:( serious topic...advice needed. (in Off-topic)

Presumptious Zoodles December 31 2011 3:07 PM EST

I'm very unhappy with my life...my love life is a disaster, my personal life is less then optimal, i seem to be able to ruin most friendships over nothing...all in all Ive been extremely extremely depressed for years and years...i tried councilling before but i ended up leaving most of the stuff i feel out because i was scared...but now...not to worry anybody but for the last 4 days each day suicides ran across my thought process a few times...I'm running out of options to keep myself happy...i want to talk to doctor about this and get on anti depressants if i can and go to therapy or councilling...im not sure what to do at this point...

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] December 31 2011 3:33 PM EST

Professional help sounds like the best route currently.

You should feel no stigma in this at all. Depression is an illness, like any other. If you break your leg, you go to a professional to get treated. Depression shouldn't be thought of any differently.

Claire and I have sat down and recently agreed to get some marriage guidance/couples therapy. We're going to get some advice from the folk trained to give it. ;)

What ever you do, don't think you're out of options. You never are.

QBRanger December 31 2011 3:48 PM EST

Most people I know have been through professional help.

As you seem to have acute suicidal thoughts, immediate help is needed.

I would suggest/recommend immediately going to the nearest ER and getting help like right now.

You have to get healthy first before you can have a love life and a social like.

That should be your highest priority and you should get immediate help.

AdminNightStrike December 31 2011 3:53 PM EST


Admiralkiller [Cult of the Valaraukar] December 31 2011 4:49 PM EST

therapy and drugs (pharmaceuticals).
Lots to live for and I bet more ppl care for you and think that you kick but then you realize.

Admiralkiller [Cult of the Valaraukar] December 31 2011 4:52 PM EST

also what ranger said...immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Lord Bob December 31 2011 5:05 PM EST

my love life is a disaster,
Join the club.

In fact, I think it's called Club Bob.

Joel December 31 2011 5:49 PM EST

You do need help, but be very wary of the common side-effect of anti-depressants... Its REALLY stupid how it works, but anti-depressants often make you even MORE at risk for suicide. If you get on those anti-depressants, you need to go to therapy, and always be around friends and family. Don't isolate yourself! Just do everything you can to keep yourself safe, my friend...

AdminQBVerifex December 31 2011 5:53 PM EST

Hey man, I think you should consider counseling ASAP. Everyone has a low point in their lives. Maybe you have some anxiety issues or something, I know a number of people who have had issues that prevented them from being really happy.

Sometimes it takes some medication, sometimes some serious talking, sometimes it takes a serious life change, but there is always room to make your situation better. :)

QBRanger December 31 2011 5:58 PM EST


Remember that anti-depressants take up to 2 weeks to work. During that time, if you still have suicidal thoughts, you need to be hospitalized till you get stable.

Demigod December 31 2011 6:02 PM EST

i want to talk to doctor about this and get on anti depressants if i can and go to therapy or councilling...im not sure what to do at this point...

It looks like you know exactly what to do. I'd suggest you start with a psychiatrist (over a psychologist) because of the suicidal thoughts, and commit to divulging everything so you won't feel you squandered an opportunity just to avoid an awkward talk.

Fishead December 31 2011 7:25 PM EST

The positive thing here is that you recognize that somethng is wrong and that you want to do something about it and are willing to seek professional help. That's a major part of changing your life. YOU havd to want it.

Finding someone to talk to is a good first step. If it is found that anti depressants are needed, remember that there are a lot of them out there and the first one or two that you try may not be the right one for you. And as Ranger said, they take time work, so take them as prescribed and give them time. Be honest with your doctor about how you are feeling and how the meds make you feel. That's the only way to find the right medication for yourself.

My mother went through years of depression, ups and downs, until she found the right medication. A big part of why it took so long is because she didn't communicate with her doctor about how she felt. She just assumed that that's how it was going to be and nothing could be done differently.

There's a lot out there for you and you're only what, 20 years old? Things are really just getting started so it's good that you're looking to work things out now. It will make the rest of your long life much better.

Presumptious Zoodles December 31 2011 11:45 PM EST

problem is i live in a dead end town, i have no motivation to get more education to get something high paying...im afraid im stuck with my parents, im EXTREMELY dependant on others...im 100% incapable of being happy if im alone...my best friend whom is my ex-fiance, i feel my friendship with her is the most complicated thing in my life...i wont lie if i lost her as absolutely stupid as it is id just say f*** it, i almost lost her friendship today...but the problem is she is my everything and although she says im a very very important part of her life she doesnt show it...ive asked her multiple times why and she has apologized and said she's going through alot, which she is and i know and see it, but...i feel itd help her even to show a little more affection and care for me if i really am her best friend...she's been my best friend, girlfriend, fiance, all of those things at one point or another since beginning of high school...the thought of losing her drives me into tears and when i fight with her it literally breaks my heart like a first love lost...today is really bad for me because she's hanging with a guy she likes that lives next door to her and i had previously asked to hang with her new years and she said no cause she wanted to hang with family, but her plans changed and she decided to hang with him the night, i made a big deal of it because i felt betrayed...i immedietly felt bad and apologized but id already made a big deal of it, that was last night, this morning we had plans to hang out so i could set up her new comp and hang with her, but since her new comp (which i bought her for xmas) isnt here till monday we found out, she cancelled, which depressed me cause it was gonna be my new years fun to hang with her...so i got depressed and made another deal out of that which got us into an argument...it ended with me telling her that if she doesnt want to bother or doesnt care anymore to say so...she said (ill censor, mods please allow censorship this once, i believe this is a highly reasonable reason...) "for f*** sakes kyle yes your my best friend but this is driving me to my wits end" because her depression and problems as well as mine mean that i frequently ask her if she's ok and worry about her and all because im naturally caring and know what its like to be alone and not have anybody...but because i ask her all the time and am always there for her i expect that the same can be expected back, but she's not as good at dealing with it as me and i have a 100 and one problems a day...so it hurts her and such because i never seem happy and she doesnt know how to help...she tries and ends up lecturing me usually but that only makes it worse for me...i always point out i need comfort not lectures, and she says i tell her all the time, but...she just doesnt know how to comfort me she says...i know my friendship with her is a major root to my depression but its also the reason im alive today, in grade 10 i tried killing myself over a dozen times...in grade 11 once, since then ive been ok but recently i feel extremely unstable...i found out at 20 years old i have to be medicated for life for a disease thats going to limit me in alot of the things i can do, as well financially im 2000$ in debt and am afraid its a sign that i will just go deeper into debt...and my love life is 100x worse...i can get girls, ive been told numerous times im a very attractive young man...but i have no confidence and i rush in very quick...my recent try within 3 days i felt i was in love...i lost the ability to take it slow and always rush it because i feel i NEED to have that love to live and be happy...that brings me to another problem...my ex-fiance//current best friend again...i still love her like crazy...like on a scale of 1 and 10 itd be a 10 easily...thats because we'd planned to have a family, planned to move in together and make a life...she left all that but i still think of it every day, and it hurts me deeply, i dont know how to get over her, leaving her as a friend is not an option, taking time apart isnt one either, she's a major part of my life at this point still but i dont know how i can get over loving her so madly without hurting one of us badly in the process... if anybody can give any advice on any of this tell me...wether it be advice on what to do or advice on who i might see for help on this or what..

AdminTal Destra January 1 2012 12:08 AM EST


QBRanger January 1 2012 12:20 AM EST

i want to talk to doctor about this and get on anti depressants if i can and go to therapy or councilling.

All ERs have what is called an EMTALA rule/law:


To sum, they are required to treat anyone regardless of their ability to pay.

If you are serious about talking to a doctor, your local ER cannot turn you away if you truly feel as you write in this post.

I really cannot add anything else.

Presumptious Zoodles January 1 2012 12:50 AM EST

ranger i live in canada, my 30 day stay in hospital, surgery, and 1000$+ of meds was all paid for by my medical already x) but anti depressants and therapy are different here, i need to show signs of being a risk to myself before im deemed medically unfit to find my own means of attaining those two things (aka not paying for them or paying for them)

Lord Bob January 1 2012 12:58 AM EST

i have no motivation to get more education to get something high paying.
I may be able to help with this part.

Post here a list of hobbies, things, time wasters, etc. that you enjoy doing. I don't care how trivial they are. Anything from "I find history really fascinating," to "I play a lot of X-Box," to "I like doing prostitutes." Don't care. Write a list of things you like. Put your favorite thing ever at the top.

I guarantee there's a career, and a corresponding educational program at a higher level university that is catered to EXACTLY THAT.

This is why I'm doing what I'm doing. I've been a hardcore gamer since I was six. I'm now closing in on a bachelor's in computer science, entirely 100% due to my love of gaming. And I wasn't limited to that. Possible career paths included game designer, game artist, music composer, marketing, gaming journalist, and small business owner (local game shop).

So whatever your great passion is, even if it's something crazy like alcohol or porn, believe me, there is a career path for you, and I can almost guarantee there is a college degree that will help you.

Presumptious Zoodles January 1 2012 1:28 AM EST

my life revolves around computers and everything to do with them...

Lord Bob January 1 2012 1:32 AM EST

Bachelor's in computer science. What's stopping you?

Presumptious Zoodles January 1 2012 1:46 AM EST

money =\

Lord Bob January 1 2012 2:15 AM EST

Financial aid.

Dude, I made a freaking PROFIT off my first few years of school. Grants and whatnot paid for my tuition and books, with enough left over to fund the wackier aspects of my lifestyle while I was unemployed. Of course now is a different story...

I cannot recommend this enough: go talk with a counselor at your local post-secondary educational institute. They will do what they can to get you in a program suited to your talents and interests, and fully take into account your financial situation. It's really not anywhere close to being as scary as it seems. Ignore the money issue. Ignore the money issue. Trust me, ignore the money issue.

At best, it leads you to a fun and rewarding career. At worst, it gives you something to do that also makes you a better, wiser person.

AdminNightStrike January 1 2012 2:16 AM EST

Computer engineering is cooler :)

Lord Bob January 1 2012 3:01 AM EST

Computer engineering is cooler
Also a good choice!

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] January 1 2012 9:17 AM EST

I've been there, right down to the best friend who I couldn't get over, I wanted to die, but never openly considered (or tried) doing so by the quick methods. I hurt myself with food and until recently was well on my way to checking out.

My friend Ben who did try (and eventually succeeded) was an amazing human being who just never saw it for himself. Whatever path you find out of this (and there are many) I hope you gain enough perspective to see your potential for yourself.

You are more creative, powerful, loving, and brilliant than you can fathom, the circumstances you're in now are nothing more than circumstance, life goes on!

Depression for me is a function of my tendancy to tell myself that something is wrong combined with diet. I began fighting back with a specific elimination diet about 7 years ago and it's made a huge difference for me. I never gave meds much of a chance but I know folks for whom they've worked as well.

Professional help is a huge must at this point, and if you need someone to talk I would be stoked to talk, especially about how to create a career in computers.

Presumptious Zoodles January 1 2012 7:41 PM EST

im not sure what it is thats gonna get me out of the gutter, im just gonna take it 1 step at a time, be it small steps or big, ill just keep moving forwards until im feeling better...

Sickone January 1 2012 8:24 PM EST

Start by renouncing all religious or spiritual beliefs about an afterlife, reincarnations, souls, ghosts or anything else silly like that.
Repeat to yourself that THIS is the only chance you get to do anything, and once you're gone, you're gone for good and that's it, no second chances of any kind. You should want to fight tooth and nail for even just a few extra seconds of life, no matter how miserable you could possibly thing it could be.
Then think about the fact that even a minimum wage worker of today actually works less and has a better quality of life than a good portion of medieval nobility had it.

If that doesn't "cure" most of your serious thoughts about suicide for good and forever, nothing else ever will.

PearsonTritonRaveshaw January 3 2012 12:29 AM EST

Having such strong feelings for your ex girlfriend/best friend when she doesn't share them is an unhealthy relationship. What relationship is that, you wish you were dating, and she sees it but hopes its not there because she doesn't want to deal with it. It probably stresses her out seeing you still love her and not move on. I was so depressed to the point where the doctors put me on anti-depressants when my high school sweetheart and I broke up, but the only thing that really worked for getting over her was not seeing or talking to her. The anti-depressants just made me awkward and unlikeable, and are in no way at all worth any such money. Therapy could help, but anti depressants will simply hide your depression for lots of $. Solve it at the root, change yourself, because if suicide is a serious thought, change needs to occur from within.
after a month of no communication with my high school sweet heart of 3 years, I made new friends and had purpose in life. Another month later I felt completely whole again.
Now I own my home (even if it is a boat) and hold a steady job. Yay.

Anyways, give it a try, see if you can go a month without seeing your best friend, and do your best to talk to her half as much as you do now. Try to move on from loving her, there is so much beauty elsewhere in the world.
Stay away from anti depressants, you're better off with medicinal cannabis if you absolutely need a drug. Its healthier than any pill you can take, and anybody will tell you its impossible to be depressed with it.
Travel? School? Computers always has new technology so there are lots of jobs, even silicon valley hasn't completely sold out to india and china yet.

Presumptious Zoodles January 3 2012 8:35 PM EST

the problem is resolving itself already between me regaining my ability to be physically active, and she has a boyfriend now so im forced to get over her, already i'm feeling much better and feel the path im taking is a good one. I'm looking into what career choices may be worth looking into for me but am not ready to make any serious decisions at this point.
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