3rd Annual Boasting Contest Finalists! (in Public Record)

QBOddBird August 10 2007 6:02 PM EDT

And the finalists selected by judges OOB, Lady Damiana, and novice, are....

Hi, remember me. I am your worst boasting nightmare. Allow me to demonstrate.

In the beginning of CB2, in early March I boasted about my great fight rewards. This was primarily due to my very large tattoo. I had this very large tattoo because I started day one with a tattoo, that is I started Jan 1st, 2005 with it. Several days later....

fight rewards & tattoos by Jonathan at March 8 2005 5:15 PM EST (56 replies)

As my combination of camping and fighting skills began to dominate the CB2 world such that I could outpace most USD spenders let alone the average CB2 player, this came along.....

PR linked to NW by Jonathan at May 13 2005 6:08 PM EDT (129 replies)

Now granted, even after such a monumental change, most average humans in my position, would have buckled, but I of course did no such thing, and continued to dominate as a top 10 character and a top 10 camper. As it would happen, my strategy was simply kill them in ranged. I spent a lot of my MPR to make my archery effective, then of course this came along.

Archery nerf; BG update by Jonathan at July 6 2005 4:05 PM EDT (64 replies)

But this of course could not stop me, but did knock me out of the top spot as everyone else went to very large axbows. Not worried though, I camped, I fought, I was Top5 and I quite simply rocked. I was adding NW to my character at a torrid pace. I was adding MPR at an equally torrid pace. I was still on the top of the game, no matter what the game threw at me. Now of course, there were lots of "reasons" why this next one came along, but we know the truth.....

The end of camping by Jonathan at September 4 2005 6:44 PM EDT (303 replies)

Thus ended my actual domination of the game. Yes, I never quite recovered from that one. So you can all boast about how great you are now, you can all say how much better you are than me, if you would like. But, when it comes right down to it, you all have to quite simply bow to the man who single handedly forced three of the most CB2 shattering game changes, changes you all have to deal with now, all because of the greatest CB2 player of all time, me.

How many significant changes have you caused? None, thats what I thought, now give me my money again.

Sefton - two time and eventual three time winner of the CB2 boasting contest (and yes there have only been two other contests)

I'll admit it as well, Lady Damiana has a point. Most of what we've seen so far has been trite poetry, roasting, or rehashed lists of past accomplishments.

Real boasting would look more like:

I'm so smooth, they're going to have to change all the peanut butter to "crunchy" or "barzoo"...

I'm so smart, Mensa is going to have to send me letters asking if they can join my club...

I'm so pretty, they're going to start calling tall, skinny women who get photographed a lot "fashion barzoos", or "runway barzoos", or "superbarzoos"...

I'm so reliable, auto makers will start advertising "5 year or 50,000 mile barzoos"...

I've got so much game, they're going to start calling the MMBORBBs - Massive multi-barzoo online role-barzooing barzoos"...

I'm so tough, I wear a pair of cobras for suspenders. Not only did I drink the kool-aid, but I asked for seconds, and still called "the man" a liar...

On the day I was born, all the angels in Heaven - oh, wait, I did that one a while ago.

I once beat Paul Gilbert, Rusty Cooley, Shawn Lane and Yngwie Malmsteen together in a guitar battle by fretting notes using only the middle finger of my right hand and my chin!

Before entering a Google Code Jam extreme programming challenge, I took 7 pills of biopop in a single half-hour, and completed every stage in under 4 seconds! I was disqualified due to being, quote, "Obviously a Cyborg"!

After reading muon's boasting thread entry, PPF refused to allow more entries into the contest due to muon's post being far too ludicrously boastful!

You know that warm feeling you get from the sun? The one that chases the the chills away and makes you feel at peace with the world?
The sheer joy at the birth of a first child?
The taste of chocolate ice cream as a child?
The smell of your first new car?
Your first love, your first kiss?
Every birthday celebration wrapped up into one moment's happiness?
The most beautiful sight you've ever seen?
The most exhilarating experience in your life?
The single most awe inspiring musical note ever recorded?
The taste of your favourite food stuffed with your second favourite food? (how can I not reference the Simpsons)
World peace?
Beating Koy in 1 round?

Well, I'm responsible for all those things and if you don't pick me there rest of your life will be a cold and barren wasteland with Monty and Crackmonkey for company.

Oh, and I'm cuter than a kitten wrestling with a kleenex box.

I must congratulate you Sefton on being an MVP of CB's "dusty" hall of fame. CB is an ever evolving game, and today's atmosphere is so far beyond your glory days I can't help but crack a grin hearing you recite the same accomplishments you did in the previous boasting contests. Don't get me wrong, you are quite the wordsmith, but your CB accomplishments in the days of old are paled in today's light. I say this irregardless of your current character standings. I for example have spent more CB$ just in building characters from scratch, hiring and firing and rehiring minions than probably all the NW you had together all in the name of experimentation. I hold my CB strategy and knowledge on par with none but perhaps Ranger and a couple others. You made your money camping. I would almost find that humiliating to boast such a thing. I've made all my money trading feverently day in day out. I didn't knick items off store shelves for free, but struck deals and relationships with every CB player to build an extremely impressive networth. Any who doubts it need only check my current thread in FS/WTB. I build monster strategies and toss them away all in the conquest of perfection. Everyone called me crazy when I started a CoC mage; the true underdog at the time. But not just that, a mage wearing a set of wall armor?! Ludicrous, outrageous! And yet that strategy is now destroying the upper ranks and is virtually guaranteed to be in the top5 in the next few months. And YET, I will be selling it off at that time and creating a brand new character for an even more daring yet promising character. And no, I got nothing out of my NUB. This is pure blood/sweat/tears.

So again, your glory days in CB were great and swell. But nowadays? Meh. Its nothing to sit at the top from the beginning. Try joining a game amongst existing gods and rise to overthrow them.

Congratulations! You five will be the candidates in the poll to decide whom was the boastiest in my Boasting Contest!
However, to obtain a true feel for the real boasting winner, one must look through the contest thread - as the winner is determined by who places their money where their mouth is, their ability to outboast their competitors, proper grammar and spelling, and general blow-the-judges-away-fulness. =)

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