Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican (in Off-topic)

Chargerz-Back August 24 2005 3:44 PM EDT

my mom sent me this today. =)

Keep in mind I'm from Texas.

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between
Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans?

The answer can be found by posing the following

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist
with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes
with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises
the knife, and charges at you. You are
carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your

What do you do?


Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire
him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock
the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be
content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my
family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day
and make this happier, healthier street that would
discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with
some friends for few days and try to come to a


Republican's Answer:



Southern Republican's Answer:


BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! click

wldflr August 24 2005 4:01 PM EDT

Very funny! lol

Koala August 24 2005 4:03 PM EDT


SaintMichael August 24 2005 4:22 PM EDT

Hehe, I would be the southern republican then... :)

[T]Vestax August 24 2005 4:34 PM EDT

I didn't think at first it would make me laugh, but I was wrong. :)

Special J August 24 2005 6:23 PM EDT

Thread locked,

Children can not be trusted to not incite political flame wars.

CB you should have known better.

I've had to remove a couple of posts which were the un fanned flame. I saw it only going downhill from here.

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 24 2005 6:25 PM EDT

I find the punchline lacking. He only gets 9 shots before he has to reload? That doesn't sound like the typical ignorant redneck! And what is Mrs. Ignorant Redneck doing? What's she packin' for if she's not going to get a few rounds in?

And it says nothing about the man turning to his offspring to impart the _valuable lesson_: "And that's why you always bring a gun to a knife fight, kids. Remember this day!"

And it leaves off the part about the whole family jumping in the nowhere-near-paid-for H2 and driving over the corpse a few times for good measure.

AdminJonathan August 24 2005 6:25 PM EDT


Get a grip, it's funny.

Special J August 24 2005 6:26 PM EDT

No no, I have a grip Jon, but those comments I removed were going to lead to something very ugly.

Special J August 24 2005 6:28 PM EDT

Bast we all know that there is no girl in this joke, southern women are at home cooking dinner and minding the children.

You know, like women should be doing.

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 24 2005 6:29 PM EDT

So the Southern Republican's "wife" is a man? Now that's something!

InebriatedArsonist August 24 2005 6:29 PM EDT

He's a progressive Southerner, Bast.

AdminJonathan August 24 2005 6:33 PM EDT

mrwuss: interesting; I only saw nexium's response and I wasn't even sure what he was saying. You must have gotten the others first.

Special J August 24 2005 6:35 PM EDT

Yes I got them first and Nex has his reply in before it was locked.

I am just trying to put out the fire before it gets too big, but I can roll with the punches.

Bast : Correct!

Now go bake some cookies for the men.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 24 2005 6:44 PM EDT

And the libertarians answer:

Shout "Right on, score one for freedom!", shoot your gun into the sky, then after he has stabbed you a couple times, try and recruit him into your local chapter militia.

[T]Vestax August 24 2005 6:55 PM EDT

/me goes to remove posts from Jonathon and mrwuss. This will help "put out the fire before it gets too big" :)

Special J August 24 2005 7:00 PM EDT

/me hides the gas he just siphoned from my tank, forgets that he needs that gallon to get out of the drive way
//blames Bast

Mistress Reyna August 24 2005 7:00 PM EDT

/me hops out with her her lil .22 and takes a shot at mrwuss, you go make your own cookies, afterall, men may be the heads of the house, but the women are the necks and we move you heads whatever direction we want you to go!

Special J August 24 2005 7:01 PM EDT

/me reminds everyone, in the south it still reads to honor and OBEY.

Oh thats right, I went there.

And now I am running far away.

Mistress Reyna August 24 2005 7:05 PM EDT

and thats why, we have daddy standing next to you with the 12 gauge just incase you try to run, cause you just met my siblings and no darn well the moment the "obey" gets boring which it will, they take you out back and you'll go fishin... you understand keal haul, and chum fishin.. don't worry lover i'll miss you, at least till your first life insurance check comes in

InebriatedArsonist August 24 2005 7:10 PM EDT

I have the sudden urge to play a song off G'n'R's Lies album.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 24 2005 7:12 PM EDT

Oh mrwuss! Watch out! Reyna took Advanced Redneck 101 in college!

[Banned]Monty August 24 2005 7:31 PM EDT

how about an Anarchist? ;P

Mistress Reyna August 24 2005 7:35 PM EDT

/me takes the anarchist, and walks him back into the woods to the moonshine shack.. enters... leaves him there.... watches PAh catch the boi in his shed...

/me wishes she had popcorn

SaintMichael August 24 2005 7:36 PM EDT

Actually, I quite agree with mrwuss on this one. I didn't mean to be sucked in, it is probably my fault for responding. Either way I hope we can just focus on the joke and not bring politics into it.

Special J August 24 2005 8:23 PM EDT

Little did we all know Pah is actualy upset that his second wife is being married to another man.

I live in Kentucky, I know my own stereotypes like the palm of my hand.

And prior to the next comment, we all know it is possible to go there with it, but are you brave enough to try and do it with out going un-PG? Do you feel lucky punk?

/takes my sheep and goes back to the shed

LumpBot August 24 2005 9:23 PM EDT

I live in WV so I know all about these sterio types and I get to live with people as blind as Bast daily, it's fun to poke fun of the uneducated who know nothing of the people there.

Special J August 24 2005 9:50 PM EDT

No Bast is having fun ;)

I am the one who opened the can of works and welcome all come backs.

QBRanger August 24 2005 9:58 PM EDT


You know the palm of your hand that well. The women in Kentucky really that scared of you? I guess the sheep are running scared now.

Special J August 24 2005 10:03 PM EDT

they run, I have a rope

as for the women, you just spend money on them and they come'a running

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 24 2005 11:18 PM EDT

What money, Wuss? Or are you pickin' up chicas at the gas station? OOooooo, Big Spender. :P

Undertow August 25 2005 12:04 AM EDT

MY answer.

What would I do?


My kid will be a better shot.

Maelstrom August 25 2005 12:56 AM EDT

You mean if you don't eat your kid, right Undertow? ;)

My response, the Canadian response:

"Hey, how's it goin'? Had a bad day, eh? Here, have a beer!"

InebriatedArsonist August 25 2005 1:13 AM EDT

I think you'd be dead, eh bud?

Undertow August 25 2005 1:14 AM EDT

Dude, you dont' eat your own children, that's just sick! Besides, you'd SO be a suspect.

{CB1}Sparticus [Screwed Justice] August 25 2005 2:26 AM EDT

Well, here in the mountains we have but one sense of Justice.

Bang --- bang bang bang bang bang (reloads),

Bang bang bang--

Ok honey get a rope, just to make sure.

AdminShade August 25 2005 5:35 AM EDT

none of the above! :)

SaintMichael August 25 2005 11:43 AM EDT

Is there any other option?

Jordan23 August 25 2005 11:49 AM EDT

turn that thing around
Can be funny...

What a Iraki think if he saw.

1-A angry american come at him with a gun.
2-A Canadian with a gun.
3-A French with gun.

I think he will have the same kind of thinking than the story above.

[EG] Almuric August 25 2005 12:01 PM EDT

[Dundee is threatened by a mugger with a switchblade]
Sue Charlton: Mick, give him your wallet.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: What for ?
Sue Charlton: He's got a knife.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [chuckling] That's not a knife.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [Dundee draws a large Bowie knife]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: THAT'S a knife.
[Dundee slashes the teen mugger's jacket. He and his friends run away]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [chuckling to Sue] Just kids having fun. Are you all right ?
Sue Charlton: I'm always all right when I'm with you Dundee.

maulaxe August 25 2005 12:40 PM EDT

Crikey! this one's a beaut!
[looks at camera] Now rememba - this isnt just a regular mugger, yeuv got to reeeal careful when you approach it.
Watch this, now...


SaintMichael August 25 2005 1:31 PM EDT

Jordan, the difference is we have no motive to rush Iraqi's with knives with the intention to kill. We are not a problem are religions consist of Catholicism, Christianity or Judaism which say nowhere to kill athiest, jews, or people of other religion. It couldn't conceivably happen, the joke simply wouldn't make sense.

QBBast [Hidden Agenda] August 25 2005 1:34 PM EDT

Oh my.

Tezmac August 25 2005 1:43 PM EDT

"It is better to let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and prove them right."

LumpBot August 25 2005 1:44 PM EDT

Ignoring Nexiam's rant....
I would of been jumping up and down shouting, "I trained 8 years for this day so make it look good!"

! Love Barney August 25 2005 1:48 PM EDT

"Keep in mind I'm from Texas. " Good thing you mentioned that. Now you have a good excuse for being stupid :)

Maelstrom August 25 2005 1:53 PM EDT

Nexium Crash, your comment is so incredibly ignorant of reality that I am dumbfounded. Please, do us all a favour, and read up on history. Start with the Crusades.

SaintMichael August 25 2005 2:02 PM EDT

The Crusades were a mistake for both Islamist and Catholics at the time. But if you'll notice it is not in the Catholic doctrine and they have never wanted/tried to have another. If you instead read the *Coron it is written all over about death to unbelievers. 9/11 was unprovoked, and I'm making the point that there would be no reason or motive for an American to try to knife an Islamist and his family.

QBsutekh137 August 25 2005 2:15 PM EDT

Nexium, with such a vast knowledge of the world and human nature, why are you here on CB? You should be out in the world promoting World Peace and other wonderful things! Such a dizzying intellect!


Since when is listing a bunch of stereotypes...funny? I'm rather curious as to what part of the "joke" you couldn't help laughing at, Vestax? Honestly, very curious.

Just for the record, if it had been stereotypes about Southern Republicans (I tend to lean toward the left), I would have found the anecdote every bit as devoid of humor.

Or maybe I should just relax, and go with the flow. That reminds me, I have a joke!

Q: How many Southern Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A lot, because they are so stupid!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my dear sweet LORD that is funny stuff! Whoooo, boy.

QBsutekh137 August 25 2005 2:18 PM EDT

My sarcastic remark toward Nexium was out of just wasn't nearly harsh enough.

Nexium, what exactly do you know about motives? What motive did Timothy McVeigh have for the Oklahoma City bombings? What motives do IRA terrorists have? What motives did my brother have for hitting me all the time when I was little?

You are saying that it would never occur to an American to knife someone else? Pray tell where all of our violent crime comes from then? I guess it's all the foreigners?

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 25 2005 2:49 PM EDT

The CB'ers Answer:

The CB'er would stop and start yelling at the sky, "You know what, it seems kinda unbalanced that I have a Glock while this terrorist guy only has a knife, I think we should nerf the Glock a little to make fights more fair."

"We should also put a limit on how many Glocks and knifes we can buy from the store at one time. I think we should probably also have a energy shield that protects us from Glocks and knifes, and the energy shield would change strength depending on how old you are, so that noob people get a stronger shield then vet people."

"I think we also need a bank with higher-", the CB'er gets stabbed multiple times by attacker.

[EG] Almuric August 25 2005 3:12 PM EDT

Umm Verifex, what happened during the 3 ranged rounds? Did the Glock miss? DB's and a high DX on the knife-wielder? I'm confused. The Glock is a ranged weapon, right?

SaintMichael August 25 2005 3:12 PM EDT

I'm saying that the fact that Jordan even makes the comparision of a Iraqi family that is being attack by American is so out there, that it doesn't even make sense. First the Oklahoma city bomber is a sociopath (I believe also insane) he killed innocent Americans without remorse, it didn't make difference to him who he was killing. There is no reason an American would be walking down a street full of people and just target people from Iraq on purpose, infact they'd probably go after a lone female. It is almost inconceivable that it would happen since sociopaths are usually discovered or go after different stereo types. It is however, highly possible that if an Islamic Jehadist would blow up an innocent family, that makes sense. It is pointless saying an American would do it cause it wouldn't happen and you do nothing but victimize terrorists.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 25 2005 3:16 PM EDT

Duh, Alumric! The CB'er was too busy suggesting stupid ideas and complaining about game balancing and tweaking issues then playing the game, thats why he missed his chance. *sigh* when I have to explain the joke is becomes less funny..

Maelstrom August 25 2005 3:25 PM EDT

Don't worry Verifex, I got your joke ;)


"the comparision of a Iraqi family that is being attack by American is so out there, that it doesn't even make sense." - Nexium Crash

Nexium, you do realize that the Americans are at war in Iraq, and have been doing just that, don't you? Really, please don't talk about things that you don't understand.

SaintMichael August 25 2005 3:32 PM EDT

I completely understand, are you refering to the American troops? Since most of the media is fairly liberal biased, if you can show me one link or clip that says we kill or try to kill innocent Iraqi families I will recant.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 25 2005 3:37 PM EDT

Maelstrom, Noooo! Don't fall into Nexium's trap. He should be brow-beaten for attempting to take this thread which has awesome humorous potential and turning it into another political diatribe thread. Which would you rather see? Honestly...

SaintMichael August 25 2005 3:38 PM EDT

Alright I'll stop, just leave America alone. ;)

Maelstrom August 25 2005 3:55 PM EDT

I'm really very sorry, but I can't let this go. Here are some of the top results when googling "Iraqi civilian casualities":

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 25 2005 3:58 PM EDT

Nexium's Answer:

He screams as the terrorist approaches, "Come on terrorist, come get me, come on, fight me, fight me, come on!".

The terrorist, looking confused, as the obviously unarmed man seems to be egging him on, stops running at him. He turns around and finds a more viable target a couple meters away. And rushes at them.

Todd August 25 2005 4:09 PM EDT

As funny as the original joke was, I'm getting more of a kick out of some of the responses.

Silly Yanks. ;)

Chargerz-Back August 25 2005 4:14 PM EDT

i'm with todd lol

SaintMichael August 25 2005 4:43 PM EDT

Verifex, that is pretty accurate account except I have a Concealed Carry permit.

Maelstrom, those are unfortunate and incidental casualties of war that can't be helped. But despite that the moral of the Iraqis is still higher than it was under a serial killer who was linked to *Al-Cheada.

*Stpid foreign names! So hard to spell.

Grim Reaper August 25 2005 4:44 PM EDT

how is it that couple people dead each day in Iraq makes headlines and makes everyone go crazy, yet thousands maybe millions die each year of other diseases,crashes, drug related things, those things arn't in the paper even though those deaths out weigh the deaths in Iraq and yet people go oh no couple people died in Iraq we are all doomed!

SaintMichael August 25 2005 4:50 PM EDT

Actually, most people think the war in Iraq is and was justified.

Dragon Slayer August 25 2005 4:55 PM EDT

nexium recent polls ive seen say the exact for the war is slipping

SaintMichael August 25 2005 5:02 PM EDT

There are several accurate and unaccurate polls, my poll may be completely wrong and your poll you've seen could be utterly right. But I think the most accurate way of tell was the presidential elections.

[SoM]CupofJoe [Peoples Bank of Carnage] August 25 2005 5:05 PM EDT

I have to disagree. I feel that this was simply a lesser of two evils election, with people not realizing the lesser of the two evils.

I also feel the democratic candidate was supposed to lose so that Hillary Clinton could run in the next election.

SaintMichael August 25 2005 5:08 PM EDT

Oh God no! Not Hillary!

Actually, I highly respect John Edwards and I don't think Bush is great Republican. I agree with Cup that he is the lesser the the evils. As for Hillary, I respectfully disagree with Cup, I think you should also place you vote on another candidate because I believe she has no chance of winning.

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] August 25 2005 5:24 PM EDT

Remember, When Using The Internet:

If your goal is to refute someone elses statement in order to show them that they are wrong, and you will fail. The internet gives an unlimited, unrestricted format for everyone and anyone to hold any viewpoint they want, right or wrong. This unlimited amount of time gives anyone the ability to find facts and evidence to support their viewpoint, right or wrong.

How This Relates To This Thread:

Political discussions in online forums NEVER change anyones viewpoint. Political discussions only serve as futile attempts to change someones viewpoint from what the speaker believes is "wrong" to what their own viewpoint is, which they believe is "right". Another falacy in online discussions is believing that you can point out facts to support your claim to being "right" and that will change another persons viewpoint. Wrong again. You may find this interesting, but people only are interested in hearing things that reinforce beliefs they already have. I know that sounds "CRAZY", but that is we, as humans are, a irrational and emotional people.

If every person involved in the entire exchange of ideas on these forums was open to new ideas and completely removed from their own opinions and ego, then maybe, JUST MAYBE, this would serve a purpose. However, this is not perfect, and so we are left with long discussions with no redeeming qualities. Instead of having retardatronic discussions about politics, may I instead interest you in this piece of gum?

You take the piece of gum offered ((SNAP))

HAHA, got you! In your face!

InebriatedArsonist August 25 2005 5:24 PM EDT

Hillary "What First Amendment" Clinton? I hope not.

Maelstrom August 25 2005 5:34 PM EDT

I'm not sure what the gum had to do with it, but I suppose you're right Verifex. I keep forgetting that people are not rational...

[EG] Almuric August 25 2005 5:41 PM EDT

I think Hillary should get added to Godwin's law as a corollary.

"Anyone who mentions the Nazis or Hillary in a thread on CB (unless the thread is expressly about World War II or US Politics, respectively) automatically loses." Almuric's extension to Godwin's law.

Duke August 25 2005 9:13 PM EDT

I agree with verifex.From my own experience political debate over the internet is never going towards any change in point of view and this is not only applying to political i been on hardware forum for year and i dont remember that have lead to anything.Ill add american i speak in real life (many) are relucant to any political debate even on TV a debate is really short 10 min or less.

QBsutekh137 August 25 2005 10:10 PM EDT

Yeah, let's never argue or debate. I vote we all keep all thoughts to ourselves and only talk about weather, work...oh, and gas prices. Gas prices are _always_ good.

Maelstrom August 25 2005 10:24 PM EDT

So Sut, how much is gas at your end? It recently hit $1.14 (CAN) per liter here.

Genius [MoneyTalks] August 25 2005 10:56 PM EDT

Over here in Japan, it's roughly around $1.50 AUS. ($1.20 US) a litre

[T]Vestax August 25 2005 10:58 PM EDT

Sut, I only found it funny when I forgot what stereotype was attached to which reaction. It's not who does what that makes it funny, it simply funny when you read each reaction from top to bottom. One could just start replacing stereotypes to almost anything and I still might chuckle.

NSFY August 25 2005 11:02 PM EDT

I thought it was amusing in a very predictable sort of way - it didn't really matter who the good guys or bad guys were.

In any case, Jordan-Mission got the reaction he was looking for.

And for those of us scoring this at home, I'm putting sute down for "A".

/goes to get himself a big heapin" plate o freedom fries.


Frod August 25 2005 11:29 PM EDT

OK, time for a personal pet peeve. Godwin's Law doesn't specify that a discussion is over or that one party or another somehow "wins".

Godwin's law states that as the length of a discussion increases, the probability of one party making a comparison to Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.0.

Anyone who tells you differently is simply demonstrating Sturgeon's Law.
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=001U5A">Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican</a>