A CB Short Story (in Off-topic)

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 11 2009 12:18 PM EDT

I was doing the dishes. I idly was thinking about making CB related puns. Then I wrote this (aren't I great at intros?):

Our boringly long, and not very well thought out story begins in the kingdom of Carnage Blender .
It is a magical land, and the inhabitants worshiped their God, named Jonathan, with utter devotion. Jonathan was the creator God, and feared as such.
When he made the world of Carnage Blender, he appointed demi-gods, known as モadminsヤ. Not to be trifled with, these admins ruled with an iron fist, deleting the much feared multis, and resetting the equally feared defaulters.
We shall attempt to explore what a new player, or NUB, sees when they enter this unknown and beautiful kingdom.

The mystical portal slowly opens in front of you, and you hear a disembodied voice say:
モWelcome, adventurer! I am the great, mysterious, and powerful main page. It is through me that you gain access to the enchanting land of Carnage Blender. Please, inscribe your email address in the appropriate slot, and write the secret password which only you may know. But let your heart be lightened! Hackers have not been seen is the part of the world for many a long age.ヤ
The voice stops. You write your email and password, and enter through the portal.

Quickly, you are rushed through a tutorial, and immediately dumped into the Blender. Not being familiar, you bumble around on a path, trying to make your way around.
モHello, there!ヤ says a voice. You turn around, and see a striking woman standing behind you. モWelcome! I can help you with whatever you may inquire about our wondrous land, and I shall be your guide while you are under my mentorship. My name is Hakai.ヤ
モWhy, thank you!ヤ you say. モSay, that's a very OddBird on your shoulder.ヤ
モYes, it is. I can't seem to get rid of it, and it follows me everywhere. But now, let's begin traversing our wide land.ヤ
Following Hakai down the path, you listen as she instructs you in the ways of the Blender; first time strategy advice and the like.
Suddenly, you come to sprawling city, called the Forum.
モHere,ヤ says Hakai, モis where you may learn many valuable (and not so valuable) things. It is also the area in which you buy items, along with the Auction house.ヤ
You stand amazed at the grammar that is used on these forums, for in your wide travels in the universe of Internet, you have never encountered so many people who can speak the English language so fluently. When you ask your guide about this, she says:
モIt is because of the goddess Bast. We have built a shrine to her, and pray fervently every day that destruction should not come upon us if we misspeak.ヤ
Moving on, you come to a great citadel. Not made of stone or steel is this tower, but it has many levels of text.
Gazing at this colossal sight, you inquire as to what it's purpose is.
モIt is the tiers that you must climb up, if you wish to go to the top,ヤ said Hakai.
Looking upwards, you can see several people attempting to climb the edges of the tower, and one person blasting them downwards, trying to hold them off.
モWho is the person at the top?ヤ you ask.
モHe is a powerful man, known only as the novice. How he still holds off the hordes' that try to come against him is a strange Conundrum.ヤ
Chuckling at the pun, you move onwards.

Arriving at the respectable Chat Inn, you see several people talking amiably around a table, while a bartender dishes out oversized portions of emoticons.
Yet in the shadows, all around the room, are unmoving figures that silently gaze upon the people conversing.
Lurks,ヤ Hakai whispers.
Seating yourself with the others around the table, introductions are made. The talk mainly turns towards the multi wars in the North, or of nobility in the Blender. Occasionally, a member of the prestigious Comrade association will enter, and is hailed by his fellows.
Leaving Hakai chatting amiably with a certain GodWolf, you move on.

Wandering in the forest outside of the Forum, you come across two men bickering in the middle of the path. One matches the description of the famous Ranger, of whom you have heard tell; and the other is a man who looks like quite the GentlemanLoser.
Attempting to understand what they say proves a far more difficult task than you thought it would be, after a Sickone enters the conversation and speaks of formula's far beyond what you thought would be in such an apparently simple game. Er, world.

As dusk approaches, you see two men sitting on each side of the road. One looks lost in thought, staring into space. The other looks quite mad, and you back away in fear.
A hand reaches out and touches your shoulder. You turn in shock, and see a monkey-looking creature.
モDon't mind him, he-he, he's only three4thsforsaken,ヤ says the monkey. モMy name is Johnny. JohnnyWas.ヤ
モPleased to meet you, I'm sure,ヤ you say. モBut, if you'll pardon me, I don't believe I've ever seen you before at the Chat Inn?ヤ
モNo, you haven't,ヤ says JohnnyWas, モI tend to avoid the company of other monkey's.ヤ
モAnd who's the other man?ヤ
モOh, him? He's the lostling. He spends the day musing on strategies and such.ヤ
You decide to return to the city of Forum.

Walking through the streets, you decide that today is the day for you to begin your ascent in the citadel. As you walk towards the tower, you are greeted by a strange slime creature known as the BluBBen.
モRun!ヤ he says. モThe people are going to stage a riot for IndependenZ!ヤ
At first you look alarmed, then the slime-creature laughs and tells you it was a joke. Smiling, he asks if you would like a juggling demonstration.
You politely refuse, and tell him of your decision to climb the ladder to the top. He wishes you the best of luck, and tells you that perhaps you might find some ideas to help you on your quest in the General section of the Forum. Thanking him, you move on.

I want to continue it, as there are a bunch of other people who I want to add (some in humorous ways, like chaosal), and other game concepts I'd like to incorporate (i.e., Farming). But then again, I'm not sure I want to torture you guys any more, either. ;)

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 11 2009 12:20 PM EDT

And I have no idea what all the little symbols are. Probably since I pasted from Openoffice.org. :(

BluBBen March 11 2009 12:36 PM EDT

Thanks for the best reading I have had in a while" (and that I got to be a part of it)

BluBBen (Slot Machine) Marlfox (Nautilus) $1000000 12:35 PM EDT

Neo Japan March 11 2009 1:00 PM EDT

I wish i was a bigger part of the CB community. I've been around since day 2, but am hardly on. Thats my fault, maybe I'll become a huge jerk, so even when I'm not on a lot, when i do show up, everyone will be like, "ugh, its Neo Japan, ignore him!!!!"

or not, i like being nice.

Blubben, he called you a slime creature and you gave him a million CB?

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 11 2009 1:05 PM EDT

Wow, thanks a bunch 3B! :)

QBJohnnywas March 11 2009 1:08 PM EDT

I'd do the same if I had some cash to spare, but Lost owns my soul right now.

I don't really look like a monkey...much!

Nice one!

AdminTal Destra [C and S Forgery Lmtd.] March 11 2009 1:17 PM EDT

this is now yours
Tal Destra (Tal's Bank) Marlfox (Nautilus) A Mageseeker ($3763834) 1:16 PM EDT

i soooo badly needed the laugh, thanks again
and you have one hell of an imagination, don't let that die.

ceslis March 11 2009 1:38 PM EDT

That was great and as soon as i have some spare cash I will reward you. Thanks for the laugh and the great read.

lostling March 11 2009 2:20 PM EDT

LOL i was actually mentioned? =x

Lochnivar March 11 2009 2:25 PM EDT

Why is it people think I lurk?

Good one Marl!

BadFish March 11 2009 3:00 PM EDT


Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 11 2009 5:14 PM EDT

Wow, thank you everyone! I really wasn't expecting such a outrcry of support over something my overactive imagination (and a bad taste in puns) came up with. I'll be sure to post the sequel soon! :)

QBOddBird March 11 2009 5:36 PM EDT

That's an excellent story!

...and I am the bird Hakai can't get rid of T-T

Fatil1ty March 11 2009 5:46 PM EDT

wow bud, that is pretty amazing!! hope to see more like it

MissingNo March 11 2009 7:10 PM EDT

+2. Cry, Gun. :P

fatty the loner March 11 2009 7:26 PM EDT

Awesome story, I'd like to see where you go from here and how the story ends...but it's great so far

Wizard'sFirstRule March 11 2009 11:06 PM EDT

I think lost owns 1/2, or 3/4 of CB's soul right now. He certainly has mine if being "indebted" counts.

chaosal March 11 2009 11:22 PM EDT

thanks for the honorable mention; I certainly look forward to the next installment :)

A Lesser AR of 15 [Red Permanent Assurance] March 11 2009 11:30 PM EDT

Why should I cry?

My tears kill and the messenger need not be killed this day. ;p

{cb2}Dinh March 12 2009 4:09 AM EDT

Very good read Marl ;)

three4thsforsaken March 12 2009 5:46 AM EDT

This was great! :D

gave me a laugh, good work!

three4thsforsaken March 12 2009 5:53 AM EDT

didn't know people saw me as a particularly angry person D:

AdminQBGentlemanLoser [{END}] March 12 2009 6:52 AM EDT

LoL! :D

Zenai [Ministry of Pain] March 12 2009 6:54 AM EDT

You've definitely got talent Marl! Don't stop now! I think everyone is with me when I say WE want to know the rest of the story! :)

Sickone March 12 2009 7:05 AM EDT

I would like to hear more about this sick one individual.
I hear he plans to bring the world down (or, well, at least a bit lower).

IndependenZ March 12 2009 9:20 AM EDT

A riot for me? Wow. Am I the riot leader, like a rebel or something? Or am I the ruling tyrant who needs to be rioted against? :P

Long live our independence! And our PG-restrained freedom of speech! All hail king Marl! lol

Thanks for the good read Marl, I loved it. Feel free to do my dishes anytime :D

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 12 2009 10:57 AM EDT

Part Two:

Wandering around the General area of the Forum, you encounter many that you saw in the path outside Forum. After listening to their wisdom for an interminable amount of time, you decide to move on to the FS/WTB area of the Forum, in hopes of finding good deals on equipment.

The first building you come to looks old an unused. A sign dangles from it, reading: Nere-mart. Following the street, you come to the marketplace. Hawkers and peddlers cry out their wares, and you wander towards each of their stands (for an unknown reason called モthreadsヤ) to gaze at the goods. Suddenly, you come upon a merchant, looking far richer than the others.
モBoy,ヤ you think to yourself, モHe looks like quite a PrissyPeach.ヤ
When you tell him as much, he coughs politely and says:
モI prefer JS.ヤ
After gawking at his glove-stand, you leave with a sparkling, brand new (slightly used, in point of fact), pair of Noldorin Spellcasters. You idly wonder why they are named that, as the Noldor didn't have any spellcasters.
Freshly equipped, you start heading back towards the citadel.

A royal looking procession is passing through the streets of Forum. Asking a person cheering as to who the personages are, he replies:
モWhy, it's the Lady Damiana, self proclaimed Queen of the Blender.ヤ
Inquiring as to who the disgruntled looking man standing behind her is, your new-found advisor replies:
モThat's the protector of this realm. Goes by the name of Gun. He's a tragic case, really. It all started with the first Carnage Blender, called CB1. It was a happy place, and many were content in it. But the god Jonathan began to look upon his creation with a critical eye, and decided to destroy the old land, and begin anew. Poor Gun, he never did get over it. Becoming quite Vengeful, he took up the mantle of multi-hunter, and proceeded to destroy multi's (both real and imagined) with a fierce zealotry.ヤ
Deciding not to get side-tracked anymore, (as seems to happen quite often in this world), you hurriedly continue walking up the street towards the tower.

Yet on your way, you find a painter sitting at his canvas with a brush in hand, as a long line of people stretches behind him. His name-tag reads: モchaosalヤ. You make a mental note of it, and move on.
There is a door-warden at the entrance to the citadel, and seeing that you are a NUB, he let's you in without giving you the fabled モNCBヤ bonus.
At first, you are overwhelmed by the mass of characters and the lack of experience, but quickly move up through the imaginary モtiersヤ and come up to the point where you can have a stable fight-list. You also begin to learn something of the lore of this world.
For it seems that there is a great disquiet in some portions of the land, spoken of in whispers, but still there. It seems that the dread Angel of Death and his lieutenants, the feared Tal Destra and the admin Lord of evil, Slayer333 (who also, it appears, went insane with the passing of CB1), have begun to make war upon those who appose them. Their minions, from Pit Spawn's to Shades, have ravaged the lands of the Blender, and are held in fear. (And high-regard.)
Keeping a low-profile, lest they turn their fearful attention upon yourself, you utter a small prayer to NightStrike, the Viceroy of Jonathan in the Blender.

Still growing ,without fear of reprisals, you begin to turn your attention to other matters in the realm. Your heart desires to journey to the fabled land of Neo Japan (translated c. 2003 to mean モLand of the Forgottenヤ by certain scholars of the higher academia.), yet you know it is of yet impassable, due to the vigilance of the two Fish-gods (BadFish and GoodFish) who patrol the waters surrounding the island. And even if you should cross the waters, you would have to reckon with the feared Watchmen, and their powerful OpVines.
Wondering if you should enlist the help of the WildEagle (who might eat the fish), you continue your idyllic ascent.

Yet this false peace would not last. For others were looking upon your rise to power with madness in their eyes, and needing new targets, they selected you. Yet remaining unaware, you continue growing...

AdminTal Destra [C and S Forgery Lmtd.] March 12 2009 11:01 AM EDT

AWESOME I love it.
and the fact that i was mentioned is awesome too, w00t

chaosal March 12 2009 11:05 AM EDT

I too have been noted :)

A Lesser AR of 15 [Red Permanent Assurance] March 12 2009 12:21 PM EDT

Gawh the paragraph in my honor is beyond even my bitter!

The protector of this realm? The comrades have Gondor? yay :P

BluBBen March 12 2009 12:36 PM EDT

I love this!!!

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 13 2009 10:20 AM EDT

"We" will be doing something special for pt. 3. Stay tuned...

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 [SHIELD] March 13 2009 11:11 AM EDT

Comrades have infiltrated every level of the blender, victory shall be ours!

RedWolf March 14 2009 2:01 PM EDT

This is pretty good, Marl. The forums needed something interesting to read! Keep it coming ;-)

Reminds me of Lukey's story, actually. I think he wrote 12 chapters, but sadly he never finished it :-(

Anybody thats not familiar with Lukey's story, and if you like Marl's story, you should check it out! Partly because I'm the main character... :-P

QBOddBird March 14 2009 4:46 PM EDT

"we?" Do we need an updated list of comrades? For we are many...

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] March 14 2009 4:50 PM EDT

Actually, I'm (as of yet) not writing pt. 3.
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=002gUu">A CB Short Story</a>