The 3rd Annual CB2 Boasting Contest! (in Contests)

QBOddBird August 2 2007 8:29 PM EDT

For reference, you may view the 2005 and 2006 Boasting Contests.

This a boasting contest, plain and simple. Boast on whatever you like, make it PG, and show us your boasting skills. Prove to us that you are the best, tell us why, and make us believe it!

The required entry fee is 5k, along with any donation that you might decide to make in order to prove that you really *ARE* willing to put your money where your oversized mouth is. Multiple entries will be allowed, so that you may attempt to "outboast" any competitors you feel are besting you at the time. The pot will be a minimum of 1500k and my NCB, donated by myself, plus fees from the contestants and any other donations made by competitors/generous donators/Jonathan (yes, you get your own category. Feel special. Also feel free to enter the contest and blow us all away with your mad boasting skills.) /bankers/loaners/gnomes/campers/etc. All donations are to be sent to Safety Deposit Box.


1) You may not make consecutive entries, though you may make multiple entries in order to continue "outboasting" your opponents.

2) You must use correct grammar and spelling in all real words. Created words, such as superflendickerous and shibble-doo-woppible must be constructed properly and be legible, or as close to it as possible for a made-up word.

3) Putting your money where your mouth is shows your confidence in your ability to win. This increases your chances of winning, as it shows that you are willing to back up your words. This also helps to build up the pot.

4) No profanity, cursing, puns on curse-words, anything risque, etc. Basically, think before you type.

5) The contest will continue until (A) Interest is lost (B) a week has elapsed (C) Interest by the judges is lost (D) I don't feel like reading through all the entries (E) The pot gets extremely high and I feel like it needs to be given out already.

6) There is a possibility of multiple winners based on number and fantasticibility of entries.

7) Boasting will always be considered to a greater extent than roasting, for obvious reasons (if you are confused, read the title of the contest).

May the Boasting begin!

Nerevas August 2 2007 8:45 PM EDT

Its well known and quite obvious; I rock. I rock in every way shape and form including those that have not yet been conceived by man. There's no need to dily daly around the subject here, no need to list reasons. Do onlookers to a Beacon of Awesome need be told their eyes feast upon awesomeness of untold proportions? The answer, my good people, is hell no. Now, whether you'll excuse me or not, I must continue to rock on- for it is the only groove I know.

Nerevas (Black Sophist) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $133337

Mem August 2 2007 9:07 PM EDT

I'm better at spelling than Bast is.
MiniMem (Television Man) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Boasting!

Nerevas August 2 2007 9:08 PM EDT

But he forgot to send the contest fee?

Mem August 2 2007 9:11 PM EDT

Don't you worry about me, Nerevas. My 5k is better than yours, anyhow.

MiniMem (Television Man) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Boasting! 9:09 PM EDT

Nerevas August 2 2007 9:12 PM EDT

Well, see, I felt sorry for your mishap so I went ahead and paid the fee for you.

Nerevas (Black Sophist) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 9:08 PM EDT

Guess you were just a minute too slow. That's ok though, we understand you make mistakes.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 2 2007 9:13 PM EDT

"Multiple entries will be allowed, so that you may attempt to "outboast" any competitors you feel are besting you at the time." So Nere was afraid Minimem outboasted him??? Your resistance is futile, you know I'm better than all of you.... Facts are nothing but useless words people use to make themselves feel better for something they did.... Refute me or not I am GOD!

Mem August 2 2007 9:14 PM EDT

At least I spelled it all correctly...

8DEOTWP August 3 2007 12:43 AM EDT


Lochnivar August 3 2007 4:18 AM EDT

For Comparison:
You know that warm feeling you get from the sun? The one that chases the the chills away and makes you feel at peace with the world?
The sheer joy at the birth of a first child?
The taste of chocolate ice cream as a child?
The smell of your first new car?
Your first love, your first kiss?
Every birthday celebration wrapped up into one moment's happiness?
The most beautiful sight you've ever seen?
The most exhilarating experience in your life?
The single most awe inspiring musical note ever recorded?
The taste of your favourite food stuffed with your second favourite food? (how can I not reference the Simpsons)
World peace?
Beating Koy in 1 round?

Well, I'm responsible for all those things and if you don't pick me there rest of your life will be a cold and barren wasteland with Monty and Crackmonkey for company.

Oh, and I'm cuter than a kitten wrestling with a kleenex box.

Lochnivar (Anbhás) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 4:02 AM EDT

ps. I may actually kick in my largely neglected RoE if enough people enter.

QBRanger August 3 2007 10:19 AM EDT

Koyaanisqatsi (5191881)
Hubbell (2578294)
Edyit (2574770)
Oxcha (2565578)
King of Pain (2565324)
The Lega (2538388)
NWO (2532932)
The Alchemist (2405486)
Xanas (2278307)

Nuf said.

QBRanger August 3 2007 10:21 AM EDT

QBRanger (Koyaanisqatsi) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 10:20 AM EDT
Sorry I could not post this with my initial post. Working on the cell phone has its limitations.

RedWolf August 3 2007 10:28 AM EDT

I roundhouse-kicked Chuck Norris in the face.

Spawn August 3 2007 11:07 AM EDT

Clan MVPs: 24 hours
Spawn (7,020)
Exiili (6,158)
Mythology (5,750)
Yukk (4,990)
Angel of Death (4,958)
Clan MVPs: 1 week
Spawn (26,910)
Super J (25,600)
AdminG Beee (25,392)
PeterGriffin (24,852)
Nonsensical Knight (24,298)

Anything els needed? No?

QBRanger August 3 2007 11:13 AM EDT

Clan Points 1 year:

Little Devil (821,853)
Angel of Death (786,611)
QBRanger (755,862)
Mikel (742,237)
PoisoN (726,423)
Dolphin (665,046)
Adminbartjan (647,714)
Adminedyit (628,492)
hzarb (609,410)
QBBast (586,735)
dudemus (585,448)
Shadowsparkle (576,951)
Super J (565,281)
AdminG Beee (543,416)
Flamey (541,080)
{cb1}smallpau1 (527,164)
Revs (517,234)
NightStrike (480,708)
Tezmac (464,682)
Yukk (407,944)
PeterGriffin (406,342)
krasko (397,616)
[Vampire]WildEagle (378,555)
Synge (375,490)

Nerevas (365,119)
{CB1}stingiestbard (361,378)
Atomicboy (361,170)
Freed (346,335)
NewLeviathan (300,777)
Ashilizator (300,464)
[TH]Amazing Jeckyl Bros (292,932)
Domo (282,047)
trigun (271,237)
novice (251,571)
[T]Vestax (242,273)
TheWyldeOne (240,601)
Fate (239,841)
Rubberduck[T] (237,068)
kevinLeong (216,912)
stanleybg (215,595)
Thunderbird (215,411)
Darkwalker (215,053)
{Lobster}SundariZelia (208,754)
Mythology (203,872)
Zhate (194,684)
velvetpickle (186,602)
QBPPF (181,796)
TuffBunny101 (180,063)

AdminShade (178,126)
Minor Threat (177,048)
Silatt (169,395)
jayuu (161,254)
Sacredpeanut (153,756)
(CB1)logan666 (153,462)
Nonsensical Knight (149,196)
Burning Darkness (145,184)
Ancient Anubis (137,324)
The Vanguard (131,768)
Spawn (128,408) <----------------Pick it up man
sooka (126,718)
Dreadknought (125,245)
Carnage Anthem (121,340)
RedDragoon (119,918)
Zoglog[T] (119,618)
FsL-masta (113,605)
BluBBen (112,172)
o Rly (106,494)
Miandrital (100,612)
Hanzz (100,044)
BMW (97,328)

Spawn August 3 2007 11:17 AM EDT

A member of Carnage Blender 2 since June 22, 2007.

my greatness will shine through in a years time ;)

Jake the Snayke August 3 2007 11:33 AM EDT

I understand what you all are going through, really I do, wanting to be exactly like me in everyway.
My gigantic biceps make you all tremble. These pythons are scary.
Remember that time that you were crying on my shoulder Ranger? I was there for you. Nobody else. Not only am I the king of everything which is radical; but I am also sensitive. Not over the top Bast sensitive but still willing to be there for you people.
Don't worry one day you will all be able to stand within my shadow and worship me. Until then just keep trying.
One day you will get there..................who am I kidding!?!? Nobody is better than I. Nobody.

Jake the Snayke (Punk Junkie) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- I"M GREAT 11:28 AM EDT

ScY August 3 2007 5:34 PM EDT

Jeez, I AM the whiz kid!
Look at me, I can boast AND post my xfer fee at the same time!
Not like some N00b, not going to mention any names, but I can definitely work a cell phone better than ANYONE out there!

{scytale} (The Assassin`s Creed) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 5:31 PM EDT <<<PWNT

J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 3 2007 5:48 PM EDT

/me breaks into annoying rhythmic dance
*meant to be read fast*

I'm cool your not
I'm sexy, i'm hot
I'm everything your not
All you other guys use bots
not me I'm 100% clean
thats why I always pull up in that limousine
Ya'll try to act like me
talk like me
walk like me
Break into dance and rap like me
You can't chat like me
Dam I top Jet Li
All those girls want me
I'm the mack-daddy do hick-ee
I fight like Bruce lee
My girlfriend looks like Gwen stefani
I bought her 3 or 4 Maserati's
I throw the wildest parties

Man and thats just on the Sunday.

ScY August 3 2007 6:04 PM EDT

My MPB is bigger than Ranger's!!111!!!111!!

Most Powerful Blow: 14,730,116 <<Mine
Most Powerful Blow: 2,767,298 <<Ranger's

QBRanger August 3 2007 6:13 PM EDT

/me bows to {scytale}, the master of Koy.

Nerevas August 3 2007 6:42 PM EDT

Ranger's claim of the #1 spot is on borrowed time, he just doesn't know it yet...

Silent and deadly does the predator approach..

AdminG Beee August 3 2007 6:46 PM EDT

Doesn't matter what any of your stats are, I can reset you and mine will be higher. Doesn't matter how good any of your boasts are, I can change them and mine will be better.

I could win this contest hands down with no problems whatsoever, but frankly it's beneath me and I can't be bothered.

Nerevas August 4 2007 1:21 AM EDT

At a friend's birthday party just now, I won a game of Cranium for the guys team (5v5 guys vs girls) by humming the intro to Muppet Babies.

muon [The Winds Of Fate] August 4 2007 1:45 AM EDT

I once beat Paul Gilbert, Rusty Cooley, Shawn Lane and Yngwie Malmsteen together in a guitar battle by fretting notes using only the middle finger of my right hand and my chin!

Before entering a Google Code Jam extreme programming challenge, I took 7 pills of biopop in a single half-hour, and completed every stage in under 4 seconds! I was disqualified due to being, quote, "Obviously a Cyborg"!

After reading muon's boasting thread entry, PPF refused to allow more entries into the contest due to muon's post being far too ludicrously boastful!

[P]Mitt August 4 2007 4:16 AM EDT

Who cares?

Mitt (Mitt) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 4:15 AM EDT

QBOddBird August 4 2007 10:05 AM EDT

Hm, I am surprised....all the effort put forth to win the prize last year and year before, but I make the initial pot much larger this year and nobody is trying nearly so hard. *shrugs* Guess it will be easy to judge.

Flamey August 4 2007 11:44 AM EDT

It's only been a day, OB. Looks roughly the same to me.

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] August 4 2007 1:10 PM EDT

Jeesh, I've seen more bravado in preteen group therapy sessions...

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 4 2007 1:24 PM EDT

I moderate preteen group therapy sessions!

RedWolf August 4 2007 7:45 PM EDT

I actually have nothing to boast about, really.

Thus I am more modest than all of you!

Lady Die August 4 2007 8:37 PM EDT

I want to see (hear) some major boasting!!

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 4 2007 9:12 PM EDT

Let me start this off with style.....
I'm tired of people living in Denial....
Because I rhyme and boast so tough....
All anyone can do is cough....

I wait and wait for someone to boast....
But everyones afraid I'll flame their post....
There is no time like the present to say....
I can out boast you any ole day....

When you grow up and come crawling to me....
I will not teach you to boast like me....
Cause all you nubs don't know how hard it is....
To fight your battles without a new user bonus....

Maybe one day I will bow to you....
But then again your just a fool....
Now come learn from the best of the best....
Cause all you know, is in the past!

Nerevas August 4 2007 10:07 PM EDT

Nice poem... Pffft.

This is my favorite line: "Cause all you nubs don't know how hard it is....
To fight your battles without a new user bonus.... "

(and yet you bought your character)

Good try though mate.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 4 2007 10:42 PM EDT

Is that your best comeback....
Flames that feed my rhyme sack....
I caught you in your bluff.....
And look how bad you sucked....

You can't even come up with some new shtick....
Cause you can't beat my pick ....
I know how to spin my rhymes....
No matter how many times....

Now it comes down to it....
How many times do we go through it....
I am your better always....
You can't beat me on my good days....

Now that my rhyme is done and said....
I will finish at the top again....
You can't beat me now or ever....
So just sit back and learn from a winner!

Nerevas August 4 2007 11:43 PM EDT

Black Sophist (Hidden Agenda) Vlad Tepes (We Forge Our Own Stuff) Black Sophist 11 11:41 PM EDT

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 4 2007 11:58 PM EDT

There he goes again....
Trying to be the man....
But whats he do but paste nothing....
Cause he trembles with fear and loathing.

Nerevas August 5 2007 12:02 AM EDT

"And now, as then, its not fear that grips him. Only restlessness. A heightened sense of things."

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 5 2007 12:18 AM EDT

There he goes trying to be grand....
While his head is in the sand....
He posts nonsense comments that make me wonder....
If hes trying or just making a blunder....

I cant wait for real opponents that make me think....
Cause this is getting old and starting to stink....
Me and Nere are back and forth....
Once around and then a retort....

Will someone stand up and try as they might....
Or will they fail like Nere all night....
He tries to think of witty things....
But all that he thinks of are nothing....

I'm tired of his petty retorts....
I know he has no rhyme or sport....
He cannot win, no he will not win....
Cause I am the best until the end.

QBBarzooMonkey August 5 2007 11:20 AM EDT

DrAcO fancies himself to be Sefton, huh? You, sir, are no Sefton.

On the day I was born, all the angels in Heaven wept lugubriously, for such was the magnitude of their dismay at that which had been unleashed upon the world. No amount of forethought could have predicted the sheer puissance that I will yield when the time is right. Woe be upon those hapless souls who would think to remonstrate against my superiority, for their doom is irrefutable. Nay, it is not that which has occurred aforetime of that inspires this grandiloquence, but instead, the inevitable subjugation of all, which draws nigh.

Pantywaist doggerels and magniloquent, yet otiose rodomontades will serve you favor no longer. Abnegate sanguineness, milquetoasts.

Mem August 5 2007 12:36 PM EDT

MiniMem (Television Man) muon (Philosopher King) $20 -- $20 word award 12:35 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT
MiniMem (Television Man) BarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $20 -- $20 word award 12:34 PM EDT

QBOddBird August 5 2007 1:33 PM EDT

And you, sir, are no contestant if you don't send an entry fee. *grins*

Mem August 5 2007 1:36 PM EDT

Who? Me? Perhaps you can take it out of the 100k I just sent you...

QBOddBird August 5 2007 1:49 PM EDT

No, Barzoo...

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 5 2007 3:46 PM EDT

A contender has stepped to the plate....
Is it dog or cat or monkey face....
I cannot see or hear his rhymes....
For he uses words that are older than time....

Now lets see him work this off....
As I'm still on the top....
I'll help him out and send his fee....
For I know he will not catch up to me....

I am the best and he knows this well....
He knows that it is time to tell....
For me to tell you all who's boss....
I will win this without a loss....

I am the one who beat you now....
I am the one who will show you how....
I am the king I am the best....
now lets put you to the test....

I called you out and no one comes....
Now its time for monkey to go home....
Will there be another in this race....
To come and take his old place!

DrAcO5676 (Obi Wan Kenobi) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Monkey Face's Fee 3:45 PM EDT

Nerevas August 5 2007 4:45 PM EDT

Since he likes weak rhymes so much, Draco's new nickname is B-Rabbit.

This can be your new icon. I think its fitting:

QBBarzooMonkey August 5 2007 4:56 PM EDT

I don't need charity from some wannabe, that's for sure.

QBBarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $1000000 -- Yes, for boasting! 4:55 PM EDT

QBOddBird August 5 2007 5:08 PM EDT

Wow, talk about hitting the money-where-your-mouth is section of the rules!

I think this is an appropriate time to mention that the pot has just raised to 2.7M + the 1.4M MPR character!

BluBBen August 5 2007 6:33 PM EDT

BluBBen once said:
"I'm better then you!"
And it's true.

BluBBen (BluBBen) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 6:30 PM EDT

Nerevas August 5 2007 7:20 PM EDT

BarzooMonkey is nothing to be worried about. Even at the brink of apocalypse he can be bribed off with a cluster of bananas.

QBBarzooMonkey August 5 2007 7:44 PM EDT

Or chocolate chip cookies.

Woe be to the wretched knave who would contrive to purloin my circles of confectionery rapture, for my vengeance will teem upon them and their progeny like a diabolical torrent.

That's how the world ends, you know, over cookies. MY cookies.

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] August 5 2007 7:48 PM EDT

Ashilizator (Ashilizator NCB) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 7:47 PM EDT

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 5 2007 9:19 PM EDT

Hahah kinda confidant in what you say....
Using cash to pay your way....
Well Gee what do I do....
I could spend like you too....

One million more right on the spot....
Just to make a bigger pot....
Then we might have more peeps join....
Just to win the extra coin....

I will tell you again whats up....
You cannot win I tell you what....
Try as you might but I am King....
I can match you coin for coin....

Now let me see what have we here....
Another picture from our friend Nere....
Is that all you got in your bag of toys....
Microsoft paint and almond joys....

See I proved it once again....
I am the best so bow your head....
Try me on a good day....
Cause this contest is mine no matter what you say!

DrAcO5676 (Vlad Tepes) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $1000000 -- Boast King 9:17 PM EDT

QBBarzooMonkey August 5 2007 9:36 PM EDT

Rhyming is easy, and rhyming might be fun
But it's the 3rd annual contest, and rhyming's been done.
It's been beat to death like a horse or a topic
If you think you'll win with rhymes, you're being myopic.
You can't touch me, so step away like you're allergic
Because even my rhymes roasting yours are demiurgic.

How about we vote for something original this time?

Ooh, snap!

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 5 2007 10:00 PM EDT

So you say roasting is new....
Well I'll tell you a thing or two....
I was around when Jesus was born....
I lived through desert storm....

I ran this country before we had presidents....
I am your God is what you meant....
You keep saying rhyming is done....
Then why do you try to out rhyme me son....

I am the best just you see....
I know that now so why don't thee....
I out boast you every time....
I just don't know why you spent a dime....

How bout this to throw you off....
I run the show right from the top....
I look down on peeps like you....
And then I know I'll beat you too....

I came I saw I conquered all....
and your no more than a foot tall....
I look down and I know that this....
Is where my rhyme will finish it!

Nerevas August 5 2007 10:06 PM EDT

I like me some chicken, yes I do I do...
But If I eat any more I'll go poo poo.
People find rhyming so incredibly awesome...
But if these guys can do it, so can any ol' possum.

And as we all know, possums' brains are quite tiny...
So you can imagine reading these poems makes me want to shout "Blimey!"
I'm not even british, which makes that seem crazy...
But if poems are all you've got, you're surely just lazy.

While this may be your idea of boasting, I have no choice but call you a bore.
Though I gladly heckle you on, and will always beg for more.
This is the true spirit of boasting, clearly you do not understand.
I hear you complaining, "let this be over!" But I'm here to serve your reprimand.

So throw your money to the judges knowing I've given less; I feel it suffices.
I may have a larger wallet, but I shall leave that to my other devices.
And thus temptation urges me to provoke you further and further.
Deep down, however, I know your sleeve tricks are all over.

noneedforthese August 5 2007 10:09 PM EDT

SO here it is,

A boasting competition.
But all I see is some weak-as repetition.
I don't need no over-compensation,
you'll see that I'll make the minimum contribution.

Those who can't keep up with the big boys,
speak their rhymes with 6-year-old girl's voice.
They think their rap so choice,

I'm crusin in my rolls-royce
while you hold your poise and brag about your aluminum alloys.
Fellow CBers, you may now rejoice.
The group of pretenders that so annoys,
here I am to devoice.

now I'm trying humbleness from my list of decoys,
one of my ploys that you read as it deploys
I'm just the driver for one of the convoys for the boatfull of corduroys
My rhyme of 'oys' cloys like the beachboys,
but I know I've won this contoist (... :|)
where do I send my invoice?

Peace out.

QBBarzooMonkey August 5 2007 10:17 PM EDT

Lame. Weak. Just plain unoriginal.

Keep sputtering, rhyming boy, keep sputtering.

I'm going to slow down for a bit, and maybe give you a chance to catch up. I know it'll take a long time for you to look up a whole new vocabulary. Maybe you can find me a word that rhymes with hackneyed?

Nerevas August 5 2007 10:24 PM EDT

Bowtied. Bam!

QBsutekh137 August 5 2007 11:47 PM EDT

Barzoo, you are on fire, my man... I haven't seen writing that good since I don't know when. Oh wait, I do know when. It's since the last time I wrote something.

You copying me?

Snap. Oh.

QBsutekh137 (Hubbell) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $599009 -- All available. 11:47 PM EDT

muon [The Winds Of Fate] August 6 2007 12:26 AM EDT

Keep trying harder, minions. You haven't managed to please me yet...

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 6 2007 12:53 AM EDT

QBSefton (The Thing) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $20000 -- Boast 12:51 AM EDT

Hi, remember me. I am your worst boasting nightmare. Allow me to demonstrate.

In the beginning of CB2, in early March I boasted about my great fight rewards. This was primarily due to my very large tattoo. I had this very large tattoo because I started day one with a tattoo, that is I started Jan 1st, 2005 with it. Several days later....

fight rewards & tattoos by Jonathan at March 8 2005 5:15 PM EST (56 replies)

As my combination of camping and fighting skills began to dominate the CB2 world such that I could outpace most USD spenders let alone the average CB2 player, this came along.....

PR linked to NW by Jonathan at May 13 2005 6:08 PM EDT (129 replies)

Now granted, even after such a monumental change, most average humans in my position, would have buckled, but I of course did no such thing, and continued to dominate as a top 10 character and a top 10 camper. As it would happen, my strategy was simply kill them in ranged. I spent a lot of my MPR to make my archery effective, then of course this came along.

Archery nerf; BG update by Jonathan at July 6 2005 4:05 PM EDT (64 replies)

But this of course could not stop me, but did knock me out of the top spot as everyone else went to very large axbows. Not worried though, I camped, I fought, I was Top5 and I quite simply rocked. I was adding NW to my character at a torrid pace. I was adding MPR at an equally torrid pace. I was still on the top of the game, no matter what the game threw at me. Now of course, there were lots of "reasons" why this next one came along, but we know the truth.....

The end of camping by Jonathan at September 4 2005 6:44 PM EDT (303 replies)

Thus ended my actual domination of the game. Yes, I never quite recovered from that one. So you can all boast about how great you are now, you can all say how much better you are than me, if you would like. But, when it comes right down to it, you all have to quite simply bow to the man who single handedly forced three of the most CB2 shattering game changes, changes you all have to deal with now, all because of the greatest CB2 player of all time, me.

How many significant changes have you caused? None, thats what I thought, now give me my money again.

Sefton - two time and eventual three time winner of the CB2 boasting contest (and yes there have only been two other contests)

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 6 2007 1:47 AM EDT

QBSefton (The Thing) QBPPF (Safety Deposit Box) $5000 -- Boast 1:41 AM EDT

P.S. You might all say to yourself, self, why did Sefton only spend a total on 25K on the contest so far? Because OB has YET to offer me interest. I mean who would stick much of their own money in a Safety Deposit Box? I appreciate you all sticking YOUR money into MY Safety Deposit Box, but do not expect me to follow your stupidity. Oh but "XYZ" sent 1mil or 100K or whatever. Yah well, call it confidence if you will, I call it what you all think when you see the 50+ year old in a bright yellow brand new Porsche, overcompensation.

Nerevas August 6 2007 2:18 AM EDT

I must congratulate you Sefton on being an MVP of CB's "dusty" hall of fame. CB is an ever evolving game, and today's atmosphere is so far beyond your glory days I can't help but crack a grin hearing you recite the same accomplishments you did in the previous boasting contests. Don't get me wrong, you are quite the wordsmith, but your CB accomplishments in the days of old are paled in today's light. I say this irregardless of your current character standings. I for example have spent more CB$ just in building characters from scratch, hiring and firing and rehiring minions than probably all the NW you had together all in the name of experimentation. I hold my CB strategy and knowledge on par with none but perhaps Ranger and a couple others. You made your money camping. I would almost find that humiliating to boast such a thing. I've made all my money trading feverently day in day out. I didn't knick items off store shelves for free, but struck deals and relationships with every CB player to build an extremely impressive networth. Any who doubts it need only check my current thread in FS/WTB. I build monster strategies and toss them away all in the conquest of perfection. Everyone called me crazy when I started a CoC mage; the true underdog at the time. But not just that, a mage wearing a set of wall armor?! Ludicrous, outrageous! And yet that strategy is now destroying the upper ranks and is virtually guaranteed to be in the top5 in the next few months. And YET, I will be selling it off at that time and creating a brand new character for an even more daring yet promising character. And no, I got nothing out of my NUB. This is pure blood/sweat/tears.

So again, your glory days in CB were great and swell. But nowadays? Meh. Its nothing to sit at the top from the beginning. Try joining a game amongst existing gods and rise to overthrow them.

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 6 2007 2:21 AM EDT

'Birdie, will you automatically disqualify everyone using "irregardless"? Thank you.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 6 2007 2:41 AM EDT

My head turns and who do I see....
None other than the man who wants to be like me....
No Sefton I'm the one to beat....
And no I can not teach my feat....

I was there when pr was linked....
I was there when archery was tweaked....
I was there when camping was brave....
Oh and I was there when CB1 hit the grave....

I could say I was the cause of these things....
And I could say your the king....
But I know for a fact you can't best me....
I am the king and soon you will see....

I can forge and fight and buy....
I am better than you guy....
I know your older than the father of mine....
But you need to get with the time....

You have no proof you caused all that....
Anymore than I have proof that I caused that....
Now again I will say bring it on....
To beat the champ is the best of all!

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 6 2007 3:06 AM EDT

Ah, good I was wondering if there would be anyone willing to throw down with me, its a shame all I got so far is these two.

Ill take the easiest one first, since, well, its easy. You call for proof Draco? "You have no proof you caused all that....
Anymore than I have proof that I caused that...."

OK prove this:

"I was around when Jesus was born....
I lived through desert storm.... "
and this
"I ran this country before we had presidents....
I am your God is what you meant.... "
heh, LOL go away :)

I got more skills at words or CB2 or whatever you want in my pinkie, than you got ahead of your for your whole life Draco. You need to actually use your brain before you start typing, then perhaps, you could be as successful at boasting as I am.

As for you Nerevas, you have a TON more free time than I do. Congrats, you can down click the minutes of your life away better than anyone. You should be proud. It is a shame no one but yourself will care. You see, my oldest character has facial hair older than you. When you get out of those diapers, and make it up here with the real true masters of CB2, then we can discuss your skills like real men, until that day, you keep on "expirementing" until your get it right, I do not need to, I all ready have.

Boast accomplished.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 6 2007 3:43 AM EDT

You can boast about how good you are, or how good you see yourself. But its not how you see yourself, it is how other people see you. I caught you and you caught me, but now is the hard part. Which person deserves to win, that is tough in my reckoning. You have won 2 years in a row, Its time for you to step down. Being cocky is not a good trait, and you can't dismiss me like a little boy. I will show you why I'm here.

So from one lying man to another a boast....
One that neither of us can toast....
We say these things to prove a point....
But whats it mean if they mean naught....

What to boast about above all....
I am happy with family most of all....
I have little time for silly games....
I must go to work to pay for things....

I may not know or talk with you....
But I know my boasts are right on top....
I will say this before I go....
That I will not let you win!

Nerevas August 6 2007 4:50 AM EDT

Draco is still posting?

So anyway, Sefton.. While not unexpected, it still saddens me that you so quickly fell to such a petty attempt at belittlement. Your entire paragraph to me equates to about "Ya, well you stink!" I can't really offer you much of a response to something like that; it needs no response other than this one, pointing out that I need not play that game.

Face it, what you've got is rhymes and old glory. Commendable, surely. But boast worthy here, I think not. Now if only B-Rabbit, I mean Draco, will wake up and smell the coffee. Its long past burnt.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 6 2007 7:12 AM EDT

Nere you are only afraid of the future. You know it is far past time for you to stop with your petty flames and go back to bed. I am here to stay but you assume that I have to give up. You sir will be the one to give up when you lose to me. You will sell everything like all the usual sellouts then comeback as a multi of Mushu, mostly cause drag is your style. Now back to the point.

I rhyme well as you all know....
Nere is jealous and he tells me so....
I put in words what he can't say....
And he knows well I'll win the day!

QBBarzooMonkey August 6 2007 9:13 AM EDT

Welcome back, Sefton. I knew that singlehandedly raising the necessity for quality, competitive submissions to deal with me would draw you out of seclusion. And I even drew Sut out.

Now we've finally got ourselves a contest.

Lady Die August 6 2007 3:34 PM EDT

I'm still waiting to see some boasting... not just overused words and phrases to down-play another character or person. I want to see who really IS the best, after all I am new here and all. Not hear such negative peruses on why they arent as good.

QBsutekh137 August 6 2007 4:56 PM EDT

Well said, LD. Here's why I am the best.

I was one of the last people on CB1 to make a run from scratch (no NUB/NCB in those days) and take the top spot (prior to CB2's existence). I gave Spid a run for his money as long as I could, and was doing it one against two, lonely me against the Todd-Spydah consortium of evil.

I am a QuarterBlender here on CB2 just as I was on CB1. No boasting required there, as QB is largely a community perception. At least a few folks must like me. *smile*

My *smiles* are legendary. So much so that they have been the topic of discussion on many occasions: the time I was dared to stop using them, the time I was told the *smiles* were passive-aggressive balderdash, and the numerous times people could tell I was kidding (or could they? *smile*)

I was a big forger on both CB1 and CB2, developing spreadsheets that helped determine formula sweet spots and give a better indication of what forge jobs were efficient and which weren't.

I think clans are stupid, and I'm right.

I had a thread named after me, a changelog post in the format "Sutekh was right." So, the creator himself boasts for me.

I can write a decent, clever short story in about 15 minutes.

That's enough for now.

QBBarzooMonkey August 6 2007 7:33 PM EDT

I'll admit it as well, Lady Damiana has a point. Most of what we've seen so far has been trite poetry, roasting, or rehashed lists of past accomplishments.

Real boasting would look more like:

I'm so smooth, they're going to have to change all the peanut butter to "crunchy" or "barzoo"...

I'm so smart, Mensa is going to have to send me letters asking if they can join my club...

I'm so pretty, they're going to start calling tall, skinny women who get photographed a lot "fashion barzoos", or "runway barzoos", or "superbarzoos"...

I'm so reliable, auto makers will start advertising "5 year or 50,000 mile barzoos"...

I've got so much game, they're going to start calling the MMBORBBs - Massive multi-barzoo online role-barzooing barzoos"...

I'm so tough, I wear a pair of cobras for suspenders. Not only did I drink the kool-aid, but I asked for seconds, and still called "the man" a liar...

On the day I was born, all the angels in Heaven - oh, wait, I did that one a while ago.

QBsutekh137 August 6 2007 8:06 PM EDT


/me bows to BM's boast!

(this is not to be construed as capitulation, but fair is fair -- the man's funny!)

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 6 2007 8:34 PM EDT

I'm so important that people named there kids or characters and other cool things after me.

They named a constellation after me:
Draco, a constellation in the northern part of the sky
They named a Galaxy after me:
Draco, a dwarf galaxy orbiting the Milky Way
They named a Dragon after me:
Draco, a dragon in the film Dragonheart
They named a M:TG Card after me:
Draco, a 9/9 Artifact Dragon from the card game Magic: The Gathering
They named a FF3 character after me.
Draco, a character in the fictional opera The Dream Oath: Maria and Draco in Final Fantasy VI
They named a programing language after me:
Draco, a shareware programming language for CP/M and the Amiga
They named a racing team after me:
Draco Racing, a motorsports team

And the best part.... J.K. Rowling wrote a character just for me:
Draco Malfoy, a character in the Harry Potter series of books

lostling August 6 2007 8:47 PM EDT

i have only 1 statement to say :) jonathan pwns everyone :) and my name is jonathan

Nerevas August 7 2007 12:04 AM EDT

I can burp the entire alphabet.


lostling August 7 2007 1:55 AM EDT

included the clip and we may believe you lol :) would be cool though

Lady Die August 7 2007 3:09 PM EDT

Was that a boast?! ;)

DreadedTiger [4x20] (-x) August 8 2007 3:19 PM EDT

Nerevas, do you have to be drunk and doing a sobriety test to burp the alphabet backwards?

Plain and simple, I kick butt. Where others have tried, I have succeeded. It didn't even take me 1bil NW to take down BR, only if I took Koy down a couple times to even out the score and end a streak here and there. I've played rock/paper/scissors with the best and my scissors kicks the crap out of paper everytime. Score is seriously retarded for the top of the ladder because I keep it there.

William Shatner can't even feed sausage to Jewish pigs, but I can.
th00p once crapped his pants when I logged on.
[Edit - PG please]
Harry Potter got tangled up in my dreads before he got to pull his wand out in a fight.
Gandalf changed his suffix from gray to white after seeing the mag-light that I shoved in his face. (I'm not the police, or else I would have Nerevas burping the alphabet backwards on tape.)
I am Leeroy Jenkins.


QBOddBird August 8 2007 5:44 PM EDT

DT's entry is disqualified. Please keep entries PG.

This contest only has just over 24 official hours left in it, and with a dollar amount of $4,372,346 sitting in Safety Deposit Box and the character Team Unstoppable up for grabs, it's about time to up the ante and start making some 5M worthy boasts! ~_^

Boast on!

J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 8 2007 6:25 PM EDT

I rock, Simple. There is nothing in the universe better than me, Vincent Van Gogh got his inspiration from me to do his paintings. Ludwig van Beethoven Based his 9th symphony on me. I make things flourish, I have caused huge supernova's and I control the cycle of the moon with my mind. I can make roses wilt, I can make people tremble at the knees by walking in the room. I can cause huge tornadoes by blowing out a candle. If you are in awe of me I don't pity you, For I am the best you should not worship me , you should obsess over me perhaps make a statue for me. Do not deny the inevitable I am and always will be GOD.

Lochnivar August 9 2007 12:26 AM EDT

Well the spiralling pomposity of claims herein has steadied my hand and guided me towards restraint.

Well let's see... I figured out how to calculate the relationship between MPR and EXP and reduced to a nice simple formula.

I also calculated the relative forge efficiency of differing MPRs.

Big deal you might say, but I didn't see anyone else provide these bits of insight.

Anyone can saturate forums with outlandish unsubstantiated claims; it is proof of nothing but a burgeoning sense of inadequacy.

J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 9 2007 5:53 AM EDT

Bah you call that a boast.

Everything in the world lives because I let it.

You know what you know now because I sub-conciously taught it to you

Your house stays on its foundations because I hold it up

Everything you know and love - I could destroy it in a second.

This game would be nothing without me

Like a grain of sand blowing in the breeze.

I turned it into a great boulder with mighty force.

If it weren't for me your precious game wouldn't be here.

Yet again, I am GOD.

QBJohnnywas August 9 2007 6:12 AM EDT

QBJohnnywas (Johnnywas) QBOOB (Safety Deposit Box) $1 -- For the boast 5:59 AM EDT

It's the little things that make the most difference.

You can't have a million dollars without having one dollar first.

A small breath on the air can become a hurricane.

One single cell micro-organism can kill everybody on the planet.

One bullet can start a war.

One smile can make somebody fall in love.

One changed gene can change the future.

I am the God of small things. You can keep your alpha male superiority. I'm where the real power is.


QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] August 9 2007 1:54 PM EDT

I am the very model of a modern CB-General,
I've information tank, mage, and material,
I know the kings of Carnage, and I quote the fights historical,
From TAB to Hubbell, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted too with Blender mathematical,
I understand the fighting, both the simple and fantastical,
About forging theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news---
With many cheerful facts about the sweet spot which to use.

I'm very good at answering those people who scream please help us,
I know the Carnage Blender names of Brian RotuLous;
In short, in matters tank, mage, and material,
I am the very model of a modern CB-General.

I know our mythic history, Jonathan's and Sir Mordock's,
(look him up!)
I answer hard questions, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes that Monty did to us,
In Carnage I can floor peculiarities parablous.
I can tell undoubted multis from cousins and wives that play,
I know the croaking chorus from the character that I killed today,
Then I can tell you all the losers that to this day died before,
And whistle as I boast so well, and shut the final door.

Then I can write a CB history in perfect cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of King of Pain's uniform;
In short, in matters tank, mage, and material,
I am the very model of a modern CB-General.

In fact, now this is over, just give me my five million,
When I can tell at sight the rest are just some silly ones,
Now such affairs as the tournies, I'm more wary at,
But I do know Bast and I have sat and "commissariat",
(I couldn't resist, and yes I know its a about military supplies, go away)
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern blendering,
When I know more of tactics than the sketches these fools are rendering:
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better CB-General has never sat a gee---

For my Carnage based knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
I know you will all find I am the man of the century;
But still in matters tank, mage, and material,
I am the very model of a modern CB-General.


Jake the Snayke August 9 2007 3:01 PM EDT

I'm glad you all think you are the best. But when it comes down to it you don't know ...............anything.

QBOddBird August 9 2007 6:04 PM EDT

Everyone is free to boast until I have a chance to check up on this tomorrow (slightly past the 24 hour deadline) but I am not going to have a chance tonight...judges, if you will, please select your picks and CM them to me. Thanks ^_^

J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 9 2007 6:21 PM EDT

The Final Boast

I am the king.

Betwixt throughout realms my mighty boasting superiority.

If you do not already understand the full extent of my boasting power,

Turn off your computer and stop playing Carnage Blender 2

I am the Past, Present & Future.

I own you and I can and will break you.

For the last time. I am God!

drudge August 9 2007 6:44 PM EDT

jason doesn't own his own car; let alone anyone else on cb.

Nerevas August 9 2007 7:22 PM EDT

Haven't had time to 'roast some boasts' recently, but I'll make an exception for Sefton's last minute all-or-nothing poem. Very catchy, and I admire your verbal skill, but yet again you cling to old faded glory. Funny thing is though, I've played for over a year and I didn't know you existed until you showed up for this boasting thread? That's pretty bad, considering I know *everyone* and can probably recite as much CB1+2 history as any oldie. But that's ok, I'm sure you're as important as you claim to be.


DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 9 2007 10:00 PM EDT

Jason, your boasts are old,
Your out in the cold,
You are not God,
Your as bad as Todd,

You have no skill,
You can't even kill,
You lost this time,
So don't try and Rhyme.

Seft you try to boast,
But I must toast,
The prompt and tactical,
Use of Fantastical,

I will say this for sure,
You all have been nice and pure,
You have all boasted for real,
But I will say there was no feel,

I have played for years,
I have beat all fears,
I have rose to the top,
And I'm not a flop,

I will be here for years to come,
And I'm not afraid to send you home,
I will be on top,
And heres where it will stop!

Nerevas August 9 2007 10:12 PM EDT

Yo Momma.

Lady Die August 9 2007 10:34 PM EDT

And yet again.. I'm seeing more derogatory statements and fouls played upon others instead of Real Boasting. What is CB coming to? Why are you guys so great. I'm new and I dont get it-- Yeah in the past you guys were big and great.. I get that. I see that, but why do you think you are so great 'now'? That's what I want to see!

So boast already..

lostling August 9 2007 10:38 PM EDT

somehow i wonder y everyone keeps writing poems when each one is worse then the next lol...

cant think of much CB2 achievements i have accomplished little....

Spawn August 10 2007 7:11 AM EDT

hasn't this contest finished yet? or are you all still rambling on about how insignificant you all are?


J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 10 2007 8:10 AM EDT

Draco, who the hell is Todd..?

Draco your rhyming is getting boring
Everyone here is snoring

Stop chatting lyrics you can't understand
Your Poems are so bad, your on the underhand

Where as me, I'm the best you could be
My rhyming comes together like the A-B-C

One day, When your rhymes are better
You can come back to be a competitor

But for now stick with your little songs
And hope that they get you along.

QBBarzooMonkey August 10 2007 11:13 AM EDT

/me yawns, and rolls over to snore some more.

QBOddBird August 10 2007 4:52 PM EDT

Contest over. The judges have picked their finalists. =)

Please wait for further updates. Thank you!

J[Hybrid]Schnappes August 10 2007 5:26 PM EDT

100th post yeah...!!!! Sorry.

DrAcO5676 [The Knighthood III] August 10 2007 9:24 PM EDT

Interesting choice on the finalists... Congrats to all the finalists and I hope you all do well.

QBOddBird August 15 2007 6:04 PM EDT

Congratulations to BarzooMonkey, elected winner of the 3rd Annual Boasting Contest!

QBOOB (Safety Deposit Box) QBBarzooMonkey (Canis bellatoris) $4360439 -- Congratulations! 5:54 PM EDT

BluBBen August 15 2007 6:29 PM EDT

Congratz Barzoo! :-D

QBBarzooMonkey August 15 2007 6:51 PM EDT

Thanks everybody!!! :D

Thanks OOB!!!

And I take it all back - I'm not really "all that"...

Just kidding! I rock!

This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=002B68">The 3rd Annual CB2 Boasting Contest!</a>