Have a favorite quote? (in Off-topic)

Post your favorite quotes or some that you just think are funny!

Heres one of mine that i've had for awhile.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."---Albert Einstein

"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."
---Winston Churchill

There's more to come i just can't think of anymore. So, what do you have?

Wish in one hand and [urinate] in the other. See which one fills up first.

---deifeln's grandfather

I still love this one:

"We're going to die"
"Think positive"
"We're going to die quickly"

"power corrupts, infinite power corrupts infinitely" -??

"Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutly:"

I believe that is the quote

I have no idea where I read this but I use it once in a while. I have opinions about things I know nothing about.

"He who laughs last didn't get it." Helen Giangregorio ( Hope I spelled the name right I don't have time to look it up.)


"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates

"It's only funny until someone gets hurt, then its freakin' HILARIOUS"

"To finish first, you must first finish"

and my all time favorite

"It's just hitting, throwing, catching and running. What could be more simpler then that?"

Just for tonight:

"Santorum has come from behind twice before ...."

"The mood in the White House is 'glum'." -- courtesy CBS White House Correspondent John Roberts

An interesting quote I came across today for all of you scientists/engineers:

Prof. George E. P. Box:
"All models are wrong, but some are useful."

"Reality is the original Rorschach."
Principia Discordia

"What though the field be lost?
All is not lost - the study of revenge
And immortal hate, and courage
Never to submit or yield; and what else
Is not to be overcome. These things
Never shall His wrath or His might
Extort from me."
John Milton, Paradise Lost

I have many, so I went with an odd assortment:

Fictional Character:

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

-- Sherlock Holmes

Scientist:

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

-- Galileo Galilei

Proverb:

It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

-- Chinese Proverb

Poet:

Think where man's glory begins and ends and say my glory was I had such friends.

-- William Butler Yeats

Sci Fi Author:

I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

Pure Genius:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

-- Dr. Seuss

My advice to you:

Who has begun is half done. Have the courage to be wise. Begin!

-- Horace

And one of my own:

No regrets, it is too late, no worries it is too soon

-- Sefton

"A man's reach should exceed his grasp"
Robert Browning.

"I always advise girls to get married, but not guys"
My Law lecturer

I have a few. I don't know who said most of them but here they are.

"Mother is the name of god in the hearts and minds of children"

"Anything than can possibly go wrong, will" Murphy

"Death smiles at us all. All a man may do is smile back"

"I've been called ignorant and apathetic, but I don't know what that means, nor do I care"

"Angels on the sideline, baffled and confused. Father blessed them all with reason. And this is what they choose?" Maynard, Tool

"They key to a happy relationship is two little words, Yes Dear" my grandfather :-)

"And Caine was so marked by god, to walk the earth in shadows and darkness for all eternity. Imbueing only blood and bitter ashes, and he who so ever slayeth Caine, shall receive punishment sevenfold" The bible.

This one is translated so might not have the impact, it should be quite funny...

No I don't like those green M&M's

"Why not?"

They taste green...

-- Roel (friend of mine)

don't worry shade i understand, about the language thing.

some things are just so funny when said in one language and are pointless and stupid in another :)

The Usual Suspects (or the French poet Baudelaire, to be exact):
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist."

Magic: The Gathering, Lightning Bolt:
"Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do."

Friedrich Nietzsche:
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

Sir Walter Scott:
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!"

The Matrix:
"There is no spoon."

"In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion."

"The ancient sages said "do not despise the snake for having no horns, for who is to say it will not become a dragon?"
So may one just man become an army."

"'Lo, there do I see my father.
'Lo, there do I see my mother, and my sisters, and my brothers.
'Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning.
'Lo, they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them. In the halls of Valhalla. Where the brave may live forever."

"There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything."

"Not yet is the spirit of that pristine valour
extinct in you, when girt with steel and lofty flames
once we fought against the empire of heaven.
We were -- that I will not deny -- vanquished in that conflict:
yet the great intention was not lacking in nobility.
Something or other gave Him victory: to us remained
the glory of a dauntless daring.
And even if my troop fell thence vanquished,
yet to have attempted a lofty enterprise
Is still a trophy."

La Strage degli Innocenti,
Giovan Battista Marino


"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."
Douglas Adams, HHGTTG

"Never trust a hippy" John Lydon

"I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze."

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"


"when we drink, we get drunk.When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, lets all get drunk and go to Heaven!"

"Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise."

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."

While at Manchester United, George Best's talent and showmanship made him a crowd and media favourite. He was dubbed "the fifth Beatle" for his long hair and looks, but his celebrity lifestyle led to problems with gambling, womanising and alcoholism. Best often told the story of a bellboy who entered his hotel room with breakfast in the late 1970s. Seeing Best in bed with Mary Stavin, the current Miss World, a magnum of champagne and several thousand pounds of cash won from a night's gambling, the youth exclaimed,

"George, where did it all go wrong?"

"People who are easily shocked, should be shocked more often."
~Mae West

:D

"Value great misfortune as your own self.

If I have no self, how could I experience misfortune?

Therefore, if you dedicate your life for the benefit of the world, You can rely on the world.

If you love dedicating yourself in this way, You can be entrusted with the world."

Lao Tzu, from the Tao Te Ching

"Every time we make something idiot proof, nature proves us wrong by creating a better idiot" - in reference to the need on a warning label not to try to stop a chainsaw with your [body parts]

"Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul."

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die." Johnny Cash

"Thanks, Don. *handshake*turns* May I introduce ... Bob!"

If someone is going to start quoting Johhny Cash then I'll drop in one of my favourite lyrics of all time:

He said: 'Now you just fought one hell of a fight
And I know you hate me, and you got the right
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye
Cause I'm the son-of-a-gun that named you 'Sue'.'

Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little
in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.

And of course, some Cheers ones:

Coach: What's the story, Norm?
Norm: Thirsty guy walks into a bar. You finish it.
-- Cheers, Endless Slumper

Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever
comes out of that tap.
Sam: Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
-- Cheers, The Executive's Executioner

Coach: What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?
Norm: Going down?
-- Cheers, Diane Meets Mom

Sam: Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm?
Norm: Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
-- Cheers, Loverboyd

Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
-- Cheers, Loverboyd

Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm! (Norman.)
Sam: Still pouring, Norm?
Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
-- Cheers, Diane's Nightmare

"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity" - I don't know

"I used to be indecisive, now im not so sure..." - Someone from my school

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year at college" - Lewis Black routine

"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
-- Somerset Maugham

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?

~Billy Connelly.

"Credulous youth, the horror with which blind and unjust law regards an action never attaches to the doer in the eyes of those who love him; and if I saw the friend of my heart return to me out of the seas of blood he would be in no way changed in my affection. Raise yourself," he said; "good and ill are a chimera; there is naught in life except destiny, and however you may be circumstanced there is one at your side who will help you to the last." -- Dr. Noel in R.L. Stevenson's The Suicide Club

"Or, if you shall so prefer to choose, a new province of knowledge and new avenues to fame and power shall be laid open to you, here, in this room, upon the instant: and your sight shall be blasted by a prodigy to stagger the unbelief of Satan." -- Edward Hyde in R.L. Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

"Punctuation is the rhythm of intelligence!" -sssimmo

"Moisture is the essence of wetness." -Zoolander

in response to: "You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of!"

stated: "Ah... But you have heard of me."

Get the theme here and get a nickle.

You can chain me, you can torture me, you can even destroy this body, but you will never imprison my mind.

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. <<------------- Favorite.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.


"Righteous!"- Unknown.

I really have no clue who said most of these, but here's a handfull of quotes from my collection.

"If its not broken, why fix it?"

"The best way to escape your problems is to solve them."

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'" -Dave Barry

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." -Steven Wright

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us." -Bill Watterson

"The definition of a cigarette? A piece of tobacco rolled up in paper, with fire on one end and an idiot on the other."

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." -Wendell Johnson

"When you're right, no one remembers. When your wrong, nobody forgets."

"The early bird gets the worm...but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Congress is so strange. A man stands up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens, and everybody disagrees." -Boris Marshalov

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." -George Gobel

"The closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm." -Peregrin Took

"I love to go over to the schoolyard and watch the kids jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks."

"Maddness and genius are separated only by degrees of success." -Sidar Jabari

"Goals are just dreams with a deadline." -Scott Legere

"I'm so poor, my bologna doesn't have a first name!"

"When life gives you lemons, choke on 'em and die, you stupid lemon eater." -Sourpuss, from Dilbert

"A drunken man can get used to the site of his dead grandmother climbing up his leg with a knife clenched between her teeth, but this place is too much for any one to handle." Hunter S. Thompson

Let's shoot him and put him out of our misery -- Hawkeye

Some of my favorites:

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."
--Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
--Bill Maher

"Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good."
--Joe Paterno

"The foolish person seeks happiness in the distance; the wise person grows it under his feet."
--James Oppenheim

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Don't let stress hurt you, let school help."
---my HS yearbook quote, I think it's original, but can't remember

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
---no clue who said it

"71% of all statistics are made up on the spot."
---another mystery author

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything you ever believed in."
---Bender the Magnificent

"Monty gave a raw deal."
Michael Stipe of R.E.M, misquoted.

"Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy"

Benjamin Franklin.

Giving an engineer a hard time at work yesterday for publishing a half baked idea to senior management I was confronted with his reply. (I think it came straight from the "most annoying jargon" handbook).

"I just wanted to run it up the flagpole and see who saluted." I'm sure he was serious and not trying to wind me up further...

It did lead to a conversation with other colleagues over lunch about what would be the most annoying jargon and amusing corruptions. We eventually agreed on the winner.

"Let's throw it overboard and see if it gathers any moss".

yes, the network is sucking

no, I can't do anything about it

Jonathan, 3:30 PM EST

Why is that a favourite quote??

It doesn't have to make you smile to be a "favourite".

Touche

"There he goes, one of god's own prototypes. Some high-powered freak of the kind never intended for mass production." Hunter S. Thompson

In America, you reward knowledge.
In Japan, we PUNISH Ignorance!
- The Simpsons

"Hunger is the best spice."

Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop

"Give a man a match, and he is warm for a while. Set the man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life" - No idea who it's from.

that sounds emo'esqe to me...

It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
-Stephen Colbert

<Mem> (Here I am, just about the unluckiest guy when it comes to women, and I'm giving you advice... The self-styled CB ladies man... Sheesh!)

<JaggedFel311> hey james, how big is yours?

<G_Beee> size doesn't matter

<BMWheatIey> Your husband went to sleep instead of changing my name.
<BMWheatIey> I am hurt, cut deeply.
<Mrs_Beee> Sorry, he has no stamina

*{cb1)novice stuffs a cork in Angel_of_Death's blow hole (misquoted, yet hilarious nonetheless)

<Angel_of_Death> whatever, this is the last time i came in carnage you all blowed it

<lotien> i like the way frilly underwear feels against my skin

<AngeI_of_Death> I love looking smarter than everyone else, and owning them publically, in an almost arenaesque fashion ***Note: This was Vicious

* chappy keeps his schoolgirl thoughts to himself

<Jonathan> don't get too cocky, BBQ, your time will come :)




Carnage Blender Boxers. This way the girls know you've got the rhythm. Down Enter Down Enter Down Enter...

--Vestax, February 19 2006 8:03 PM EST


<RedWolf> i made one that says "Every time you vote for a federalist, God kills a kitten" ;-)
<BBQ> lol
<RedWolf> our closing statement will be "A vote for them is not a vote for us!"
<RedWolf> hey, you never know...
<[From_CB1]Tequito> god seems to kill kittens for many things, makes me come to wonder how we have any kittens at all
<RedWolf> lol
<BBQ> rofl
<RedWolf> i want to know who started that whole thing
<BBQ> A dog
<[From_CB1]Tequito> lol
<RedWolf> rofl


Everyone else has famous quotes, I come up with silly CB statements. *sigh*

"A pat on the back is only a foot away from a kick in the pants."
-Unknown

"Please don't confuse your [ Space ] with your [Enter]" -Bast

I anticipate seeing this when ppl are talking in np :-D

I'd like to see some ZAP quotes. OB! Get on it.

This is my favourite:
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong :p

That's why they call me Sweet'ums McSweetypants.

Poor Richard's Almanac got nothin' on this.