The 5th Annual Boasting Contest. (in Contests)


QBOddBird July 12 2009 5:01 PM EDT

For reference, you may view the 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008 Boasting Contests.


This a boasting contest, plain and simple. Boast on whatever you like, make it PG, and show us your boasting skills. Prove to us that you are the best, tell us why, and make us believe it!


The required entry fee is 10k, along with any donation that you might decide to make in order to prove that you really *ARE* willing to put your money where your oversized mouth is. Multiple entries will be allowed, so that you may attempt to "outboast" any competitors you feel are besting you at the time. The pot will be a minimum of 500k, donated by yours truly, plus fees from the contestants and any other donations made by competitors/generous donators/Jonathan (yes, you get your own category. Feel special. Also feel free to enter the contest and blow us all away with your mad boasting skills.) /bankers/loaners/gnomes/campers/etc. All donations are to be sent to Safety Deposit Box.


Rules:

1) You may not make consecutive entries, though you may make multiple entries in order to continue "outboasting" your opponents.


2) You must use correct grammar and spelling in all real words. Created words, such as superflendickerous and shibble-doo-woppible must be constructed properly and be legible, or as close to it as possible for a made-up word.


3) Putting your money where your mouth is shows your confidence in your ability to win. This increases your chances of winning, as it shows that you are willing to back up your words. This also helps to build up the pot.


4) No profanity, cursing, puns on curse-words, anything risque, etc. Basically, think before you type.


5) The contest will continue until (A) Interest is lost (B) a week has elapsed (C) Interest by the judges is lost (D) I don't feel like reading through all the entries (E) The pot gets extremely high and I feel like it needs to be given out already.


6) There is a possibility of multiple winners based on number and fantasticibility of entries.


7) Boasting will always be considered to a greater extent than roasting, for obvious reasons (if you are confused, read the title of the contest).



May the Boasting begin!

QBsutekh137 July 12 2009 5:28 PM EDT

Every living thing.
Pushed into the ring.

Fight it out to wow the crowd.

I guess you thought you could just watch?

NO. ONE'S. GETTING. OUT...

...without Stadium Love.

-- Metric




I've got Stadium Love.

Demigod July 12 2009 6:30 PM EDT

I'm so awesome that I fixed the EXBow. If it's not fixed, then Jon did it.
I'm so awesome that I don't run a bot, I AM a bot.
I'm so awesome that I fathered Michael Jackson's kids. I provided the eggs, too.
I'm so awesome that I've got 50 multis. You see that chat window? That's all me.
I'm so awesome that I flex when getting out of the shower. I flex when getting off the toilet, too.
I'm so awesome that I don't lose. I let you win. Repeatedly.
I'm so awesome that my minions don't wear pants. It's part of my special attack.
And I know I'm awesome 'cause my mom TOLD me I'm awesome.
If you don't think I'm really that awesome, just ask my ex-girlfriend. I'd ask her myself, but the Hamilton County police say I'm not allowed to. They just don't get my awesomeness.


And furthermore, I'm so awesome that the 1 mil CB Sutekh sent in was actually from me.

Untouchable July 12 2009 7:48 PM EDT

My ownageness is forbidden to even speak of.

Soul Eater July 12 2009 8:26 PM EDT

I'm so awesome that my Ice Hockey team won the Championship last year!

FailBoat[SG] July 12 2009 9:09 PM EDT

SilvaGaidin (SilvaStorage) 24.19.252.122 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $250000 9:09 PM EDT

Put your money where your mouth is or get off my stage.

QBsutekh137 July 12 2009 10:47 PM EDT

Hm, didn't realize we'd be playing that game, but here goes:

-------
QBsutekh137 (Hubbell) 66.188.88.92 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $1,000,000 -- I am the best. 5:29 PM EDT
-------

Yeah, that's four times as much (I added the triad commas for effect), almost four hours earlier.

Nice try.

But I'm better.

I am the asymptote where "better" becomes "best".

That's Stadium Love, as I already said.

QBOddBird July 13 2009 1:06 PM EDT

Don't forget your 10k entry fee if you want to enter!

Currently ineligible posts: Untouchable, July 12 7:48 PM EDT

Jen-Nay July 13 2009 1:50 PM EDT

Jennifer (J.LO) 75.136.192.30 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $15000 1:49 PM EDT

I've got NO idea how to play this game, but I at least try....that's how AMAZING I am.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 14 2009 10:37 PM EDT

QBSefton (Holocaustic) 70.230.155.48 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $10000 -- Boast is on 10:35 PM EDT

Here's a little story I would like to tell, about the best CB'er, you know so well. It started way back in history, only a couple people round here came before me.

I been cutting up the heads since before you were born. I was camping up the goodies long before you spied your first corn. You might think you got something but I am here to say, you thought I might me gone but I always show up to play. I have had more strats and I have owned more gear, and I hate to tell you youngsters I have drunk more beer. So take this weak and tiresome two line four line face palm worthy boast, back with your lame attempt and retract your silly post.

You lost, you will lose, don't even try I got this won. Look back into the history of those threads see how its done.

Just turn in your cash, you can't touch this with your Morgul do don't try.
If you somehow make it personal, will be you, not I that will cry.

:)

Hi!

QBsutekh137 July 14 2009 10:56 PM EDT

Here's a boast: I've met Sefton. In real life. And yeah, he is that wonderful.

But I'm better. I put the "so ME!" in "AWEsoME!"

wldflr July 14 2009 10:59 PM EDT

I have the best boast of all. I married Sefton, you may now all bow down to my awesomeness in choosing a mate.

BluBBen July 14 2009 11:26 PM EDT

BluBBen (Slot Machine) 119.73.154.172 QBAnonymous (QBOOB) $500000 11:25 PM EDT

I'm just the best.
When I decide to do something bad, dr Mengele will look like a small school girl.
When I decide to to something good, Kofi Annan will seem like the devil himself.
When I decide to run, Usain Bolt won't stand a chance.

I can do whatever I want better then anybody else, but I don't bother. I know I'm the best and I do not need to prove it.

So, when will you hand me my money?

w!ms July 15 2009 12:17 AM EDT

I'm so amazing, that I'm going to post about how pathetic boasting is. Excessive pride will lead you to your fall. When people talk down to others, they are setting themselves up for failure. This is usually out of ignorance or an inferiority complex. If you judge others, prepare to get judged yourself. Owen D. Young once said "When boasting ends, there dignity begins." Now, I'm going to be ironic and talk about how I'm levels above you all because I think boasting is stupidyou're all stupid and I'm great you're not

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 12:20 AM EDT

How very..."wims"-ical.

Too bad a whim stands no chance at besting the greatest player ever in CB history. Me.

w!ms July 15 2009 12:23 AM EDT

^^^^stupid idiot^^^^^

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 12:27 AM EDT

Ah, name-calling. The "dry hump" of boasting. Sad, I expected more., even from a mere whim.

w!ms July 15 2009 12:29 AM EDT

that's just ignorant you're ignorant

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 1:00 PM EDT

OK, whatever you say. And if I am ignorant, then I shall decide to be the best at it! That is how great I am!

AdminShade July 15 2009 1:19 PM EDT

HAhaha, I laugh at all of you. I defy pain, I defy gravity, I defy even Jonathan and NightStrike all together.

I do as I bid, but what I want is just everything to be like it is now. Economical crisis, that's me. Poverty in the 3rd world, that's still me. Tsunami, ditto, me :D

I needed to put my ego some where but the earth was too small for it. Instead I just left it in the center of Uranus while the ego of my ego is stored in Neptune.

w!ms July 15 2009 2:58 PM EDT

well I'm laughing at you. I'm just greater than you. Look at you boasting. Laughable, man! HA.

Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is that

I defied AIDS.

And I had to store my ego in the entire universe.

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 15 2009 3:12 PM EDT

Sad so sad, I think you will all agree, that the best boaster so far is definitely me. These amateurs might entice you with there far fetched claims but easily untrue as they are puts them to shame. You might think my boasts are a similar style but they are all true so I sit back and smile. I have held the top spot in this great game and was the fastest of campers of much note and fame. I can fight, I can camp, I can strat with the best, put all others claims against this truth test. I think you will see in when you test other boasts that only a fool would believe a word of their posts. Mine are in fact decidedly true you can look through the forums if that interests you. You will see my strats, my sales, and my camps you will watch others die in the flames of rants. So I end this right now you can send the cash straight to me and by pass the overwhelming inevitability.

AdminShade July 15 2009 3:14 PM EDT

Lol, so you are the reason why the universe can't get a hold of itself.

Well if you defied AIDS, you must be the cause of it. That's not something to boast about now is it...

Those diseases aren't fun to play with anymore, I now look at people more and bring back old ancient diseases and look how people react on it.

w!ms July 15 2009 3:19 PM EDT

you're just jealous of my AIDS.
Just because it's greater than your tsunamis and your poverty and economic crises.

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 3:37 PM EDT

You know what I see?
Sefton, my old budd-ee?
I see flat lines, for more than a year.
Not a single character you own is anything to fear.
Not score, not PR, that I can see,
Has any sort of upward trajectory.

Compare that to me!

My graphs are strong,
The upwardness true!
I cannot be wrong,
That's better than you!

And the drops like me best,
to top it all off,
I've got six in my nest,
At all others I scoff!

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 15 2009 3:58 PM EDT

There is no question Sut, you got a powerful character there. With an interesting strat, one, powerful character with one, interesting strat. It is a shame that with 264,266,336 in Net Worth and 4.7 million in MPR you cannot get your score above your Power rating, but I am sure that is because of the people a round your score and not an actually reflection of your ability or anything like that.

Interestingly enough I have 4 characters with 4 different and interesting strats ALL with scores much higher than their PR and I can do it with little to no Net worth.

Score 1,164,486
Power 693,937
MPR 515,533
Net Worth $24,261,699

Score 1,131,265
Power 1,023,470
MPR 732,610
Net Worth $29,552,835

Score 889,956
Power 599,000
MPR 430,564
Net Worth $29,366,552

Score 873,699
Power 648,952
MPR 602,777
Net Worth $4,031,847

The combined NW of all 4 character is 87,212,933, the combined MPR is 2,281,484 but yet my combined score is 4,059,406. So with one third less Net Worth and half your MPR with four seperate and diverse strats I can achieve two thirds of your Score, but I am sure that is a function of the people around my score and not my ability.

No question your one character is strong and powerful. No questions its a well tweaked strat, you have a fine single example of your CB ability I give you that.

*grin*

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 4:26 PM EDT

Then it sounds like I am the master of farms! All four of my non-main characters have scores about their PR, and their combined NW is 0$. By your own reckoning then, which puts NW in the denominator of some sort of a performance fraction, my performance is INFINITE. Huzzah!

I thank you for making my boasts now be solidly backed by mathematics and such a great player as yourself!

(Anyway, I thought we were talking about actual activity, not the current state of dormant characters? Let me know!)

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 15 2009 4:40 PM EDT

Well, I was certain you would not count any characters with less than say 250K MPR or so as a viable well tested strat so I ignored those with less than 100K MPR at the least, which is of course all but two of yours.

As far as talking about main this and farms that, all of mine are mains, when I play I use them all as I want to, and so I do not think of them as main, I think of them as tweak this strat or test this idea today.

I would never get into a who clicked the fight link more contest with you Sut, I am not a fool, but when talking about 4 viable and diverse tested and proven strats I will be there with bells on. Heck my Game over just lacks time until I can say ALL my characters are in the same category.

How are those farms as you say coming along?

AdminShade July 15 2009 4:43 PM EDT

Dagor-nuin-Giliath defeated Holocaustic after 4 rounds of combat
Dagor-nuin-Giliath defeated Sefton after 5 rounds of combat
Dagor-nuin-Giliath defeated The Thing after 1 rounds of combat
Dagor-nuin-Giliath defeated Shimmer after 2 rounds of combat

Just had to do it ^_^

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 15 2009 4:59 PM EDT

I was going to take my 4 characters and beat your Singe Fireball mage then I realized I would be embarrassed boasting about beating a character who was 88K MPR when I had 515K, 732K, 430K, and 602K MPR respectively, I mean thats a little bit like bragging you out arm wrestled a 4 year old, while I believe it happened, not sure I would brag about it.

Come to think about it, doesn't your character have 3.5 mil MPR and 143 mil NW like over 5 times the size of everyone of my characters? Hmmmmm!

Well I don't think I want to arm wrestle you either!

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 July 15 2009 5:28 PM EDT

Perhaps I do not have the whimsical rhymes and well crafted rhetoric of my opponents (I do, but for arguments sake), but I do have some things that none of you have.

1) No shame. None, at all.
3) The ability to delete any and all responses to my boast.
4) The ability to change the positions and values of 3 and 2.


So, with this in mind, I've devised a list of facts about myself that I thought you should know.


I'm better than you all. I have no facts to support this, but I believe by now this is common knowledge.

I field questions from upwards of 5 different users via PM at any given time. From my iPhone. Which has no chat.

I have can say any word in any language whenever I want.

Confirming various rumors about me, I am indeed awesome.

I DO have a multi. Everyone knows it. Nobody cares.

I've been a tourney admin without the admin tag, run tournaments when they didn't exist, and now have tricked Jon into giving me the tag and creating tournaments.

I remember the exact stats of both of my weapons from Cb1.

I kept the name of my first character unchanged for the entire duration of my playing Cb1.

I am still too stubborn to remove my Cb1 tag.

I will keep talking about things that have no bearing on my awesome-ness on Cb2 for as long as I wish.

I am immune to everything. Not in game of course, in real life.

I faked the moon landing, on mars.

I saw the alien spaceship that landed at Area 51, I was the one who shot it down.

I am quite confident that I will not win this contest.

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 (Nimbus) 24.61.52.187 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $5000000 5:06 PM EDT

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 5:29 PM EDT

I'm still wondering why we are talking about characters with activity curves flatter than Kansas? Is there any part of your boasts that is still relevant in today's CB? I mean, camping? Really?

Don't forget this is the 5th _annual_ boasting competition. I think that means you need something to boast about from the previous 12 months. Since I haven't created a new character in that time, and have always chosen to focus on one main character rather than several smaller ones (both viable ways of fun play!), I have to admit I cannot compete on creating diverse strategies. Can't compete with what simply isn't there!

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 15 2009 5:39 PM EDT

Activity curves OHHHHHH you mean how often you click the fight link. Yah will not be challenging you on your ability to click that mouse with skill and finesse four billion times a week. Will not be doing that. I bow to your massive clickery!

So you are trying to say its a bad thing to create a strat that over a LONG period of time, without need for modification withstands all the changes that CB can throw at it and still maintain its viability? And the much better thing is to click. OK well by that criteria alone, you are the better man.

However, in all other sense of CB I will take those crowns now please.

Oh and Slayer!!!! Long time no see pal! Glad to have your 5 mil, I mean you in the forum! Welcome!

AdminQBnovice [Cult of the Valaraukar] July 15 2009 5:46 PM EDT

I have more PR than Freed.

QBsutekh137 July 15 2009 5:59 PM EDT

I haven't said anything is good or bad.

You said that, referring first to my poor score/PR ratio (something any Top Ten team will have, for the most part -- I can't tell what you would have if you were up here, there is no data).

I said you had flat activity curves for a periodic contest where one could assume activity does, in fact, matter, otherwise what could there be to boast about in the last year?

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 July 15 2009 8:18 PM EDT

Hello Sefton! Always an enjoyable experience to see you here on CB. Happy belated 5th CB-birthday!

AdminShade July 16 2009 1:36 AM EDT

I don't need to boast to win

*does jedi arm trick on Anonymous* 'make me win' ^_^

AdminQBVerifex [Serenity In Chaos] July 16 2009 6:01 PM EDT

I've been running a role playing game called CyberGen here in CB chat for about 2 years now. With lots of on and off characters, and a fairly interesting story containing multiple plot angles, NPCs, player intrigue, secret government organizations, corruption, sex, genetic engineering, drugs, zombie hobos (zobos for short), dreams, prison, horrible motorcycle accidents, mind control, virtual reality and of course, lots of automatic weapons.

Over the course of these two years I've maintained a wiki with all the Cybergen related stuff and although there have been a few times I've missed it, been able to keep a fairly regular playing schedule of every Thursday and Sunday at 8pm.

I'll end this with, I may be entering this in a boasting contest, but I really had fun with all of this so far, and it wouldn't have been possible without all the awesome players from CB so I can't really take all the credit.

[Redneck RV] Truc July 16 2009 6:25 PM EDT

My peerless powers of ninja-like invisibility would be self-evident if only the evidence were visible to the wretched masses of the CB community. Let it suffice that none of you have seen me for years.

QBOddBird July 16 2009 6:55 PM EDT

Update: Wow! The entries are getting better and better, and there's even a bit of friendly rivalry sparking up! Nice to see you back, Sefton. Not only that, but some boasters have REALLY been putting their money where their mouth is, and such donations have boosting the contest pot up to
7 million! Enter now for your shot at an enormous prize!

Currently ineligible posts:
Untouchable, July 12 7:48 PM EDT
wldflr July 14 10:59 PM EDT
QBnovice July 15 5:46 PM EDT

P.S. Quite the accomplishment, wldflr. :)

QBSefton [Black Cheetah Bazaar] July 16 2009 7:21 PM EDT

I have a wonderful wife. She is my best friend.
I have two wonderful daughters, age 7 and 13. I took my oldest to see a live action Deathnote Movie on a school night and it ended at 11PM. I got a cool dad of the year award. Both girls get straight A's and are cute, smart, fun to be with.
I have a wonderful job where for the most part I get paid to work with computers and the internet.
I pretty much smile all of the time.
I live less than 15 minutes from work in a large city and do not have to travel any major roads to get there. I can wake up at 7:30, shower and be there before 8:00AM.
I have parents that are the envy of all who know me and them. My littlest one spends all summer down there and I am very happy for her. I spent many summers with my grandparents and they were some of my happiest days.
I make enough money to be comfortable but not so much I get to waste it. I think its a nice balance.
I have a wonderful house I got a great sub 5% 30 year fixed rate on. I will be here awhile and get to fix it up how I want.
I drive a nice vehicle that is comfortable and large. It eats gas but the distance from home to work is like 2 miles. I live in a large city pretty much everything is close.
I live in a city where if you are bored its YOUR fault not the city's. I love that!
I learn something new everyday.
I pretty much give everyone the benefit of the doubt then go from there.
I never yell.
I am a terror in the legal system. Tango with me there, at your peril.
I tell the truth because its hard to remember lies its easy to remember the truth.
I will win another boasting contest in CB.

SMILE

QBOddBird July 17 2009 8:58 PM EDT

2 days remain! Anyone can win, with as little as one entry or as many as a hundred! It only costs you 10k to try for that 7mil prize!

Zenai July 17 2009 9:09 PM EDT

*Listens to the Masses Blow Hot Air and Nods*..............*Walks up Takes the Prize Money and Walks off*........*Drops a sign that reads*

"I am That Good......."

{Squire}Mushu July 17 2009 9:59 PM EDT

Seriously? Do I need to even bother posting?

Look at my name. LOOK AT MY FRIGGIN' NAME. I AM FRIGGIN' MUSHU.

When I come into chat, gasps of "legend" litter pm boxes, women faint, and virgins (read: Shade) throw themselves at me. I've actually impregnated 80% of QBs and 70% of all past/present admins, all male.

Do you know why Jonathan created CB2? Let me fill the newbs in on a little secret: it's because I beat CB1. Yes, beat, finished, as in the game was over and there was no choice but to level the playing field.

And the PG rule? That was created after I made Sutekh cry one time in chat. He literally didn't come back for two months. We were worried that he may have gotten in an accident, but alas he returned, and literally begged me in PMs to never hurt him like that again.

So you think you're the bees knees because you've been playing for years without stopping, or your PR is over 9000? I've got news, guys, I'm back, and you best watch yourselves.

P.S.--I have this tattooed on my inner lip:

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1438/195/56/1529400063/n1529400063_30088629_9043.jpg

and I do this for fun:

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v1438/195/56/1529400063/n1529400063_30088629_9043.jpg

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v76/195/56/1529400063/n1529400063_30013153_9188.jpg

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 July 17 2009 10:13 PM EDT

Unfortunately, Mushu also does this in his free time;

Tsk Tsk Tsk

{Squire}Mushu July 17 2009 10:23 PM EDT

Oh, yes, that was the first of many times. Which brings me to my next point:

http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v197/213/70/23910751/n23910751_35283306_6843.jpg

Do you see what kind of action I can get, even when I'm in a dress? The girl on the left is in a pleather dominatrix dress, and she was dying to go home with me that night.

PearsonTritonRaveshaw July 17 2009 10:31 PM EDT

CB surely has missed you Mushu. We're glad to have you back, especially with such a loud entrance. More pictures of you in dresses! =P

QBsutekh137 July 17 2009 10:33 PM EDT

I am bearing one of Mushu's many QB babies.

I am legend, second only to Mushu himself.

And I once helped Mushu get some much needed ear studs via PayPal. I had an account. No big deal. He paid me back.

In a way, I'd like to think I watched Mushu grow. Except that's just me projecting, finding myself unnecessarily important, because Mushu is more than anyone could have every imagined, and he did that on his own.

That's not a boast, it's just the truth.

idiotz July 17 2009 10:38 PM EDT

I don't have to boast.

QBOddBird July 18 2009 10:49 PM EDT

Then don't post. I don't need the non-entry.

Contest ends tomorrow!

Admindudemus [jabberwocky] July 18 2009 10:54 PM EDT

mushu wins! and all he had to do was post, the rest was just gravy.

Demigod July 19 2009 12:04 AM EDT

I'm not a judge, but I'm looking to Sefton or Mushu to bank some nice money.

I can't believe there's not a barrage of entries. There's a MASSIVE jackpot, a tiny entrance fee, and all it requires is five minutes of waxing creatively.

PearsonTritonRaveshaw July 19 2009 12:57 AM EDT

I am Raveshaw. I am the sexiest man that ever lived. Girls scream in joy when I bootydance, and sometimes men too.

The official FAQ was updated because of me. The third question under the admins section was added because I asked it too frequently.

I once crashed chat when I spammed it with the word "poop" so much, that when copied and pasted into Microsoft Word, it filled 42 pages.

In Verifex's game of CyberGen, I am a human weapon. I'm able to shoot wires out of my wrists and electrocute people with them. I'm a walking battery and I have a pet monkey that knows American Sign Language. I was once lit on fire, pistol whipped to the head, taken hostage by insane cops, stabbed, dropped onto my head from a flying vehicle and knocked out on impact all in a matter of a few moments.

I have the sexiest and most beautiful girlfriend ever.

Lastly, I can answer almost any question about the Star Wars movies. This alone makes me the coolest person ever. The rest is just an added bonus. =)

Admiralkiller July 19 2009 12:58 AM EDT

Okay here is mine.

A member of Carnage Blender since March 31, 2002.<----Pwnage
Camper extraordinaire.
I wear man clothes.
I co-founded the first legit CB clan with actual bonus's, discounts and web page (Cruel Punishment).
I was 1st in CB1 at one point.
Possibly the most spelling/grammar/mistypes of all CBers ever!
I have never cheated or made a bot to excel at being lame.
Many ideas of mine have been applied to the game. (Don't ask which ones)
I am so wicked and so fast.
I don't make people cry.=Weak.

PearsonTritonRaveshaw July 19 2009 3:04 AM EDT

Hey AK, which ones? =P

QBJohnnywas July 19 2009 6:19 AM EDT

"Lastly, I can answer almost any question about the Star Wars movies."

Answer me this one then, which stormtrooper was my dad?

AdminShade July 19 2009 7:18 AM EDT

Lastly? Does that mean he is finally done making futile attempts at boasting? Phew, I thought he never would stop.

Why do people even try to win? It's useless, OB already knows who's best and so do I. I'm not going to tell who it is though ;)

Lochnivar July 19 2009 11:45 AM EDT

well... I suppose I ought to make an appearance in order to validate this charade.

A boasting contest without me is like a PGA event without Tiger Woods... sure there is still a winner, but they can't claim to really be 'the best'.

So where do I start?

Can I quote Star Wars trivia ad nauseam? No, but that task is performed quite capably by one of the swimsuit models I use for an assistant. I also taught her the phone book... 411 is for the peons of the world.

When I was younger I ran for school president once.... and won the election 7 times.... 3 of which were at schools I had only visited.

In a blind taste test more people chose me than Coke and Pepsi combined.

I donate blood (and organs) to help people with terminal diseases... and if there aren't enough donors, well, let's just say I can be persuasive...

People say that they want to party like rock stars.
Rock stars say they want to party like me.

You know how they say 'never pee into the wind'? Well, if I gotta go then the wind stops. This has been tested up to and including F5 tornadoes.

A well known actress (I won't say who) was going to name her child after me. When I expressed displeasure at the 9 month wait she named her husband after me.

I wear sunglasses all the time because unprotected eye contact with me has been known to induce hysteria (and at least 5 pregnancies) in women between 18 and 35.

I once cooked a flawless vegetarian meal using nothing but meat. Even the vegans loved it.

An ivy league college once asked me to teach a course on me... I had to abandon the endeavour once it became apparent that nobody could grasp the most basic material. That included my TA, Stephen Hawking.

Mushu:
Not only does the dominatrix want to take me home, but so does the other girl too. And let's face, you do to.

Oh, and I have been given +5 both in chat and in forums here in CB land.

That whole biblical water-to-wine thing? Pfft!
I can turn water into what ever I want..... including gold and diamonds.


The thing that you must all accept is that these are not self-absorbed ramblings of delusional narcissist (though that would cover the other entries in this contest).
No, this is but the modest admission of an individual so revered by the masses that I could invade a sovereign nation, kill every inhabitant (including puppies and kittens) and for my troubles be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

See what really makes me magnificent is not the glorious deeds I perform. It is restraint I must show in world without consequences.

Lochnivar July 19 2009 11:55 AM EDT

LochExMachina (Anbhas) 96.50.106.6 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) $1000000 -- and a victor's crown 11:49 AM EDT
LochExMachina (Anbhas) 96.50.106.6 QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) A Helm of Durin ($181937) -- and a victor's crown 11:49 AM EDT

just so it is official

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 July 19 2009 12:01 PM EDT

All trends in CB originate from me, for example, Loch's user picture.

It is clear that Loch derives his admittedly awesome power directly from my influence.

Lochnivar July 19 2009 12:04 PM EDT

"All trends in CB originate from me, for example, Loch's user picture.

It is clear that Loch derives his admittedly awesome power directly from my influence."

Since my awesomeness extends well beyond CB this seems like a pretty trivial assertion.

My advice to you Slayer: Think first, then type.

Admin{CB1}Slayer333 July 19 2009 12:05 PM EDT

Thinking is for peons.

Lochnivar July 19 2009 12:27 PM EDT

who is copying who now?

mwahaha

QBOddBird July 19 2009 2:02 PM EDT

Since I will be at work when exactly 7 days have passed, this contest will end when I return from work tonight - midnight server time.

You have until then to cement your victory, Contest Winner!

(Pot is at 8.05M pre-transfers + 1 Helm of Durin 'victory crown' for the winner.)

{Squire}Mushu July 19 2009 4:36 PM EDT

Loch, playing a game of copypasta from the magical tubes of the internets doesn't make you a good boaster, it just makes me sad for your existence.

And the girls wanting to go home with you? As if, hot girls don't go after eunuchs--they just ask you for your opinion on what looks good on them for their date tonight. Welcome to the friend zone, enjoy your eternity there!

Lochnivar July 19 2009 4:48 PM EDT

Poor Mushu,
Sadly this tendency to project one's own failings or transgressions upon others is all too common among those who lack confidence in themselves or their accomplishments.
The desire to attack the weakness in others is born of a failure to address weakness of the self.

Keep your chin up and one day you may see your true value...
... or lack thereof :-)

AdminShade July 19 2009 4:50 PM EDT

children children, behave...

Lochnivar July 19 2009 4:59 PM EDT

It is all in good fun Shade... if we couldn't take a few cheap shots then we'd have no business in a boasting contest!

AdminShade July 19 2009 5:03 PM EDT

Hahaha, so you with all your great boasting didn't even see that I was kidding?

/facepalm on Lurknivar :p

Lochnivar July 19 2009 5:12 PM EDT

I didn't know you capable of an advanced concept like 'kidding'.

Congrats Shade, you have exceeded my phenomenally low expectations of you...
(assuming of course that you are not eating paste while typing)

w!ms July 19 2009 5:47 PM EDT

This whole thread is a joke anyway. You're all jokes.

Zenai July 19 2009 6:05 PM EDT

*Chuckles while counting his Prize Money and drops a few bills in the performance hats of the masses of would be boasters to be kind*

Lochnivar July 19 2009 6:21 PM EDT

What kind of prize money do you get for 'world's ugliest baby' anyway Zen?

:-P

QBsutekh137 July 19 2009 7:00 PM EDT

I weep at the plebians still discussing this "camping" phenomenon.

It doesn't exist.

It isn't important any more (if it ever was).

If that is a part of your boast in any way, good luck with that. And go buy a lottery ticket -- or whatever action represent "skill" in your eyes...)

My boast, in resume terms, would be this: "Has a firm grasp on CB economy and knows what to care about (and what not to worry about), leading to a pleasurable experience for all."

Goodfish July 19 2009 8:05 PM EDT

I believe the fishes, both of whom were previous contenders in the boasting contests, have realized their folly and now we both hail Sutekh as our king.

Zenai July 19 2009 8:09 PM EDT

*Sighs and Shakes his head at the failed attempt by Loch whatever his name is at a sniping post and continues to count The First Place Prize Money won from The 5th Annual Boasting Contest and Whistles a Joyful Tune*

Lochnivar July 19 2009 8:37 PM EDT

With due credit to Queen,

Ive read your boasts -
Line after line -
Trivial sentences
Poorly made rhymes -
Now I've made my boasts
For all you to view
You've foolishly tried to keep pace -
But face it you're through

I am the champion - again
And I'll keep on beating you - till the end -
I am the champion -
Clearly the champion
and you are all losers
cause I am the champions - again -

Ive regaled you with feats
And staked out my claim -
You cower before me and tremble at the very sound of my name -
I crushed you all -

But please don't you cry
You've all tried so hard -
I took your challenge and threw it back in your faces -
And I aint gonna lose -

Coz I am the champion - my "friends"
And my brilliance will endure - till the end -
I am the champion -
Once again the champion
Unlike you losers
I have proven that I am the champion!

*addendum... the song doesn't end with 'of the world'... smart people know that, so if you were expecting it I may have to explain this again with smaller words.

Zenai July 19 2009 9:29 PM EDT

*Smiles and Drops Loch a few CBD for writing his theme song so he has something to whistle to while counting his Prize Money*


{CB1}Zenai U'Lanya(FuerGrissa ost Drauka)75.53.143.86 LochExMachina (Anbhas) $1000 -- For My Theme Song 9:28 PM EDT

QBOddBird July 20 2009 12:08 AM EDT

Contest OVER!

QBsutekh137 July 20 2009 12:19 AM EDT

Fishes, little do you know, _I_ worship _you_.

Good thing the contest is over. *smile*

TheHatchetman July 20 2009 12:21 AM EDT

vote

QBOddBird July 23 2009 3:38 PM EDT

HAY GO VOTE THERE'S A TIE MKAY THANKS

{Squire}Mushu July 23 2009 3:50 PM EDT

VOTE FOR MUSHU, NOT ANYONE ELSE. /THREAD

Lochnivar July 23 2009 3:53 PM EDT

.. though wouldn't it feel better to vote for a winner?

I think so, so vote for Loch and then we'll both be happy!

{Squire}Mushu July 23 2009 3:58 PM EDT

Do NOT vote for loch, whatever you do.

1) Mushu
2) Sut
...
Over 9000) Loch

Lochnivar July 24 2009 2:05 AM EDT

<idiotz> (it wasn't me, i voted for sut earlier on.)


See, idiotz vote for Sut.... and you aren't idiotz are you?

AdminShade July 24 2009 2:08 AM EDT

Just vote for an admin instead, he has the power to bannorz you all.

mwhahahahahahahahahahah >=D

Lochnivar July 24 2009 2:10 AM EDT

If your entry were the benchmark for the community's standards of bragging I would rather be banned!

QBOddBird July 24 2009 2:20 AM EDT

<Lurknivar> if Shade wins I asked for a ban, but not otherwise

AdminShade July 24 2009 2:23 AM EDT

Heh, considering your 20 votes and having 100 votes still left, you aren't all that high standard either.

You make us get only less than 50% of all possible votes, so sad, you don't even deserve to be banned, that would make you get away with it quietly. Now people will haunt you forever ^_^

Lochnivar July 25 2009 10:33 AM EDT

Ironically, if I were to get banned there is then nothing to stop me multi-ing...

I guess all I could say then was, thanks for the NUB Shade!

QBsutekh137 July 31 2009 10:46 AM EDT

Soooo -- who won?

QBOddBird July 31 2009 10:57 AM EDT

New rule!

If you win a Boasting Contest, but you don't know you won it, I keep the prize money! :D

QBOddBird July 31 2009 10:59 AM EDT

QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) 4.252.14.94 QBsutekh137 (Hubbell) $8470000 -- winner! 10:58 AM EDT
QBAnonymous (Safety Deposit Box) 4.252.14.94 QBsutekh137 (Hubbell) A Helm of Durin ($181937) -- winner! 10:58 AM EDT

Congratulations, sutekh, on winning the 5th Annual Carnage Blender Boasting Contest!

Demigod July 31 2009 12:11 PM EDT

Wait, you're not going to boast about winning a boasting contest? I'm pretty sure that should nullify your victory.

QBsutekh137 July 31 2009 12:36 PM EDT

No need to boast, as I entirely deserve it.

*smile*

Thanks, OB, thank you voters, and thank myself for being so great!

*bow*

Good night!

Admindudemus [jabberwocky] July 31 2009 1:41 PM EDT

nice pot sut! ; )
This thread is closed to new posts. However, you are welcome to reference it from a new thread; link this with the html <a href="/bboard/q-and-a-fetch-msg.tcl?msg_id=002pDQ">The 5th Annual Boasting Contest.</a>