So, anybody good with advice? (in Off-topic)


PearsonTritonRaveshaw September 28 2009 4:16 AM EDT

Here's the deal. My life sucks right now. I broke up with my girlfriend of three years about a month ago, and I've been regretting it since. The first two years I was a junior and senior in high school (she's a year younger than I). We were high school sweethearts with a perfect relationship. Then she moved 400 miles away for her senior year. We continued our relationship long distance, and I was able to see her about five times. Now she recently moved to New York (I'm in California) for college. The problem is, I broke her heart by breaking up with her, and I think maybe she has a crush on one of her close friends there now. I have tried talking to her, but she says she wants to enjoy being single for a while. We had a great relationship, and I want it to continue. I don't know how to tell her how I feel or how I can get her back. Someone throw me a bone here please...

PearsonTritonRaveshaw September 28 2009 4:22 AM EDT

Actually I lied. I've been working on writing her a letter explaining everything. I really wish there was an edit post by the way. So, this letter is about six pages long now. I've also framed our prom picture that she never got because it was mailed to a friend for some reason, then it ended up in my hands. I've also bought her a scrapbook and I'm filling it with pictures of us. I think there will be about 70-90 pictures in total. I think I'll have it all ready to go and mailed at the very latest by the end of the week, but I hope to get it done tomorrow. That's wishful thinking though. But in the meantime, is there anything I can do that might help? I've recently started talking to her just as friends. She said she didn't want to talk at all because she was so hurt from the break up.

InebriatedArsonist September 28 2009 4:26 AM EDT

It's over. Let it go.

IndependenZ September 28 2009 4:42 AM EDT

Try not to think of her. Do stuff you like, go out with friends, have fun. I understand it can be pretty hard to get over someone after having been in a relationship with her for three years. But IA is right, it's best to try and get over her.

Imagine if she did take you back after seeing the scrapbook and your prom picture. Will you be able to sustain that relationship? What's next? Will you move to New York with her? Would she want that?

Why did you break up with her in the first place? If she already has a crush on someone else, my advice is it's better for you to move on as well.

QBJohnnywas September 28 2009 4:50 AM EDT

If you had reason to split with her in the first place, and I can see from your posts what those reasons might be, then those reasons haven't and aren't going to go away. Add to that college, which can change people a lot, and I'm not sure I'd rate your chances.

Plus, and sorry for saying this, but she really isn't going to be liking you very much right now.

I would back off, get on with life and don't hassle her. If it's meant to be then it will be again.

(My brother in law split up with his high school sweetheart when she went away to college. A couple of years later they got back together and now have been married for three years. Sometimes these things work out)

{WW]Nayab [Cult of the Valaraukar] September 28 2009 4:52 AM EDT

I agree with JW, give it some time. You can't see the future so wait and see how it will turn out.

Shark September 28 2009 6:54 AM EDT

no

Cube September 28 2009 11:48 AM EDT

You will get over it; everyone does. Long distance relationships hardly ever work unless you can visit relatively often (but then it's not really long distance). Between New York and California, it'd be very hard. You're better off separate for now, as JW says keep the possibility open for the distant future. Talk once in a while, and keep in touch, but just stay friends.

Neo Japan September 28 2009 12:10 PM EDT

where in New York? I might know her. are you in college? have an awesome job?

QBRanger September 28 2009 12:29 PM EDT

Very rarely do high school sweethearts work out.

You're both very young and have a lot of growing up to do. You will meet new people, and grow up once you get into the college/work mode.

This pain shall too pass. Remember, your not the first person to break up with a woman. And will not be the last.

Guardian September 28 2009 12:32 PM EDT

mannnn she is very far, u should forget here asap and get a cool girl who live in ya hood! so much better u can contact or see her at least 3 times per week, not once in life like the other.
she is past mate move on

AdminShade September 28 2009 12:36 PM EDT

"Remember, your not the first person to break up with a woman. And will not be the last. "

I'd like to add the following to this:


You're not the first person to break up with that woman/girl, and not be the last either.



Anyway, during the holiday I met a wonderful girl and we both liked each other immediately. Unfortunately she lives 200km away from me and it didn't work out. :(

Demigod September 28 2009 12:50 PM EDT

I'm sure you're well aware of how it's nearly impossible to maintain a relationship from California to New York. I'm sure you're also aware that moving to New York won't be a good move, either. Just understand that you'll both grow over the next few years, so save your sanity and try to focus on yourself. And if you still have feelings for her once she's out of college, then reconnect and give it another shot. If you still love her at that time, she'll be long past the hurt feelings, and you won't be in a situation where you're trying to cram a square peg down a round hole.

It will get better.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] September 28 2009 1:29 PM EDT

Rave are you leaving out the bit about why you left her? I seem to recall the situation being a bit more convoluted then that.

Admindudemus [jabberwocky] September 28 2009 1:40 PM EDT

i too was wondering what reasoning you had for breaking up in the first place.

Nehemiah September 28 2009 2:59 PM EDT


1st Corinthians 7 :

... It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

the key thing being here, dont fornicate. if your willing to abide.

John 14 : 14

If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.

God Bless you!

Jesus Loves you!

QBRanger September 28 2009 3:26 PM EDT

That was just uncalled for.

AdminTitan September 28 2009 3:51 PM EDT

I have to agree with Ranger Nehemiah. As much as I like Corinthians, this was neither the time nor the place for that.

PearsonTritonRaveshaw September 28 2009 4:27 PM EDT

I never cheated on her if that's what many of you are thinking. I was thinking about our relationship, everything that is being said in this thread, and thought maybe it was over. That's why I pulled the plug. I don't want that though. I'm probably going to college next year, I wouldn't mind going to New York. I have a job right now and I'm saving up, maybe to continue long distance and see her every couple months, maybe to move over there next year, maybe a bit of both... We had what seemed like a perfect relationship, and I don't want to lose that. Besides, I'm not meeting any women right now, and I can't get her off my mind. I don't have much to preoccupy myself, which sucks.

Thanks for the responses guys, even though it surely isn't want I want. I appreciate all your help. I'll continue talking to her just as friends for now and see where that leads.

VivaPinata September 28 2009 5:12 PM EDT

One thing to definitely avoid is becoming overwhelming and obsessive. Besides potentially creeping her out, perseverance may even be destructive for her life. If you honestly care for your ex, I don't think you want to constantly remind her about something painful (a broken relationship that was inevitable--nothing you guys could have done, aye?) and to twist her emotions around.

You may not want to hear it, but I agree with most of the fellows above me. Have faith. Reconnect with her when you go to New York and become friends again. Until then, please try to live your life and allow her to live hers. If her friend isn't good for her, then she will easily realize this. Again, have faith.

ResistanZ September 28 2009 5:26 PM EDT

I'm gonna go ahead and give you some real advice: act like you don't care. Like say you're talking online or on the phone, cut the conversation short and say you have to go out. If you make it seem like there's someone else she'll want you that much more. That's basically what she's doing with you anyway.

You broke up with her. But now that she has someone potentially new, you want her back that much more. Play it cool for awhile and make it seem like you want the breakup again while still being her friend.

The one way to not win her back is by trying to show your undying love for her. It'll creep her out and seem stalkerish. Be good friends with her until the point where you guys are like best friends who tell each other everything. Then go out on a date with someone hot and tell her how awesome it was. She probably won't admit it, but she'll be jealous as hell.

Burton September 28 2009 6:25 PM EDT

Tell her how you really feel or fight the pain and convince yourself it truly is over.
Either or will be good.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] September 28 2009 6:39 PM EDT

Take a bit to reflect on what you did wrong, then then just think it through. What does this girl really get from you when you are that far apart, does she plan on moving back there? Do you plan on visiting her? If you don't answer with a resounding yes, then don't bother. Trying to mend a broken relationship over that kind of distance has been done before, but it's not easy especially if she's got other options available to her.
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