The CB2 Boasting Contest Finalists! (in Contests)

To view the boasts of these finalists, please check the Boasting Contest thread, found Here.

The finalists are (in no particular order):

[Boaster]CyBorgin

Sefton

QBsutekh137

Frod

QBVerifex

Good Luck to all of the finalists!

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus' uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy--
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

--QBVerifex, August 30 2006 2:17 PM EDT

I don't know... I'm not much of a boaster--I'm too much of a truthful, salt-of-the-earth guy, but I guess I can try.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, but I really should have been a teacher. Mentoring (in the "real world") is really my strong suit.

A few years ago, I was talking to someone in IRC who was just learning to program. He was full of questions and ideas, and wanted to try his hand at writing something that people would actually like and use. I really didn't have much time to help him, what with helping Tim out with that markup language stuff and feeding ideas to Guido for his little side project, so I pointed him to an HTML book and a Tripod account.

A few weeks later, I was knee-deep in debugging some nasty self-modifying script that Larry had apparently abandoned to its own devices until it went replicant and started ordering laserdisc copies of Broadway musicals and aftermarket Camaro exhaust parts, and this guy called me. I mean, on the phone, y'know, that plastic thing on my desk that people use when they don't have a net connection handy? He wanted me to see his site. "I'll wait while you look," he insisted.

I'll be kind. It was, well, interesting. It would have been state-of-the-art...around 1995. I mean, I didn't know you could do that with blink tags, and there were colors on that page that I swear were from some non-Euclidean Bizarro version of the RGB colorspace. At least he had the ad banners sized correctly.

I took a deep breath... and told him that my net connection was down, and I'd look at it later. Well, this guy just wouldn't hear of it. That afternoon, he faxed me a copy of the front page of the site. I was a bit irritated by this time, so I shot off a quick email message saying "all the colors on the page are showing up black and white, and nothing happens when I press the links." I thought he'd get the joke, but then I got another fax, with "Sorry, try this one 10x THX!" scrawled across the top.

Well, to be right honest, I felt bad after that. Really bad. So I canceled my weekend shooting match with Eric and Dick and spend two solid days on IRC with the guy, helping him work through the tag soup. After he explained what exactly it was that he wanted to do, we came up with a real architecture for the site, and that night the first version of it was up and running. It wasn't pretty, but it was less ugly, and that was a good thing.

He's improved his skills a lot over the past few years. The site pretty much runs itself, the code is nice and clean, and he's even started putting some whizzy new "AJAX"-type features in it. It's gotten to the point that people are actually paying him to use it. He keeps offering me a cut, but I always decline. It's honestly enough for me to know down deep inside that I helped him get to where he is today.

By the way, if you want to check out the site, here's a link.

--Frod, August 30 2006 1:41 PM EDT

My foolish dear Sefton...It's simple to see
Your head is too big for the game called CB.
You're old! You're decrepit! You can't even walk!
So you sit at your screen and hope that we gawk
at your rhythmic devices, which you think so witty
but with your skill, it's depressing. What a shame. What a pity.
But ME, on the other hand... well, I'm where it's at.
I know all, yet I'm humble. So I'll still tip my hat
to these self-proclaimed "veterans" of this old-people game
Who are really just lonely old farts without names.
But enough about them, let's get back to me.
Just look at my user pic and I'm sure you'll agree
That not only I'm young, but I'm suave and collect.
So bow down before me, and give me respect.
And try to on my character? Well, that won't work.
Because "Size doesn't matter", which I'm sure is a perk
To "some" of our users and some of the guys
Who sit on their duffs and add the thick to their thighs.

Now, as Yoda would say, know you all should
Number one am I, yes, I am noble and good.
And Sefton over here thinks a high score makes him cool?
I've eaten more powerful people and had their scores in my stool.
There is no bragging in games, even ones like CB.
Since even a DAWG can spend USD.
I mean, 800 mil? Now boys, that's just crazy.
But correct me if I'm wrong- my mind could be hazy
But 800 mil is what, 8000 bucks?
You could buy a nice car with a good bit of luck.
Regardless, my friends... what you must understand
Is that owning in CB just doesn't make you a man.

What makes you a man isn't "poetry-ism".
It's not like a hurricane hits, or a grand cataclysm.
It's long and drawn-out and when it's all done
You can tell where it ended or even where it begun.
It's the small things in life that make you and me differ.
If we were cleaning supplies... you=broom. Me=swiffer.
I am simply superior because I don't just sit
in front of my monitor. I truly have grit.
I have skills! I have talents! I can accomplish great things!
While you silly CB-ers haven't tested your wings.
While I'm sure you could fly if you really attempted,
I would imagine your mind has that idea exempted.

So instead of plain boasting (which I could easily do),
I am taking the focus off me and on you.
Since I am already the greatest of great,
We need to fix you up to a much nicer state.
While you, unlike me, can never be one of the elite,
You can at least be the coolest kid out on your street.
So why not take a gander, raise your voice, take a stand,
And play the cards that fate put in your hand?

HAHAHA I'm just joking. You ladies and blokes
You're all losers! Pathetic! You're God's greatest jokes!
I spit on your shoes and I stick up my nose
And especially Sefton- my goodness, he blows.
And since I know I'm the best, I'm pleased to say.
I have donated a generous 250K.

[Ur]CyBorgin (Twin Hits) 24.196.36.166 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $250000 -- I told you I'd win. 10:15 AM EDT

--[Boaster]CyBorgin, August 26 2006 10:15 AM EDT

You all suck.

I am great.

I was QB on CB1, and am QB again now. I enjoy playing solitaire with the other CB player who can make that boast.

Sefton should actually have my current CB title.

I hate clans because they have the potential (I'm being kind. "Reality" would be a much better word than "potential") of people doing casual, yet terrible things, all in the name of "it's just a game", and "hey, it's extra bonus". When in a clan, I have never turned my back on anyone or "jumped ship" for a better opportunity. Since back when those I trusted did as such, the most I have been able to muster is a one-man clan. Try as I might, at least I won't abandon myself.

I was the last person on CB1 to topple Todd-Spydah when Todd-Spydah was still trying. Two against one, and I beat them with good friends, good advice, a moderate amount of USD (downright paltry compared to some amounts spent later on CB1 and currently on CB2), and perseverance.

I made suggestions and paid real money for change in the game that others now take for granted.

I can make NSFY laugh.

When filling in the blank in the following phrase representing an actual Changelog post: "The '_______ was right' change.", I am the only player who can insert his name and not be telling a lie.

Despite the previous boast, I have had people come to me and ask me to "change Jonathan's mind." I realistically decline.

I don't need to rhyme or rap to boast.

I don't bandwagon. In heated discussions, I am often the voice of reason when others have long since missed the point or ceased caring.

Along with other legendary players, I "get" CB.

I could focus and beat any specific character within four months if I so chose.

I am not putting any money into this contest because I don't need to. I'm great and I know it. And, quite honestly, I don't care if anyone even reads this.

--QBsutekh137, August 27 2006 9:34 PM EDT

Sefton (Sefton) 70.230.177.39 BMWheatIey (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Hold this for me 3:07 AM EDT

Yes folks, I know you are sorry to see,
I am still playing this thing we all call CB.
In case your memory is not as good as mine,
I won this last year and took every last dime.
So now it is time to hang up your pens,
this contest is over before it begins.
I may not have camping or the mighty Gyaxx,
but my score to PR ratio is still at the max.
I can take any character, if it is big or it is small,
and I optimize it up and then beat you all.
I find advantages and lever them to glory,
it is quite all right if you all bow before me.
I give strategy advice that is taken to heart,
I'm the best CB player and I do play the part.
I got forum posting skills that are second to none,
and if you cannot spell angel you are already done.
I take mages and walls, enchanters and tanks,
I beat up your characters like they are all shooting blanks.
I got NW and gear as it is all plain to see,
and I am still doing it all without using USD.
So that is it, its over so just send to me,
all that cash you were planning to send BMWheatIey.

I heard someone boasting about some mad skills in chat,
I am sorry but really, what is up with that?
I mean, if you really think I am scared,
check my many posts and replies and see how others have faired.
I will save you the trouble, they faired not so well,
I sent them to a semantic purgatory cell.
So you had better just end it, type no more text,
as I step to the line and calmly call next!
That's all I got to say do yourself a favor,
sit back, relax, as this victory I savor.

--Sefton, August 26 2006 3:33 AM EDT

DISCLAIMER: These are not necessarily all of the entries presented by each player; rather, they are simply what I deemed best to represent them in the poll. If you would like to see all of the entries for a particular finalist, please feel free to look through the Boasting Contest thread, linked from this thread.