Controversial Situation (in Off-topic)

Sir Leon [Soup Ream] February 8 2007 9:38 PM EST

Hypothetical speaking which of the two options would you choose:

1.) The person that loved you but you didn't love them


2.) The person that you loved but didn't love you

Feel free to explain your reasoning or not but a simple answer of 1 or 2 will suffice.

SNK3R February 8 2007 9:39 PM EST


QBOddBird February 8 2007 9:41 PM EST


I'm thinking there won't be many '#2' answers.

MissingNo February 8 2007 9:43 PM EST

Actually, 2. I personally couldn't lie to myself and choose someone I didn't love. And who knows, maybe the other person will change their mind and love you. :\

Thraklight Resonance February 8 2007 9:47 PM EST

2. Someone has to feed the plant in the "Little Shop of Horrors."

QBOddBird February 8 2007 9:50 PM EST

It is easier to change yourself than to change another, Impulse. ~_^

MissingNo February 8 2007 9:51 PM EST

That's 300% not true.

QBOddBird February 8 2007 9:59 PM EST

....says the guy who wishes he could asexually reproduce....

MissingNo February 8 2007 10:04 PM EST

Oh come on! Me asexually reproducing wouldn't be for me to be a dad, but to make the world a little better. :)

[P]Mitt February 8 2007 10:08 PM EST

3. Neither

But if that isn't an option, 1.

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] February 8 2007 10:20 PM EST


I'm already quite good at it, as are most people, no one I know is really that good at faking emotion well enough for a smart person not to notice the emotional disconnect in option one. The idea of another person being blighted with overwhelming positive emotion concerning me, is well, disturbing, especially if I couldn't at least reciprocate.

QBPit Spawn [Abyssal Specters] February 8 2007 11:05 PM EST

you mean which situation or which person to choose to go out with?

QBsutekh137 February 8 2007 11:27 PM EST

OB, your argument is a non-entity -- you cannot change another person. At all.

I choose option C. something else entirely, as in, if I found the situation to be one of the two given choices, I would vehemently wish to be strong enough to do the right thing and try to detach myself from the situation with as little pain inflicted as possible.

Drack February 9 2007 12:16 AM EST

but OB said it was easier to change yourself... i dont think he meant it in other people

but you can change people - just different methods to how..

brainwashing people like in world war II - simply burning a number on your skin and treating you like a common animal in a lab experiment would change you.

a girl who's been pampered then suddenly abused for a very long period of time would come to accept the abuse

but to answer the thread question :P - > 1 .. as OB said its much easier to change yourself

Xiaz on Hiatus February 9 2007 12:33 AM EST

Definitely option 2, option 1 is open to much abuse.

kevinLeong February 9 2007 1:01 AM EST

I don't understand option #1... would I WANT to love the person?
(ie. Meatloaf - Two out of Three Ain't Bad: "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever going to love you, but don't be sad, cause two out of three ain't bad."

Or is it to the point where the person annoyingly loves me? I doubt anyone would choose #1 if the person who loved them bugged them to death with their "love".

Also, if I choose option #1 does that mean that there's a possibility that I love someone that loves me back? If not, then either way the person I love won't love me, thus choosing option #1 or #2 is irrelevant.

If I had to choose, however, I'd choose option #2 since I have 5 years of experience under my belt...

QBJohnnywas February 9 2007 3:18 AM EST

Number 2. I'm a song-writer. ;)

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] February 9 2007 3:45 AM EST

1.) is guilt inducing & requires way too much sensitivity & leads to concerns of stalkerism
2.) is just a matter of control.

(Though the options are phrased to be about choosing a "person", not expressing a preference for one situation over the other. I really don't see how you choose to have someone in love with you or not, given this context.)

Big plans for Valentine's Day, Leon? ;)

TheHatchetman February 9 2007 4:23 AM EST

I've got number 1 in the form of my sisters best friend (who goes by the same name as OB and Raveshaw's girl friends :P.

And I've had number 2.

2 sucks, 1 is annoying...

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] February 9 2007 5:09 AM EST

The martyr in me screams for number 2. ;)

AdminG Beee February 9 2007 5:41 AM EST

Option 1:
It's much more convenient and you can then spend your time looking for the "real deal" whilst still enjoying yourself.

As for guilt - that's relative...
"You're better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". So to assuage any guilt just look at is as providing a service :)

Miandrital February 9 2007 6:18 AM EST

"It's much more convenient and you can then spend your time looking for the "real deal" whilst still enjoying yourself. "

Is that a hint for Mrs Beee? ;)

Wasp [C and S Forgery Lmtd.] February 9 2007 6:25 AM EST

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with."

Option 1 is far more convenient. Even if it is to pass the time, you get something out of it, the other person gets something out of it. If the question of guilt were to arise, then your keeping another person happy. It's a sad situation, but it happens all the time.

Option 2 is not really beneficial to yourself, you know that you're not really going to get anywhere. This could be said about option 1, which will only work if the other person doesn't know your true feelings. If the other person did find out, it would turn into an option 2 situation for them, so they would walk. That make sense??

AdminG Beee February 9 2007 6:38 AM EST

Too late for hints Mian - we've been together for 20 years and married for more than 15. I couldn't run with Option 1 for that long, and anyway Mrs_Beee is smarter than I am :(

As for me going for Option 1 on a personal level that's cool. However, if either of my daughters meet a guy who goes for option 1 I'll personally hunt him down and ensure he suffers an agonising death of a thousand cuts.

The rules that apply for me don't extend to others if the role is reversed ;)

Sir Leon [Soup Ream] February 9 2007 7:25 AM EST

The wording of the options are how i intended it to be. I want you to fill in whatever you may see rather than me applying them to a specific situation etc.

@Bast: No plans for V-day i just really liked this question because of how much thought it could provoke. It's also interesting to see what other people answer and their reasonings.

btw, I'd choose number 1.

QBOddBird February 9 2007 8:38 AM EST

Option 1:
It's much more convenient and you can then spend your time looking for the "real deal" whilst still enjoying yourself.

Beee understands!


QBBarzooMonkey February 9 2007 9:30 AM EST


And as of July, we will have been married 17 years, and there is no sign of it ending any time soon :)
I've discovered that you can actually learn to love someone back if they are loving and persistent enough (without being pushy or smothering).

However, as a highly trained, experienced and professional cynic, I don't recommend anyone else trying this at home...


ps Yes, Mrs. Monkey is fully aware of our "evolution". We've known each other for 23 years, after all... Yes, I am "old". ;)

AdminShade February 9 2007 10:06 AM EST

Ouch, I have met both honestly...

Slashundhack [We Forge Our Own Stuff] February 9 2007 11:13 AM EST

I'd like to try 1 ya that would be novel .

th00p February 9 2007 2:31 PM EST

2. It's better to try (even in vain) for something you want than to struggle through something you don't.

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] February 9 2007 2:47 PM EST

Bah, it's much easier telling a girl you don't share her affection than being told by the person you love that she is not interested (if there is already nothing going on with her) or simply that she does not love you anymore. (if a relationship is underway.) From my point of view at least, since the other person is living exactly the opposite. When you decline a proposal anyway, if you are nice enough, chances are the person who was turned back will soon forget about you and set her sights elsewhere. Of course, I can only relate to what I have been through, and this was the case everytime.

Bad thing is, nobody is ever happy in these situations. So, I guess you gotta go with what you feel is right for yourself. You ain't anybody's saviour, and the last thing to do is lie about your feelings.

Eurynome Bartleby [Bartleby's] February 9 2007 2:50 PM EST

Sorry for double-posting, but I feel I must add that I am only 19, so my view on things is likely to be flawed, and things most likely ain't working that way later on in life...

Slashundhack [We Forge Our Own Stuff] February 9 2007 4:00 PM EST sorry for the mush

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] February 9 2007 4:35 PM EST

One post out of every 100, Slash. Thank you!

Flamey February 9 2007 9:34 PM EST

I laughed at this one :D

"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."

What an awesome logic, lol.
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