~*Favorite Simpsons' Quote*~ (in Contests)

{CB1ate}aupStar December 5 2005 12:09 AM EST

What's your favorite simpsons quote..? =p
Mine is as follows:

Lionel Hutz: Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: Really?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'.

hahaha...I love that quote!

Anywho, I'd like to hear more funny quotes from the Simpsons and so I've made this contest...=)

For the funniest quote: 20k
2nd, 3rd, 4rth prize: 10k each

Max 2 favorite quotes per person.

Good luck! ^_^

Vaynard [Fees Dirt Cheap] December 5 2005 12:12 AM EST

I haven't watched that show in ages. More of a Family Guy fan anymore. But I still love the Simpsons even though I don't watch much anymore.

But I'll submit a very plain, but well known quote. Here:

"D'Oh!" (Or Doh!, however it is spelled)

Lu Bu[willsue] December 5 2005 12:13 AM EST

Homer: But Marge, who is gonna take care of the kids?
Marge: You are Homer
Homer: But I'm the father!

Stephen December 5 2005 12:13 AM EST

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? what about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: He he he. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Flamey December 5 2005 12:25 AM EST

this is on a episode with a bear.its only one i could remember.

Homer Lenny and carl are going to kill a bear.

Bart:hey dad where are you going?
Homer:going to kill a bear
Bart: Cool! can i come to
Homer:no son if i die you have to uphold the simpson name
Bart:screw that when i grow up im changing my name to Joe Kick ass
Homer:That is so cool, ok you can come

not accurate but im sure simpson fans with remember it

skurj December 5 2005 12:27 AM EST

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

Thraklight Resonance December 5 2005 12:28 AM EST

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)

Flamey December 5 2005 12:37 AM EST

this is pretty funny

Homer: "Oh, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!"
Homers Brain: 'Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!'
Homer: 'Explain how!'
Homers Brain: 'Money can be exchanged for goods and services!'
Homer: 'Woo Hoo!'

QBsutekh137 December 5 2005 12:42 AM EST

Lenny: You sending some outbound mail?
Carl: You know it!
Lenny: Yeah, I was thinking of sending some out tomorrow...
Carl: I hear that!

Homer: And that's when the C.H.U.D.s attacked...
Marge: Well, Homey, you can't hate a whole city just because of a few C.H.U.D.s.

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] December 5 2005 12:48 AM EST

"Flanders to God, Flanders to God, get off your cloud and save my Todd"

"Fire, the Biblical Cleanser!"

Thraklight Resonance December 5 2005 12:52 AM EST

Homer: "It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of carnageblender a day."

Sukotto [lookingglas] December 5 2005 1:57 AM EST

I've always loved

My eyes, the goggles do nothing!
-- Rainier

Episode 2F17 "Radioactive Man"

Undertow December 5 2005 2:56 AM EST

Mr Burns: Excellent.

I love it, everytime he says it. And it's always in a context like:

Someone: something horrible is going to happen!

Mr. Burns: Excellent....

Stephen December 5 2005 3:02 AM EST

And then there's when Marge asks Homer if he ever thinks about the future and Homer replies, "You mean when the apes rule the world?""

maulaxe December 5 2005 3:11 AM EST

"tastes like burning"

InebriatedArsonist December 5 2005 3:19 AM EST

Lyle Lanley: Well, sir, there's nothing on earth
Like a genuine,
Bona fide,
What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty+Selma: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Monorail!
[crowd chants `Monorail' softly and rhythmically]
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud...
Lyle Lanley: It glides as softly as a cloud.
Apu: Is there a chance the track could bend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Abe: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice...
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
All: Monorail!
Lyle Lanley: Once again...
All: Monorail!
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
All: Monorail!
[big finish]
Homer: Mono... D'oh!

IndependenZ December 5 2005 4:10 AM EST

Homer: "Mmm, beer."

Homer: "Mmm, food."

Homer: "Mmm, TV."

Homer Simpson's Simple Life ;p

RAMPAGE December 5 2005 4:32 AM EST

Bart: Eat my shorts

Bart: Don't have a cow, Man

5583 days old {Gaza} December 5 2005 5:22 AM EST

Homer: "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems"

Stonecutters "Who controls the british pound, who keeps the metric system down, we do, we do, who holds back the electric car, who makes E Neutenburg? a star? we do, we do"

AdminG Beee December 5 2005 5:26 AM EST

Homer: (hits a deer statue) D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer.


Homer: Look at this, Marge: $58 and all of it profit! I'm the smartest businessman in the world.
Marge: Stampy's food bill today was $300.
Homer: Marge, please, don't humiliate me in front of the money.

Stephen Young December 5 2005 7:04 AM EST

From The Planet of the Apes Musical Episode:

"I Hate every ape I see,
From Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z,
You'll never make a monkey outta me!"

(cardboard statue of liberty raises in the backdrop)

"Oh my God! I was wrong!
It was earth all along!
You finally made a monkey out of me!"

QBRanger December 5 2005 7:07 AM EST

Barney (the drunk): We have a problem here.
Mo: What is it?
Barney: Well after this case and the next case, we only have one case left (talking about the beer).

Brings me back to my college days.

QBJohnnywas December 5 2005 7:16 AM EST


'How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?'

AdminShade December 5 2005 2:10 PM EST

Homer: D'oh.

Zoglog[T] [big bucks] December 5 2005 2:16 PM EST

My favorite quote is unfortunately a non-PG one from a very old episode. It outlines Bart talking about Millhouse not having a biological father apparently.

Gender Bender December 5 2005 2:23 PM EST

Sorry couldn't choose, had to put 3 quotes! :)

Marge: Homie, I have a man here who can help you.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Homer: Marge, I've been thinking. What if instead of donating
one of my old worn out kidneys; I give Grampa that artificial
kidney I invented?
Marge: Oh, Homer, that was just a beer can with a whistle
glued to it.
Homer: "Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of
things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the
animals...except the weasel."

th00p December 5 2005 2:44 PM EST

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

AngryZac December 5 2005 3:50 PM EST

I couldn't remember exact lines so I looked it up, both from the same episode:

Homer: I'd like to withdraw ten thousand dollars, please. [hands
teller a slip of paper and winks]
Teller: [reading the paper] "You are on television, please play
along." Are you robbing me?
Homer: [aside to teller] I'll pay you later.
PBS Representative: Um, is there a problem, Mr. Simpson?
Homer: Uh, why, no, everything is just --
[grabs a pen and tries to stab the PBS man in the chest.
The pen is chained to the desk, and the chain is too short
to reach its target. Homer finally breaks down]
Oh, I can't do it, I can't kill a man!
[regains his composure, and tries stabbing the man in the
PBS Representative: You dont have the money, do you?
Homer: Na uh.
PBS Representative: And you thought you could stab your problems away?
Homer: Uh huh


Homer: Save me Jebus!

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] December 5 2005 4:45 PM EST

(Snake has Apu's Quik-E-Mart on the back of a truck and him driving)

"I'm takin' this thing to Mexico!" - Snake


Homer: What do I do? What do I do? In the name of God you've got to tell me! [sobbing]

Agent 1: Relax, it's just a simulator. Nothing can go wrong.

Homer: [inner voice] Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.
Homer: ...It's worked before

(Homer begins doing just that, but something goes horribly wrong.)

Inspector: "This can't be happening!"

(Van begins to glow green and sink into the ground. Panic ensues at the plant. Burns decides to try to get away in his escape pod. He activates the entrance to the pod, jumps in, and slams the door shut. )

Smithers: "For the love of God, sir, there are two seats!"

(Burns likes to put his feet up. The pod takes off, but doesn't even come close to reaching escape velocity. Instead, it crashes into the street and continues bouncing down it in a crumpled ball. A glowing green Homer rises out of the hole left where the van used to
be, growling and fearsome.)

Homer: "Must destroy mankind,"
(watch alarm goes off)
Homer: "Woohoo, lunch time!"
(Homer shakes off his radioactivity and bounds off to eat.)

(The agents watch the detox team spray the hole in the parking lot with a foamy sealant.)

Agent 2: I'm still not sure how he caused the meltdown. There wasn't any nuclear material in the truck!

Burns: Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. Now, you can either have the washer and dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.

Wolvie December 5 2005 6:03 PM EST

Smithers: Um, I hate to interrupt your longevity treatment, sir, but there's a sweet little boy at the door.
Burns: Release the hounds.


Mr. Burns: There's a big one, and it has freedom written all over it!
Smithers: Sir, that's Cuba.
Mr. Burns: Cuba, eh? Take her down, Smithers!
Smithers: Uh, you're flying the plane, sir...
Mr. Burns: Excellent.

Angel of Death [Hell Blenders] December 6 2005 1:15 PM EST

Dr Nick: héy everybody Everyone: héy Dr Nick Dr Nick: bye everybody Everyone: bye Dr Nick Speaker: Dr Nick come to the coroner Dr Nick: coroner, im sick of that place

chappy [Soup Ream] December 6 2005 1:24 PM EST

I love anything that Ralph Wiggum says lol ... like these... Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma! -or- I bent my wookie. -or one more - Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants." Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

fatty the loner December 6 2005 4:05 PM EST

mmmmm Donuts (when homer runs outside during a donut storm

and the other isn't one in perticalar it's the prank calls to the bar. they are very funny but there are too many to list

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] December 6 2005 7:50 PM EST

Ralph,"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
and,"My cat's name is Mittens."

Stephen Young December 6 2005 8:47 PM EST

Homer: "It's time to clean up this town!"

Man: "Meaning what exactly?"

Homer: "You know... Push people around, make ourselves feel big..."

{CB1ate}aupStar December 7 2005 3:13 AM EST

Contest ends in 24 hours! Keep postin em! ;) Lots of great responses so far...=)

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] December 7 2005 5:13 AM EST

*sigh* Fine.

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

csraven December 7 2005 3:44 PM EST

Homer: I call the little one bitey...

hows that?

Flamey December 7 2005 11:59 PM EST

hey aupstar is contest ever going to finish its been going on for days

smallpau1 - Go Blues [Lower My Fees] December 8 2005 1:34 AM EST

How did nobody get this one? I noticed someone Finally put Mmm, Beeeer!

But you forgot:

"Mmm, Dooonuts!"

And then Bob Loblaw, for the stupid spellcheck... =P~

I'll get some more quotes, since its on everyday. What about American Dad or Family Guy, can we post those here as well? Because those are two more awesome shows.

BootyGod December 8 2005 6:35 PM EST

there was a episode where homer insulted Abu's religion.
Abu: " I would like you to please pick up your things, get out of my store, and then come again" the last part is the same way he always says it sall happy like but the first part was really vicious. Could not remember exact quote but it was super funny.

GG Allin Lives December 8 2005 7:29 PM EST

I always loved Barts prank calls to Moes.

Best ever- "Is there an Al here and Al Coholic?" Everybody laughs. Good times. The face on Moe after he figured it out was priceless.

RedWolf December 8 2005 8:32 PM EST

I will not xerox my butt. I will not xerox my butt.
I will not xerox my butt. I will not xerox my butt.
I will not xerox my butt. I will not xerox my butt.
I will not xerox my butt. I will not xerox my butt.

RedWolf December 8 2005 9:18 PM EST

here's a bunch more chalkboard stuff :-)

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not sell land in Florida
I will finish what I sta
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
Funny noises are not funny
I will not bring sheep to class
Goldfish don't bounce
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not use abbrev.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not tease Fatty
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
I will not scream for ice cream
It does not suck to be you
I'm so very tired
Pork is not a verb
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
I will not "let the dogs out"
Nobody reads these anymore
Fun does not have a size
Fish do not like coffee

Maelstrom December 8 2005 9:42 PM EST

Man, I haven't seen any of those ones! They're great! I guess I'm too out of touch...

RedWolf December 8 2005 9:54 PM EST

heheh :-)

AdminNightStrike December 8 2005 11:09 PM EST

Here are your messages...
You have thirty minutes to move your car.
You have ten minutes.
Your car has been impounded.
Your car has been crushed into a cube.
You have thirty minutes to move your cube.

[phone rings]

Homer: Hello?
Mr Burns: Is it about my cube?

Lazy [Eco Master] December 9 2005 8:53 AM EST

Homer: No tv and no beer make Homer something something
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do

Homer: I like my beer cold, my tv loud, and my homosexuals flaaaaming.

fatty the loner December 9 2005 10:21 AM EST

i know i kinda did two but....
Homer: No beer!! No TV! Make homer something something
Homer: Don't mind if I do.... AH!!!!

that's awesome and my true favorite quote

{CB1ate}aupStar December 13 2005 4:10 AM EST

Sorry I made you all wait so long...Just holding back to build up some suspense...;)

Without any further adieu, the winners are as follows:
1st Prize: aupStar (YayYY)

I know I know...I rule...;) hehe
But because I'm being selfish and also seeing as I made you all wait so long, I'm gonna make second prize worth 20k and give out 6 extra prizes!! ^_^

2nd Prize: thrakattack

3rd Prize: Stephen

4rth Prize: InebriatedArsonist

5th Prize: G Beee

6th Prize: [KVM]Vampire King

7th Prize: Johnnywas

8th Prize: Gender Bender

9th Prize: th00permann

10th Prize: Wolvie

Congratulations to all!!!
Special thanks to debsie for helping me pick out the winners! ^_^
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