow the rules, at for a while.
But he will get rattled, as all of them do,
when I point out how he is not even better than you.
He says that I'm due for a very hard fall,
but he says that as he cannot even kill my very small wall.
So I will worry some years down the road,
about him catching up Gyaxx like some disfuntional toad.
Hippity hoppity, he will go up and down,
but in the end we will be wearing a frown.

I got this CB down, Im good you will find,
people asking my advice about strategy, picking my mind.
And the store from which I buy certain things,
I share with others the bounty it brings.
So I will ask you, where would you go,
if you needed some help, something you wanted to know?
Well I know one thing, and I will say it quite clear,
You wouldn't ask anyone but me who has posted here.
So I will end this with this one simple fact,
I got the CB skills along with some tact.

P.S. LOL Fat Tony, nice save NOT, hommie that is rich! OddBird don't believe him, he goofed, as usual :)

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 11:58 AM EDT

on your knees hommie..... that kills me, its worse than the breaking of the rules, that he has to recover instead of saying yah you are right.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 12:02 PM EDT

Sefton (Gyaxx) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $20000 -- boasting contest 12:01 PM EDT

Figured I would tuck a little more away into my savings account, I mean for the contest winner.

QBBarzooMonkey August 22 2005 12:12 PM EDT

I was going to do one more, but after the braggadocio of the savings account post, I acquiesce to Sefton. I don't impress easily, but Sefton, your efforts both in the game and this contest are awe-inspiring. Touche'.

{CB3}-HR22 August 22 2005 12:21 PM EDT

Now I dont mean to jump.
But that Sefton guy, he's just a lump.

With his lengthy boasts.
and his player roasts.

All his comments are just fake.
Ill tell him to go bake me a winner's cake.

Lol, im horrible at this.
No hard feelings Sefton :)

HellRazor22 [retired]
(GoodBye-Giveaway) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $5000 12:21 PM EDT

[MG]Mecca-Devilbot [Clan of One] August 22 2005 1:40 PM EDT

As the Scythe Swings.

As the scythe swings a sweeping blow, edge stealing sound as it whispers by, the short lived cry of the dead poet is hurtled out. Out into the night without a care, as though it will be interpreted by the black hooded stranger, who stole his soul.
But meaningless it is, a rambling concoction of shape shifting words strung together in short sentences, by fools who think they were better, yet lost the ultimate battle. Yet as in death, as in life, and still they string, monotonous cries, they twist together words of similar import to form rhymes of all kinds that confuse the listeners minds. Confused you must be to listen to a rhyme of a kind that strains the minds eye, and is heard and ignored by so many of the people.
Because in truth the rhymes are but a fading echo, a quickly burning ember against a nightsky of true poetry. Hardly lasting more then a second, then perishing forever in a small inferno, lost and alone. While above the sky full of softly studded diamonds pulls the eye towards heaven, lost among the splendors of the words, basking in the presence of greatness that is evident for all the world to see. The full glory is hidden, revealed only days later, as slowly the world turns, for it knows that to comprehend the entirety of the song would cast the mind out, to roam among the notes of the sky. A dead world has no meaning, and so slowly twirls as it displays soft splendors, repeating ever-changing lines of magnificent kinds.
The universe echoes brilliantly the worth of the author, unknown though he be, evident in the shimmer that lights the souls fire. And the soul responds with a burst of light that flares towards the heaven, a mirror of the beauty seen there, which is glimpsed by awe-inspired figures who label it Glory, and give it honor. Yet muddled is the stream as it flows, a strain of dark rhyme heard by the grass that lines the bank, which shrivels there as the sounds pass by. Encroaching upon the world, spreading fast towards the mirrored perfection glimpsed in the heavens, a dark tide of sounds jumbled up in a howl. They cascade upon the perfection, and drown it in painful murmurs. But when the tides fade away, dark duty done, the perfection is there still, a statuelike reflection, eternity whispers through it's shell as it shines for all to see.
Knowledge is given to those who comprehend the mystery of the world, and share it freely, while ignorance is the price that those who hoard the treasures they find pay. And still, the black hooded stranger is a silent tortured soul, always forced by duty's pull to hear the strains of bad verses as the scythe swings.

[MG]Mecca-Droidbot (The Enforcer) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $7923 1:38 PM EDT

Ilovehellokitty August 22 2005 2:16 PM EDT

Ilovehellokitty (I Love You) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $10000 -- Extra 5k! 2:07 PM EDT

I gave extra 5G's for a reason
Split it up,
Bake Hell's cake for four seasons
Or give it all to these tenants,
For CB roof is all they renting.

Please dont let me win
For Sefton gonna do sinful act
Jumpin' outta window
or worse makin' his shadow
clickin',campin'or fightin'
He borrows money
To pay gas
To pay trash
with his life saving
Straight up from hoggin
His CB stash.

Please dont let me win
For letting others jeolous
From me with the NuB

Simple poem but deep thoughts
Much love and much Props

Please dont let me win.
'Cause whatever comes out of this pot
Not enough to buy
Whatever book I write
To school you all in
with my 4-day-old CB life.

-Ai Luv U-
Proud member of The Knight Watch

Bull3t F4c3 August 22 2005 2:28 PM EDT

just for clarification...b does mean hommie or home boy...im not sure what else tony wrote, because it is edited now, but hommie means b. I go to school in the heart of LA..trust me, i know

maulaxe August 22 2005 2:38 PM EDT

I hop all you wordsmiths know how to smith something other than words... you do all know how much writers pull in these days.

you should go and argue with the forge dwarf - that'll be much more productive.

AdminShade August 22 2005 2:43 PM EDT

To clarify:

I have Fined Fat Tony for improper language, or at least giving the appearance of using improper language. Not many people know that a B with 4 dots has the meaning of hommie (homie?) and most people make a different 5 letter word out of it.

Bull3t F4c3 August 22 2005 2:53 PM EDT

The reason I play this game is not to fight
I'm in an eco clan, show me some light
I don't want to gain such high nw
My job is just is a steady revenue
As you can see I'm the leader of Middle Men
And with just two people, we give players more to spend
My loan rates are great and I'm in the cheese
Have you sold out for over 100 USD?
I have and I still got 10 mil leftover
So basically I'm the CB H.O.V.A
Obviously you don't know who that is
Because you don't really rap and that's for shiz
I learned my style from that great jay-z
You need a loan, 3%, I just aim to please
The CB community, I give peeps what they need,
At the desperate time when they NEED those DB's

Then Sunny Road is dumb and takes my name seriously
It’s a video game name and I run fearlessly
Strafing into fire in those first person shooters
Then I drive on a "sunny road" right down to HOOTERS.
You serve a good purpose sunny road
I can see Sefton and run over that toad
I watch him explode into kitty, Mecca, Tony and nemeses' face
And I realize my rhymes are better then MASE
Wow I'm sick and real fa sho
Can't stop the freight train, cant stop the flow
So just sit down now, all your words are waste
Just send the money to Bull3t F4c3

Special J August 22 2005 2:58 PM EDT

Didn't they make a movie like this?

Oh ya, 8 mile.

Chargerz-Back August 22 2005 3:01 PM EDT

mrwuss is just mad he can't google the boast. =P

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 22 2005 3:04 PM EDT

Bast (Bartlett) to OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $5000 -- Wuss's entry! 3:00 PM EDT

An entry from Wuss, verbatim: <mrwuss> I will be number 1 in a month

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 22 2005 3:13 PM EDT

So now it looks like it's me under the gun.
but you guys had better bring two cause you'll need 'em

Bull3t you're Robin Hood but a little bit worse.
you rob from everyone to fatten your purse.
While I give back you rob people blind.
So why is your conscience so better than mine?
The fact is it's not you've been publicly tossed
You've told them your trick, your profits are lost
It's true it was Synge's, I give respect where it's do.
But don't try to pass it off like I'm somebody's fool.
Advertising my 1% interest, why tempt fate
Customers won't come running towards your high interest rates.
So Perrier is now what you claim to be drinking.
More like Tap water in a bottle is what I'm thinking.
You even said, "If he was smart he'd just loan out money, but I guess he's not aware"
What I read into that is, "Customers Beware!!!"
Your boat has sailed, flailed and sunk.
Sit down you're through, greedy little punk.

And the next contestant on Punkt is Fat Tony
I really think I shouldn't, he's so far below me
He said something like i would drops some lines
Makes me think, in school, he was held behind
I think we've all found the undisputed Eminem
Nope it's just Tony babbling about nothing again
Two lines for me you should've really tried harder
And while we're at it, Tony, I'm your father
But that fat didn't come from my side of the family.
I think that came from your big ol fat mammy
And while we're at it don't talk back.
You'll get no allowance with an attitude like that.
And the next time you'd like a loan just ask me
After all what's a little money between family.

Bow down to Sefton; so big and so brave.
I tell you with this contest your diggin your grave.
You talk about I'm this and I'm that
But just like Tony your head is just fat
You claim the best spot and that's easy to do.
But when I look you're not one, you're not two
you're not even three, but you land on four
How is it that you can even talk anymore?
I'm tired of this I could go all day
Holy crap Sefton put your sword away.

That's it I'm done I'm better than you.
My bank is awesome I've nothing to prove.

Mistress Reyna August 22 2005 4:04 PM EDT

While i may sit and read, i see those bent on greed
Hope for the pot, a chance, a shot
to win the money oddbird got.
Though i may not cry, or whine in shame
Over boast, or denie anyones's claim
I say simply Reyna's my name.
Sweet and prescious, lovable and kind
the camping princess here for all time
Yes away and back this sweetness taste has gone
A lick of your lips and the memory be longed
For all who start, and believe,
Know that the princess, the mistress be Me
I am loved by all, scorned as well
my temper belittle, agianst those who swell
your pride and wit means nothing to me
those who love, see, feel, and read
know the winner is me
who else has the backing of the bot we send
simply ask him whatis reyna and see what he says
honored forever within the Cb halls, i need no high PR, nor score, nor NW, nor accredit of a QB
for im here, a legend
The Mistress
Your princess
Thats ME

Bull3t F4c3 August 22 2005 4:05 PM EDT

Your bank is wack, get that through your head, it blows
no need to rhyme, I've already shown
how you suck at this game, bow down, get low!

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 22 2005 4:12 PM EDT

shown = no need to ryhme


Bull3t F4c3 August 22 2005 4:13 PM EDT

no need to rhyme, but im just so good i cant help it eh?
in fact im the best...DUH

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 5:10 PM EDT

Well cup o Joe opened a big can of worms,
so lets take a look and see where it turns.
I went looking for his characters in the rank of high score,
And I kept looking, and looking some more.
Then I found him not on PAGE one, or on PAGE two,
I found him on page three with the rest of the zoo.
So I thought maybe he started much later than me,
that's when I realized his character began, January Oh 3.
So that's 2 days after mighty Gyaxx was made,
so who is it now should toss down their blade?
You need to give it up or take a different tact,
I'm a natural CB player as a matter of fact.
Take a lesson from the Bullet, he knows where he lies,
he doesn't try to come off by comparing character size.
He says, I'm not into the character competing,
it's the money game whose demand I am meeting.
I can't say I'm better than Bullet at the loaning game,
I can say I got a much better name.
So in the end Joe, perhaps you better rethink,
before you tongue tie yourself right off into the brink.
I'm a natural CB player, I can camp I can fight,
I got a top 10 character with plenty of might.
So if you want to reach me, up in the penthouse suite,
better give it up now and spend your time at my feet.
Begging for the scraps I suck up from the store,
instead of comparing mine with your pitiful score.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 5:12 PM EDT

Sefton (Gyaxx) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $20000 -- boasting contest 5:11 PM EDT

Any chance I could be earning interest on this money you are holding for me?

QBJohnnywas August 22 2005 5:36 PM EDT

Johnnywas (Jack Crow) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder)$20000 -- fee+small donation5:20 PM EDT

Well, seeing as how I'm so old that old school doesn't even apply I'll tell you a little story. It starts with the fish I caught the other day. It was thiiiiiiiisssssss big. So big that Jonah would have felt at home. I tell you, you kids don't know how good you've got it.

Anyway, I didn't even use a rod to catch that fish, just my index finger on my right hand. Because I have the biggest finger in the world. Not one of the biggest, the biggest. It used to be a normal finger, like everyone elses. Then one day in that long ago summer of 2004, I found a little online game called Carnageblender. This was the old days mind, before you had CB1 and CB2. Then it was just CB. And boy did I like to play! Down-click, down-click, using up that BA like it was going out of style. Day in day out, down-clickety-click. My beautiful wife to be would laugh and say "I wouldn't have agreed to marry you if I had known you were a game geek!"

But that didn't stop me oh no. I just had to use up that BA. And then I started to make enough money to buy more! Oh how I laughed! HA HA HA! Down-click down-click!

And then I started to notice something strange, My right hand started to ache in the strangest manner. And little by little I had to sit a little bit further away from my keyboard each day. Little children began to point and stare. People would move out of my way in crowded bars and women would smile at me as I walked down the street.

By now I was having to sit in another room to play CB. Down-click down-click down-click

One day there was a knock on the door. It was the men from the Guiness Book of Records. "Johnnywas, we hear that you have the largest finger in the world. Would you mind if we measured it?" I let them in and they got out the tape measure. But their biggest one was not big enough to measure my very large finger.

So they did it the old fashioned way and walked the length of it. It took them three months to go from the start of it to the tip.

"Johnnywas, it's true. You have the largest index finger in the history of the world. Tell us, how did this happen?"

"Down-click, down-click. Carnageblender does it everytime."

So if you see a man with the largest index finger in the history of the world say hello. Because it's Johnnywas!

Or stay away, because I might just be a little bit mad.......


AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 22 2005 5:44 PM EDT

Hmm... I see you are all boasting about CB. Well, I can beat you all. I'm going to boast about real life. My life in fact.

No one has it better than me.

From an early age I was enrolled at a stage school. Not only did I meet a lot of famous people, some on an intimate level, I also appeared in many fine works. From stage, film to TV.

My life get's better from there.

I was always popular at school, had a close circle of friends I'm still in daily contact with, and more ladies interested in me than I was even aware of.

My parents doted on me, and having won a multi million pound jackpot on the national lottery I wanted for nothing. I came top of my year in exam results and went on to my first choice Uni.

There my popularity with students and staff alike continued to grow. With more intimate encounters. With all my friends, help from my family, and interest free loans - even my bank managers liked me - I lived a life of luxury. I studied little, partied hard and mastered not only my chosen academic subject, but a second one I just did for fun.

I breezed my way into an easy job, the interview was nothing more than a formality. A job I could do with my eye's closed. Not only does it pay *really* well - not that I need the money anyway - It's dress code is casual clothes, hours of work are 5 hours a day and more holiday entitlement than you can shake a stick at. I don't need to work for the money, I do it to be in an office of stunning women, all who have come to work for me from modeling careers.

I have the love of a stunning and wonderful woman, who caters for my every need.

My family is also very well connected. With friends in high places in government, the media and the Justice system. I get all the best press and any minor legal infringements quashed.

MY friends have also, time and again, proved themselves to be true friends, the kind that always have your back. People that would die for me.

So you can all boast about your fantasy lives here on CB. I beat you all as I have the real life to die for.

I'm so confident in my ability to win this, I'll equal Basts contribution.

Really, there's no need for anyone else to post now.


QBJohnnywas August 22 2005 5:46 PM EDT

Come on GL we all know that's not a boast - that's a lie! Nobody in CB has a 'REAL LIFE'

lol! =)

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 22 2005 5:52 PM EDT

Oh. Did I forget to mention, that not only do my grandparents own a brewery, and I spent a lot of my formative years in public houses, but that I also enabled and encouraged Jon to build CB1 and 2, just so that I had a pastime at work if managing models got to tedious....

AdminG Beee August 22 2005 5:53 PM EDT

I would have entered but I've been too busy doing test flights on the shuttle for NASA over the last couple of weeks.

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 22 2005 5:58 PM EDT

I should also note, G B has been testing the shuttle flight for me. NASA have asked me to take up into space on the first solo shuttle flight.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 22 2005 6:00 PM EDT

I personally think GL has already taken that space flight and all thats left here on earth are his hopes, dreams, and fantasies :)

AdminG Beee August 22 2005 6:00 PM EDT

That's true GL. NASA finally moved up one (just) from the original Chimpanzee.

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 22 2005 6:02 PM EDT

My hopes, dreams, and fantasies Sefton? Hollywood have aproached me for the rights to turn those into a block busting series of movies.

As for here on Earth, I've already lived all your hopes, dreams and fanatasies. And they weren't anywhere near par to mine!


empty orchestra August 22 2005 6:04 PM EDT

yea? well guess what... i can pee farther than all of you!

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 22 2005 6:06 PM EDT

Hardly a boast 777. When mine is bottled to use not only as the base for most perfumes (it smells that good!), but also bottled as an anti aging treatment.

! Love Barney August 22 2005 7:23 PM EDT

I get dropped a small fine for dropping small lines
for dropping my dimes at the wrong time.
Shades give a fine, cuz he dont get me.
I say , whateva, its all good b.
OH NO he wont unterstand this spit
I forgot the fact, he just a white hick.

This aint a boast but game i spit at your face
My homie bullet faced the game and put you in your right place.
Dont even try to rhyme, or get in a battle with me
Cuz you'll just call your homie and
[explicit delete]
my rhymes
[explicit delete]
that time i owned sefton
like 50 did to ja
You dont know what im talking bout?
It all good cuz, yo V.A. is out. . .

Hopefully i dont get a fine for using ellipses.

QBOddBird August 22 2005 8:03 PM EDT

That entry is disqualified, as well, for as you said in it, it isn't a boast. It is simply an attempt to express your dissatisfaction with the fine. Deal with it, and put it somewhere else, please. Somewhere other than my contest.

[SoV] Shiv [/me Forge Stuff :D] August 22 2005 8:04 PM EDT

well my pee is always wind assisted so its always farther than 777's

Xiaz on Hiatus August 22 2005 10:12 PM EDT

Another entry coming when I got on tonight ;)

QBOddBird August 23 2005 1:39 AM EDT

Just an update - the pot size is now: $716,610 .

For those who haven't put in a boast, heck, why not? Type in a short boast, waste 10-15 minutes and make it good, for a chance to win over 700k? Sounds good to me. I certainly wouldn't pass it up.

Anyways, just wanted to let everyone know how large the pot had gotten. I'll post a follow-up on it tomorrow when I get on. 'Night all!

Xiaz on Hiatus August 23 2005 7:36 AM EDT

Impressive I am, there's no denial,
Sefton you see, worships my style.
You try so hard, to be the best,
But all you do, is puff out your chest.
All I hear, is thier mocking laughter.
You are here now, but you won't be soon after.
I am indeed the one Sunny Road,
Not me, but you, who's the ugly toad.
Unlike you, you'll never see me frown,
Even if I am, deeply truly down.
Light up the world and give you losers a smile,
I am the road, of a hundred million miles.

Money is nothing, without skills you see,
Another greedy dude, Bullet Face will be.
Strafing into fire, gamers you disgrace,
Getting limbs fragged all over the place.
Put just one foot on this light-lit track,
And I'll take you right down, to Hell and back.
Can't stop that train? You can't even attack,
As it mows you down, your brains, they go SPLAT!

It seems CupOJoe has got nothing to say,
I'll be a gentleman and burn him anyway.
My heat so intense, cause I'm just that Sunny,
I might be calm like a fluffy little bunny.
I'll be polite and hand you some eggs,
Before I pull out my saw, and sever off your legs.
Don't bother begging, no need to plead,
Cause from that hole, you surely will bleed.

Now I'll go and melt the ice,
Cause all my lines, they are suffice.
You know I am, the best you've seen,
I am the nightmare, that ruins your dream.
AB, AB, or BB, AA, I mean what can I say?
Give you a rhyme, any time of the day.
I'm just so hot, that I can split matter,
You've poor existence, I surely will splatter.

I am the road, the world I roam,
So wise I speak in palindromes.
Sometimes I'm meaner, than the devil,
Even if down there, at his own level.
Don't ask for more, don't ask for less,
These words I give, the world they bless.

At your request, I'll open this chest,
And show you exactly why, I am the best.

You know they say,
One man's trash, is another man's treasure.
And taking all your cash, will surely be a pleasure.
Smoking you to ash, I'll do it at my leisure.
My light I'll flash, how far?... Too far to measure...

QBOddBird August 23 2005 11:54 AM EDT

This contest will end in 10 hours. The judges will then choose 4 finalists, and the winner from these 4 will be chosen by CB poll.

Relic August 23 2005 12:07 PM EDT

A boast you say? How about this one...

Jonathan washes my car each weekend. =) *

*My boast cannot be held liable for any refuting of this claim by Jonathan.

Glory (The Minotaur) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $10000 12:06 PM EDT

! Love Barney August 23 2005 12:50 PM EDT

A boast? All I have heard is empty boasting!
with cat to cat fighting and no non-sense roasting.
Now let me back this up, and post something real.
We arguing over a game. Whats the big deal?!
Ok. You can beat me at a seed spittin contest.
And thats what seperates you from the rest?!

Honestly, what do you guys do in real life?
You got a kid, some pets, and a nice wife?
That coo, but need i remind you this just a game.
Theres grown men that spend endless hours playing.
Honestly, go out with the wife n kids. Dont be lame.
I aint really hating on you guys in just saying.
Im being serious, dont take it as some non-sense sprayin.

Bring it back, here's my brag the truth without lag.
Im just like any of you, no greater. . .
We just insecure so we turn to haters.
Im 16 year young with a heart of a lion.
Played foot, volley, and even paintball no lyin.
I brought home a 3.4 and still think thats low.
I study so i wont need to hustle and worry bout the four four
knocking down my door.
Soon to be lawyer, im self proclaimed success.
Im average, I won't claim to be the best.

Live n die in LA. I live life that way
Now ill just sit back and hear what you gotta say.
Before you post just post something real
Not something that will degrade to improve the way you feel.

Well, in a nut shell thats my boast. I just rhymed cause rhyming is tight that way. Basically, im just like any of you. I just have real dreams about life, not games. This my last post cause i gotta go work and pay for my new Proto Matrix, Shocker, or NME. . .haven't made my mind up.
/me crosses fingers
Hopefully i win >.<

Oh and one more thing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~VOTE OR DIE !~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bull3t F4c3 August 23 2005 1:13 PM EDT

O My Gosh, theres SOO much to fear
from Sunny Road with name so queer
everyone just hush, you got no chance
once again, im bull3t f4c3 and im just the man
so once again, just be quiet
you wouldnt want to start a public riot
cuz in the end ill just sit you down
and watch me take this boasting crown

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 23 2005 1:33 PM EDT

Since I am supposed to be worshipping, I checked out sunny's style
single FB/DM TOE mage, haven't seen THAT is a while.
Sunny man you should of done what Tony did,
picked a different tact, said I am just a kid.
Boasted about things that I cannot refute,
but I'm the CB master player, of that there's no dispute.
I got the CB game, with style that is true,
when it comes to CB I'm better than all of you.
I can fight and when I do they are dead without doubt,
I'm a CB character tiller, chew them up and spit them out.
I got power I got panache I got a long pedigree,
and I got the massive camping skills that are only helping me.
I got the MPR the NW and the large bank stash,
I got the store giving rares which I sell for CB cash.
If you make it on my fight list, you are in for a treat,
I'll hit you so many times, you will say man I'm beat.
But there is nothing you can do to stop the onslaught,
So don't any clothing articles tied up into a knot.
Just accept the fact that you are here only to give me,
the experience that is necessary for me to own CB.
And as far as you Tony, and what you have to say,
well I'll have you know that back in my day.
It was the kid in me who went out and had some fun,
we actually played out side, in the real live sun.
Now I went through the schooling and a got the degree,
I partied so hard they named a school wing after me.
So I got it all out, and now it's just work,
so don't pretend you know anything about a wife, jerk.
You are young, you are strong, so here is my advice to you,
get off the computer, and do something new!
Don't pretend to lecture about how I spend my time,
pick up the phone, call someone who cares, here is a dime.

! Love Barney August 23 2005 2:12 PM EDT

I have a sick flow but its not pg :p
If you wanna hear it, just send me a pm.
This sefton has nothing on me or my rhymes

wldflr August 23 2005 2:17 PM EDT

Cop out! :)

QBJohnnywas August 23 2005 2:26 PM EDT

I think wldflr should win by default - she has to live with Sefton.

Lol, just kidding! =)

wldflr August 23 2005 2:30 PM EDT

Johnny, Although I would love to win.... this a boasting contest, not a sympathy one ;)

Kidding, he's an awesome man :)

Flame Alchemist August 23 2005 2:30 PM EDT

i get straight A's in school although i have to study a lot though.
plus i played school football and was the star reciever.
i caught 13 of 15 passes, one was interference, and one i just dropped (luckily we still won).
and i played defensive cornerback and had 2 or 3 inteceptions and 4 or 5 deflections.
im boasting about how good a student i was and how active i was.
where do i send the 5k? or is it 10k cause i saw someone give 10k instead of 5

Flame Alchemist August 23 2005 2:44 PM EDT

nevermind i know what and where to send

[EG] Almuric August 23 2005 3:45 PM EDT

[EG] Almuric (almuric) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $25000 3:31 PM EDT

I've read some of these 'boasts'. At least none of you are boasting about your grammar or spelling. It'd be quite obvious how full of it you all are. Here's my story; call it a boast if you will.

As some of you know, I was in the U.S. Navy quite a few years ago. We were on our way to the PI (Philippine Islands) from Hawaii when some situation required that we report to the Arabian Gulf… quickly. No problem really; since we were on a nuclear powered vessel we could go for years without having to refuel. So, off we head to the West Indian Ocean from the South Asian Sea.

Well, even though we were traveling at > 30 knots, it still took us a few days to get there. Shortly after we passed Singapore, a buddy and I were passing the lunch hour throwing a baseball back and forth on the fantail. This particular baseball had been signed by 'Shoeless' Joe Jackson. (I'd received if from an old woman who said she was Jackson's widow. I did a favor for her that she was really grateful for. But that's a different story.) Anyway, my buddy was tossing the ball to me just as the ship took a weird roll from a rogue wave and even though I gave a leap that would have made Willie Mays cry with envy, the ball was uncatchable and ended up in the drink.

Well, I wasn't going to let this ball go away, so I yell to my buddy that I'll catch up. I leap over the back of the boat - avoiding the props - and enter the water in search of my ball. I can't immediately spot the ball, so I'm diving and swimming and looking for all I'm worth. In the meanwhile, without so much as a 'by-yer-leave', the ship I'd been on kept steaming westward. I wasn't too worried. I figured if I couldn't catch up, I'd just swim north until I hit India or Pakistan.

After a few minutes I spotted my ball - a group of four dolphins were playing with it. They spotted me and we quickly developed a game of keep-away. At first, they kept it away from me, but then I made a spectacular grab by leaping out of the water about 10 feet the way a mermaid had once taught me. After that, it was always one of the dolphins we were keeping the ball away from.

Eventually, we all tired of playing, fun as it was. The dolphins gathered around me and started chirping and whistling in the way that they do. I knew that my best option for catching up to my boat was getting these guys to help me, so I set about learning their language. It wasn't easy, but you know what they say about necessity. After about an hour I was able to engage in basic conversations with these guys. Their names are unpronounceable in our languages, but I ended up calling them Cindy, Stephanie, Kathy, and Fabio after supermodels I'd once dated. (Don't ask. There was a mix-up.)

After I'd explained what I needed - "Go to setting sun. Fast." - they had me grab Cindy and Fabio's back fins, one with each hand. These were evidently the strongest swimmers of the group, so we set off at a pretty good pace. I couldn't tell if we were going faster than 30 knots, but we were making good time. I hung on for a few hours until well after nightfall. Still no sign of my boat. I wasn't sure if were keeping the right bearing, but I knew if we got to the Gulf, we'd find it pretty quick.

The dolphins switched off hauling me around, but the other two were smaller and couldn't go as long or fast as the first two. Around about midnight my dolphin companions were getting tired. I directed them to head for any boat noise. Turns out there was a Pakistani fishing vessel nearby. They pulled me over and I climbed aboard. I asked my dolphin friends to hang out and wait for me, which they gladly agreed to. I headed to the door to the bridge and knocked.

There were a half-dozen Pakistani fishermen inside, frightened out of their wits. After a few hasty explanations (leaving out the dolphin escort), I convinced them I wasn't a sea monster or water god. They invited me in and I joined them in drinking some of the hooch they had been passing around. After a few rounds I managed to convince them to turn their little vessel westward and push the throttle as far forward as possible. Looking out, I saw that at their best speed they could really only do about 15 knots or so. Not good enough, but it was a start.

I fibbed a little and told them we were making good time and that I wanted to see what they had under the hood, so to speak. They took me down to the engine room. They had a big old diesel down there. I didn't have any Uranium around, so I wasn't going to be able to improvise a nuclear power plant like I did once to win a bet, but I thought I could make some improvements. I got some spare parts out their cabinets and with a little welding, spit and rubber bands I'd improvised a couple of attachments. I had them shut down the engine, added on my improvements, and when I had them start it back up we were going quite a bit faster. I had super-charged the intake and turbo-charged the rest of it. Then I mixed in some of their hooch (moonshine, it was) along with the diesel, adjusted the mix and before you knew it, the bow was lifting out of the water.

I told the guys they needed to pour water on the bearings to keep them cool, then headed up to the bridge with the captain. I looked at his speed gauges but they were all pegged and of little use. I borrowed a sheet of paper and pencil, did some figuring on the shape and weight of the boat and how much the bow was lifting out of the water and figured we were making about 40 knots. We were in business!

I worried about burning out the engine, but I figured if that happened I wouldn't be any worse off than I was. I walked down to the stern and let my dolphin friends know that I was fine and they could go back to their families. They squirted some water at me (a friendship gesture) and with a flick of their tails took off. I wished them well, they were good people, better than many people that I know.

The captain's name was Tarik and we chatted while his crew babied the diesel along. Morning broke after a couple of more hours and we watched the sun rise behind our boat. (If you've never seen a sunrise from a boat, far away from land, you should treat yourself. Must-see-nature.)

I asked the captain to borrow his sextant, but he had no such thing. I had to improvise with my fingers held at arms length. I had to guess as to exactly how far west we'd come. I determined that at a minimum we were too far south, so I had the captain turn the wheel to head closer to West-Northwest. About noon, one of the men came up and said they were starting to run low on fuel. I'd been afraid of that and had been gnawing at the problem all morning over Turkish coffee. (This captain was a little bit of a hedonist. - a man after my own heart.) I climbed to the top of the boat and surveyed the horizon to see if I could spot anything, but there was nothing. I had no choice but to improvise some radar.

I explained to the captain that I was going to have to cannibalize some of his electronic equipment. After we haggled over the price, he eventually agreed. Fortunately, he had a microwave on board, so I was able to convert the magnetron to use a higher frequency. I had the first mate modify a trashcan lid with some tinfoil. They had a small tube TV they could watch close to land. I plugged the output of my make-shift radar dish into that and pretty soon I had a signal. I had the first mate take the trash-can lid up top and start turning in place.

Some calibration and fiddling and within an hour I'd identified a vessel just about 10 miles north of us. I had the captain change course and within 15 minutes we were approaching a luxury yacht. At first I assumed this would be an oil sheik's boat, but when we drew closer I saw that large parts of it were pink, so I had to rethink my assumptions.

We pulled alongside just as the engine of Tarik's fishing boat started to sputter. With exquisite timing, the larger vessel took us in tow and I climbed aboard. I negotiated with the owner to refuel the fishing boat and after a few hasty promises from my end, a hose was lowered to the fishing boat and within a half-hour, his tanks topped off, I wished my new friend Tarik farewell. He assured me that his new 'radar' and much-faster boat were adequate compensation for the little bit of trouble I had put them to. Assured that I'd improved international relations a little bit, I turned my attention to getting what I needed from the owner of this new boat I found myself on.

The owner was no one other than ---- (sorry, can't tell you. You'd know her name, though. She was doing something she wasn't supposed to, so she swore me to secrecy. Such is life.) Anyway, we negotiated for a while and she agreed to take me to the gulf and drop me off in one of her lifeboats. So I worked on fixing some things in her cabin (ahem) and she kept me quite busy for the two days it took us to get there.

We reluctantly took leave of each other once we'd arrived at a spot I knew my original conveyance would have to pass. (In fact, we'd be doing donuts around this spot for several weeks. No way they could miss me.) She left me with a couple of weeks worth of food and booze and a few tearful good-bye kisses. She made me promise to stay in touch. I assured her I would.

So then I spent about 3 more days just drifting, working on my tan, and trying dolphin language on the flying fish that kept flying by. None of them answered. Eventually, I spotted a big ship heading towards me. I pulled out a mirror and started shining it in their direction as I had grown quite sick of doing nothing. They neared, lowered a PT boat and in short order I was facing a Captain and Chief Engineer who wanted to know where I'd been and started threatening me with 'desertion' and 'dereliction of duty' and 'AWoL'. I explained, to the best of my ability about improving international (and interspecies) relationships, informed them they could have the rest of the liquor in the lifeboat (top-grade stuff) and once I had them somewhat mollified I pulled my trump card and assured both of them that when we got back to the states they would both be invited to dinner with ----. Being inveterate bachelors and typical sailors, this was sufficient to get me off the hook.

I spent the next two weeks polishing brass for a couple of hours after supper, but since we were just drawing circles in the Indian Ocean, I was grateful for having something to do that was a bit different.

Call it boasting. Call it bragging. Call it whatever you want. But that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Want ----'s number?

Relic August 23 2005 4:02 PM EDT

I vote for Almuric! Nice story.

Special J August 23 2005 4:06 PM EDT

I vote for Almuric,

A story that long, with no spelling errors wins by default.

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 23 2005 5:54 PM EDT

Thanks for helping my cause Al!

It was nice of you to post a section from my Diary. :)

{CB3}-HR22 August 23 2005 5:54 PM EDT

No need for a novel man
Green Eggs in my frying pan
Playing CB all day long
Making massive bucks fer my mom
Trying to be a rapper
Finding out im just a cracker
I can't throw down any mad lines
But i know im better than some Tony guy
Trying to fake that hes goin' buy
A paint flinging gat from some dumb joint like SP
Now i know I cant rap but i sure can paintball
I will lite you up like Disneyland in the Fall
Now i must move forward
Toward something more worthwhile
Sefton and Almuric, no need to file
As i continue in this roast
I would like to shout a toast
Out to the almighty Sefton
Who cant seem to Boast
Does he ever stop bragging about his CB greatness?
Is that all he has is some fake online skills?
The real thing that kills
Is the fact he is not the best
And is in fact more like all the rest
I dont see his name on some big billboard
Just a 1 by 2 slot on a 18" screen and
Some nice items from being the camping 'queen'
This all just for fun
No need to run

Once again, No hard feelings meant.
Sefton you are the greatest. <| ; * )
I dont expect to win so ill leave my 5k entry as is :D

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 23 2005 5:59 PM EDT

Who are the judges?

QBOddBird August 23 2005 9:01 PM EDT

The judges are Bast, Vestax, and yours truly. The contest ends in 30 minutes. Judging will begin after this, and after 4 candidates are chosen, the winner will be chosen by CB poll, as stated before. Better hurry up and get in those entries if you want a chance at the pot!

Bull3t F4c3 August 23 2005 9:35 PM EDT

I AM THE BEST PERIOD NO MATTER WHAT...i do everything better then everyone and i have the last word

QBOddBird August 23 2005 9:35 PM EDT

The contest has ended, any entries sent after this post are not taken into consideration. The judges will now decide on the 4 finalists.

J Carp August 23 2005 9:37 PM EDT

so who did they vote for?

Relic August 23 2005 11:10 PM EDT

Who are the 4 finalists?

Xiaz on Hiatus August 23 2005 11:20 PM EDT

Four finalist? Are you going to have like a "boast-off"? ;)

Bull3t F4c3 August 23 2005 11:37 PM EDT

yes i knew i would have the last word

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 24 2005 2:29 AM EDT


AdminG Beee August 24 2005 4:38 AM EDT

Poll available for votes. Closes on Monday.

Quark August 24 2005 4:03 PM EDT

Not finished reading them all, but great contest!

G Maximus (Maranello) OddBird (Contest Prizeholder) $50000 -- Contest pot 4:02 PM EDT

{CB3}-HR22 August 24 2005 4:04 PM EDT

Hmm may i ask why Fat Tony, and bullet face were not chosen?

QBOddBird August 24 2005 4:34 PM EDT

Do you honestly expect a response to that? All I'll say is the final decision is the final decision. All apologies for it not coinciding with yours.

! Love Barney August 24 2005 9:19 PM EDT

The finalist were based on who has been here the longest.

QBJohnnywas August 25 2005 5:19 AM EDT

Just a small comment. Tony seems to be implying that the finalists were picked because we've been here longer - meaning that the judges know us better. Absolutely rubbish! I'd bet if you asked Bast who I was she wouldn't have a clue. I don't do chat, only post in forums and can count the number of people I actually know here on one hand!

The results would have been the same if the contest had been a CB MC face off. Sefton had you guys beat hands down....

Great contest OddBird!

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 25 2005 5:21 AM EDT

I've been secretly stalking you for quite some time, Johnnywas. You're dreamy! :P

QBJohnnywas August 25 2005 5:22 AM EDT

Lol Bast!

Xiaz on Hiatus August 25 2005 5:23 AM EDT

I'm not complaining, it was a great contest, enjoyed it. :)

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 25 2005 8:22 AM EDT

LOL Bast!

And here I was thinking I'm Johnny's stalker... How about we go alternate days?

Fat Tony, I dissapointed that you think the finalists were chosen by length of time spent on CB, or any perceived popularity. I worked hard to fullfill the outlines of the contest. I boasted, matched my mouth with my money and out boasted (or lessened/obfuscated the boasts of) people that boasted after me.

To be honest, I didn't see much boasting (to speak with excessive pride about oneself or ones achievements) in the rap battles, they seemed aimed more at deriding or insulting other people...


If this were a rap battle contest, you could be sure I wouldn't have been chosen as a finalist...

Xiaz on Hiatus August 25 2005 8:47 AM EDT

If it was based on your CB age, I'd have won the contest with a single post :P.

someone[onabreak] August 25 2005 9:15 PM EDT

Good lord, who has time to read all that?!

[SoV] Shiv [/me Forge Stuff :D] August 25 2005 9:19 PM EDT

LOL i was just checkin out almurics story and it reminds of the times that abe simpson would go on and on telling stories to the young-uns. goooood ol grampa.

empty orchestra August 25 2005 11:08 PM EDT

actually xiaz, i would have you beat there. by about five months. =P
*clunks you on the head with cb cane*

Xiaz on Hiatus August 26 2005 5:06 AM EDT

Argh! 777, what have you done with dark gift?

empty orchestra August 26 2005 5:18 AM EDT

he's still pokin' around cb1. =P
this is the new and improved dg. 30% more free, and now available in fresh lemon scent!

QBOddBird August 28 2005 6:07 PM EDT

It's fairly obvious Sefton won - sending the pot.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 28 2005 7:23 PM EDT

Well thank you very much OddBird, I had a LOT of fun with this contest.

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 28 2005 7:25 PM EDT

Good job Sefton! You are an awesome boaster. One day I know you'll beat chocolate. Just kidding that was awesome fun. Job well done.

QBJohnnywas August 28 2005 8:10 PM EDT

Well done Sefton!!! Great contest Oddbird!

Pysche August 28 2005 8:13 PM EDT

Would it be poor sportmanship to change my name to Chocolate and claim the prize? ;)

BTW if this is the new and improved DG does that mean the other one is old and inferior?

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] August 28 2005 9:17 PM EDT

On a related note, how can something be both new and improved?

empty orchestra September 1 2005 3:17 PM EDT

i missed this somehow...
probably and easily.
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=001TiK">A Boasting Contest!</a>