All about Men (in Off-topic)


Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 13 2008 4:12 PM EST

Found this on a forum; they told me to spread it around, and like a blind idiot I did. ;)
They are all numbered 1. on purpose.
This is basically life, through mens point of view. Enjoy!
P.S It's talking to women, btw.
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1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the

Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing is wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

deifeln February 13 2008 4:25 PM EST

"Found this on a forum; they told me to spread it around, and like a blind idiot I did. ;) "


I will pay you 500k if you ask for and receive a 3 month forum ban.

Offer void and funds to be repaid to me if you get the forum ban, but it ends prematurely.

TheHatchetman February 13 2008 4:26 PM EST

"1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. "

meh... i often forget to put it back down, but I don't understand how someone sits on something and doesn't check it first... I always look at my potential seat, even if just at a glance, before sitting in it. Let's me know if something is in the way (like my cat), it's wet, or in the case of a toilet, I'm about to fall through...

You don't cross the road without looking... why sit somewhere without looking?


"1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

I do sympathy, but I also feel like crap when someone has a problem I can't help with... =/


"1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor. "

FTW!!!!


"1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. "

Not necessarily... it has been my experience that ~70% of the chicks I know complaining about being fat, aren't...


"1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf. "

or CB...

Godpanda February 13 2008 4:36 PM EST

Ya know... Marlfox... I don't know man... Wow...


Bast is going to have a field day with this.

RVT February 13 2008 4:43 PM EST

You said it best, You ARE an idiot.

RVT February 13 2008 4:50 PM EST

Christopher Columbus wanted to go to India, but ended up in America, Obviously he DID need directions.

dversouri February 13 2008 4:52 PM EST

deifeln, ill take you up on that if marlfox doesnt.

Lochnivar February 13 2008 4:58 PM EST

"Christopher Columbus wanted to go to India, but ended up in America, Obviously he DID need directions."

Typical woman, dwelling on the negatives..... and this was what, 600yrs ago?

for the mathematically inclined P(F^4)T

Armageddon February 13 2008 6:52 PM EST

I think this was on a shirt, and I want it^_^

Frost February 13 2008 7:02 PM EST

thanks for posting it its funny but true.

j'bob February 13 2008 7:10 PM EST

meh... i often forget to put it back down, but I don't understand how someone sits on something and doesn't check it first... I always look at my potential seat, even if just at a glance, before sitting in it. Let's me know if something is in the way (like my cat), it's wet, or in the case of a toilet, I'm about to fall through...

If I recall correctly, Hatch has the most problems when he's ALREADY in the sea (at the computer)... which is why the placement of his couch(?) is so key.

j'bob February 13 2008 7:12 PM EST

And of course when I say "in the sea" I clearly mean in the "seat", not referring to the massive body of water by his computer.
Thank you for your understanding.

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 14 2008 10:49 AM EST

When I posted this, I accepted the full consequence of the angry women in CB.
Well, Men get a whole bunch of feminine stuff... what can I say... ;)

Talion February 14 2008 11:00 AM EST

You forgot about something all men have had to explain 100,000,000 times without success...

When you ask us what we are thinking about and we answer "Nothing", it means exactly that.

Do not assume we are trying to hide something from you or that there is some deep psychological childhood past traumatizing experience you do not know about that is holding us back from expressing our feelings.

Men are simply capable of not thinking. Live with it!:)

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 14 2008 11:15 AM EST

Nice one, Talion! ;)

Unappreciated Misnomer February 14 2008 11:17 AM EST

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

lol

Lord Bob February 14 2008 1:39 PM EST

A few things:

I'm a guy who actually prefers the seat down. Hey, I'm lazy, and I prefer sitting. I just don't whine about those who prefer it up.

""1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. "
Not necessarily... it has been my experience that ~70% of the chicks I know complaining about being fat, aren't... "

Agreed. Some of them are really attractive girls trolling for compliments. I can't count the number of times I've had a model type girl complain about something on her body that not even the most shallow person could ever consider a flaw.

"Christopher Columbus wanted to go to India, but ended up in America, Obviously he DID need directions."

See rule:
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Calling out Columbus' errors from the late 1400's is not allowed.

"When you ask us what we are thinking about and we answer "Nothing", it means exactly that."

Ralphie May has a pretty good bit about this one.

lotien February 14 2008 2:25 PM EST

i am defragging lol

Wasp [Demon Forging] February 14 2008 2:35 PM EST

Lets be honest now, that little guide thing is totally right. It's not all fabricated lies otherwise it wouldn't be so true. I don't think thats offensive to the opposite sex either? It hasn't slated or bent anything, it's based upon facts. So women who read this and get offended obviously know it's true, thats why they get offended. It all makes sense if you think about it logically!

Lochnivar February 14 2008 2:55 PM EST

hehe..... 'logically' Wasp says.....

You do know that we are dealing with women here right?

The selfsame embodiments of contradiction that in one breath call us 'thoughtless' and in the very next ask breath what we are thinking....

I am somewhat surprised at the muted response from the (4 is it?) girls of CB....
This is a sign that:
a) they have thick skin
b) we are right and thus beyond reproach
c) they consider thread this beneath their contempt
d) mushu

Impromptu poll anyone?

tydye February 14 2008 3:04 PM EST

I like it!
obviously not everyone of them is applicable to everybody but everybody has a few that are applicable to them! Too many complaints people.
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