Today is a Truly Bad Day for Me! (in Off-topic)

Zenai [Ministry of Pain] May 31 2009 7:27 AM EDT

I have only told a few people so far, there were others I wanted to tell but either couldn't or something was going on and I didn't have the time.

If all of you remember there was a religious thread a while back that caused a superflare of comments. In this thread I mentioned that my mother was very sick with pnuemonia and I asked lotien to pray for her.

My mother passed away a few days ago due to complications of it.

The past few days I have been very hurt but have tried everything I can to keep it together. I've followed the advice of friends and family. I have kept the routines that make me happy or distracted. I have cried like a baby, been angry, floated away from my emotions but as of right now I need some strength.

Today I have to go and bury my mother. Please help me if only with a few words.

AdminShade May 31 2009 7:30 AM EDT

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm sure she has made you into the good person you are now.

Take some time off of CB if you need it, and if not, let us comfort you. :)

blackshadowshade May 31 2009 7:36 AM EDT

Zenai, there's naturally little that we can say to console you, but know that you've been heard, and I, for one, will pray for you.

If you need a break from CB, go ahead and take one (and I'll keep running your NCB for you if need be!), but know that you have friends here.

QBRanger May 31 2009 7:43 AM EDT

I am very sorry for your loss.

Nothing anyone says can make you feel better but just realize it is the cycle of life.

Just think of the times you had together and the full life she had.

Marlfox [Cult of the Valaraukar] May 31 2009 7:44 AM EDT

Ditto to what Ranger said. Take all the time you need, and my prayers are with you and your family.

Admindudemus [jabberwocky] May 31 2009 8:35 AM EDT

pain is mixed too strongly with the memories right now, as time passes the pain fades and the memories remain. it will get easier to deal with though. it does sometime help to think of what she would have wanted for you during the toughest of times.

Jen-Nay May 31 2009 9:03 AM EDT

I still love you :)
If you ever want someone to talk to, please....don't be afraid to say anything. You WILL be okay and pull through this. :) All I have to say is, don't dwell on it and let it consume you. Have faith. :)

AdminTal Destra May 31 2009 9:18 AM EDT

You have my phone number, and need to remember that I have a dry shoulder and an open ear for you.

I'm here for ya bro, don't ever forget. There's not much I can do to console you being way across the state, but if there is anything at all that I can do, I'm here.

Demigod May 31 2009 9:58 AM EDT

I fear there's nothing I can say that will make things any easier. Just know that she's proud of you, that the pain will ease at some point, and that we're all here for you in any way that we can be.

Ernest-Scribbler May 31 2009 10:45 AM EDT

My thoughts are with you, its a pain i can identify with. I can tell you that though you may not want it to, it does genuinely hurt less with time. Spend as much time with your family as you can, they can help you better than anyone.

Newlin [SeeD] May 31 2009 10:52 AM EDT

As most have already stated our words can only comfort so much. Just remember that we are all thinking of you and I will be sure to keep you in my prayers. If you need anything, just let us know.

Soul Eater May 31 2009 11:00 AM EDT

I'm so very sorry Zenai. You will get to see your mother again. If you need someone to talk to you know how to get a hold of me.

Sickone May 31 2009 11:06 AM EDT

No matter what your beliefs are, losing a loved one is always very hard.

I can only hope that the inevitable will happen as far into the future as possible, and until then I can never fully understand your grief, but believe me when I tell you, I know loss.
While I still have my parents, many of my close and old friends have lost one or both of them, and I also lost three out of four of my grandparents, indluding my two favourite ones (my mother's mother, which has cared for me and my siblings when we were young, and she was almost like a second mother to us... and my father's father, who despite his flaws was one of the kindest people I ever knew, and even if it's a bit harsh and maybe unfair to say this, I liked him more than my actual father).

But enough of this... on to the point... I can not tell you how you could handle it or should cope with it in accordance to your beliefs, but I can tell you how a pragmatic atheist who doesn't believe in any afterlife (me) managed to cope with it.

Personally, I choose to not consider them actually dead. I mean, yes, they are dead, gone, we can never see them again, never talk to them again, never hold their hand and comfort them or be comforted by them in any way... still, we do owe them our life, and not just that, we owe what and how we are to them too.
We are the living heritage of our parents, and our grandparents before us, and so on into the mists of time.
We should not decry their ultimately pointless deaths, we should cherish the memories we have of them from when they were back alive.
We should not mourn their passing, we should celebrate their accomplisments, us included.

We can only hope one day, we too will have children, grandchildren and other loved ones that will one day do the same for us.
And if we're really lucky, we will have somebody in the far future that also remembers us, or at least what we have accomplished... if not by name, then at least by the legacy of our actions.
Life is meant to end, so we have no choice but to cope with it - it's what we leave behind that matters.

For better or worse, even if your mother is now dead, she would be happy that YOU are alive and well, and would not want you to spend your time in suffering, regrets and anguish.
If anything, she would want you to be strong, and carry on with what she did not have the time or power to do while she was alive.
Make your mother proud by accepting what happened as destiny, and always try to do your best from now on... that's all she could have ever wanted.

Zenai [Ministry of Pain] May 31 2009 9:44 PM EDT

Thank you everyone for your words they mean a lot to me. My mother was a religious but very practical person. She taught me to keep an open ear and a discerning mind in order to catch the pearls of wisdom the world offers.

My Friends and Family made me to see from that standpoint which was harder today than any before it bar none. My mother taught me to write down my feelings problem was that it was so hard for me to get started. So to help me in this she would give me a few words of her own. Today I had to write down something of significance to was the most difficult thing I've had to do in a long time.

I hope in this I have made her proud, I'll share this with you.
I ask that no matter what religion or belief that you have or practice that you would see past the words and unto the meaning behind it a child offering his love one last time. It started with a Song and became this:

When shadow confuses our vision the lord is our hope and salvation. When sorrow lays claim to our hearts he is our shield and foundation.
When we can no longer endure he is our strength and guiding hand.
When we are beaten and broken he is the tender and loving sheperd who gives us refuge and succor. Because of his sacrifice are we saved, because of his love are we healed and made whole. When we are lost by only his light do we find the way. Mother these words were yours so many years ago in so many ways. You taught me that only through faith can I follow the lords plan. Only through perseverance can I get through the trials and tribulations set before me. I can only hope that I am able to follow your directions and instill them in myself and my family as you had in yourself and your family in life. I pray that my actions personify your words and make you proud and at ease. May you rest in peace, and rejoice in heaven. Farewell and know that you are neither alone nor forgotten for in our hearts your memories will live on.

Soul Eater May 31 2009 11:01 PM EDT

Zenai that was beautiful I am positive your mother would be very proud of you. If you need anyone to talk to you can reach me in one way or another.

Untouchable May 31 2009 11:03 PM EDT

ey man, just know we're here for you

kevlar June 1 2009 1:00 AM EDT

your in my prayers, Z (you will move mountains my friend when you play that certain song someday)

AdminQBVerifex June 1 2009 1:16 AM EDT

I'm sorry for your loss man, I hope that you can find strength in yourself. I myself had to go to a funeral for my Grandpa just 2 days ago, wasn't a happy occasion. :(
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